His Voice Of Reason
by Nightstar Fury
Summary: MODERN AU! Hiccup is depressed. Astrid goes by Angel for the hotline she works for. When Hiccup calls wanting to kill himself, he calls himself Ryder. Ashamed to tell who he really is. Angel becomes his voice of reason. When Astrid discovers that Ryder is Hiccup, how long can she help him over the phone before she has to tell him who she really is after he tries to end his life.
1. Wrong Number

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

1; Wrong Number.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Finally that last bell of the day rang, I grabbed my books and slung my bag over my shoulder racing out of the class room. It was Friday at last, I put the books away I wouldn't need in my locker and then hurried through the corridor to get outside before the halls got slammed with students from BHS, this stood for Berk High School. It was a good high school, one of the top rated in the Archipelago. Berk was the main island, and then around it were a bunch of smaller ones all connected by train, bridges, and monorail. I wasn't taking the school bus with my friends because I had to get to work. Thank Odin there was no cheer practice tonight due to weather because my boss messed up my schedule and had me on from 3pm to 10pm which were not my normal hours but I wouldn't argue with the paycheck.

"Astrid! Hold up girl, geeze..." Came the voice of my friend Ruffnut. Yep. My name is Astrid. The Archipelago is commonly known as Viking territory since all the people residing here derive from Viking culture. My name means Divine Beauty. My mom though it was fitting since I have blond hair and blue eyes and I'm an only child. My best friend's name is Ruffnut Thorston. She has a twin brother named, Tuffnut Thorston who was best friends with Snotlout Jorgenson. Great names right? Tuffnut and Snotlout were bullies, always picking on the nerds in out class. I'm a senior, we all are and I couldn't wait to be done with school so I could start college and work on becoming a psychologist. I wanted to help people.

That's why I work for a suicide prevention hotline. It was part of a program, like the employees being interns. The bosses were actually trained therapists, psychiatrists, and psychologists. If we did good offering advice and showed we had what it took to do the job on our own without any training then we'd be accepted into the college course after high school graduation. I'd been working for this hotline since I was 16, I was already told I was accepted as soon as I finished high school but I liked it so much that I asked if I could stay and continue to help people. They had no problem with it so this is what I did most nights if I didn't have cheer squad. I turned and faced Ruffnut who jogged up to me. "Ruff, I gotta get going to catch the bus into town..." I sighed heavily.

"I know but I just wanted to ask if you're working this Saturday?" Ruffnut asked.

"You know I work every weekend unless its the holidays. Why?" I ask curiously.

"Snot's having a party, want you to come." Tuffnut added coming up beside his sister now.

"Sorry guys, I can't. I gotta work...I have to run, text ya later!" I call turning and running for the door to get to the bus pick up/drop off area across the street from the school. As I was running, I crashed into someone and stumbled back a bit but felt someone catch my hand and keep me from falling on my rear. Talk about embarrassing. I shook my head and looked to see who I ran into.

"Gods, I'm so sorry...Are you hurt?" I see none other than Hiccup Haddock there looking apologetic. I pull my hand from his and nod.

"No...I'm fine. I wasn't...paying attention to where I was going. Thanks for catching me..." I say sheepishly. _'Way to go, Astrid...Make a fool of yourself and have to be caught by the biggest nerd in school...'_ She thought. Before Hiccup could say another word, I rushed outside to get to the bus area. There were two. A section across the street to take students into town if they lived there or worked there after school. Then there were the actually school buses that lined up along the entrance side and in back of the school. I worked 4 nights a week, sometimes 5. Iworked Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Friday through Sunday. Friday was only excluded if I didn't have cheer practice due to weather so whenever it was snowing, or raining I 10 to 1 got a call from my boss at lunch hour asking if I wanted to come on for a few hours.

I slumped on the bench, the bus would arrive at 2:20 as always then it was a 20 minute drive into town, then another 5 minutes until I reached the hotline's office building. The bus stopped close to it thankful so I never had to walk far, especially the nights I worked until 10:30pm. As long as I was clocked out by then, then I wouldn't get in trouble for being a minor and working past the 11pm curfew. I checked my phone to see the time as '2:18pm', I saw the bus coming down the road and I stood smiling. I scanned my pass and sat down while the doors closed and the bus departed heading for town.

(20 Minutes Later)

The bus stopped as I pulled my headphones out wrapped the wire around my phone, slipping it into my pocket as I stepped off the bus walking down the street towards the building. Friday nights were always generally a little busy because depressed, and suicidal teens were bored and resorted to hurting themselves. It had actually been my suggestion they make sure more employees were on for the weekends to suit the quota of calls. I was happy when they took it. Entering the building, I saw the room filled with about 20 cubicles. Mine was towards the end, I made my way towards it and clocked in.

My cubicle was basic, a phone with a headset rested on the right side for easy access. The walls riddled with posters about helpful hints, rules, and upcoming dates the office would be closed. There were two wires present, one for the phone and then another to connect the laptop to the main system which is how it all worked. The system wire plugged into a laptop to bring up the call list, then once the phone was plugged in she could take incoming calls that came across the screen. My job was simple, talk people out of suicide and make them feel better about themselves. If an intern couldn't handle a caller, it would be sent to the professionals who would handle it.

I'm good at this, it was all about calming down and finding another way. The cool thing I love about this job is that since a lot of the callers, called frequently for help they asked for people by name although we never give our real ones. If this happened, the caller would be redirected from the main line to the intern they asked for or to make it easier if a caller asked to talk to this person again as in they'd call back or ask to be called back by an intern then the worker would give their extension. And these callers would be listed ahead of new callers in the call queue as the interns would understand that these people needed their help.

Sure it was a reliance type deal, some of these callers really did feel better and depends on the people they talked too often but that was our job. Helping people find another way. Every person who worked for the hotline also had an e-mail that way if a call couldn't be taken...There could be another way but the biggest rule of all was to never get personal with the caller and never communicate by cell phones. I sighed, it sucked because some of these people were really nice and I just wanted to give them a comforting hug but I understood that some people who called could have been faking and it could get dangerous. I plugged my laptop on to the system, then the phone as I watched the list load. Already 10 people sitting in the waiting queue, I sighed putting on my headset and pressing the first one. It was going to be a long night.

(7pm)

I just ended with another caller, she seemed to be in a better mood after talking so I hoped she wouldn't call back. Not in a mean way but our job was to help so if people felt better then they didn't need to call again. Most of the callers just wanted someone to listen and not judge them, some actually had deep issues that required a professionals help. The queue was at a steady 5 people now, if one went away another would come through a few moments later. I was actually a little bored right now, I expected it to be busier. Around 5 or so, one caller came through that I answered but after a second or two of silence it just disconnected. Which had been weird but oh well. Perhaps a wrong number, it happened a lot.

The calls that came through and were answered got moved to a side list that kept up for an hour or so, in case people wanted call backs. I closed my eyes and took a sip from my water bottle when the I saw the number that called and hung up earlier was calling back, I let it ring twice before answering it with, "Never Alone Crisis Hotline. Because your are never alone with us here to help. This is Angel. How can I help you this evening?" It was stupid to say but I didn't come up with the slogan either. Again, silence. Maybe whoever this was calling twice now was just really nervous. I'd wait a few minutes to see if they'd talk or hang up again.

 **{End Astrid's POV}**

(A few Hours Before)

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Another long, boring day at school but at least it was Friday. I didn't bother rushing out of the class like everyone else because I'd probably be trampled due to my small size and weak body. I sighed moving to my locker to put my things I didn't need for the weekend away, I was instantly jumped on by someone who I only assumed was my twin sister, Heather. I rolled my eyes when she greeted me so happily. "Its finally Friday!" She sang out.

"Yes, Heather...I know..." I mumble.

"Stop being so grumpy..." Heather rolled her green eyes at me. Yes, we were twins. I had auburn hair and forest green eyes while Heather had black hair and bright green eyes. I was born literally a minute before her making me the older between the two of us.

"And you stop slacking or we'll miss the bus and you know dad hates having to send a squad car to pick us up..." I remind my sister as we move towards the side exit where our bus would be only no sooner than I began to walk, I was crashed into by Astrid Hofferson. One of the most popular girls at our school and someone I'd liked since the 8th grade but she barely knew I existed. I saw her stumbled back about to fall so I reached out and grabbed her hand, asking if she was alright and apologizing. I knew she wouldn't admit to running into me so I might as well take the blame as I do for everything. She only said she was fine and actually admitted she wasn't paying attention but before I could say anything else she bolted out the main entrance doors.

"Come on, Hiccup!" Heather urged. I sigh again as my younger sister drags me to our bus, we get on as I sit back and try to relax. I hated being at home. Ever since our mother was killed in a drive by shooting, our father has worked constantly to find the one who did it. What was worse was that there was never a body found, just the blood found at the scene was hers. Everyone tried to call it a cold case but dad was stubborn, and chief of police so he wasn't giving up until he found her body and the killer. Then again it was only assumed she was dead, it'd been almost 3 years since it happened. Dad was never the same either, he pretty much ignores me.

I feel as though he blames me for it since mom had gone out to get ice cream at my request. Maybe it was my fault, I didn't know anymore. I was hated by practically everyone except my sister whom my father adored. I stopped caring what my dad thought of me, I'd never be enough for him any who. Just like at school, I was hated for being smart, weak, skinny, slow. You name it and they found a reason to hate me for it. I also kept a huge secret from everyone and that was that I had a pet wolf. Yes, that's right. A wolf. It happened a year after our mother died, I wasn't far in the forest and it was sunset. Dad didn't care I was out there so whatever.

I was walking around when I heard metal snapping shut then a howl like whimper. Curiosity got the better of me as I traipsed in more then I saw it. An all black wolf with some lighter patches of fur on its sides and underside, a little on the face too and unlike most wolves who had blue or brown eyes, this one had yellow-ish green eyes. I saw it caught in a hunters trap, its leg was wounded. I moved closer as it snapped at me, I managed to calm it down as I set it free. It pounced me, I thought I was dead but it only licked my face then limped off. It had been the weirdest thing ever but I let it go and made my way out of the forest. The next day after school, I was in my room and I saw the wolf come just past the tree line. I rushed down the stairs and got a piece of raw steak from the fridge, I made my way outside and towards the edge. It backed up a little but I offered the meat and that seemed to do it. This wolf became my best friend and we met in the forest every day. I named him Toothless, no idea why it just came to me so I used it.

I still see him every day, we sit together on a small cliff enjoying the sunset then he leads me back home. I talk to him about things but it sucks he can't talk back. I've met his pack too, they weren't fond of me at first but Toothless fixed that and I learned quickly that he was the pack leader so they wouldn't go against him. So yeah, I am best friends with a wolf. People would call me crazy if they knew or maybe they wouldn't even care. I sure as heck didn't know. I looked out the bus window after 10 minutes and realized we were almost to mine and Heather's stop. I got my book bag as the bus stopped and we got off, she rushed to the door to get inside as I only walked slow. I saw my father's car there, great. Entering the house, it began.

"Hi daddy." Heather beamed hugged our father, Stoick Haddock the chief of police.

"Hey princess." He smiled then faced me as I walked into the kitchen. "Hello, Hiccup." As usual, I'm greeted with the tone of more or less 'why the hell do I let you stay here again'. I shrugged it off.

"Hey dad..." I reply.

"You didn't do the dishes this morning." Stoick said to me.

"I'm sorry...I stayed up late finishing homework, then overslept...I didn't get a chance too..." I said lowly with my head down. It was always like this. I was the black sheep of the family, everything was my job to do. Dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, dusting, cooking even...I hated it but what could I do? Get yelled at like always, it was easier to just do the work and avoid the argument. My father hated me, people at school hated me. Why the hell did my father keep me around anymore? He'd be better off without me. I guess if I had to guess, I stayed for Heather's sake. She cared, so did Toothless. I was almost 18, I just had to graduate, get a job, and save money. Then I could leave.

"Best get to your homework now then so you don't forget tomorrow." Stoick retorted. I nod and make my way to my bedroom, I toss my bag on the bed and plop down sighing. After a minute I started with my homework. I didn't have a lot and it was all fairly easy to me. I kept straight A's, anything less and I'm sure my father my scold me for such a bad grade. When my homework was done at 4pm, I heard my father call to me he had to head out for an issue at work that I was in charge of dinner. No shocker there. I stared at my desk, my sleeve riding up where I saw my scars from cutting. I was depressed and hated life. Hated my life so much. I started cutting when I was 15, now I was 17 and still did it. It was my way of releasing the pain I felt.

I put my headphones in to listen to music, I managed to fall asleep until 4:45 when a text woke me up. I read it over, it was from dad telling me if the house wasn't spotless when he got home then I was grounded. I clenched my phone tightly until my knuckles cracked. I threw it down and grabbed my knife which was hidden between my mattress and box spring, I pulled back my sleeve and pressed the blade to my wrist. Just as I was about to drag it across to cut myself, my door opened revealing Heather. I quickly stashed the knife under my pillow and covered my wrist. "Oh Hiccup! Dad said we can order pizza for dinner, he said you gotta call and give the place his number. He sent it to me in a text. Can you call now. I'm starving!" Heather exclaimed.

"S-Sure thing, Heather. Forward it to me and I'll call okay?" I smile at her. She nodded shutting the door, I sighed. I wouldn't show her my scars or that I cut. She'd tell dad and would just make it worse, Heather cared about me so I didn't want to worry her but also with all the senseless hate centered around me...I didn't know how much longer I could deal with all this. I was utterly alone for all intensive purposes. I got my phone as her text came through with dad's credit card information, I dialed the number for the pizza place and waited for an answer. After one ring I was greeted with, _'Never Alone Crisis Hotline. Because your are never alone with us here to help. This is Angel. How can I help you this evening?'_ That's not the normal greeting I get from the pizza place? Did I call the wrong number? _"Hello? Can I help you?'_ I heard again. I quickly hung up the phone and checked the number I dialed.

Yep, wrong one. I fixed the numbers I'd done wrong and called to order pizza. Only got two mediums and a 2 liter. Gave them dad's information then hung up. The food would be there in 20 minutes or so. I stared at my recent calls list, there was the pizza place then right below the number to that hotline or whatever it was. Crisis hotline? What even was that? I got my phone browser up and searched the name I was given when the girl answered. 'Never Alone Crisis Hotline' and hit search. The first thing that came up was the webpage for it. Advertising their elite group of people who helped people who felt depressed or suicidal, who felt alone and had no one to talk to or understand them.

 _'Huh...Weird that I was literally just feeling alone and suicidal before I called it by accident...'_ I thought as I ignored it and left the room. The pizza came and I signed the slip for the delivery guy, then he left. Heather and I both ate our food. I only ate two pieces and had one cup of soda before beginning the chores. I didn't want to be grounded after all. I was done around 7pm, Heather was in her room listening to music and I just finished the house. Everything was done and dad wasn't due home until 10. I sat on my bed now, again debating on cutting or not. This time I had my door shut and locked. I had my wrist exposed, knife out. But I was shaking, hesitating. I could end it all right now, be dead in the hour with one good cut. Who would care anyways.

Then as I was about to cut myself deep, something came to mind. The woman's voice who answered when I called that hotline by accident. It was gentle and sincere. It was a hotline to help people with their depression right? What harm would it do to call once and just see if they could offer me a better way than ending my life? I put my knife down and got my phone, I took a deep breath as I hovered my finger over the hotline's number a moment before closing my eyes and pressing it. I put it to my ear and waited, after two rings this time. There was a connection. _"Never Alone Crisis Hotline. Because your are never alone with us here to help. This is Angel. How can I help you this evening?"_. I got the same girl as before? Odd. I sat in silence a second or two, I couldn't hang up on her twice. That was rude.

Might as well get right to the point of why I called this number then, my eyes fell on my wrist which had minor cuts on them. "I-I feel like no one cares about me and...I'd be better off dead...I want...to kill myself." I answer truthfully. Here we go, no going back now. I'd said it. That I wanted to kill myself. Now I had to see if this 'Angel' girl could change my mind because if she couldn't then it further proved I had nothing to live for and I would end my life tonight.


	2. Try Something For Me

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

 **[A/N:** _Alright listen up because its gonna keep getting mentioned. My story, this one here is NOT a copy of "Your Own Personal Savior". Nor was it inspired by YOPS. Yes I get the whole depressed, calling a hotline deal however if you recall in the YOPS story, Astrid is the depressed one and finds the number for the hotline on a flyer. In mine, Hiccup calls it by accident, then calls back later. The name of the hotline is completely different, also if ya wanna get technical in the YOPS story, Toothless is a dog and in mine he's a wolf. In YOPS, the students are in college. In mine they are seniors in high school. I go by their real names, in YOPS they have other names. And for Thor's sake, y'all only read chapter 1. You have no idea the rest of my story play out so can we maybe stop saying I copied the your own personal savior story. All my story ideas come in dreams, not from other stories or authors. The only people helping me in my story are_ _ **ShadowSpirt020**_ _and_ _ **supersandman86**_ _. Two of best fans and authors I know. Geeze. I know it looks similar but seriously...Can we give me a chance before saying I stole, or copied the idea because mine is nothing like YOPS. Thank you! Onward with chapter 2._ **]**

2; Try Something For Me.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I stared at the screen of my laptop after hearing this young man talk finally after maybe 10 seconds of silence. For a second, I thought it was just a prank caller given this was the second time this number called and like the first it had been silent to start but yet this time the person on the other line talked. It was a young man, who sounded miserable and out right stated his problem that he wanted to kill himself because he felt like no one cared or would miss him. Most of the callers to the hotline weren't so bold in their reasons for calling or sugar coated it but this guy hadn't held back. She took a silent breath in and let it out. Now it was time for her to do her job. Help him no longer feel that way.

"Alright. I can help you not want to feel that way but first I need to ask if you have anything near you that you can harm yourself with?" It was a standard question to ask, especially for the callers who were bold in admitting they wanted to die right away. In these cases, if the caller was already hurting themselves then by law of the Archipelago the intern had to turn the call over to the professionals. If the caller was trying to hurt themselves already, then the professionals worked close with the police to find the caller and stop any potential suicides.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I listened to her, asking if I had anything near me that I could hurt myself with. Of course I did, I was just cutting myself a few minutes ago before calling. Why lie about it? "Yes...I have...my cutting knife on the bed with me...I was...cutting before I called this number..." He admitted softly, ashamed almost. Why did cutting seem so bad all of a sudden.

" _Are you still cutting yourself?" She asks._

"No...I-I had...called this number by accident a few hours ago...I-I'm sorry for hanging up." I didn't know why I was revealing all this suddenly. "I-I was...about to kill myself when I remembered this number...was a crisis hotline and...I just...thought I'd give it a try to see...if someone could change my mind..."

 **{Astrid's POV}**

So it was him who called only by accident but then he decided to call back when he wanted to kill himself. That was fine, she could work with that. "Its alright, a lot of people call by accident. Our number is similar to another one, don't even worry about it. What matters is that you recognized this number is one to call for help when you feel like you want to harm or kill yourself, and that you chose to call it again." I reply softly. "You're very honest in your feelings, its commendable. So thank you." I add hoping to make him feel a little better. "I can help you. First I need you to make sure that knife is far away, and that your take care of your wrists. Can you do that for me?" I ask softly.

" _Y-Yes..."_ Whew, okay at least he was working with me. I hear some shuffling then he returns. _"Okay...I wrapped my wrists...and got rid of the knife."_

"Thank you. I feel we should first become less like strangers. I'm Angel, who do I have the pleasure of speaking with tonight?" I ask him, sometimes it helped. I was just going through the basic steps now of trying to make the caller feel a little comfortable. I could tell he was nervous that he called and wasn't sure what to do or how to feel about it.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I hadn't really gotten rid of my knife, it was just tucked back between my mattress and box spring. I did apply a little cream to my arms to keep from infection and the stinging from fresh cuts but its not like this girl could see me right now so what would she do. She'd said she liked my honesty, I saw no reason to lie. I wanted to die right now, while dad was at work and Heather was busy. I had the chance to and instead I called this hotline hoping that someone could change my mind, give me a reason to want to keep living. This girl worked for a suicide prevention hotline, she had to get 100's of calls daily from people like me. She was just reading off a card or whatever, she didn't know me personally. I rolled my eyes when she gave me her name again.

 _'You answered the call and gave me your name, why are you introducing yourself again?'_ I couldn't give her my real name. Not that it mattered, no one cared about me anyway but still. Her real name probably wasn't Angel, so why should I give my real name. "Ryder..." I reply. It was simple, and easy.

" _Its nice to meet you, Ryder. Now lets change your mind about wanting to die, can you tell me why you feel like wanting to end your own life. You said you were going to tonight until you remembered this was a crisis hotline and you stopped yourself to call." Angel asks me._

I sigh, why did I call this number? Its all standard questions. This girl didn't know me or anything, why did she care if I died or not? "My life doesn't mean anything to anyone. I'm a loser at home and at school, everyone hates me. Even my dad..." I tell her.

" _Now I'm sure that's not true. Not everyone hates you, I don't. What about siblings? Or teachers?" She says._

"I'm a straight A, apparently a model student...My teachers adore me. My sister loves me too...But to everyone else I'm just waste of space and time. There's people who hate the fact they breathe the same air as me...I just...have no reason to keep living...I'm sick and tired of waking up and knowing no one gives a damn...And I know I have my sister but...She'd be fine...She has dad. He wouldn't care if I was gone..." I look down not wanting to cry. It hurt to know my dad didn't care, that Heather was all he cared about. Heather and finding my mother's killer or at least her body, then the killer.

" _If you want to cry, I won't mind. This is good actually, why don't you tell me more? About your life, or school? Give me a feel for how you feel. I can only help you if you make me understand." She said._ I can hear the smile in her tone, I know she's trying to help but nothing could help me. Except maybe my mom miraculously being alive and returning. Dad didn't hate me before then...We were all a happy family until that night.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I felt bad for him. Sure I'd gotten callers like him before but this one felt personal almost, which was forbidden in this field. We weren't supposed to associate ourselves with callers, or get personal with them. Just hear them out, offer advice or techniques that could help them. I understood he wanted to die but he was a straight A student? That was actually a good accomplishment. And he had a sister who cared for him? Why did he want to die so badly? I did what I could, and asked him to tell me more. Maybe he just needed someone to listen to him, to hear how he was feeling. That's all a lot of people needed, was just someone to listen to them.

It didn't take very long after I'd told him it was okay to cry before I heard muffled sobs on his end. _"My home life sucks, so does my school one. At home I'm just...a slave boy. I'm in charge of every chore in the house. My sister is a daddy's girl, I was a mama's boy until she died. My sister and I are twins but my father loves her more. Every time he talks to me its with scowl wondering why I'm still there. My school life is filled with endless degrading and bullying. I just...can't take it anymore. I never did anything to anyone...I just...was born and everyone hates me. That's why I want to die...People would be happier if I was gone...No more...useless me around."_ He tells me and I fought the urge to demand to know where he was so I could just hug him.

Maybe I wasn't cut out for this job. Though I heard the same things every day almost, it never got easier to dissociate myself with callers in an attempt to not get personal. I had to stay calm, I couldn't get close to them. For now, I had to calm him down. He said he'd been cutting before calling and already said too that he called in hopes someone could change his mind about wanting to kill himself. She worried that if she didn't calm him down, he might just hang up and go through with it. "Ryder, killing yourself won't make people happy. It will make them sad, your sister would be upset. And your teachers too." I try to tell him.

" _No! No one would care. If I didn't show up tomorrow, I would just be assumed to be sick and then overlooked. Just one more kid at BHS that died. And my father would only care that the dishes didn't get done. No one would care. I don't have friends. I don't have anybody...And I'm sick of it. I just...don't want to be here anymore..." Ryder snapped back._ BHS? Is that what he said? BHS stood for Berk High School, did he go there? To my school? Was this someone I knew? That didn't matter right now! Whoever he was, he needed help. I got worried, I'd seen this before in other callers. Where they only convinced themselves more with anger that they didn't matter, the last time this happened I had to turn the call over to my boss and then that same caller was hospitalized 2 hours later after trying to hang herself.

"Hey, hey...Listen to me. You called this number for help right? Then let me help you. I can't if you're going to yell at me, Ryder." I say softly.

" _I-I'm sorry...I'm not...mad at you...I shouldn't of called. I'll just go..."_ I panicked now. No, I couldn't let him get off the call. Not while he was in that kind of a mood.

"Wait!...Don't hang up...Please? Its okay that you called...You called because you wanted someone to change your mind. So you can't give up so easily. I want to try something okay? To help relax you. Will you try it with me?" I ask him.

" _Okay..."_ I sighed in relief at his answer.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I hadn't meant to yell at her, I knew she was only doing her job but I was just so frustrated with everything. I had apologized to her for snapping, and I was just going to hang up. This wasn't helping me right now, my anger was making me yell at her. It wasn't her fault everyone hated me. Just as I pulled the phone from my ear to hang up, I heard her tell me not too. Then she asked if she could try something to relax me, at first I was going to go through with hanging up but I figured what the hell could it hurt. I put the phone back to my ear and told her okay, that I would try it with her.

" _Thank you, Ryder. This is something you can use on your own too, when you feel this way. You said you were a mama's boy before she died. So...I want you to take a deep breath, and close your eyes letting it out."_ I nod even though she couldn't see me do it and take a deep breath, I closed my eyes and let it out slow. _"Good...Now with your eyes closed, I want you to think about something that makes you happy. Think about your mom...Let your memories take you back to when she was alive...Remember her."_ Easier said than done. Thinking about my mom only made me upset. But still, maybe this girl knew what she was talking about so I did it.

I thought back to when she was alive, the last time all of us were a happy family. It was Christmas eve, Heather and I begging our parents to let us open just one present each. They finally gave in and we were so excited. I felt a warm liquid fall down my cheeks, I was crying? But also...smiling? _"I know she's gone now but she's still alive in your memories, Ryder. And if you end your life...Then you won't have these memories anymore. You're not useless, and you're not hated. Anytime you feel upset, just think of your mom. She wouldn't want you to give up your life...She loves you still."_ I hear Angel tell me softly. _"How do you feel now?"_

I couldn't lie to her, thinking about my mom...did make me feel better. I knew my mom didn't want me to die, but I just hated being...hated. This girl didn't know me but also too she sounded like she understood where I was coming from. I used my sleeve to wipe my eyes and sniffled a few times. "A little better..." I tell her.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Oh thank Thor. I breathed a sigh of relief that he said he felt a little better. It wasn't much but it was something for now. I calmed down my racing heart, that actually scared me to think he almost hung up and might of tried taking his own life. But I did it. I managed to calm him down and relax him a little. My heart calm now, I checked the time. _'7:30'_. We'd been in this call for half an hour, one of my longer times. I'd stay on with this guy all night if I had too, well as long as the boss would allow. I didn't want to just abandon him, especially knowing he apparently went to Berk High School. That meant that whoever she was talking to was a student there and she probably knew him but she didn't know a Ryder there. Was he an underclassman? He never gave a last name.

And he mentioned having a twin sister, and their mother was dead now. Who did she know who had that background? There were actually a lot of twins in the school, her own two friends Ruffnut and Tuffnut were twins too. She shook the thoughts from her head, that didn't matter. Whoever Ryder was, didn't matter to her. She was talking to him and trying to get him to change his mind about killing himself. "I'm glad. Any time you feel upset you can think about your mom, and know she's always with you. I know you feel like you have nothing to live for, or have no purpose but sometimes...It just because you haven't discovered your purpose yet. Everyone is good at something. What do you like to do for fun?" I asked him. Maybe I could get his mind off things.

" _I...don't know. I just do...chores, school work...and sit in my room." Ryder said._

"That can't be all you do. Come on, you can tell me. Do you like to write, draw, dance, meditate? There has to be something that makes you happy. Everyone has something. Here, I'll tell you mine. I like to make people smile, it makes me happy. And I like to act, you know like in plays." I smile. What would it hurt to tell him? It was true. She loved helping people, it made her happy to know she helped someone feel better. And she did love to act, she wanted to be an actress, a small town one so she could still do the psychology work.

" _I guess I like to...draw or sketch...I doodle a lot." Ryder replies._

"See, that's something. I bet your really good at it too. Anything else?" I ask gently relaxing in my chair.

" _I-I invent sometimes...Though most of them fail and...My dad yells at me."_ I hear him sigh heavily. He was getting depressed again.

"Well you'll get better at it. Practice makes perfect I always say...Do you...play video games? Hang with anyone outside of school or home?" I keep going, at least he wasn't threatening to kill himself.

" _I don't really have friends...My sister and me play games sometimes...I play those...MMO games."_

"Mass Multiplayer Online games? I know a few people who play those actually. I do too from time to time, I like the dragon ones." I reply now.

" _Really?"_

"Of course. They are fun." I couldn't say more than that or it'd get personal. I needed a new topic. He said he liked to draw, I could use that. "What types of things do you draw? Nature, animals, people?" I ask.

 _A little...bit of everything I guess...My mom loved nature so I do a lot of that...There's...a forest behind my house I go in a lot to draw..."_

"That must be relaxing for you, drawing nature makes you feel closer to her. Be careful in the forest though, I heard there can be wild animals..." I warn gently. There were always reports of bear, lion, or wolf attacks on the news or in the paper. Hunters were actually out looking for a rare bear that had reddish fur and people were calling the Red Death, so far responsible for killing campers and the death toll was bordering 12 in the last 3 weeks. Not exactly comforting.

" _I don't wander far...maybe a half mile or so...And I'm always back before dark...Or dad will bite my head off..."_

I frowned, everything seemed to go back to his dad not caring or yelling at him. It made me wonder if his father really did hate him which I found hard to believe. Parents couldn't actually hate their kids could they? I shook it off. "That's good." I wasn't sure what else to say. It seemed like Ryder's mood evened out now but I knew better. Checking the clock it was now 8pm. 2 hours until her shift ended. I heard something on his side, a door slamming and a rough voice.

" _I—I'm sorry...I have to go...He's home...Thank you...for tonight...It helped. Bye!"_ Before I could even ask what happened, the line disconnected. I watched the call sit back in the temporary list and sat back in my chair sighing. He sounded so scared when this male evidently came home. Was it his father? Ryder wasn't being abused was he? It worried me deeply but what could I do? I was forbidden to call back and he said he had to go. I pressed the space bar on my laptop which would mean no calls would come to me, I took off my headset and set it down. I needed a drink of water or something.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I was actually feeling a lot better talking with Angel, someone who listened to me and showed an interest but still I knew she probably did this will thousands of other callers too. It still felt nice for a little while. I heard the door open downstairs, then slam shut. Dad was home early, I panicked and quickly said good bye then hung up. I felt bad but I couldn't let dad catch me on the phone. I put it beside me, and quickly unlocked the door knowing he'd come upstairs. I relaxed in bed as much as I could making it look like I was reading a book. The door opened without a knock as I expected. I put the book down seeing him there.

"Welcome home father." I greet him as I sit up casually.

"You cleaned the house I see." Stoick retorted. I nodded.

"Y-You told me too." I reply hoping he wouldn't be mad. I didn't need it tonight. I was alright for the moment.

"Good. Its late...Go to sleep." Stoick then left the room. I looked at the clock, it was only 8:10pm...But I wouldn't argue with him. I shut my night table light off and laid down staring up in the darkened room. I really wished I hadn't had to get off with Angel so soon. I sighed now reaching for my phone, I saw the hotline's number again and this time I saved it as a contact. Maybe I'd call again, I didn't know but for now at least it was there if I did. I closed my eyes and surprisingly fell asleep not long after.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I returned from getting a drink to see Ryder's number still in the hold queue. I bit my lower lip a little wondering if he was alright. He sounded so afraid and I contemplated telling my boss about it, if there was abuse of any kind we were to report it. What did I do here? I wanted to make sure he was okay but it was forbidden to call back without permission that and if I called back it would come through as a different number meaning the one to just my desk. That's how the office was set up. The hotline number was a one way, when a caller called they would get sent to every line available. Then one of the workers would pick up. If the caller requested a call back for whatever reason or wanted to speak to that worker again, then the worker would call back from their desk phone and the caller would have the desk number, also they would be sent an e-mail in case calling wasn't available.

But I couldn't just call back, he said he had to go. I sighed just praying to Odin he was alright and if he needed help again he would call the number. She was working the next 2 days, maybe he would? It was bad that I wanted him to call because it would mean he wasn't okay but something about this Ryder drew me in and I wanted to help him more than anyone else. But I couldn't right now. I'd have to just wait and hope he was okay. It's all I could do. I saw another caller come through, and connected. I might as well actually do some work besides sit around moping. I had to forget it. Workers couldn't get personal no matter how much they wanted too.


	3. Drama Class

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

3; Drama Class.

 **{Normal POV}**

The weekend had been long as expected. Astrid finished her shift Friday night and returned home. The whole time still worrying for Ryder, but knew she had to forget about it. She never ended up telling her boss about the fear one of her callers had when someone returned home and then quickly left the call. When she got home she went to sleep hoping that Ryder was okay, if he didn't call back then it meant he was right? He was okay? She didn't know why she was so worried for him, they didn't know one another personally or perhaps they did. This guy, Ryder said he went to BHS. Her high school, or as she could assume their high school. The only thing she didn't know was what grade he was in, the high school held 9th through 12th graders so he could have been any one of those. So the questioned remained, who was Ryder really at BHS.

Astrid didn't hear from Ryder on Saturday or Sunday, she assumed he was alright and began to feel better about it. That's what the flyers at the office said at least. If they don't call back it means your did your job right, but in truth it could mean a lot of things. It could mean they got no help and decided to end their lives. It was a scary thought, for her to know if she did or didn't actually help these people. She knew she wasn't training, she didn't know everything about being a psychologist. All she offered was the best advice she could and then pray for the best. Waking up Monday morning, she sighed heavily. Another long day of school ahead of her.

(BHS)

Astrid arrived by school bus at normal time, thankfully she had tonight off from work so she could relax. She grabbed the books she would need up until lunch time and moved through the slightly crowded halls to get to first period. The school was set up in a square almost with a few side halls for what she referred to as 'filler' classes. Ones that weren't required but still needed to fill an open spot in the schedule. This happened twice in the school year for her, usually she took home ec or drama for the acting side of the life she wanted. Home Economics generally was cooking, child care, or sewing. Then another side class could be drama, or music. This year after waiting the last 2, she managed to get into drama and the first class was today for last period.

She was excited because there was always a big production where talent searches came to seek out young actors and actresses so it was a big chance for her to get noticed. Walking into first period, she saw a few of her friends. Her main friends were Ruffnut, Heather, and Fishlegs. Astrid knew Snotlout and Tuffnut by mere association. Tuffnut was Ruffnut's sister, and Snotlout was Tuffnut's best friend. Astrid also knew that Heather was Hiccup's sister but Hiccup kept to himself for whatever reason. Fishlegs and him talked more often that naught, they loved their games but in school Hiccup was the quiet kid and a main target for bullies like Eret and Dagur.

Astrid sat down seeing that class didn't start for another 5 minutes. Heather, Hiccup, Snotlout, and Dagur were in this class with her. She sighed sitting back as Heather bolted in and Hiccup lazily behind her. "Astrid!" Heather beamed sitting beside her.

"Hey Heather. How was your weekend?" Astrid smiled.

"Quiet. How about yours? Work again?" Heather frowned.

"Always." Astrid shrugged to her friend.

"You both missed an awesome party at my place." Snotlout chuckled plopping down.

"I had to work, like I do every weekend." Astrid rolled her eyes.

"And my dad said I couldn't go unless Hiccup went with me and your party was invite only..." Heather sighed.

"Yeah well I guess next party I'll invite your dorky little brother." Snotlout mumbled.

"He's...actually my older brother by like 30 seconds." Heather mentioned.

"Full minute, Heather. I was born a minute before you..." Hiccup chimed in from the back of the room.

"No one asked you loser." Dagur retorted.

"Come on, Dag...Leave my brother alone...Please?" Heather sighed out.

"Fine." Dagur faced forward again, Heather saw the teacher come in as she went over and kissed Hiccup's cheek.

"I got your back big bro." She then returned to her seat. Hiccup rolled his eyes as he paid attention to the lesson now after the bell rang. This is how the day went usually, Hiccup never escaped the comments thrown his way.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Gods why couldn't I just start one day without people giving me shit. Just one! It was frustrating. I couldn't wait to graduate and be away from them all. I was glad I had Heather in my corner but my minute younger little sister sticking up for me actually made it worse because I couldn't defend myself. I sighed watching the teacher talk about the lesson, it was basically review. My mind trailed back to Friday when I called that hotline by accident trying to order pizza, then ended up calling it back when I wanted to kill myself. I still wanted too but something was holding me back. Whoever Angel was, she was his guardian angel that night and managed to make him feel better even though his dad came home early and ruined his mood.

I never called her back, dad was home most of the weekend and Heather wanted to play games. But I did want to talk to Angel again. Dad had work tonight, maybe I could call then. But no, I couldn't. I was almost sure that she wouldn't want to hear from the same person twice, that and I had snapped at her. The hotline probably blocked my number, it would see creepy if I called back just to talk to her. I sighed listening to the teacher go on about something to do with algebra, an easy subject for me.

"Hiccup!" I heard the teacher call my name, I snapped out of my thoughts. "Its not like you to space off during my lessons. Is there something more important to you that you'd like to share with the class or can you solve the problem on the board?" She stated firmly. Fuck. How could I of not been paying attention. My eyes trailed to the board now and scanned over the problem as she held out the chalk to me to solve it. I got up slowly and made my way to the front, I didn't say a word. I just solved it in about 10 seconds then stepped aside for her to look at it. "Well done. Shows me you were paying attention." She smiled.

"Actually, I wasn't." I replied with a shrug. "I'm just really good with numbers." I went to put the chalk down but my hand missed the ledge and the metal edge cut my arm. I hissed as the teacher came to my side as I clamped my hand over it quickly.

"Let me see, Hiccup. If its bad I'll send you to the nurse." The teacher asked me. I moved away from her, I couldn't let her see. My arms were covered in cuts, they'd call dad and I didn't want that. I also didn't want Heather seeing them, she'd get worried.

"N-No...Its fine. Really...Just a scratch." I tried to tell them both. I almost got away with it too until the teacher saw blood on my sleeve.

"No you're are not." She sighed signing a nurses pass and walking it over to me. I crushed it in my hand and threw it away, she gasped at me.

"I said; I Was Fine." I repeated coldly then walked away from her and returned to my seat at the back of the classroom.

"O-Oh well...If you...are sure, Hiccup..." She said worried. No one had ever heard Hiccup get cold before, not even Heather.

"Are you okay, Hiccup?" Heather asked.

"Yes, Heather...I'm fine. Its just a scratch. It will heal..." I tell her, _'Just like all the others...'_ I thought slowly, I saw a shadow beside me. Looking it was Astrid offering me two large band-aids, a sterile alcohol pad, and some triple antibiotic cream.

"Those ledges are dirty...You don't want that to get infected..." She told me softly then returned to her seat. I stared at her curiously a moment before giving a nod and hiding my wrist in my lap to wipe the blood, the applied the cream, finally the two band-aids.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I had been watching the lesson closely because it was new material we'd need to know for finals, when the teacher began calling for Hiccup who seemed to be in a daze. Finally after 3 tries, he snapped out of it. The teacher told him to solve the problem, he did then got himself hurt. It looked like it hurt too, it went right up his arm. Poor guy, I felt bad for him. Cutting your arm wrong, even though your shouldn't cut it at all was bad and could land you a trip to the emergency room. I knew this from my training from the hotline, if we ever encountered someone who had been cutting. We could help to an extent but never try to stop them as it could be worse. I watched as the teacher tried to check his injury but Hiccup moved away from her holding his wrist.

The teacher was going to let it go until she saw blood on his sleeve, I watched her get him a nurse pass but he only tossed it away and coldly stated he was fine again. I was getting a weird feeling that it was a lot more than that. However, it wasn't my place either. I watched Hiccup sit back down and answer Heather's question about being okay. I saw him still holding his wrist. How did he say he was fine when the blood was literally staining his shirt? Did he not care? It was going to get infected, the stupid idiot. I leaned over and dug through my bag, I was a cheer leader. We all got cuts doing the moves we did. I got a few things from the small pouch on the side then got up and walked over to him.

"Those ledges are dirty...You don't want that to get infected..." I state to him firmly placing the items down then returning to her seat. I watched him stare at me a few seconds before nodding, he put his wrist in his lap under the desk and I assume took care of it himself. I shook my head looking forward again. He was definitely hiding something. That could have been done at the nurse, why didn't he want to go? It wasn't my place.

"Thank you, Astrid..." Heather smiled to me, I nodded smiling back and the lesson continued.

(End Of Day)

 **{Astrid's POV}**

After I helped Hiccup, I felt pretty good about myself. Sometimes it was the little things that made you feel good. He was hurt and regardless of the senior class thinking he was a loser, I wanted to help him. After all that is what I did. The rules said we couldn't get personal with callers, and not to engage anyone suicidal. Just to call the police or one of them to handle it. Finally it was the end of the day and time for the first drama class. I couldn't wait as I walked with Ruffnut and Heather towards it. During lunch I discovered that I had it with them, as well as with Snotlout, Eret, Dagur, and Tuffnut. Wonderful.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I wouldn't go to the nurse, I refused when Heather asked me to have my arm checked. I was fine...Honestly it had felt good to have it happen. Even if by accident, I like how it felt. Something tearing open my skin and making me bleed. During lunch she had asked me to sit with her and her friends but I didn't want too. I saw alone where no one could bother me. I felt bad telling her no but she sat with people I didn't like, I didn't want to deal with that. The rest of the day had been fine, I changed my shirt in gym so I wasn't walking around with a bloody stain there and making people question me. Now it was end of day and time for drama class. I hadn't wanted to be in it but I guess because I already took all the home ec courses, and wood shop 3 times since starting high school, they put me where I hadn't been yet. Said it would be a good variety.

I didn't agree but whatever. It was only until the end of the year, I could deal. Maybe. I saw Heather walking with Astrid and Ruffnut, then behind them was Tuffnut and Snotlout, and behind them was Dagur and Eret. And it was unfortunate that I was stuck in one class with all of them. Perfect. Not. Reaching the classroom I just plopped down in the back like always while everyone else took their seats. The teacher strode in right as the bell sounded and closed the door making his way to the front.

 **{Regular POV}**

"Welcome to Drama class. In here will be your dramatic arts and music classes combined. I am Mr. Calder Bretson and you will be stuck with me until the end of the year. Rules in my class are simple. No talking unless spoken too. No phones, no attitude, and no being disrespectful or rude to others. You break a rule, I assign detention. Clear?" Mr. Bretson stated firmly putting his bag on the desk.

"Aye sir." The class replied to him.

"Good. First order of business then, informing you all that this class will be putting on a production of the old disney classic. Beauty and the Beast. You may not say no for the production will be part of your final grade. So today, I'm going to see what you all got for me as far as acting skills go. Try outs will be this Friday during this period and running along into after school hours so you will need to be picked up by parents or if you drive, you can do that too." Mr. Bretson stated to them.

"What do we have to show you?" Asked Heather.

"You singing skills today. The play is rather musical so I need to see from anyone who will want to be among the singing parties their skill level. Whether you're in the play or not, I need to see the skills because you maybe called in as an understudy." Mr. Bretson informed.

A few groaned out, others looked excited. Hiccup just stayed in the back not caring, he wasn't trying out. He'd work stage or props, but that was it. Class ended in an hour. This would be interesting for sure. For most of it, people just sang. It was terrible but Hiccup didn't care. When class was about to end, one person just had to point out that Hiccup hadn't sung yet.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

My eyes widened after another student announced, "Sir, Hiccup hasn't performed yet..." I wanted to smack myself in the forehead, I didn't want to sing. I know were all were supposed to but I didn't want too. I was a terrible singer. Mr. Bretson made a motion with his finger for me to come down from the back to get before the class.

"Come along, Mr. Haddock. I said everyone had to do this." Mr. Bretson reminded. Just as I was about to get up to go down there, the bell rang. Oh thank Thor! I had never been happier to hear that blasted bell. I sighed in relief. "Alright students, good show today. And Mr. Haddock, we will pick this up tomorrow at the start of class." And suddenly my hopes of getting out of it were crushed. Great. Now what did I do. I didn't want to sing, everyone was going to laugh. I didn't want that again. I got my bag and left with Heather, we went to our lockers and got our things then to our bus to go home. I needed a way out of singing and I think I knew exactly how too.


	4. Make You A Deal

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

4; Make You A Deal.

When the next day came, Hiccup got himself out of class. It hadn't been easy either, he had to convince his father he was sick that night so he'd take him to the doctors in the morning. Hiccup played along well with having a 'stomach bug' and the doctor actually gave him a a doctors note to keep him out until Friday which he was grateful for. Of course when the school called asking about Hiccup's absence, Stoick wasn't home so Hiccup had to alter his voice and sound like his dad to excuse the absence. It worked too, the school bought it. Not that they'd argue with the chief of police. Heather was bringing home all his assignments, he'd do them and send them back with her. Sick or not his father wouldn't excuse bad grades.

So here he was Thursday night sitting in bed, miserable. Heather was listening to music in her room and couldn't hear him groaning with frustration about tomorrow when he'd still have to preform in front of the drama class. Heather informed him earlier when she got home, and also tryouts were tomorrow and he was told that the teacher wanted everyone to try out so he could determine a stage position, props, or actual actor. He was nervous again, he didn't want to do this. He just wanted to go back to wood shop or something, anything over drama class. Hiccup checked the clock, it was about 8:30pm when he fiddled with his phone. He didn't want to resort to cutting again, so he had another option. Call the hotline, but what were the chances of him getting Angel again.

Sighing he sat up and pulled of the contact for 'NAC Line' his way of hiding it in his phone. He pressed the call button and waited for a pick up. For 4 rings, there was no pick up. As he was about to hang up and get his knife to distract him, an automated voice began speaking. _"We understand your call to us is very important, and we apologize for the wait. If this is an emergency please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Otherwise, please remain on the line and one of our social workers will be with you soon. If you'd like to speak to one of our workers whom you spoken with before, please press the pound symbol for the directory and you may leave a message to ask for a call back as soon as the worker is able."_

Hiccup listened as the voice continued on about their main goal of the hotline. ' _I didn't know I could ask for the person I wanted to talk to...I hope she's working tonight...'_ He thought before deciding a half a second later to press pound while the directory began listing off names and he listened for Angel which should have been at the top somewhere.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I originally only left to get dinner and a drink, but my boss called me back early because the hotline was in high drive right now and they needed someone else answering calls. I rushed back to my desk with my sandwich and ice coffee, put my headset on and opened my laptop up. I didn't even bother checking the numbers in queue, I went for the list off anyone calling me directly. I saw nothing at first and was about to answer one of the randoms when a number popped in the direct call list. Rules said to answer direct calls first, so I clicked it. "Never Alone Crisis Hotline. Because you are never alone with us here to help. This is Angel. How can I help you this evening?" I greeted gently.

" _Um...Hi...again. Well...actually...I-I don't know if you remember me...I called...last week. I-Its...Ryder."_ My eyes snapped open sitting straight up. Ryder was calling!? I checked his number sitting in the list, it was his. That and he introduced himself as Ryder. He called her directly? Did he pick her from the list? It didn't matter, he was calling because he needed help and had picked her to help him.

"Of course I remember you, Ryder. How are you tonight?" I asked calmly, I was trying to relax. He was calling, that meant he was okay as in alive but if he was calling that meant something was wrong.

" _Not good..."_ I frowned, exactly what I'd been afraid of him saying.

"Well lucky you, you picked Angel to help with your needs. So tell me what's making you not good this evening?" I reply gently.

" _Nervousness...I'm supposed to preform for a play at my school...But I...am terrified of crowds and people...laughing at me like they'd done before."_ I knew what he was talking about, reference to the play where everyone had try outs tomorrow.

"I've heard it helps to picture everyone in their underwear to conquer stage fright." I tell him hoping it will help.

" _I've tried that but my nerves take over and I end up scaring myself by seeing myself in my underwear and everyone laughing..."_ That had to be awful. I didn't get stage fight, I loved the fear actually. Gave me something work to avoid which made me do better.

"What part do you have to play? Its not a hard play right?" I ask.

" _No...It's just...Beauty and the Beast but...I don't have a part yet. Tryouts are tomorrow and the teacher said everyone has too..."_

"Do you...sing by yourself at all? In front of people you know? Does anything make you comfortable enough to preform?" I question him, just throwing it out there to see if maybe he did.

" _I've...sang by myself before but...I'm terrible at it. Or...at least according to my dad I do...My sister is a good singer...My mom was too."_ I hear him sigh heavily, again I was noticing that Ryder got down a lot when talking about his father.

"Ryder, you can't let the opinions of others bring you down. Don't listen to them, and do what you want to do. If you want to sing, then sing. I'm sure you sing fine and will do great at your try outs tomorrow." I encourage him.

" _Angel, I'm a terrible singer...If I had to choose between singing tomorrow, or dying...I choose death over the embarrassment of being laughed at."_ I didn't like him talking like this. I had to think of something.

"Are you...by yourself right now?" I press a bit.

" _Yes...Well no...My sister is in her room and dad is working...I'm alone in my room." Ryder states sadly._

"Perfect! I want you to sing for me. Right now. I'm a stranger to you and I can't see you. So my opinion wouldn't be biased. I'm a third party observer, Ryder. I promise I won't judge you." I smile now. I saw a few of my coworkers glance my way and I shooed them off.

" _I-I don't know...about that...You'll...probably just block my number so you never have to hear from me again..." He sighed._

"I would never do such a thing. Ryder...Let me ask you this okay? Were you thinking about hurting yourself?" I said softly.

" _Yes..." He admits._

"Why did you call tonight?" I ask.

" _Be-Because...Last time...It helped me feel better..."_

"Good. That's good, you knew that calling this line made you feel better. And you altered your thoughts to avoid hurting yourself. That's very good. Now answer me this, you located me out of the directory. Why did you look for just me to talk to?" I question him lightly.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Shit. She knew I called her directly? I didn't know their system did that. How did I explain that one? I've been wanting to talk to you all week but couldn't. Or I didn't want to talk to anyone else because you made me feel better last time. Which of those two sounded less stalker-ish? Neither. They were both bad. She said before she liked my honesty so why lie now?

"I—I didn't...want to talk to anyone else." I began, I heard nothing on her side so I kept going. "Y-You were...the one who made me feel better last time...And...I don't know I guess I just...felt better knowing I could talk to just you. I didn't...know the system allowed me to locate a specific helper..." I admitted to her.

" _I'm honored you wanted to talk to just me, Ryder. And its alright. A lot of people don't know about that because usually after 4 rings, they have already hang up. But now you know so anytime you want to talk to me and I'm here...I'll be available to talk. We can actually e-mail too but you didn't hear that from me."_ I blinked a bit, she was telling me things she wasn't supposed too just so I could contact her. _"I'll make a deal with you, Ryder. Okay?"_

"Okay?" I asked wondering what she could possibly offer as a deal.

" _If you sing for me tonight, I will give you my e-mail and direct line so you don't have to go through the directory next time you want to talk to me. I'll even e-mail you when I'm working so you always know. I'll do that for you, if you sing for me. Since you've told me that I make you feel better. I promise I won't laugh or judge you...But just give it a try. Please?"_

At first, I didn't know what to say. She would...give me her e-mail, and direct line if I only...sung for her? That wasn't...so hard was it? I could do that. Sing for her. Heather wouldn't hear me and dad wasn't home so what harm would it do? I bit my lower lip before sighing, doing this meant I would...always have someone to talk too and Angel...did make me feel better. "Al-Alright...I'll do it." I finally say.

" _And I know you'll be great at it too. So sing anything you like, maybe something about how you're feeling. I've heard singing can help release emotions."_ I smile a bit, I did enjoy my music but it didn't always help me. _"So what are you going to sing for me tonight, Ryder?"_ She asks happily, I can hear the smile in her voice.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I was excited honestly, sure I might of bribed him a bit but he agreed to sing for me in exchange for my direct line and e-mail. I watched the call queue slowly lessen meaning it wasn't nearly as busy anymore so I could enjoy this. Technically I am doing my job, I'm helping Ryder get past his stage fright by listening to him as a third party listener and I'm sure he wasn't terrible. Even if he was, I wouldn't laugh at him or judge. Some people could and some couldn't.

" _I—I guess I can do something from Skillet...I—I don't know if you're familiar with them...?"_

"Of course I am. Great band. Which one are you going to do?" I asked gently.

"Would It Matter..." I hear him sigh heavily, then slight background music. I assumed he was actually play the track and keeping it low so I could hear him and not the original artist. _"If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care? If my time was up I'd want to know you were happy I was there. If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anyone lose sleep. If I wasn't hard and hollow, then maybe you would miss me..."_ My eyes widened slowly listening to him sing.

" _I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone. Someone that I like better. I can never forget, so don't remind me of it forever(forever)..."_ I hear him take a breath. _"What if I just pulled myself together? Would it matter at all?...What if I just try not to remember? Would it matter at all?...All the chances that have passed me by! Would it matter if I gave it one more try? Would it matter at all..."_ I actually...couldn't believe what I was hearing. Ryder was singing this song as if he'd written it which of course I knew wasn't true but for Thor's sake he was really good.

" _If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care? Still stuck inside this sorrow. I've got nothing and going nowhere...I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone. Someone that I like better. I can never forget, so don't remind me of it forever..."_ I listened to him pause about to start on the chorus again. _"What if I just pulled myself together? Would it matter at all?...What if I just try not to remember? Would it matter at all?...All the chances that have passed me by! Would it matter if I gave it one more try...Would it matter at all?..."_ The music began its instrumental, I could of sword I heard Ryder actually crying. I understood why he picked this song now, it was how he felt. If anyone would care that he was gone from this world.

He took a deep breath as the music slowed down a little, _"I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone. Someone that I like better. Can you help me forget, don't wanna feel like this forever, forever!...What if I just pulled myself together? Would it matter at all?...What if I just try not to remember? Would it matter at all?...All the chances that have passed me by! Would it matter if I gave it one more try?!...If I left tomorrow, would anybody care? Stuck in this sorrow, going nowhere. All the chances that have passed me by! Would it matter if I gave it one more try?!...Would it matter at all?..."_ The music came to a slow halt and then silence. I couldn't believe it. Ryder wasn't a good singer at all. He was fricken amazing at it. I seriously could not believe the performance I just received from this guy.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I finished the song like she'd asked me to sing. I chose to sing the only one that explained how I felt. If it would matter to anyone at all that I was gone. If it was worth it to keep trying or just give up. I let the music finish and turned off the CD player, now I just sat there in the silence. I didn't hear laughing, had I scared her away?

" _That was...I don't even have the words to describe..."_ I didn't want to hear the rest. She was going to tell me it was terrible... _"...how incredible that was!"_ I froze now. Had she just said it was incredible?! What?! I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming or maybe that I hadn't bled out and was laying dead. Nope, still alive and awake. She just said my singing was incredible. Not good, great, or fantastic. She said incredible. That was the word used to describe my singing.

"Don't flatter me...It was terrible...You can say it...I won't...mind." I lowered my head closing my eyes.

" _Oh my Gods, no! Ryder that was seriously amazing! I've heard people try to do covers for that song and no one even comes as close as you do. I felt like I was at a live concert of it! It was incredible, amazing, exhilarating...!"_ She really wasn't lying to me, was she? She was being completely honest with me right now? _"Thor almighty, Ryder. You got what it takes to be a professional! You sing like that for your try outs and I bet you get the lead part. Gods, I am so glad my boss called me back from break early and you called at the same time. I'm envious that you have such an amazing voice."_ I don't know why but I actually blushed a bit hearing her go on about the words describing my singing before stopping with a happy sigh.

"Y-You really thing I did okay?" I ask slowly.

" _YES! Oh my Gods, you did way better than okay. Ryder that was incredible...Seriously, I mean every word I say right now. You are an amazing singer. And tomorrow, I think I have a way you can get through try outs without being afraid..."_ She tells me, I listen closely.

"H-How?" I finally ask ready to hear it.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

"Tomorrow when its your turn. I want you to keep your eyes closed, take a deep breath and just pretend you're alone in your room. No one around, no one listening to you. Its just you, like it is now. I'm sure the teacher is going to insist everyone is quiet so just imagine you're in your room. Just you and sing like you did tonight. I bet you get the lead, I bet my job on it. You can even call me tomorrow because I want to hear how you did." I smile wide. I knew how try outs went. Their teach wouldn't be letting anyone talk during them because he wanted to hear everything. And maybe she'd even learn who Ryder really was. All she had to do was look for the most nervous guy in there who would preform with his eyes closed.

" _I wouldn't bet your job on me, Angel...If I fail you'd lose it and you're really good at helping people..."_ He says nervously with a sigh.

"I am betting my job on it. You won't fail, Ryder. I can't believe how incredible a singer you are. Wow..." I sigh calming down. "A deal is a deal. You sang for me and now I'll give you my line and e-mail to reach me. You got a pen and paper ready?" I ask smiling. This wasn't against the rules, it was allowed if the callers were regulars and it seemed Ryder was since he called tonight looking for just her.

" _Got one now..."_

"Alright. My direct line is the **600-170-2016**." I paused a moment to let him get it down. "And my e-mail is **'AngelWings at NA . org'** Capital A on angel, capital W on wings, and capital NA I just added you to my regular callers list which means anytime you call and I'm working you'll be connected before the rest of the random caller list. And once you e-mail me, I'll let you know when I work." I tell him gently.

" _You've...really helped me a lot. I wish I could repay you or hug you..."_ I blush a little hearing him say that. That's what they all said and this guys sounded like such a sweetheart, I wish it wasn't against every single policy.

"The only payment I need is your happiness, Ryder. So tomorrow you take those tryouts head on and call me after 6 because I have to know how you do. I bet you shock them all. I look forward to hearing how you did. I hope you have a good night, and remember that you are never alone with m—Us here to help you." I had almost just said 'me here to help you' Oh wouldn't that of been embarrassing. Thankfully he didn't catch it. I relaxed a little.

" _My night is a lot better now that I got to talk to you. Thank you, Angel."_ After that the line disconnected. I paused my calls and took the headset off my head sighing. About 2 minutes later, I got an e-mail from a ' **BlackWolfRunner1 at Berknet . com** ' It had to be Ryder. Opening it I saw that I was right. A simple message saying _"Hey, Angel...It's Ryder. Did I get it right?"_ I chuckled some and typed back a response also left my usual hours of Tues, Thurs, Sat  & Sun, sometimes Friday and all those days I was on after 3pm. But if he really needed to talk on an off day, to e-mail me. I took a breath as I got the headset back on to take more calls so it didn't build up again.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

After hanging up with Angel, I did feel a lot better. She was so understanding, and she even put my number in the regular callers, also gave me her e-mail and work schedule so I'd always know when she was working and the quickest ways to reach her. I know I didn't know who she really was but I liked having someone to talk to, it was like I had a real friend. It was about 9:15pm now, I did have school in the morning and tryouts for the play. Goodie me. I might as well get to bed before dad gets home and realizes I'm still up. I put my phone on the charger, turned the ringer off then laid down, falling asleep quickly after. I only prayed tomorrow would go okay.


	5. Tryouts Shocker

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

5; Tryouts Shocker.

Oh gods he was dreading today and it was only 5:30am. His father had gotten home around 11pm, checked on him with a hand to his forehead. Hiccup pretended to be asleep when he did, after his father left with a nod of approval that Hiccup's fever was gone then Hiccup went back to sleep. Now he definitely wasn't getting out of tryouts since he was no longer 'sick'. He'd get up and shower around 6:15am but for now he just wanted to lay there and wonder how the day would go. _'Please just let it go smoothly...'_ He thought to himself closing his eyes. As the minutes ticked by, he tried to keep Angel's words in mind about just ignoring everyone in the room and just pretend he was alone. Yeah right, as soon as he got up there people would start laughing at him. He groaned holding his head in fear, shaking it. He didn't want to do this.

Meanwhile at Astrid's, she was just getting up for the day at 6:00am. She'd already showered and gotten dressed now was busy making herself breakfast. "What time is your father picking you up tonight sweetie?" Her mother, Ingrid Hofferson asked.

"I don't know yet mama. I'll text him after drama tryouts..." Astrid replied smiling.

"I'll let him know. Good luck this afternoon. We're rooting for you baby." Ingrid said hugged Astrid before heading out the door for work. Astrid finished making her toast then sat down checking her e-mail from work which thankfully she could do from her phone, not that she was technically allowed too but everyone did so what harm would it do. She saw one from Ryder, clearly he was still nervous even before she had fallen asleep. She bit her lower lip now wondering if she should e-mail him to remind him it was okay to be scared but he couldn't let it control him. Tapping the text box, she began to reply something short and easy. She sent it then put her phone down and started eating.

She wondered who Ryder was, and if she'd see him at try outs. The drama class had 35 students and a good 18 of them were males. She knew for a fact it couldn't of been Dagur, Eret, Snotlout, or Tuffnut because she saw them daily and they had distinct voices she would point out anywhere. So it had to be someone else. She shook it off, it didn't matter. She wasn't allowed to get close to the callers and in this case she already was because they went to the same school and had drama together. As long as that never got out to her boss then she should be alright.

Back with Hiccup, he'd just gotten out of the shower and was now dressed. He glanced at his arms, long sleeve shirt day obviously. He would hide his scars, he didn't care if others knew he was depressed as shit but he didn't want Heather knowing. He sighed slipping his shirt on, then socks and shoes before checking his phone which was blinking the green color meaning he had an e-mail. So early in the morning? It was only...6:25am. Couldn't of been Fishlegs? And his father would have texted him. Opening the e-mail he saw it was from AngelWings, of as he'd added her e-mail contact just Angel.

His eyes scanned the message quickly, **~Ryder, sorry I didn't reply last night. It was really busy after I talked with you. I know today is your tryouts. I know everything will be fine but I just wanted to leave a reminder for you to remember you aren't alone and you will do great today. Can't wait to hear how it goes. Your helping friend, Angel.~** Hiccup smiled, that was a nice gesture of her to give him something to look forward to tonight. Talking to her. His father would be picking him and Heather up after tryouts were over, wonderful. Those car rides were always so quiet.

"Hiccup! Get down here for breakfast. I have to go in early since I'm leavin early to pick you and your sister up!" Stoick yelled. Hiccup slipped his phone in his pocket, grabbed his backpack and rushed downstairs to see Heather already at the table eating with a smile. His father was reading the paper and drinking coffee, Hiccup sat down seeing his plate of buttered toast and orange juice.

"Dad thought you might want a light breakfast in case anything bigger didn't settle with your stomach. I'm glad you get to come back today. Its tryouts! Isn't that exciting?" Heather exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, its great. And um...Thanks for breakfast dad...Eating light is probably a good idea...Wasn't feeling so good after the shower." Hiccup says calmly to his father who of course only nodded to him as a reply. Hiccup just sat down and began to eat.

"The teacher is still gonna ask you to sing today bro, you know that right?" Heather reminded.

"Yeah...I know. Is he picking the songs or can we?" Hiccup asked her.

"I think it depends on if we have one or not. I dunno, Hic. I hear we also get the casting call today too. I hope I get a good part. What are you hoping for? Lead?" Heather questioned.

"Nah. I'm good with props or stage crew..." Hiccup replied.

"Oh come on. We watch the movie all the time. You know it by heart!" Heather giggled.

"Yeah but...I'm no actor...or singer. I'm sure you'll get a good part though." Hiccup encourage her, she beamed brightly again while he continued to eat.

"Ooh daddy." Heather said as Stoick looked over at her while sipping his coffee. "Any word on if that bear was caught yet?"

"Not yet. Its been spotted closer to town though so you kids mind yourselves at night and be in by street lights. Understand?" Stoick said.

"Yes father." Hiccup and Heather said together. Stoick nodded as he got up checking the time on his watch now.

"Alright, finish up. We leave in 10 minutes." Stoick said. The twin siblings nodded and finished up their food, then cleared their plated and stood ready with their backpacks. Stoick finishes his coffee then gets up getting his police hat and keys heading to the door. They all left getting in Stoick's car and heading to the school. Hiccup only prayed his mother was with him today because now he really was starting to feel sick. Though he was sure it was nerves again. Reaching the school 10 minutes later, Stoick dropped them off and reminded them to let him know when to come after tryouts and then he was gone headed to the station. Hiccup took a deep breath, he would be okay. He knew he would. He hoped he would.

(Hours Later During Lunch)

Hiccup just walked into lunch with his drink and sandwich, he never really ate more than that. He always seemed to lose his appetite at school, he had no idea why but he didn't care either. Walking in he saw his sister sitting with her group of friends, he began making his way to his table towards the back, "Hiccup!" He heard Heather practically scream, he whipped around in fear she was hurt but only saw her sitting and smiling at him, waving for him to come over. Hiccup walked over rolling his eyes.

"Heather what the hell have I told you about yelling like that...You make me worry." Hiccup sighed.

"Sorry...I wasn't sure if your headphones were in or not..." Heather said sheepishly. Hiccup rolled his eyes a second time.

"Its fine...Now what's wrong?" Hiccup asked her softer, he was rather ignoring the others sitting and snickering at how worried he'd gotten for Heather.

"What's wrong, Haddock...Worried your sister was hurt? She's safe with us, not like you could protect her with those limp spaghetti arms." Eret chuckled. Hiccup turned his head to face Eret, who was sitting with Dagur and Snotlout.

"My sister, safe with you 3? I'd sooner trust a wild wolf with my sister's safety over you 3 mutton heads." Hiccup retorted of course referring to Toothless who happened to be his best friend and partial pet wolf that no one knew about. Dagur went to punch him but Fishlegs jumped in between the two.

"Alright...Easy boys. Dagur...I'd like to remind you that Hiccup and Heather's father is the chief of police..." Fishlegs said. Dagur pulled his fist back grumbling.

"He won't always be able to protect you." Dagur said.

" _Not like he does as it is...He wouldn't even care if I got punched.'_ Hiccup thought as he turned his head back to Heather now. "What did you call me for, Heather? I do want to go eat lunch..." Hiccup sighed now.

"Well then sit down here and eat...I need your help with Science and History...I kind'a fell asleep last night before I finished and I have those classes next...Please?! I'll literally do anything, even take your chores for a week..." Heather pleaded him with her hands together.

"Its your homework." Hiccup mumbled.

"Please...?! Dad will never let me go on the camp out at the end of the year if I don't pass with A's...You know how he is." Heather tried again. This was true, he did know. And the end of the year senior camping trip was supposed to be wicked fun. 3 days camping out in the wilderness. Okay it was behind the school about 4 miles from the forest entrance. But still was supposed to be awesome and Hiccup knew Heather wanted to go. He sighed.

"You so owe me...Gimme your pen." Hiccup held his hand out as he sat down beside her, she beamed as she handed him her black pen. Hiccup reached into his outer sweater and pulled out his headphones and placed the skin colored buds in his ears. He took her papers and switched to his right hand so it would look like her handwriting and began whipping right through it without trouble.

"Woah...Are those skin colored headphones?" Ruffnut asked quickly.

"Yeah. He uses them so he doesn't get in trouble for listening to music. They blend in so it looks normal." Heather giggled.

"Where did he get them, I need a pair." Tuffnut said.

"Sorry guys, the skin buds are one of a kind. Hiccup made them himself." Heather smiled. Astrid blinked a moment, Hiccup made those earbuds? Like made them? Who knew he was so inventive. Astrid continued eating her food watching Hiccup whip through Heather's homework in 10 minutes.

"Done." Hiccup said handing the pen back, as well the papers. Heather hugged him tightly.

"You are the best big brother ever." Heather snuggled him.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Now can I go eat?" Hiccup asked.

"Just stay here, there's only 20 minutes left anyway. Come on, you never sit with me." Heather pouted with the wide eyes and pouty lip.

"Oh come on...Don't do the lip, Heather." She kept doing it. "Ugh, fine. And for the record, I don't sit here because I'm not welcome here...Kind of a loser in this school remember." Hiccup mumbled getting his sandwich and drink out.

"You're not a loser, Hiccup..." Fishlegs said calmly.

"Did you seriously just say that to me with a straight face?" Hiccup arched a brow. Fishlegs blinked a minute then shook his head. "Thought so." Hiccup stated as he went to press play on his phone when Astrid tapped his shoulder. He glanced her way. "Yeah?"

"Think...you could help me with my history too? I-I forgot my book at school last night and didn't get it done..." Astrid asked softly. He sighed holding out his hand as she handed him her paper and he looked over it.

"I'm not writing it for you. And lets not make this a habit..." Hiccup sighed handed it back as she nodded her head to him gratefully. "One. The barbaric Archipelago is a group of islands around one main island. Two. Berk is legend to be home to the Hairy Hooligan tribe centuries ago. Three. The rarest of all dragons in legend was the Night Fury. A dragons which could travel at speeds faster than the speed of sound and able to break the sound barrier. Four. The legend of the Screaming Death was that it was a dragon born every 100 years to a Whispering Death. This dragon was also referred to as a Titan Wing Whispering Death. It was white with a red tail, small wings, red eyes, and a white body covered in spikes." Hiccup took a breath.

"Okay, got all that." Astrid said as she finished writing.

"Good. Five then. Ships were used for transporting trade-able items to and from islands. Six. The Skrill was legend to be wielded by the Berserker tribe of Berserk Isle for they harnessed its lightning abilities. Seven. When a man became chief of the tribe he was to give an heir by the time of one year. Eight. After marriage, the chief and his new chieftess would have to consummate their marriage on a bed of animal furs and skins in front of the entire village to prove heir legitimacy. Nine. When a chief passed away, his body would be set on a pyre or small boat and set ablaze at sea." Hiccup stated calmly.

"How the hell do you remember all that?" Tuffnut asked.

"I pay attention in class." Hiccup mumbled. "What's the last question because I know its a long one." Hiccup asked now.

"Uhh...What are the words recited for a fallen chief at his funeral?" Astrid read off. Oh and they want a drawing of the Berserker crest...I don't even know what it looks like. Hiccup sighed now taking the paper and pen from her, quickly he sketched something out for number 5 when it asked about the skrill and berserkers. He slid it back to her.

"May the Valkyries welcome you. And lead you through Odin's great battle field. May they sing your name with love and fury so that we might hear it rise from the depths of Valhalla, and know that you have taken your rightful place at the table of kings. For a great man has fallen. A Warrior. A Chieftain. A Father. A Friend." Hiccup stated as he finished his sandwich, then drink and sat back in the chair with his eyes closed relaxing. Astrid could hear his music from where she was sitting, he was listening to Skillet's 'Would It Matter'. She didn't take him as a fan of the style of music. Of course it only made it think back to her conversation with Ryder when he sang the song to her.

When lunch ended, Hiccup was up first to throw away his things and exit the room to get to his next class. "He's not social is he?" Ruffnut asked Heather.

"Nope, he keeps to himself most of the time. I honestly worry about him...He's been different since mom died...I think he blames himself for it." Heather sighed as she left with her friends to get to their next classes.

(End Of Day)

Hiccup stood at the entrance to the auditorium which is where drama class was being held today, he didn't want to go in. As soon as he did he'd be asked to sing or whatever. He took a deep breath pulling up the e-mail from Angel as his reminder to just ignore everyone. Her words offered him some comfort. Hiccup entered the auditorium and found a place near Heather. Mr. Bretson walked onto the stage and tapped the mic not that it was really needed. "Alright my little upcoming actors and actresses. We got a long list to get through, first I'd like to welcome back, Hiccup..." Hiccup's head snapped up. Really?! "Who was out with the stomach bug for 3 days. Glad to see your feeling better."

"Thanks..." Hiccup said. "I think..." He mumbled out quietly.

Thankfully, they didn't start with him. Some people had appointments or had other places to be so they went first. As the hours passed it was now 3:30pm, Heather already had her tryout session and given they had the same last name...He was next. "Alright Hiccup, you're up. Lets get the scene done first, and then of course I still need to hear you sing." Mr. Bretson reminded. Hiccup looked around the room at who was still there. Heather of course and then Astrid, Eret, Dagur, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and a girl named Camicazi. The scene wasn't hard, it was the part where the 'beast' would die but is saved by Belle saying she loved him. "Lets see...Miss...Hofferson. Will you stand in as Belle for now. We're rather running out of time so I'd like to get yours and Mr. Haddock's tryout done at the same time? We're doing the last scene before the beast is transformed back to a human."

"Sure thing sir." Astrid states as she makes her way to the stairs and then on stage beside Hiccup.

"Whenever you two are ready. Take the positions of your characters. Beast dying on the ground, Belle trying to get him to relax. And...Go." Mr. Bretson said. The scene obviously began with Hiccup laying down on the stage floor acting to of been stabbed by Gaston and dying while Astrid was on her knees sadly. Hiccup slid his script across the stage floor, he didn't need it. As Heather told him, he knew this movie inside and out.

"Y-You...came back..." Hiccup pants weakly.

"Of course I came back...I couldn't let them..." Astrid replied sadly touching the side of his face then leans over and hugs him. "Oh this is all my fault. If only I'd gotten here sooner."

"Maybe...Maybe its better this way..." Hiccup closed his eyes a bit. Astrid put her hand to his lips.

"Don't talk like that." Astrid says acting as if to fix his shirt. "You'll be alright." She tries to hold confidence. "We're together now, everything is going to be fine. You'll see." She tells him cupping his cheeks.

Hiccup reaches up weakly to stroke her hair, then cheek. "At least...I got to see you...one last time." Astrid nuzzles into his hand before Hiccup closes his eyes and lets his hand drop, acting dead of course. Astrid gasped seeing Hiccup's head fall limp to the side and she covers her mouth shaking her head. Whipping up some tears she put her hands on his chest.

"No...No! Please..." She pleads sadly. "Please, please don't leave me..." She puts her head on his chest sobbing lightly. "I love you..." She whispers but loud enough to be heard as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"And cut!" Mr. Bretson exclaims jumping from his seat with joy. Astrid pulled off Hiccup as he opened his eyes and sat up now. "Well done! That was perfect! The depth, the emotions! Excellent work and nicely done that you did it without your scripts!" Hiccup and Astrid stood now bowing their heads to him and smiling a bit. "Now, Mr. Haddock...The last thing I need to get make the casting call is you to sing for me, anything you like." Astrid stepped off stage as Hiccup pulled his phone and plugged it in to the sound board.

"This outta be good. Haddock singing?" Dagur snickered with his friends. Hiccup closed his eyes.

 _'Don't listen to them...Its just you, Hiccup. You in your room...Singing through the phone to Angel...You're by yourself. No one can hurt you.'_ Hiccup thought quickly as he pressed play and the music began. Astrid's eyes focused on the stage now, she knew that music. It was Skillet. Why would Hiccup pick a song like that to use to show Mr. Bretson his singing level? That song was really hard to do.

Hiccup took a deep breath, eyes closed to relax. He let Angel's words run through his mind about ignoring everyone else. He was alone in his room right now. Singing alone. _"The secret side of me, I never let you see. I keep it caged but I can't control it. So stay away from me, the beast is ugly. I feel the rage and I just can't hold it."_ Hiccup paused now as his eyes opened showing confidence.

" _It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls. It comes awake and I can't control it. Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head. Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end!..."_ He trailed off slightly as the music picked up and it took everyone by surprise.

" _I feel it deep within! It's just beneath the skin! I must confess that I feel like a monster. I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I, I feel like a monster. I, I feel like a monster!"_ He sang out. Astrid's eyes widened in shock staring straight ahead at Hiccup. She knew that voice.

" _My secret side I keep, hid under lock and key. I keep it caged but I can't control it. 'Cause if I let him out, he'll tear me up, break me down. Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?..."_ Hiccup clenched his fists at his sides. _"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I, I feel like a monster! I, I feel like a monster!..."_ Hiccup faced everyone with almost angry eyes.

" _It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp. There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart. No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream? Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster!"_ Another pause. _"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin...I must confess that..."_ Then he actually lowered his voice to a darker one. _"...I feel like a monster."_ Astrid couldn't believe it. That voice was the guy's she'd been talking to at work! The one who sang for her just the night before today!

 _"I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I've gotta lose control, here's something radical. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I, I feel like a monster! I, I feel like a monster! I, I feel like a monster! I, I feel like a monster."_ The music cut as everyone sat there in a stunned silence. Then clapping, Hiccup looked to see it was Heather then followed by her was the teacher and the small group of students still there. Astrid just stared in shock with her mouth agape. She absolutely knew that voice! It was Ryder's...


	6. Lead Roles

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

6; Lead Roles.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I sat there in my seat of the auditorium in complete, utter shock. Trying to process what the hell had just happened and who was standing in front of everyone on the stage being applauded for his musical performance. I knew that voice which sang the Skillet song, only one person I knew sounded so good and used that much emotion. Ryder. _'No. It couldn't...possibly be him. There was, is...no way its the same guy...Ryder can't be Hiccup...Can he be?'_ I thought in complete disbelief. No. I refused to believe it. It...couldn't be true. No. Its just my imagination playing tricks on me because I want to know who Ryder is since he goes to this school.

My mind was racing with confusion. I settled myself down seeing Hiccup walk off the stage after getting his phone. I had to figure this out. Alright think, Astrid. Ryder called a week ago and out right told you he wanted to kill himself, he even started crying when he explained everything. About his life. That he hated his home and school life. Hiccup didn't hate his home and school life right? He actually seemed to enjoy it. Hiccup was a straight A student, had a great dad and twin sister. Sure people considered him a loser in school but that's because he was so...quiet. My eyes widened again. Hiccup...sounded exactly like Ryder and not just by voice but personality and life style too.

 **~Flashback~**

" _I'm a straight A, apparently model student. My teachers adore me. My sister loves me too. But to everyone else I'm just a waste of space and time. There's people who hate the fact I breathe the same air as them. I just have no reason to keep living. I'm sick and tired and waking up and knowing no one gives a damn. I know I have my sister but she's be fine. She has dad, he wouldn't care if I was gone."_

 **~End Flashback~**

Remembering this, I compared it to Hiccup. He was a straight A student, and the teaches adored him because he always paid attention and had the answer, he never talked in class or got in trouble, barely missed any days too. He was...a model student. I saw Heather rush up towards Hiccup and hug him tightly, telling him how well he did for the performance. Heather loved her brother...her...twin...brother. I glanced back to Hiccup who hugged Heather back but I saw his eyes trail to the auditorium entrance, looking I saw Stoick, chief of the Berk Police Department there. He cleared his throat getting Heather's and Hiccup's attention.

"Daddy!" Heather rushed over to hug him.

"Hi princess." He greeted her with a smile. Hiccup walked slower, "Son." I was a little shocked to hear how dryly his father greeted him.

"Hi dad..." Hiccup said softly.

"Are you two ready to leave?" Stoick asked.

"Oh can we wait for the casting call first! I don't want to wait until monday, Mr. Bretson is doing it right now." Heather pleaded. Stoick smiled to her nodding. "Yes, you just missed it dad. Hiccup sang the most amazing song ever." Which was true, I'd never seen Hiccup sing before.

"Hiccup doesn't sing. Not that I've ever heard, his skill level is rather low in that department." Stoick said.

 **~Flashback~**

" _I've sang by myself before but I'm terrible at it. Or at least according to my dad I do. My sister is a good singer, my mom was too."_

 **~End Flashback~**

"But daddy, he really did do amazing! Everyone was clapping for him." Heather tried again.

"Heather...Its fine...I-I didn't...do it to impress anyone." I hear Hiccup say softer. I could tell he didn't want to make his father upset by arguing the point that what Heather said was actually true. That Hiccup sang really well and was applauded for it. I could see now that Hiccup was rather overlooked, and Heather if it could be said was the favorite out of two siblings. Which made me think back to the first conversation with Ryder.

 **~Flashback~**

" _My home life sucks, so does my school one. At home I'm just a slave boy. I'm in charge of every chore in house. My sister is a daddy's girl, I was a mama's boy until she died. My sister and I are twins but my father loves her more. Every time he talks to me its with a scowl wondering why I'm still there. My school life is filled with endless degrading and bullying. I just can't take it anymore. I never did anything to anyone. I was just born and everyone hates me. That's why I want to die. People would be happier if I was gone. No more useless me around."_

" _Ryder, killing yourself won't make people happy. It will make them sad. Your sister would be upset, and your teachers too."_

" _No! No one would care. If I didn't show up tomorrow, I would just assumed to be sick and then overlooked. Just one more kid at BHS that died. And my father would only care that the dishes didn't get done. No one would care. I don't have friends. I don't have anybody. And I'm sick of it. I just don't want to be here anymore."_

 **~End Flashback~**

I found myself frowning now. Every time I thought of Hiccup being Ryder, it honestly broke my heart a little. But still, they couldn't be the same guy. There had to be something else, just a...freak coincidence was all. Hiccup couldn't be Ryder. I needed something...Anything that would either prove my theory right or wrong. I had to know, it was going to bug me until I knew for sure. Come on, think Astrid. What else do I know about Ryder's life so far to compare it too. There has to be something. I began thinking again while Mr. Bretson was going over the tryouts to make the casting call. It would be announced in 10 minutes or so. What did I know about Ryder and Hiccup.

Ryder liked to draw, sketch, and doodle. Hiccup had done that sketch of the Berserker tribe earlier on my history homework and it was...really good too. But I can't compare the two because I've never seen Ryder's artwork. Okay, think of something else. Ryder liked to invent too, and earlier Heather told me and the group that Hiccup made the skin colored earbuds. No. That couldn't be used either because I've never seen Ryder's inventions. Ugh! It was so damn frustrating. Alright, Ryder also said he liked playing MMO games with his sister. Heather always said that Hiccup played the MMO games with her. And I did know people who played MMO games, myself included. It was me, Fishlegs, Heather, and Hiccup.

Okay...that was weird comparison. So Ryder and Hiccup played MMO games with their sisters...twin sisters. That still wasn't enough to say they were the same person. My mind continued to wander between Hiccup and Ryder, anything else that could make it true or false. I don't know why the hell this mattered to me so much but it did. I'd been wanting to know who Ryder was since he mentioned that he went to the same high school as me. There was only one BHS and that is where they were right now. Hiccup was considered a loser at school, just like Ryder was. I guess that was a comparison of some sorts but not enough to say they were the same guy. Ryder said he was cutting the night I talked to him on the hotline, the first time we talked. Hiccup wasn't a cutter, was he? Sure he looked miserable but that didn't mean...he cut himself and if he did...he was hiding it really well.

My eyes widened again.

 **~Flashback~**

 _I had been watching the lesson closely because it was new material we'd need to know for finals, when the teacher began calling for Hiccup who seemed to be in a daze. Finally after 3 tries, he snapped out of it. "Hiccup! Its not like you to space off during my lessons. Is there something more important to you that you'd like to share with the class or can you solve the problem on the board?" She stated firmly. I watched Hiccup get up slowly and made his way to the front, he didn't say a word. He just solved it in about 10 seconds then stepped aside for her to look at it. "Well done. Shows me you were paying attention." She smiled._

 _"Actually, I wasn't." Hiccup replied with a shrug. "I'm just really good with numbers." He went to put the chalk down but my hand missed the ledge and the metal edge cut his arm. It looked like it hurt too, it went right up his arm. Poor guy, I felt bad for him. Cutting your arm wrong, even though your shouldn't cut it at all was bad and could land you a trip to the emergency room. I knew this from my training from the hotline, if we ever encountered someone who had been cutting. We could help to an extent but never try to stop them as it could be worse._

 _"Let me see, Hiccup. If its bad I'll send you to the nurse." The teacher asked him. I watched as the teacher tried to check his injury but Hiccup moved away from her holding his wrist. Why would he move away from her, she only wanted to check it._

 _"N-No...Its fine. Really...Just a scratch." He tried to tell the teacher but blood was staining his shirt, quite a bit of it too._

 _"No you're are not." She sighed signing a nurses pass and walking it over to him. He crushed it in his hand and threw it away, she gasped at the action. A few people actually._

 _"I said; I Was Fine." He repeated coldly then walked away from her and returned to his seat at the back of the classroom._

 _"O-Oh well...If you...are sure, Hiccup..." She said worried. No one had ever heard Hiccup get cold before, not even Heather._

 _"Are you okay, Hiccup?" Heather asked._

 _"Yes, Heather...I'm fine. Its just a scratch. It will heal..." I hear him tell her. I was getting a weird feeling that it was a lot more than that. However, it wasn't my place either. I watched Hiccup sit back down and answer Heather's question about being okay. I saw him still holding his wrist. How did he say he was fine when the blood was literally staining his shirt? Did he not care? I leaned over and dug through my bag, I was a cheer leader. We all got cuts doing the moves we did. I got a few things from the small pouch on the side then got up and walked over to him._

 _"Those ledges are dirty...You don't want that to get infected..." I state to him firmly placing the items down then returning to her seat. I watched him stare at me a few seconds before nodding, he put his wrist in his lap under the desk and I assume took care of it himself. I shook my head looking forward again. He was definitely hiding something. That could have been done at the nurse, why didn't he want to go? It was like he was afraid to go._

 **~End Flashback~**

Was...Hiccup hiding his cuts that day? Is that why he didn't want to go to the nurse because she'd see his cuts. Ryder had been cutting on Friday, saying he was going to kill himself that night if someone hadn't changed his mind. Ryder admitted that truthfully to Angel, to me. If...Hiccup was Ryder and had been cutting Friday then Monday morning in Algebra class then those marks would of still been fresh. But when Hiccup cut himself by accident on that ledge...He had acted like he didn't care at all, he almost looked...calm and relieved. I still had no way to prove this unless I saw them myself. But no, maybe I didn't need to see them.

I talked to Ryder last night on the phone and he admitted to wanting to cut himself because he was nervous about the tryouts. Then he decided to call the hotline and talk to me. Ryder...sang 'Would It Matter' to me last night. And I heard the same song playing on Hiccup's phone during lunch. I didn't take him as a Skillet fan but then again, Hiccup kept to himself most of the time. When Ryder sang, I could hear the emotion in his voice and it sounded just like the original artists. And hearing Hiccup today sing Skillet's 'Monster' song...He sounded just like...the artist and he sang it with such emotion too. Like that was how he felt. And that is what Angel rather me had told him the night before. To sing something to explain how he felt.

But I also told Ryder to just sing with his eyes closed, and act like he was the only one in the room. I only saw Hiccup take a breath and close his eyes for part of the song. I was so far partially convinced Ryder was Hiccup or Hiccup was Ryder, that he was hiding behind Ryder so no one knew who he really was. I mean that was fine, I hid behind Angel so people didn't know who I was but that was a safety measure from the hotline. I glanced at Hiccup again. There was something missing, like the last puzzle piece to make the connection. Then it hit me like a pile of bricks.

 **~Flashback~**

 _When lunch ended, Hiccup was up first to throw away his things and exit the room to get to his next class. "He's not social is he?" Ruffnut asked looking at Heather._

 _"Nope, he keeps to himself most of the time. I honestly worry about him...He's been different since mom died..."_

 **~End Flashback~**

That was it. Heather outright said she was worried about Hiccup because he kept to himself and was different since their mother died 3 years ago. Heather said she felt like Hiccup blamed himself for it. It all fit. Ryder said he was a straight A model student, adored by his teachers. That his twin sister loved him. Father loved sister more. Lost his mother. Was a loser in school. Liked to draw, play MMO games with his twin sister, and invent things. Ryder was also an amazing singer. And Hiccup...was a straight A model student. Had his twin sister Heather, who the father clearly loved more. Their mother was dead, Hiccup was regarded as a loser in school but played MMO games with his sister, he sketched good, and made the skin tone earbuds.

Another thing I didn't consider was that after Hiccup hurt himself Monday and didn't show up to school for 3 days was because everyone assumed...he was sick and let it go. They didn't even care. Hiccup did have the stomach bug but still, no one even checked on him those 3 days and Ryder had said people wouldn't care, they'd just assume he was sick and overlook it. But it was his voice. Ryder and Hiccup's voices were the same when they sang and now that she heard Hiccup talking normal she was convinced.

Mr. Bretson called for everyone's attention to give the casting call. "Alright students. I have the casting call right here so pay attention. I'll give the roles for those of you still here. The rest will be posted on the drama room door on Monday. First rehearsal will also be during Monday's class so bring your scripts." Mr Bretson cleared his throat. "Lumiere will be played by Eret Larson. Belle's father, Maurice by Fishlegs Ingerman. Gaston by Dagur Landvik. Lafou by Snotlout Jorgenson. Mrs. Potts by Heather Haddock. Chip by Camicazi Holt. Cogsworth by Tuffnut Thorston. Babette by Ruffnut Thorston." He paused to catch his breath.

"So who is Belle and Beast?" Ruffnut asked.

Mr. Bretson smiled pointing motioning to me. "Belle will be played by Astrid Hofferson..." My eyes widened. I got the lead part? Then Mr. Bretson pointed to Hiccup. "And Beast will by played by Hiccup Haddock." I saw Hiccup's head snap up in shock as everyone gasped looking back at him.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

After my sing number, I watched everyone clap for me and then Heather rush up to hug me telling me what a great job I did. I heard the auditorium doors open and saw our father there looking less than pleased but he relaxed when Heather went to greet him. After the dry greeting I got, Heather asked if we could stay so she could hear the casting call, and dad agreed so we sat down while Mr. Bretson went over everything to decide. Finally around 5pm, he stood to get everyone's attention to say that he'd let the people who were still there the roles he'd assigned. I listened to him get through the other characters, and saw how happy Heather got that she'd received Mrs. Potts.

"Did you hear that dad? I got Mrs. Potts. I love her!" Heather exclaimed.

"I'm very proud of you, Heather. Are we prepared to leave yet?" Stoick had said, 'YES PLEASE' I wanted to yell. Gods I wanted out of here and now.

"Can't we just stay to find out who gets Belle and Beast?" Heather asked. Stoick nodded, and sure enough Ruffnut asked who had those parts. I wasn't really paying attention but I heard that Astrid got the lead as Belle, no surprise there. She'd actually gotten in to character with tears and all, reading without the script the scene we both had to do.

"And Beast will be played by Hiccup Haddock." My head shot up in disbelief and shock while everyone gasped looking back at me. I..was playing as...the Beast in the school play?

"What!?" Dagur, Eret, and Snotlout yelled. I couldn't even remark to it, I was just as shocked at the announcement.

"I won't be hearing it boys. I picked who did the tryout the way I needed to see it. And Hiccup as well Astrid did the best especially seeing the scene done together. My mind is made up and the roles are final unless an understudy is necessary and I have those picked out as well." Mr. Bretson stated.

"Oh come on, Haddock can't even sing. He was singing along to his phone, he can't do it live on his own." Dagur retorted back.

"Are you question my choice, Mr. Landvik? Then I suppose I will prove why I feel Mr. Haddock and Miss. Hofferson are right for the lead parts of Belle and Beast, I always forget the prince's name." Mr. Bretson stated.

"Oh! Hiccup knows it!" Heather yelled out with her hand up. I sunk further in my seat now.

 _'Damn it Heather...Don't volunteer me for shit...'_ I mumble to myself in my head.

"Hiccup, what is the prince's name?" Ruffnut asked now. I sighed.

"Prince Adam." I reply softly.

"A-ha! See, he even knows who the prince is. All the more reason to make him Beast. I picked Astrid and Hiccup as the leads because they preformed the scene perfectly, in character with depth and emotion. Also they managed it without staring at their scripts but if you require further proof then very well. Mr. Haddock. Miss. Hofferson...To the stage please." Mr. Bretson stated motioning with his hand. I groan getting up and moving to the stage, Astrid did the same as we stood about a foot away from one another. "You two have both seen High School Musical 3 yes? The dance between Troy and Gabriella?" Mr. Bretson asked.

"Yes sir." Myself and Astrid answer with a nod.

"Then you know the lyrics if I played just the music of 'Can I Have This Dance', and can do the dance?" I already saw where this was going and I was going to hate it. "Lets see the scene then." Mr. Bretson said. And there it was. He set up the CD player as Astrid and I stepped into position. The last thing I wanted to do right now was make a fool of myself in front of these people, especially because my father was there and Mr. Bretson was trying to prove a point that I didn't even believe.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Oh my Gods! Mr. Bretson wanted Hiccup and I to prove why he gave us the lead roles!? Really? I saw him motion for us to get on stage and apparent now we had to do the dance scene from HSM3 between Troy and Gabriella to 'Can I Have This Dance'. Wonderful. Mr. Bretson got the CD in and the music began as I took a deep breath. I just hoped Hiccup knew it, I didn't want to see him get made fun of if he messed up by accident.

 **{Regular POV}**

Astrid was nervous, and so was Hiccup. Having to prove their place as Beauty and Beast because no one believed Hiccup was capable or worthy of such a position. Astrid began first with her hand out to him as done in the scene. __"Take my hand."__ _She sang smiling. Hiccup took hers now._ _ _"Take a breath."__ _Hiccup did while she smiled._ _ _"Pull me close..."__ _Hiccup pulled her towards him gently,_ _ _"...__ _ _and take one step."__ _Astrid stepped back as Hiccup matched her movements. She put her other hand under his chin so he'd look up at her._ _ _"Keep your eyes locked on mine, and let the music be your guide."__ _She sang while moving Hiccup's right hand to her upper back and he instinctively used his left to hold her right hand up in waltz position. They began to move in sync now._

 _ _"Won't you promise me..."__ Hiccup sang to her as Astrid smiled.

 _ _"Now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget..."__ Astrid overlapped him gently.

 _ _"We'll keep dancing..."__ Hiccup sang over her.

 _ _"To keep dancing..."__ Astrid and him got close again.

 _ _"Wherever we go next."__ They sang together moving on the stage in a waltz like dance, they turned once as Hiccup put his hands on her waist and lifted her, then again after he'd put her down the first time. _ _"It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you. It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do. And with every step together, we just keep on getting better. So can I have this dance?"__ They sang in unison.

 _ _"Can I have this dance?"__ Hiccup sang to her.

 _ _"Can I have this dance..."__ They sang together again. Everyone was honestly a little shocked, Hiccup nailed every position the male was supposed to do in this dance and he managed to hold Astrid without any trough. Heather was giggling like an idiot watching it. She never doubted her brother when it came to dancing or singing.

 _ _"Take my hand, I'll take the lead. And every turn will be safe with me. Don't be afraid, afraid to fall...You know I'll catch you through it all!"__ Hiccup smiled to her as he wrapped his hand around her back and dipped her once in a sway, never even faltering once.

 _ _"And you can't keep us apart..."__ Hiccup pressed his forehead to hers softly.

 _ _"Even a thousand miles, can't keep us apart..."__ Astrid closed her eyes contently as their voices overlapped again.

 _ _"'Cause my heart is..."__ Hiccup pulled her against him.

 _ _"Cause my heart is..."__ Astrid repeated happily.

 _ _"Wherever you are!"__ Hiccup and Astrid sang lovingly to one another.

 _ _"It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you. It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do. And with every step together, we just keep on getting better. So can I have this dance?"__ They moved gently.

 _ _"Can I have this dance?"__ Hiccup twirled her around lightly.

 _ _"Can I have this dance..."__ They smiled gently at one another.

 _ _"Oh no mountains too high enough oceans too wide. 'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop. Let it rain, let it pour. What we have is worth fighting for. You know I believe, that we were meant to be!"__ They sang together happily as Hiccup held her hands and span her around. _ _"It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you. It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do. And with every step together, we just keep on getting better. So can I have this dance?"__ Their voices matched perfectly. It was incredible to see how they moved in sync, never missing a step or beat.

 _ _"Can I have this dance?"__ Hiccup lifted her up and swung her around as she giggled a little when he put her down and they picked up in perfect step.

 _ _"Can I have this dance?...Can I have this dance?...Can I have this dance..."__ They finished together spinning in a circle, the music ended now as Hiccup released her slowly and stepped back.

"I did not...know you could dance like that." Astrid stated panting a bit.

Hiccup shrugged shyly as I caught sight of his wrists. Cut marks. She saw him fix his sleeves but hadn't noticed she was looking at them and he put his hands in his pockets. "M-my mother...taught me." He replied simply. The teacher clapped happily coming on stage. Heather began clapping too, and Hiccup was sure he saw Heather tell their father to clap too so Stoick began as well though he looked less than pleased to be doing it.

"And this is why I picked them to leads. They can sing, dance, and know the script without looking! Now that's all for today. I'll see you all Monday in class for rehearsal." Mr. Bretson smiled wide. A few people grumbled but began to get their things and leave. Hiccup walked off the stage and out with Heather and their father. Astrid got off stage to get her back with one thing on her mind that she was now 100% sure of. Ryder was Hiccup. Rather Hiccup was her caller hiding behind the name Ryder so no one would know who he really was. And now that she knew this truth about Ryder, rather Hiccup now. She didn't know if she could keep being his helper because every time she saw him, she was only going to remember that night when he said how much he wanted to kill himself but every day in school how well he hides how he really feels.


	7. Chat Feature

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

7; Chat Feature.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

"Oh Hiccup, isn't it great?! You get to play the Beast!" Heather exclaimed for what was maybe the 50th time since we'd gotten in the car to leave the school after the casting call was announced. I sighed. Yeah it was great that I was going to be the Beast for a huge school play where I hated even being in a room with more than 20 people. I hated crowds. I don't even know how I made it through the scene, the song, then the singing and dancing with Astrid earlier. Maybe because I knew my father was there and didn't want to disappoint him and the teacher. Mr. Bretson put a lot of faith in me being the lead male as Beast and trusted his decision. I guess I didn't want to let him down.

"Yeah...its great sis." I replied to her as we were eating dinner at the table. Dad had just made grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup, it was simple and easy. Most of dinner was silent, dad going over things from work.

"Daddy, wasn't Hiccup's performance amazing? I told ya he could sing well." Heather giggled, I tensed instantly. Why I had no idea, dad never 'hated' me with her around. He acted like he actually cared, I guess it was better than nothing.

"Yes, he did well. I'll never doubt you again sweetheart." Dad said then went back to his files. "Better study up on those lines then, its a big role."

"Daddy, you heard Mr. Bretson. Hiccup didn't even read the script during his tryout. Hiccup and I know that movie like the back of our hands, right bro?" Heather gleamed. I only nodded finishing my sandwiches, then drink before I got up to clear my area. I saw a few dishes in the sink as Heather came over and dropped her cup in with a smile. I smiled back as I went and got our father's. I decided to just do the dishes and get them out of the way. It was almost 6 and I was supposed to call Angel and tell her how tryouts went. I couldn't call with dad home. It would raise to many questions and being chief of police he could find out where that number belonged.

That was all I needed was for my dad or sister to figure out I was calling a suicide prevention line. I think at that point, I would just wait to be alone and end it for good, avoid the explanation. But I could e-mail her, that was right. I had her e-mail now. Dad couldn't get into my private e-mails...Well he could but wouldn't unless he felt he had too. That's what I'd have to do tonight, e-mail Angel. I began doing the dishes and setting them in the strainer to dry for the night. I'd put them away tomorrow morning as well clean the rest of the house, I also wanted to go outside and see Toothless but with dad home it would be next to impossible.

"Hiccup, take the garbage and recyclables out before you go to your room for the night." My father said. I nodded to him not wanting to argue. I gathered up the garbage bag, then the recyclables one as I headed the garage door, then that door to get to the bins. I put them in quietly then snuck to the edge of the forest, standing there I walked in about 10 steps to be covered by the darkness of the forest. I put my hands to my mouth and let out a howl, it was mine and Toothless's signal to one another to meet up. It took a minute or two but I heard crunching on the leaves, I used my phones flashlight as I saw my friend come forward.

"Hey bud." I greeted him, Toothless panted and sniffed my hand as I put it out for him. He always checked first, he licked my palm and tackled me down licking my face. I couldn't help but laugh, I'd be admitted to a nut house if anyone knew I was best friends with a wild alpha wolf. "Easy, Toothless...I can't be out here for long...Dad is home." I told my friend. Toothless whimpered softly. "I know, but he works late tomorrow night so I'll come back with a steak for ya. Sound good?" I ask as Toothless jumped around with his tongue out and nuzzled his face to my cheek. "I've missed you too. We'll catch up tomorrow, I promise. We can go to our spot." I tell him. Toothless gave curt nod with his head as I pet his head softly.

"HICCUP!" My father's voice boomed, I winced a bit. Toothless growled.

"Its okay bud...I promise he won't hurt me. Go on now. I'll come see you tomorrow before the sun sets." I tell Toothless as I get up from my knees and back up. Toothless darted off into the darkness as I exited the forest and moved in the shadows to beside the house and came out looking as if I was on my phone. "Yeah no problem, Fishlegs. I'll see ya Monday..." I state then put my phone away in my pocket. I saw my father standing there with his hands on his hips.

"Where have ya been, I said take the garbage out not go for a walk." He retorted.

"I-I'm sorry dad. Fishlegs called me...Asked for some help with an assignment because he forgot his book at school..." I lie quickly.

"I said for you and your sister not to wander far at night with that bear on the loose. Its been sighted outside of the forest an in backyards." My father reminded me.

"I'm sorry dad, I was right...by the house. I didn't go near the forest..." I tell him. He grabs my arm and pulls me inside.

"I don't care. I couldn't see you so you were out of the safe zone of the house! Now get upstairs and get your homework done." I nodded as I rushed upstairs and closed my bedroom door. I sat on my bed rubbing my arm. I know my father had a naturally hard grip. He was a big man but that was hard even for him. I pull out my phone and open the e-mail app finding Angel's, I sigh wondering what to say.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I still couldn't believe even now sitting at work that Hiccup was Ryder. I had just ended a call with another person, who seemed to be doing better. She was a regular but her calls were coming in less and less which meant she was either getting help or getting through her depression on her own. Both were fine to me. I clicked my e-mail tab to see if I had anything new, to my dismay I did not. I kept waiting for his number to flash in the regulars list because I'd told him to call after 6 to tell me how the tryouts went, of course I already knew since I was there in person. I loved my job. I loved helping people and just from the two conversations with 'Ryder' alone, I knew he needed help.

The only thing bad about this was that workers weren't supposed to get personal and as it stood...And right now, I would be working with Hiccup the rest of the year on this play. I knew who he really was, and I assumed I was the only one who did. My bosses didn't know and of course given how Hiccup acted in school that Heather or his own father didn't know about his depression and cutting. Technically I was supposed to report something like this. I was aware of the person I spoke with and I knew they were hurting themselves. I was supposed to tell my bosses so they could handle the situation the right way but they would involve the police.

I would feel terrible ratting Hiccup out to his own father who Hiccup has said doesn't care about him and I saw the proof of that today. What did I do here? I couldn't...just stop talking to him. He had chosen to talk to me the second time he called, instead of cutting himself...He chose to call me for help. I even...gave him confidence to sing in front of everyone and he landed the lead role of Beast for the play. I would...feel terrible if I stopped talking to him just because...I knew him from school and he slipped into a farther depression. No...It was my job to help people and it didn't matter who they were. I just...had to keep acting like I didn't know who he was and everything would be fine. Checking her e-mail again after hitting refresh, she saw an e-mail from 'Ryder' or at least that's what she had labeled him as originally. She'd leave that alone.

If my boss walked by checking on us and saw Hiccup there, it might raise signs that I knows him since how many people on Berk were named Hiccup? And also since the hotline worked with the police, they knew the chief was Stoick Haddock who had two kids of his own. Heather and Hiccup Haddock. It would be too obvious. So I'd keep him listed as Ryder. The only thing I didn't know...was if I should tell Hiccup that I'm Angel. I would decide it later, I opened the e-mail and began reading. It was a chat invitation from him? Our system could do instant chats?! I've been working here for almost two years and didn't know that? The boss came in to get out attention, he pointed to the flyer in his hand then the our cubical walls. I noticed the flyer there now offering the chat feature in the system Well that explained a lot.

I shook my head, least this would be easier to work with. I accepted the chat from Hiccup and saw his message to me.

 **- _Ryder:_ **_Hi Angel...Sorry I didn't call. My father is home tonight..._ -

I smiled a bit, I assumed his father clearly didn't know that he called the hotline and was avoiding a fight. I could respect that. Besides, chatting like this might be better. I don't know if I can handle talking to Hiccup voice to voice right now. I was still settling with the fact he was Ryder in the first place.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I'd gone to e-mail Angel when I noticed a new feature on the webpage. A chat feature? That wasn't there this morning, it must be new. When I tapped the link for chat, it turned out to be an app so I filled out my age, and gender. I noticed a check box asking if I wanted to connect with a specific helper. Checking it, it gave me a new box to put in the helpers e-mail. I smiled almost typing in Angel's. After hitting the start chat button, it asked what I wanted my name to appear as so I typed in 'Ryder'. The app changed to a chat screen as I wrote my message to her, _"Hi Angel...Sorry I didn't call. My father is home tonight..."_ I sent it and waited. At first nothing except a automated message saying that the helper had to accept the invitation to chat.

After a minute, I saw an icon at the bottom reading out 'Angel is typing...'. Was it bad I was actually smiling like an idiot right now?

 **- _AngelWings:_ **_Its fine. How are you doing on this fine Friday, Ryder?_ -

 **{Regular POV}**

 **Ryder:** I've been better...

 **AngelWings:** Oh no, did tryouts go badly?

 **Ryder:** Don't worry, your job is safe...They went...great. I got the lead part as Beast in the play.

 **AngelWings:** That's wonderful, Ryder! That's a big part, and an honor to have. Why do seem so hesitant?

 **Ryder:** Because I don't...want to be the main role. I can't...I can't be on that stage in front of...so many people. I barely survived tryouts. The teacher even made me prove why he picked me with another girl from class who will be playing Belle...I'm not...an actor.

 **AngelWings:** Well your teacher must think you'd be perfect for it if he picked you. I'm sure teachers don't just go picking random people for the job, you must of played it the best during tryouts. You should be excited. What scene did you have to use. Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite movies.

 **Ryder:** The end right after Gaston stabs Beast and he's dying on the balcony of the West wing and Belle is saying it will be alright, then begging him not to leave her because she loves him...

 **AngelWings:** Oh such an emotional scene too. Used to make me cry when I watched it as a child...Still does from to time. Well like I said, your teacher must of thought you did it the best. Did he give a reason why?

 **Ryder:** Evidently its because me and the girl playing as Belle can sing, dance, and did our try out scene without looking at the scripts. I did mine off memory. My sister and I know that movie front, back, left, right, up and down. It was one our mom's favorites so it makes us feel closer to her...

 **AngelWings:** Then I'm sure she'd be very proud to see you playing as one of the main characters, Ryder. Are you scared you'll mess up and let everyone down?

 **Ryder:** Yeah...My sister already has dad coming to see it on show night...Which worries me. I've always been his disappointment...I just...don't want to go through with this...I can't.

 **AngelWings:** Ryder, I'm sure you'll do fine. Your teacher said he made you prove why he chose you?

 **Ryder:** The other students got mad that I was chosen so he proved to them why he chose me as Beast. Me and the girl playing Belle had to sing, and dance to "Can I Have This Dance" from HSM-3...My dad was there with my sister...I wanted to throw up...Sorry for the TMI...You said you liked my honesty...

 **AngelWings:** Oh its fine. But you obviously made it through just fine if your teacher still kept you the main role. Why did it make you nervous and want to throw up?

 **Ryder:** Just fear of messing up in front of the teacher or dad...

 **{Astrid's POV}**

The chat was going well, he was opening up to me about how he felt being chosen to play as Beast for the school production. I hadn't known he was so nervous during the whole prove why the teacher chose them as the mains that Hiccup had felt nervousness enough to want to throw up. I was trying to encourage him that it would be okay. I knew he was scared, what worried me was the fact I actually saw his cut marks after the dance we had. He didn't notice I saw them but I did see them and now I couldn't get them out of my head. I had hoped I was just psyching myself out and Ryder now Hiccup hadn't been cutting but I saw the proof and some of those were fresh meaning he'd done them a day or two before hand. Times he couldn't contact her.

I sighed seeing his reply again. _'Fear of messing up in front of the teacher or dad'_. I began to type back to him.

 **-AngelWings:** But you didn't mess up, did you? You got through it and your teacher didn't change his mind right? - I hoped that was the right thing to say to him. I couldn't be letting on that I knew the truth about the whole ordeal.

- _ **Ryder:**_ _Nope, he said it was exceptional and his mind was made up. I think what scares me the most is the kissing scenes...The girl playing Belle is the most popular girl in the senior class, and doesn't even know I exist. I wouldn't put it past her to tell the teacher she can't do the play because she's repulsed by me..._ -

He thought I was repulsed by him? Of course not. And I knew he existed...I would never leave the play just because he was chosen as Beast. Hiccup is actually really good looking, a bit of a twig but other wise he looked good. Dark auburn hair and forest green eyes, I actually got a little memorized earlier when we were dancing together. He was so light on his feet, I felt like I was floating. And he must be a little strong because he was able to pick me up and I weigh a good 115 pounds standing at a whopping 5 foot 4 inches. If I had to take a guess, Hiccup was weighed about 125, maybe 130 pounds and stood around 5 foot 9 inches. He wasn't a great deal taller than me.

I put my fingers back on the keys of my laptop, - **AngelWings:** Oh I'm sure that's not true, Ryder. I bet you are a tall, dark, and handsome guy. Did the girl look repulsed or run away as soon as the dance was over?- What else could I put but that without giving myself away?

- _ **Ryder:**_ _No...but still...And heh, nice guess. I am pretty tall, 5' 9'' with dark auburn hair, and forest green eyes. I'm pale, not dark. I don't know...One of the other guys would have been a better choice...I'm just gonna tell the teacher I can't do it for personal reasons..._ \- I frowned, I kind'a wanted him to stay as Beast. I would refuse to play as Belle if I got stuck with Eret, Dagur, or Snotlout as Beast. I would be repulsed by them. But Hiccup was actually right, the kissing scenes were concerning. This hadn't been yet discussed if they actually had to kiss or make it look like they were. I wouldn't mind kissing Hiccup, he seemed like a sweet guy. I froze now. Did I...really just say I'd be okay with kissing Hiccup? One of my best friend's brother? I shook my head, wouldn't worry about it until we knew for sure. The question was sure to get asked on Monday's rehearsal. Right now I had to reply to him and I knew exactly what to say.

- **AngelWings:** Ryder...You trust me right? Then I want you to do something for me. I can tell you have no self confidence. Doing this play would boost that for you, showing everyone that you did deserve the part and proving everyone that they are wrong about you. Don't back out of the play, you teacher picked you because you fit the categories he was looking for in Beast. Do this for you. And just think, you sort of resemble him. You are always in your room, a slave in your own home. No one accepts you for who you are but...no one gives you a chance either. This is your chance to show everyone who you really are. Just like in the movie when Belle gives herself in her father's place, that is when Beast had the chance to show her he wasn't just a monster. And she accepted him, now you show everyone else that you aren't what they say you are. Prove them wrong and they'll accept you.-

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I stared at the screen after Angel sent back her message to me. _'She wants me to prove them wrong? That this will make them accept me? Would it really though?'_ I thought sighing. I guess it couldn't hurt. I did make it through the singing, and dancing with Astrid regardless of my fear. I could do it right? I return my hands to my phone.

- **Ryder:** Okay fine...I won't back out of the play...- There, I'd said it. I'd do the play. Couldn't back out now, well I could but then I'd feel like a liar to Angel and I didn't want to do that when she was trying so hard to help me.

- _ **AngelWings:**_ _See, already got some of your confidence back. So tell me more about tryouts, I'm genuinely curious now. :)_ -

I began to tell her everything about tryouts but obviously leaving out names. We talked for hours in that chat, it was almost 10pm when my dad came up the stairs to remind me to go to bed if I was done with homework. I said my goodbye to Angel and told her I hoped we could talk tomorrow now that we could chat and that would be easier than calling although I did like hearing her voice. It was comforting to me, I could hear the sincerity in her voice. Tomorrow though, I was hanging with Toothless for a while since Heather was going to Ruffnut's for a sleepover. It was going to be a good night.


	8. Darker Side

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

8; Darker Side.

 **{Regular POV}**

Friday night had interesting to say the least. Hiccup ended up going to bed around 9:45pm or so because his father had come upstairs and saw his light still on. Hiccup of course, apologized saying he was helping Fishlegs with something for Science this time. Hiccup didn't like lying to his dad but he also couldn't explain to his father that he was secretly talking to a helper from the Not Alone Crisis Hotline through chat. That would be awkward to get out. He only imagined having to tell his father that the reason this started was because he wanted to slit his wrists and bleed out on the floor. Hiccup just told his father that he'd talk to Fishlegs tomorrow and go to bed since he was tired himself. Stoick seemed content with the answer and left the room. Hiccup turned off his light after his father shut the door but then he picked his phone back up to say goodbye to Angel.

Astrid on the other hand, worked the rest of her shift and went home. Her mind on Hiccup, it was hard to talk to him so casually when all she wanted to do was hug him tightly and tell him everything would be okay. But she had to stay neutral as it were, a third party observer who only listened and offered advice. What more could she do, after getting home around 10:20pm she relaxed on her bed. The last thing she got was a text from her boss, rather an e-mail to all workers that the building would be closed tomorrow for a system upgrade and all callers would be taken by the bosses themselves. A freaking miracle too, because Ruffnut had wanted her to come to her sleepover and originally she couldn't because she had work. After getting a snack and drink, Astrid went to sleep. It had been a very long day for her.

The next morning seemed to come faster than anyone anticipated. Hiccup was up around 6:30am in a decent mood for once. He showered, and got dressed. Today was Saturday, Heather would be going to Ruffnut's around 11am, and their father to work at 8am. Then Hiccup would have the day to himself, well that wasn't true. He'd be in the forest with Toothless. He couldn't wait. Hiccup rushed down the stairs seeing his father at the table drinking coffee and Heather came down right behind Hiccup. "Morning big brother. Hi daddy." Heather greeted the two males.

"Morning Heather." Hiccup replied.

"Morning princess, morning Hiccup." Stoick said now sipping his coffee and reading his paper as always. Hiccup got out the things to make breakfast. Mainly the eggs, butter, bread, and sausage links. Then get got the pans, whisk, tongs, and bowl to mix the eggs in. Hiccup worked on the sausage links first while also running the toaster for toast. When that was done after 8 minutes, Hiccup started the eggs. 3 fried for his father, then 2 scrambled with cheddar cheese for Heather. It was their usual. Hiccup on the other hand only ate 1 fried egg in a sandwich. As he finished breakfast he served his father first, then Heather and got his sister a glass of apple juice before he finally sat down to eat with a cup of milk.

Breakfast was mostly silent, Heather was texting Ruffnut about the sleep over. "Heather, what time are you going to Ruffnut's?" Stoick asked.

"She said I can come anytime after 11, daddy." Heather replied.

"Hiccup, take your sister when she's ready to go." Stoick stated.

"Of course dad." Hiccup nodded once continuing to eat. He finished fast then began to work on the dishes, then clean the stove off. Hiccup wanted to get everything done early so he'd have more time with his friend. Heather didn't have her license yet, she failed her road test because she got nervous with the instructor. She was eligible to re-take it in 6 months though, Hiccup had his. He passed with a 100 as expected. Had he scored lower, his father would have his head.

Hiccup finished dishes, swept the floor, and wiped the table. When it was done he checked his phone, nothing from Angel. He wondered what she did if she wasn't at work, not that it should make him curious because she was...just his helper, right?

(Few Hours Later)

Stoick had left for work at 7:45 as expected and Heather was packing her things already. Hiccup was in his room cleaning it up a bit by making the bed and putting away his laundry. He'd fold everything of his and his fathers but not fold Heather's for obvious reasons. Hiccup would put his father's folded clothes in the basket and leave it on his bed for him. Same with Heather's only they weren't folded. Hiccup would just fold and put his away as he went. When everyone was cleaned he plopped on his bed sighing out and reading over the script of the play. He did know it but it never hurt to go over things anyway. He was nervous about the kissing scenes, there was only one really. At the end after the scene where Beast transforms back to human. And the end again right before another quick dancing scene.

He'd have to kiss Astrid, one of the most popular girls in school and captain of the cheer squad. Wonderful. That on top of the fact that Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur didn't think he deserved the part of Beast and he assumed that was because they all wanted a chance with Astrid and she always turned them down but they'd been pining for her since the 8th grade. No one actually knew Astrid's type, they'd never seen her with a guy. For a while the rumor floated around she was a lesbian but she shut that down pretty fast, like within the hour of it starting. Had been a pretty interesting day too.

"Hiccup!" Heather called to him, he got off his bed and opened the door.

"What's up?" He greeted.

"Ruff said I could come now...Will you take me?" Heather asked gently.

"Sure. Got your things?" Heather nodded, Hiccup smiled. "Get in the car, I'll be right there." Hiccup told her. She rushed off. When Hiccup passed his road test, one of the nicer things his father did was give him his mother's car and registered it to him, as well pay the insurance as long as Hiccup kept his grades up. Small price to pay for freedom, if it could be called that. Hiccup got his wallet, then keys. He slipped on his shoes and headed out the door to the garage where Heather was already inside and buckled.

Hiccup got in and buckled himself starting it up then headed out. The ride was mostly quiet, "So what are you gonna do by your lonesome?" Heather questioned.

"I dunno. Read the script more, play Dragon Souls a bit, take a nap." Hiccup shrugged slightly.

"I have my laptop maybe I'll meet you online then. You sure you don't want to hang a bit with us? Tuffnut will be there, and Fishlegs too?" Heather offered.

"Nah, you girls have fun. Ruff's parents are there right? You know dad doesn't like you being where there are guys other than Tuffnut." Hiccup reminded.

"Yes the parents are there...Relax, Hiccup. I'll be fine. You know I'll call if something bad happens." Heather smiled, Hiccup nodded now satisfied with the answer he'd gotten. He turned onto Tuffnut and Ruffnut's street, then into the driveway. Heather got out with her bag and smiled at Hiccup.

"Be safe, Heather. I'm 5 minutes away..." Hiccup told her. Heather nodded as she headed inside to Ruffnut's as Hiccup went to back out when he heard someone tap on the window, glancing over he saw Astrid there.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

My mother just dropped me off at Ruffnut's place when I saw Hiccup dropping off Heather too. I wondered if he was okay, he seemed to be. Maybe I could make him feel better about the play. He'd told 'Angel' that he was sure the girl playing as Belle was repulsed to be stuck with him for the entire duration of the play. This wasn't true, I didn't mind at all. Hiccup was a good guy, much better than Snotlout, Eret, or Dagur. I walked over after my mom drove off and tapped on his car window, he looked a me a little shocked. I smiled softly as he rolled his window down.

"Hi...Astrid." Hiccup said to me.

"Hey Hiccup...I uh...I just wanted to let you know that I'm...really looking forward to do this play." I tell him.

He arched a brow my way now, I expected such a reaction. "I'm sure you would of preferred someone else playing as Beast...I can...tell Mr. Bretson that I can't do it...I'm not a big fan of stages...or crowds." He replied bashfully.

"No no. Its fine, Hiccup. Honestly your...personality better suits the role anyway. Heather says yours quiet and keep to yourself but you're caring and gentle too." I say as he blinks a little surprised at me. "We...have a lot of scenes together so maybe we can meet up and practice our lines together outside of school?" I offer. Thought I don't know why. I worked most of the time after school. I suppose I offered it because I wanted to get closer to him, get a better feel for his depression. I know I'm not supposed to but as far as work could assume was that Hiccup was just a close classmate of mine going through a hard time and needed a friend.

"Yeah...Maybe. I better get home...See ya around, Astrid." Hiccup told me. I backed up from his car as he backed up and drove off. I frowned a bit, yeah. This was going to be hard. Hiccup was in what was referred to as the 'isolation' stage. Where he avoided confrontation, and was constantly nervous or unsure. A hard stage to crack, also that he hid how he really felt behind a mask, even harder to break through. I adjusted my back with a sigh.

"Astrid, get your butt in here!" Ruffnut called to me. I turn and see Heather and Ruffnut at the front door, I went over to join them inside.

"What were you talking to Hiccup about?" Heather blinked.

"Just letting him know if he wanted to work on our scenes outside of school, we could." I shrugged. It wasn't a lie, not exactly at least. I followed the girls in as we went to Ruffnut's room and started having fun with talking about the play or whatever else came to mind.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Reaching home I parked and shut off the car. Finally, I was by myself. I didn't bother going back in the house, I went to the outside fridge and got a few things. Banana, apple, yogurt, then about 15 steaks. Toothless's pack all together with him was about 15 members. Toothless was alpha, then his mate who I named Stormfly. The two of them had about 5 pups together. 3 of those pups were older and 2 had mates of their own with pups. I named all of them just because I could. And Toothless didn't seem to mind. Toothless was all black with some lighter fur patches. Stormfly was reddish-brown and almost yellow eyes. Their 5 pups were all combinations of gray, black, brown, white and dark red that looked brown but in the sun you could tell it wasn't.

The 3 older pups consisted of 2 males and 1 female. I named them Fang, Skullcrusher, and Cloud. Then the two younger pups were a male and female who I named Shadow and Snowbell. Fang had a mate who I named Windshear, and they had 2 male pups named Scar and Simba. Yes I named them off the disney movie, The Lion King. Couldn't help it, the colors fit so I went with it. Then Cloud had a mate too, he was called Howler and they had 3 pups; 2 girls and a boy named Rain, Sapphire, and Hunter. Then I believe there was one wolf that didn't belong by blood relation and I named her Val after my mother, Valka because she was all brown with green eyes just like my mom. And then there was me, Hiccup. Honorary pack member or at least accepted among them. Sad that a wolf pack accepted me over my own kind. Oh well.

I stuffed the food in a plastic bag then grabbed two water bottles for myself. I also got my sketch book, pencils, and colored pencils before heading out back to the edge of the forest. Finally, time where I could just be me. Heather was busy at the sleep over, and dad would be at the station almost all day. Thankfully it was only 10:30am right now. I'd have all day until dark to hang with my pack. And no I don't care that I just called the pack mine, I was a part of it so why deny it. I moved inside the forest about a mile in before putting my hand to my mouth and letting out a howl to let Toothless know I was there. I moved in a bit more sitting on a log to wait for him. After about 10 minutes I heard a return howl and crunching behind me, I smiled.

As always, the large black wolf approached me slowly as I put my hand out to him. He sniffed it then licked my palm contently with a purr as I scratched the side of his face, he turned his head at gave an approval growl as the others from the pack came out. The pups as usual tackled me down licking me, it always made me laugh. The parent wolves of those pups would all come over to lick my cheek or hand, nuzzling against me. These wolves were big too, like I could ride on Toothless without hurting him. I've done it before, it was actually amazing. Toothless was scary levels of fast with me on him, faster without. I chuckled as Toothless ordered them off me so I could get up. "Hey bud...See just like I promised. Ready to go to our spot, I brought snacks for the pack." I smile.

Toothless purred nuzzling my face as he turned to let me on his back, I now understanding what he was saying. It was weird that I could. I understood his expressions, or noises. I got on his his back and held his neck fur as he gave a howl and we bolted farther into the forest to the spot we called ours. An open area that overlooked the ocean, big enough for all of us and incredibly relaxing. If it was safe too, I would live out here with the pack. Its one of the only places I felt totally at peace. We arrived not more than 10 minutes later and I got off. Going in the bag I handed all of the wolves a steak as I sat down in the grass enjoying the apple. I laid back closing my eyes to relax. For once, a perfect day. No hateful father, no school, no bullies. Just peace and quiet with my friends.

(8pm)

I opened my eyes a bit, I noticed it was almost dark. The sun was setting, I felt Toothless behind my purring. I saw him laying on his front paws, had I fallen asleep? The pack was around me. I smiled. Was it bad that I felt more at home here than with my own family? Sighing I checked my phone. I needed to get back, dad would be checking in soon. "Hey Toothless, I gotta get back to the house..." I tell him petting his head. He lifted it with a whine. "I know...I'm sorry but you know dad doesn't want me out here past dark because of the bear..." I sigh. Toothless gave a nod to affirm what I said. Obviously he knew about it too. Toothless sent the other wolves of the pack back to their area, further in the forest while I got on his back again and he rushed me through the forest back to my house.

Reaching it, I rubbed his head. "See you tomorrow bud." He licked my face and darted back into the forest. I threw away my bag which had the core, peel, and container from my snacks. I hid my notebook and pencils away, just as I was about to enter the house however, my phone began to ring. _'Must be dad...'_ I thought pulling it from my pocket to see who was calling. First thing I saw was a picture of Heather smiling with her tongue out at me, her contact ID photo, then the name 'Lil Sis' at the top. _'Why would she be calling me?'_ I wonder as I answered the call now.

"Heather?" I ask.

" _Hiccup?...Can you come get me?" Heather asks softly._ I instantly panic. Why would she need me to come get her. She'd been raving about the sleepover all week. I pulled the keys to the car from my pocket and got in the drivers side.

"I'm on my way. What happened?" I state firmly starting the car.

" _A lot...Just get here." Heather says._ I didn't like this at all. I get out of the garage and head down the street to get to the Thorston residency, thankfully it wasn't a far drive. I parked along the sidewalk and got out of the car after shutting it off, walking to the front door I heard loud music. I knocked and waited for an answer. The person to answer the Tuffnut.

"Uh, no one invited you." He stated, I rolled my eyes.

"I was asked to come by my sister. Where is she, Tuffnut?" I ask not wanting the deal with these idiots longer than necessary.

"Having a good time, duh." Tuffnut says. Now I begin to get frustrated, why would Heather call me to come get her if she was having fun.

"Tuff, who is at the door?" I hear Eret's voice now. Why were they all there?!

"It's Haddock, well the loser one." Tuffnut said. I've had enough, Heather called me to get her which meant something was wrong. I didn't see any other cars besides Dagur's and Snotlout's. When I had dropped Heather off, The Thorston Twin's parents were home. I push Tuffnut out of the way and walk in to the house, immediately on the right I see Ruffnut sitting in Eret's lap. Astrid was sitting on the couch next to Fishlegs, Dagur was by the stereo, Snotlout was...no where to be found but I knew he was there because his car was. I didn't see my sister and that made me worry.

"Shut up. Where is Heather?" I ask firmer.

"In the bedroom." Ruffnut chimes in pointing down the hall. As I walked down the hall, I heard it.

"No! I don't want you! Leave me alone...GET OFF ME, SNOTLOUT!" My eyes widen, that was Heather's voice. I heard it come from a door on the left and opened it quickly to see Heather on the bed trying to get Snotlout off of her, she looked terrified and that was all I needed to snap. I grabbed Snotlout by the waistband of his pants and collar of his shirt, the ripped him off Heather. I only pulled him off and shoved him back into the wall, I could tell he was intoxicated by how sluggish he moved in trying to recover.

"Y-You're...gonna...p-pay for...that...Had-Haddock..." Snotlout coughed getting to his feet. I heard that the music stopped out in the other room and foot steps coming down the hall now.

"Oh my Gods, Heather...What happened?!" I heard Astrid gasp, this got me to relax a little. I turned to look back at Heather now, she was slowly making her way to a sit up position and breathing heavily, clearly frightened by Snotlout's actions. I could see now her shirt had been undone, ripped and her bra showing. This actually made me angrier, that idiot was trying to take advantage of my sister. I wasn't having it. But I needed to take care of Heather first, I unzipped my outer sweater and shrugged it off my shoulders.

"Heather, put that on and tell me what happened in here?" I tell her. Heather took my sweater as my eyes stayed on Snotlout's form.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I had no idea when things got so out of control. First it was just Ruffnut, Heather and I talking about the play. Fishlegs came over and that was fine too. Then Ruffnut and Tuffnut's parents left for something at 6:30pm. After they were gone Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout showed up. I was going to leave, this wasn't supposed to be a party but when Ruffnut got tipsy I couldn't leave. I just declined drinking but stayed to watch. Heather hadn't had anything either, she actually said she didn't feel good and was going to lay down around 7:50. She went to Ruffnut's room to lay down. At this point everyone but Heather, Fishlegs, and myself were drunk. I wanted to leave but I didn't want leave Heather alone there so I'd tough it out.

I was sitting with Fishlegs talking about some of his ideas for the scenes of the play when there was a knock on the door. Tuffnut went to answer it, through the music I swore I heard Hiccup's voice. That assumption was confirmed when Eret asked who had come, Tuffnut replied with referring to Hiccup as the Haddock loser. I hated that they called him that. Hiccup wasn't at all a loser, not to me at least. Before I realized it, Hiccup said that Heather asked him to come and pushed Tuffnut out of the way and came in looking for Heather. She was in the bedroom sleeping, why had he come and acting so worried. She was okay.

Ruffnut motioned down the hall where the bedrooms were to tell him where she was. I saw Hiccup head down the hall, maybe Heather messaged him to say she wasn't feeling well and he came to check on her? That was sweet of him. Then we all heard Heather scream for Snotlout to get off her. My eyes widened, that's where Snotlout went! Down the hall, how could I of not seen it coming. Snotlout has had a thing for Heather for as long as I could remember. I was about to get up to go held when we all heard a loud crash, Dagur cut the music and we heard Snotlout say that Hiccup would pay for whatever he did.

At this we all got up and rushed down the hall, I pushed my way to see inside the room. I saw Heather sitting up on the bed, her shirt torn open revealing her in her bra. She was terrified too. "Oh my Gods. Heather...What happened?!" I asked quickly in fear. I watched Hiccup look at his sister now, his eyes had softened seeing the state she was in then he took off his sweater and gave it to her to cover up with. That was nice of him. I saw now that Hiccup was anything but weak. He was wearing a white under armor shirt, the type that sports players wore to block the cold wind while playing. Hiccup was pretty big up top, I could see his lean figure but also the muscles there. They weren't big, but they were definitely there.

"I—I had...called you because I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home. I thought I'd lay down until you got here...Sn-Snotlout came in asking if I was okay. I told him I was waiting for you, he told he'd keep me company. He tried to kiss me but I moved away...He held my wrist down and tried again, I pulled away and he just...pinned me. He told me...he wanted me and to stop fighting him, to give in to me secret desires...He ripped my shirt open...I begged him to stop...and then you came and pulled him off me..." Heather explained shakily to Hiccup.

Hiccup said nothing at first, his eyes turning a glare on Snotlout almost. I'd never seen such a look in his eyes before. "Astrid. Will you take my sister to the couch please..." I heard Hiccup asked me, I nodded to him as I escorted Heather to the couch hoping to calm her down. Fishlegs got her a cup of water to help her calm down. "Fishlegs. Call the police, tell them your calling on behalf of his children and need to speak to chief Stoick Haddock. When you get him, tell him what Heather told me about what happened also that there is no adult supervision at a party where alcohol is being given to minors." I'd never heard Hiccup hold such a cold tone before.

As soon as Fishlegs nodded, Hiccup grabbed Snotlout's collar and picked him up pushing him into the wall. Hiccup punched him tight in the face, threw him into the hallway. Snotlout got up and tried to punch Hiccup but being Hiccup wasn't drunk it was an easy dodge. Hiccup ducked, elbowed Snotlout in the stomach then forced him into the wall hard using both hands with a dark glare. "If you ever...touch my sister again, Snotlout...I swear to Odin I will put you in the hospital on life support...Is that clear or do I need to repeat myself?" Hiccup growled out. Snotlout almost in fear shook his to Hiccup who then dropped him.

I couldn't believe what I just saw. Hiccup handed Snotlout's ass to him on a silver platter in a matter of 3 minutes, and threatened him. I saw Hiccup go over to Heather as she laid against his shoulder and he put his arms around her comfortingly as she whimpered sadly. Eret and Dagur tried to sneak away. "Sit. Down." Hiccup ordered them. They didn't dare test him right now. Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout sat down on the couch, Fishlegs standing by the door. Ruffnut sitting other side of Heather rubbing her back and I just stood there trying to process what the hell just happened. I never...knew Hiccup could fight or get so mean. What I saw tonight was a completely different side of him that I never expected.

After 7 minutes, "The police are here..." Fishlegs announced. Hiccup knew he'd get hell for this but he didn't care. He'd take grounded for life over his sister being taken advantage of. Stoick came through first with 3 other officers. I saw Stoick looking pissed with his hands on his hips.

"What is going on here..." Stoick asked as calm as he could.

"It was...just supposed to be a sleep over chief...Between Ruffnut, Heather, and myself. Tuffnut had Fishlegs over...Then the Thorsten parents left. These three showed up with alcohol...Fishlegs, myself, and Heather didn't drink at all. Heather said she didn't feel good and went to lay down. She called Hiccup to come get her, while waiting...Snotlout tried...to take advantage of her. Hiccup came in and got him off her...We've...just been sitting here waiting for police." I explained seeing no one else would step up to admit what happened.

"What happened to him?" Asked on of the other officers motioning to Snotlout.

"Hiccup did it...I was only trying to see if Heather was alright." Snotlout said quickly. Stoick's glare turned on Hiccup now.

"I never thought I'd have to arrest my own son. Hiccup you know better." Stoick grumbled.

"Daddy! Hiccup was protecting me. Snotlout is lying to you, he's drunk. All of them are except me, Hiccup, Astrid, and Fishlegs...Hiccup came in when I screamed for help...He tore Snotlout off me and was defending me..." Heather said quickly as she got up and Stoick was able to see Hiccup's sweater covering the ripped shirt now. Stoick sighed heavily.

"Hiccup, take your sister home. I'll finish up here..." Stoick said. Hiccup nodded leading Heather out to the car and drove her home. The rest of us had to stay and give statements, our parents were notified of course. Last I saw, the only ones in real trouble were whoever supplied the alcohol, Snotlout for attempted rape, and the Thorston's for leaving minors unattended. I went home with my parents and wondered if Hiccup would end up messaging me because of all this. Stoick outright said he would arrest Hiccup until Heather jumped in. It had shocked me that Stoick would move so quick to arrest his own son. Once I was home, I showered and relaxed in bed. It had been a long night and I was exhausted. All I knew was Hiccup had a darker side to him, and I never wanted to see it again after tonight.


	9. Rehearsals

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

9; Rehearsals.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

After taking Heather home from Ruffnut's, everything was crazy. As soon as I had Heather in the car she broke down over what Snotlout tried to do. I did what I could to comfort her although once the anger had faded I was feeling pretty shitty about beating up an intoxicated person. I know I didn't do much to him, just enough to get the point across but still. It didn't make me feel good about myself. Once home, Heather took a shower and went right to bed. I sat on my bed waiting for my father to get home, that was sure to be interesting. Surprisingly enough, when my father got home. I didn't get scolded. He just calmly told me not to fight again, also he shocked me by thanking me for getting to Heather so quickly and protecting her.

Of course is shocked me. My father had never thanked me for anything and here he was thanking me now. I assumed however it was only due to the fact I protected his favorite child, my sister. After he left the room I pondered a while if I should message Angel and tell her the fun night I had. I decided against it, it was already almost 9:30 and I was beat. So I went to sleep.

The next morning came with more fun from the night before as Heather informed our father that she didn't want to press charges on Snotlout because he was drunk and probably unaware what he was doing and blinded by his desire to want to date her. Stoick hadn't agreed but also he couldn't make the call so the charge was dropped. Dad stayed home from work that day to make sure Heather was okay and I spent my time in my room talking to Angel about what happened, she told me she didn't blame me for snapping on the guy. I never gave names, just said it was one of my main bullies at school. She and I talked for hours that day, and I played Dragon Souls on my desktop computer. I didn't have a laptop though once I got a job, I planned to save for one.

I never told Angel but I had been cutting a little early Sunday morning, I was so mad that I'd lost control on Snotlout. I wasn't one to fight a lot, I hated it in fact but when he almost raped my sister...I just saw red and snapped. My hands still hurt from hitting him so hard. Snotlout was built, he weighed about 215 and a good portion of that was muscle with him being on the football team. My depression even with Angel to talk too was still bad, she only offered a slight distraction when she was available. When she wasn't and I was left to my own thoughts, the urges to cut in order to release pain were stronger and I didn't fight them. Now we were back to Monday, first day back to school since the issue at the Thorston's and the first day of rehearsals. Wonderful.

I did the same thing I always did in the morning. Got up, showered, made breakfast, cleaned that up and got on the bus to go to school. I knew I could drive if I wanted too but the requirements for the parking pass into the senior lot were awful. Had to be a straight A student, not that it was a problem for me. But also had to pay $40 a month for the spot, that was a rip off and I wasn't asking dad for it. It was easier to take the bus, saved gas in the long run. So whatever, besides...I didn't trust the other seniors to leave my car alone, given it was my mothers...if anything happened to it, I might lose it for good.

On the bus, Heather sat with me. Apparently, Snotlout got his car taken away for what he did so now we rode with him and Eret on the bus. I knew Heather was still scared, but she didn't want to just live in fear so she'd face it with me I guess. I know I warned Snotlout not to touch her again but that didn't mean he was gonna stop, he'd probably take his anger out on me. That was fine, I could take it. If it meant Heather was safe. My father had thanked me for doing that, I did something right for once in the last 3 years so I guess I'd keep doing that until graduation. When I got to school, I took Heather to her locker first then my own before we went to Algebra first period. It was going to be a long day of glaring and I knew that because every chance given and I was looking, I was being glared at by Snotlout, Eret, and Dagur.

The day went on slowly, it dragged on actually. I was bruised on my arms, and shoulders from Dagur's little group of friends shoving me into lockers or walls reminding me how much trouble I apparently got them in on Saturday. I just took it and kept going. I hated it, Gods I just hated it so damn much. Heading to last period, the teacher informed us that he was staying after if any of us wanted to stay to work on props. I didn't. I wanted to be out of this place. Since I knew my lines, I elected to help work on props and stage stuff. I had my headphones in listening to my phone as I decided to work drawing out the different rooms of the castle for the set since once again...Heather volunteered me for shit.

I had a big sheet of paper sprawled out on the stage, I was drawing off memory then once that was done...I had permission to use wood shop to cut out the wooden pieces that would connect on stage also it'd be placed in order of the play scenes. It would be a lot of work but we had 4 months of school left so more than enough time for me at least. I sat back on my knees and twirled my wrist around, trying to draw so much was killing it but I'd press on. After 25 minutes I had to take a break, I went to get a drink from the fountain.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I was impressed to see how well Hiccup drew. He took it on himself to draw the scenes for the set, and figured out how set things up so it'd flow without much hassle for the night of the play. He was really good at a lot of things, I still never understood how he could of wanted to end his life that night I met him as Ryder. I was working on costumes with Heather and Ruffnut. Hiccup had said he'd do his own, we didn't argue with him. I saw him get up to take a break, I wanted to ask if he was okay but he had his headphones in. When he returned to the stage, I heard the music he was listening too and got concerned. I knew the song. Blaine Larson's 'How Do You Get That Lonely". It was a song about someone committing suicide and everyone wondering why.

I actually stopped what I was doing when I heard him start singing softly. "They said he was only 18...A boy about my age. They found him face down on his bedroom floor..." I frowned listening to him. I couldn't hear a lot so I moved closer, I wanted to hear his tone because I could tell how depressed he sounded. He hummed more of it, did he not realize he was singing?

"Did his girlfriend break up with him? Did he buy or steal that gun? Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?..." She was shaking slightly, I saw him put his hand over his wrist and draw his sleeve back a bit. That's when I saw the fresh cuts and wanted to yell at him. He was still cutting? Those were...a day old. That means he did it last night, he talked to me yesterday. Why was...he still cutting. "Did his mom and daddy forget, to say I love you son...Did no one see the writing on the wall? I'm not blaming anybody, we all do the best we can. I know hindsight 20/20 but I still don't understand..." By now Heather and Ruffnut noticed he was singing too.

"How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad? To make you make the call that having no life at all is better than the life that you had. How do you feel so empty, that you wanna let it all go...How do you get that lonely...And nobody knows..." I saw him sigh as Heather went over to him and hugged him tightly from behind. He pulled his headphones out as I watched. Did Heather know he was depressed?

"Are you okay, Hiccup?" Heather asked him.

"I'm fine, Heather. Just working on the set pieces and listening to music." I heard him reply. Heather knew something was wrong, I could see it in her eyes.

"Hiccup...I say this because I love you...You've been...really off since...mom died. I'm worried about you always spending all the time by yourself in your room..." Heather said, I sighed in relief a bit. Maybe Heather did pick on it.

"Heather, we've been over this alright?" My eyes widened a bit. His tone changed so quickly, "Yeah, I miss her. I'm fine otherwise." Hiccup had just snapped at his own sister. He really didn't want her to know.

"I'm...sorry. I just...want you to be okay. I don't know what I'd do without you...You know that...you can talk to me if you ever feel down right?" Heather offered.

"Yes. I do know...I got work to do sis. So do you...I'll see you when class is over." I couldn't believe it, Hiccup straight up just lied to his sister about his depression. I had to do something but I didn't know what. Yes I was Angel but what did I do next time he called? Call him out on his cutting and lying? He'd know it was me and honestly I think that might make it worse for him to know Angel has been me this whole time. I was at a loss of what to do.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I hadn't meant to snap at her but my depression wasn't her fault or her problem. It was mine so I'd deal with it. I wanted to tell her that the day I get that low she'll know because I'll be dead but that would give to much away. This was my problem, I know I wanted to die. The feeling never went away but hearing Heather said she didn't know what she'd do if I was gone scared me. I know it would hurt her but at the same time...It hurt me to keep living this life. The endless hate from my father, the bullying in school...Even now. I finally stood up for something, and I was getting bullied worse because I saved my sister. There was no way out of it except no longer breathing.

 _'I wonder if...Angel is on the chat right now...'_ I went to pull out my phone but stopped. No. I couldn't bother her. I'd already admitted to myself that Angel was only a distraction. The desire to kill myself never stopped and as soon as I was alone, the desire grew. I put my phone away. I wouldn't call her, or message her. I couldn't. I had to either deal with this alone or let it end me. Angel was...just a temporary fix to a forever broken problem. And I was the broken problem. I looked down at the set I was working on. The castle from the opening scene where it explains how Prince Adam was turned into the Beast, and the castle enchanted. I had the outline drawn, now to color it. That could take a while...unless I painted it. I got up and went to talk to Mr. Bretson about it.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I had seen Hiccup take his phone out and hesitate on doing anything further. _"Was he...going to message me?'_ I asked wondering if Hiccup was going to try and chat with Angel. I watched him end up putting his phone away and I got upset. I know he's depressed, I can literally see it with my own eyes but I can't make a move because he'll figure out who I really am. _'Damn it Hiccup...Swallow your pride and message me. I want to help you.'_ I thought. I did want too. I didn't care how personal or how close I was anymore. This was the job I wanted, helping people not be depressed and hate their lives. One of my best friend's brother was miserable, hiding it well, but clearly still falling into harming himself. And I know that cutting can only hold for so long before someone just can't take it anymore.

I needed to get through to Hiccup before the point hit. Something, anything would do. I know I could tell him who I really was but that might make him angrier and prone to do something rash. He attacked Snotlout without a second thought on Saturday in a fit of rage. Hiccup finding out I'm Angel could be far worse. And I just couldn't take that chance. I watched him talk with Mr. Bretson, maybe I could find another way to distract him using the play. Hiccup had been nervous about the two kissing scenes, I could use that. We'd need time to work on that, rehearse it even. I made my way over to Mr. Bretson. "Excuse me." I said quickly.

"One moment, Astrid. I'm speaking with Hiccup about the set." Mr. Bretson dismissed me. I huffed almost but waited, after two minutes, Hiccup was about to leave when I jumped in. "Hold up, Hiccup. What I'm asking Mr. Bretson about involves you too..." Thankfully, Hiccup stopped and waited.

"Alright, Astrid. Go ahead..." Mr. Bretson replied nodding.

"I know...that me and Hiccup having...the Belle and Beast parts mean we have a lot of interaction. It...slipped my mind that there are two...kissing scenes between the characters...I was just curious how...that was gonna go?" I asked, I saw Hiccup tense up a bit. It had been a legitimate question too, I was curious since the day Hiccup mentioned it in the chat to me. And reading through the script on Sunday, I remembered the two kissing scene that Belle and Beast share.

"Hm. I see your concern. Well in most plays, I cast the rolls to people who can perform the action needed. Is there...any reason either of you cannot share two simple kisses. Lover, or religion perhaps?" Mr. Bretson asked.

"Not for me no..." I state, now our eyes fell on Hiccup.

"I-I guess not for...me either...But they aren't...simple kisses, Mr. Bretson..." Hiccup replied pulling out his phone and pulling up end of the movie on youtube. It played through the kiss after the transformation, then again right before credits. "I'm more concerned if the school and parents will be okay with this? Those are passionate, long kisses that hold for 5 seconds or longer and two of them. The school code doesn't even like students sharing a peck on the cheek." He had a point.

"Let me speak to Mr. Treachor and see what he wants to do. You two come with me." Mr. Bretson stated, with that Hiccup and I followed him to the office to speak to the principal. Alvin Treachor. He was a big guy and looked like he could kill but he was otherwise a big softy. Mr. Bretson knocked on the door and we were let inside, immediately told to take a seat in the chairs provided. After a moment, Alvin hung up the phone and faced them with his hands folded on the desk.

"Hiccup Haddock and Astrid Hofferson in my office? My two best students of Berk High School? Mr. Bretson, they had to of killed someone in order to be brought here." Alvin stated a little shocked seeing them there. I blinked and Hiccup stiffened, the principal thought we'd done something to get into trouble? Oi vey. I wanted to face-palm so badly right now.

"No no sir. Oh Thor no. They aren't in trouble, we were going over the script since Hiccup is playing Beast and Astrid playing as Belle. As you know with the story, these two share quite a bit of scenes together. However Miss. Hofferson brought to my attention the two kissing scenes, and Mr. Haddock showed me from the original movie that these two kisses are...well again school policy so we wanted to check with you first." Mr. Bretson explained.

"How did you show him, Hiccup?" Alvin asked. Hiccup pulled out his phone and restarted the video from before, showing Alvin now the same thing as he'd showed the drama arts teacher. After it was over, Hiccup put his phone away as Alvin sat back thinking on it.

"Will either of your parents mind? The play is performed after school hours so technically its not on my time." Alvin asked.

"My dad won't care." Hiccup stated lowly.

"My parents won't either..." I state noticing Hiccup's tone again. He really didn't like talking about his dad. Or having him brought up.

"Well then. I see no reason why you two can't do two kisses as long as you're okay with it." Alvin offered.

"It doesn't bother me." I reply.

"Hiccup? Are you comfortable with it?" Mr. Bretson asked. Hiccup was quiet a moment now, I watched his facial reactions. He was fiddling with his phone, scrolling up a conversation. I noticed the contact name and saw it as 'Angel'. He was looking at our messages. I saw him stop at the one where I'd said 'Prove what they say about you is wrong, Ryder. Don't be afraid. You can do this. I believe in you.' Why would he be looking at that? Finally he lifted his head.

"I'm fine with it too." I was a little shocked, his tone had more confidence. Did my message really just become his deciding factor? Alvin stood up now smiling.

"Excellent! Now lets get to that stage because this is a school production and I have to approve the scene before my own eyes." My eyes widened and I saw that Hiccup's had too. We had to do this scene right now? Great!

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

When I was asked if I was comfortable kissing Astrid, I didn't know what to answer. Was I? In truth, no. But I found myself looking back on my messages with Angel, seeing the one where she told me not to be afraid and I could do it, that she believed in me. For some reason, it made me feel better about the scene. I looked up and said I was fine with it, I felt better now. It would be fine.

"Excellent! Now lets get to that stage because this is a school production and I have to approve the scene before my own eyes." My eyes widened, we had to do this right now?! Oh Gods help me. Without another moment wasted, I was up with Astrid and walking out with Mr. Bretson and Mr. Treachor to the auditorium. Reaching it about 4 minutes later, everyone thought we were in trouble too coming back with the principal of the school.

"Alright. My Belle and Beast here reminded me that they have two physical contact scenes the need approval from our beloved principal so. I'm going to as that the curtain get drawn and all of you take your seats." Mr. Bretson announced. Oh Thor strike the school please! I don't want to have to do this in front of everyone. I wasn't getting much choice in the matter. Was it too late to back out still? Just kill me already if you're going to!

I stood on stage with Astrid, we both glanced at our scripts briefly before tossing them to the side while Mr Treachor and Mr. Bretson took their seats in the front row. We were facing each other nervously, or at least I was nervous. I didn't know about her. "Lets take the scene from right after the transformation." Alvin called out. We nodded as I closed my eyes to get into character. I laid down on the stage floor as if just having been returned to human state.

 **{Regular POV}**

Playing along to the scene, Astrid changed her face to one of shock and confusion having not understood what just happened to Beast whom she thought was dead from the stab wound given by Gaston. Hiccup got up slow after the 'transformation' and has his back to her while looking at his hands processing what just happened too. Finally he turned around facing Astrid, hands on his chest. "Belle...Its me." Hiccup said smiling as he held her hands, Astrid still in her state of shock ran her fingers through his hair and stared into his eyes deeply.

"It is you." Astrid said smiling as she cupped his cheek which he leaned into. Hiccup stroked her cheek, then her hair while they stared into one anothers eyes. Ruffnut and Heather were giggling happily, Hiccup wanted to run but he had to stay. Hiccup and Astrid slowly leaned in closer to one another eyes closing before Hiccup lowered his lips onto Astrid's in a kiss. As in the movie, it held while he wrapped his arms around her back, and her arms went around his neck. In the background, Fishlegs had been playing with the sound board to give the background music and firework noises. Oh that only made it more awkward for the both of them.

The kiss broke 5 seconds later as they remained in character with him holding her, one arm on her back, the other hand holding hers. They held that position for a few seconds as Mr. Bretson was speed reading the last page. "Alright, castle returns to normal, scene changes to both dressed formally in the ballroom and share another kiss before leading the end of the scene in dance." Hiccup as in the movie lifted Astrid by the waist and twirled her around before placing her down. Once again, they shared a quick kiss before leading off in dance.

"Marvelous! Wonderful! I completely approve." Alvin said clapping. Hiccup and Astrid separated from one another, both blushing now.

"Go-Good work, Astrid..." Hiccup said rubbing the back of his head.

"Y-You too, Haddock. And hey...You're not a half bad kisser. Glad I'm sharing this scene with you and not one of those losers..." Astrid smiled at him. Hiccup blinked and blushed deeper. They were both happy it worked out, now they just had to do it on show night...In front of about 300 people. Wonderful. It wouldn't be hard right? For now they'd survived a basic rehearsal and it was approved for the show. The two exited stage left and everyone got back to work for the remainder of class. When the bell rang, Heather and Hiccup left for their bus and rode home. It had been a decent end to a very long day.


	10. For Now

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

10; For Now.

 **{Regular POV}**

It had been about 2 months since everything for the play got started. Hiccup and Astrid had only rehearsed the one scene of Belle and Beast, rather Adam after the transformation, kissing. The rest of the lines were pretty basic, it was just a matter of making sure they were in character for the night of production. That wouldn't be too difficult. Hiccup was always hard at work on the set pieces during classes while Mr. Bretson was working with the others students on their parts. Astrid had managed to get a sneak peek by accident of Hiccup's costume and it looked just about dead on. She was also surprised to find out Hiccup and Fishlegs together set up the sound board for everything as far as music or background noises in scenes. Astrid's costume or at least the yellow dress was store bought. The other ones were all put together herself.

Today they were scene where Belle gives herself up to Beast in order to save her father. It had been interesting too to see Hiccup get such a deep voice in order to play Beast, it wasn't easy to do but he managed just fine. They worked on a few smaller ones where Beast wasn't present because Hiccup wanted to finish the big set pieces and get them in place. Astrid noticed Hiccup spent a lot of time in wood shop to do these pieces, also he painted everything by hand. It was amazing that in two months he got so much accomplished. Most of the castle pieces were done, so was the village setting. It was mainly a 3D backdrop Hiccup created, more like drew and painted.

Astrid still spoke with Hiccup in chat, sometimes the hotline but not often anymore because chat was easier to do and hide. Hiccup still his depression well, no one questioned him on his constant bored or dull demeanor then again Astrid was the only one who knew the truth so maybe because of that she saw the signs easy. She knew he still cut, and didn't eat a lot which is why everyone got the impression he was so weak but it traveled around school quick that Hiccup beat Snotlout's ass which Astrid noticed too gave Hiccup a worse time in school because now everyone was on his case about how he did it or it made him a target for other bullies wanting to test his skill.

Hiccup declining these offers made people in groups mad and thus picked on up further, Astrid had no idea how he dealt with it all. If that was happening to her she would of snapped a long time ago in a fit of rage. Hiccup definitely had a lid on his anger and depression. Astrid had a feeling Hiccup's secret to such a lid was cutting and putting on a not caring type attitude which she didn't like and was supposed to report to her bosses but couldn't find the heart too which made her feel worse because she knew Hiccup was hurting himself and she wasn't stopping it because it would mean she blew his secret and her own. A lot of people would be mad at her for knowing the truth but never saying anything.

They were in drama class still, with 40 minutes to go before the end of class. There were a lot of materials to set up and Hiccup got a lot of it from shops and what not around town who were throwing away boxes. Fishlegs was helping him along with some others too. They were setting up the fountain for the town scene, and the houses for the villagers were just cardboard boxes as was the baker shop, library, and more. There wasn't a lot of stage room to work with so it had to be kept simple, just for effect. The day before Hiccup was setting up the wooden backdrop boards in order so the stage crew could just switch them out as needed.

The castle towers were cardboard, as was the balcony. They were using a folding table for the dinner scenes, and outside scenes would just be feathers or cotton balls. Astrid was currently helping Ruffnut and Heather with their costumes, Hiccup walked by clearly on his way to wood shop again. "Hiccup...Help." Heather groaned, Hiccup stopped and chuckled seeing why she asked for help, the dresses would poof right given Heather was skinny and Mrs. Potts was a larger woman.

"Hang on..." Hiccup said as he went rummaging through a few boxes and pulled out some padding. "Yeah this'll work. Gimme your dresses. I'll have em done before class ends." Hiccup said. Ruffnut and Heather pulled the dresses off since they were wearing their normal clothes underneath. Hiccup took then with the padding and plopped down at the edge of the stage, feet dangling before dropping down. He exited the auditorium and went across the hall to the home ec room, another place he was welcome in to work on play related things.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I failed when it came to costumes, Hiccup had even helped do my own now he was doing Ruffnut's and Heather's on top of all the set features. How did one man manage so much at a time. I would have ripped my hair out by now. Hiccup wasn't kidding when he told me as Ryder that he could invent things. Every day I had drama class with this guy and saw the set come to life with him and the others working on it. Mr. Bretson actually placed Hiccup in charge of all things scene or set related. His inventing and drawing skills really showed right now. I was thoroughly impressed. But I still worried for him.

I knew the truth, that he was depressed. Potentially suicidal and keeping it to myself. This was bad and I knew that so why did I hesitate when it came to Hiccup? I had reported at least 10 other people for depression and suicide attempts, why couldn't I do it with Hiccup. It wasn't even phone calls giving me the vibe something was wrong. I had physical proof but I couldn't do it. And I hated not knowing why. I sighed getting back to work on other things, Hiccup would be back later and I just had to see what he did to those dresses to make them poofier. Another thing on my mind was the kiss we'd shared for the scene to be approved. It wasn't one, it was two and both times...My heart started racing, pounding in my chest when his lips touched mine.

This was something I'd never revealed to anyone. How could I? Sure there was my mom but she'd know I was holding something back and that something was Hiccup being one of my callers to the hotline. She'd lecture me that I got personal with my caller, she'd probably report me for not reporting him. No, definitely couldn't tell mom. Or Ruffnut, she knew I worked at the hotline too. Or Heather because she was Hiccup's sister and knew I worked for the hotline. In this case, I was now the one with no one to talk too. I was fighting with myself if I was beginning to develop feelings for Hiccup or not. Was it guilt? Because I knew about his life? He told me his deepest feelings about his life every night, and here I am in class knowing everything but having to act like I know nothing.

I really hated this. Class continued, Hiccup returned 10 minutes before the last bell of the day with the dresses. They looked like nothing was done on them. "Heather. Ruffnut. Come here and try these on." I heard Hiccup say. I walked over as Heather and Ruffnut did. They got their dresses on and Hiccup zipped up the backs and clasped it at the top. He stepped back and smiled motioning for them to look in the mirror. They gasped loving how it looked.

"Hiccup, these are amazing. How did you do it?" I asked him.

"Little padding and some sewing." He replied. So Hiccup knew how to sew too, was there anything he couldn't do?

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I had just finished Ruffnut's and Heather's costumes, I was sure what I did to them would work. I had to admit this play let me use a lot of my skills to make more interesting things and people took notice of it. Of course a lot of people still hated that I was steadily becoming more popular because of it and honestly. I kind of did too. I didn't want to be popular of what I could do. I wanted people to like me for me. Not my skills. The bell rang and we all packed up to go home. I was on the bus with Heather, it left the school and we were on our way. Tomorrow I was working in the shop with Gobber, also known as Craig Belchsen. Starting soon was all the rehearsals for scenes. Mr. Bretson wanted wanted to start getting the leads together to practice for show night in 2 months. I sighed with my head on the seat, Eret flicked my ear.

"Hey loser. Its cute you can sew. Did your mommy teach you that?" Eret said.

"Eret will you stop...Gods..." Heather mumbled.

"Its fine Heather. It doesn't bother me." I state. For the remainder of the ride they pulled my hair, flicked me, poked me. I wouldn't snap at them. I would just ignore it, they weren't bothering Heather. That's all I cared about. Getting home, dad left a note saying he had to work late and we could order pizza or grinders for dinner. Heather and I did our homework, then around 4:30, we ordered grinders for dinner with the cash dad left for us. After dinner, I locked up the house and cleaned up a bit. Heather went to talk to her friends and I went to my room after visiting Toothless for about 20 minutes before it got dark.

After I said goodbye to Toothless, I returned inside to my room and sat on the bed. The silence was peaceful until the teasing and picking on from the bus came back. I know I had said it didn't bother me but in truth it really did. It never seemed to stop and I never understood why it was ONLY me it happened too. I looked at my phone, where Angel and I were having a conversation earlier. I had stopped replying while with Toothless, sometimes I wished I could tell her but that wouldn't be smart. Angel was amazing to me, she listened and always helped me feel better. But with all this going on in my head...I reached for my knife between the mattresses and held it in one hand. My phone in the other.

Call Angel because I wanted to die again, let her talk me down or...cut my wrists and release the pain of the torture all day. I checked the clock, it was about 9pm right now. Dad wasn't due home until 11pm. Angel was waiting on a reply from me but I wasn't...in the mood to talk tonight. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry...I wanted to bleed. _'I'm sorry, Angel...'_ I thought putting my phone face down and dragging the blade across my wrist, then copying on the other one. As I felt my skin sear from pain of fresh cuts, I also felt tears falling from my eyes as I watched the crimson liquid fill the cuts and drip down the the sides of my wrists. I made 2 more cuts on each side, now the total was 3 on each arm. I just sat there letting my pain release from the wounds.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Tonight was my off night being is was Monday, I'd have work tomorrow from 3pm to 8pm. That wasn't my concern at the moment though. I was chatting with Hiccup for a while like since 4pm, now it was 9:35 and I hadn't heard from him in an hour which was unlike him to not answer especially when we were talking about the play and how he managed to fix his sister's dress and her friends dresses with a little padding. I was still impressed by that too. Hiccup was indeed a man of many talents. But right now, I felt like something was off. He hadn't answered since 8:30. I stared down at our conversation.

- **AngelWings;** You should be proud to have so many talents, Ryder. I mean come on...You cook, clean, sew, draw, sketch, invent, sing...What can't you do?-

- _ **Ryder;**_ _So in your eyes...I'm a common housewife? Makes me feel great, Angel._ -

I actually had to keep myself from laughing at his remark. He was witty and sarcastic, that was for sure.

- **AngelWings;** I do not see you that way. Ryder, all I'm saying is to be proud of who you are. Its a known fact that not everyone will like you, but that's their loss for not seeing what an awesome, amazingly talented man you are. So tell me more about your day? How are you feeling tonight? Anything you wanna talk about?-

That was it. The last thing I said to him and he never answered me. Which made me wonder if something happened an hour ago that would prevent him from answering. Like his dad coming home, or he was gaming with Heather. And my deepest worry that he was upset and cutting. What could I do though? I couldn't...call him could I? It went against every single rule in the company, more so because I'd be off the clock and didn't have the work number to use as cover. But Hiccup didn't have my cell phone, he could find out from Heather. I could call private? *69 made it possible to block the outgoing number.

I bit my lower lip now debating if I should or shouldn't. It was late, we never usually talked that late but...I was worried. I didn't know why either, I shouldn't be this worried about one guy. Or maybe was it the fact I was worried about a good guy who I was developing feelings for? A guy who didn't deserve all the neglect and abuse he got from everyone around him except teachers, his sister, and now me? Fuck it. I was never going to be able to sleep until I knew for sure. I knew Hiccup was good at lying so it would be hard but I was picking up on his tones lately, the ones where he was lying or hiding something. Him assuming I'm a professional meant he wouldn't question my questions, right? I stared down at my phone, I pulled up Hiccup's number.

I took a breath dialing *69, then Hiccup's phone number. What excuse could I use for calling? What if he's asleep? 'Hi, Ryder. Just wanted to make sure you were okay' That would make me seem stalker-ish. I hadn't realized I hit dial and the ringing brought me from my thoughts. I put it to my ear and waited, after 4 rings shockingly, it connected.

" _Hello...?" Hiccup answered softly._ I could hear it already, he'd been...crying.

"Hello Ryder..." I paused a moment, "Its Angel." I heard him gasp a bit and then shuffling on his end.

" _An-Angel! Hi...I-I...You called...me?" Hiccup began to stutter._ Yeah he was hiding something. _"Why did...you call me? Are you...allowed to call people back?"_

I sighed a moment, "Yes...We can. I'm sorry...I got worried when you stopped answering. Its not like you to not say goodnight to me, I've actually gotten used to it." I state gently. Hopefully he bought it, but it wasn't exactly a lie. I had gotten used to talking to him until we fell asleep.

" _But wait...Its...Monday. Aren't you...off tonight?" Hiccup asked._

Shit. I forgot I gave him my work schedule. "I am off actually. I called...from my cell phone. Technically we're...not supposed to do this but...I couldn't call without...using the number hide code, the one to make it private..." I admit.

" _*69? But...if you aren't...allowed to do this then...why are you? I was...about to go to bed..." Hiccup said to me._ Great, now what did I say. Think Astrid, think!

"Well, lets just say I'm willing to...break the rules for you, Ryder." I heard him gasp a bit. "I didn't mean to bother you. I know we chat all the time but...I guess I kind of miss hearing your voice."

" _M-Me? I'm just...Angel, you could lose your job over this...I don't want you to lose your job for breaking the rules to talk to me, some...suicidal depressed kid who hates his life because everyone hates him..." Hiccup replied sadly._

"I won't lose my job. They can't watch my personal calls on my phone. And I'm not on the clock. And don't put yourself down like that." I tell him firmly.

" _Angel...I'm honored you would break rules to talk to me because you miss my voice but...Why...me? I'm sure...a pretty woman like you has a husband and kids at home." Hiccup said._ I couldn't help it, I started giggling like an idiot. Covering my mouth so my parents didn't come in wondering who I was talking to so late at night.

"Oh gods...Ryder. No. No no. I'm not...married or have children. Though I'm touched you think I'm old enough for such and that you think I'm pretty when you have never seen me." I calmed myself down.

" _You're not...married or have kids? And I don't...need to see you. I can tell by your voice and personality. You're always calm, and gentle, sincere. You have a kind heart to deal with people like me all day long."_ I couldn't believe he thought I was old enough to be married and have children. I wanted to tell him my age but he'd probably figure out I went to BHS, then who I was.

"No I'm not. And thank you, maybe one day we will meet. I'd like to meet the guy who can get me to laugh like that." I smile.

" _But still, all that aside...Why me? Do you call your other clients from your phone? Or...just me?"_

What did I say to that? Yes? That was a lie because I didn't. I was breaking a serious rule right now, calling Hiccup from my cell phone. If anyone at work ever found out. I would be fired, and probably have the police called on me. This was huge and I was literally risking it all for Hiccup because I liked him. I could admit that now, since the kissing scene in school I had been confused but now...I was sure of it. I liked him. A lot too. "Its just you, Ryder." I heard him gasp again, "And I called you because I like you. You're smart, funny, calm, inventive, artistic, and an absolute pleasure to talk too. I find myself waiting for your messages daily and when I didn't hear from you tonight. I got worried that something might have happened. I wanted to check on you myself to make sure you were alright because I don't want anything to happen to you."

I hadn't lied. It was the truth the only lie was that he was hearing this from Angel, not myself as Astrid. At first there was silence, I checked to make sure the call was still connected, it was so I know he hadn't hung up. _"Y-You really mean all that?"_

"Every word." I replied calmly.

" _I like you too..."_ My eyes widened in complete shock, my mouth dropped open. He liked me? Hiccup...Liked...Me? Oh gods this was actually bad. He thought Angel liked him, a woman he knows is working for a suicide prevention hotline, and isn't supposed to be making personal calls to clients. A woman he's never met when he actually has but doesn't know that I'm Angel. Oh Thor. Now what did I do? He liked me, and I told him like an idiot as Angel, that I liked him. If he ever found out I've been Astrid this whole time...It might set him over the edge to know I never told him the truth. I had to come up with something so he didn't think this was a relationship or anything.

"I'm happy to hear that, Ryder but...like I said. I'm not supposed to be doing this right now. I'm breaking so many rules with this phone call alone. I know they can't put it together that you're one of my callers unless they check my cell phone to match your number." I tell him.

" _Its okay, Angel. I understand...If anyone found out, you'd be in trouble and I wouldn't want to do that to you." Hiccup said._ Gods he was the sweetest thing to me. Well to Angel.

"But I do like you, and I can't change that. I'll find a way for us to meet, but...for now. You can't tell anyone about this. Not this call, not where you met me from...Anything. Until I figure something else out, you can't to keep this...a secret." I said calmly but seriously.

" _You have my word, Angel. I won't tell a soul about it."_ I hear Hiccup freeze a bit his bedroom door opened. _"Hiccup. It is 10:30, and a school night. Go to bed. I should not come home and see that light on from the garage. What is keeping you up so late so I can remove it. If its that blasted computer, I will break it out back."_ Wow, that was harsh to say. Though, Hiccup being up was my fault. I called him. _"N-Nothing is keeping me up dad. I had...just gotten up to go to the bathroom is all. I turned the light on so I wouldn't...trip over anything. I was just going to bed now."_ I hear Hiccup lie. _"Good."_ The door closed and I heard the phone shift again.

"I'm so sorry for calling. I forgot it was a school night for you..." I said quickly.

" _You heard all that?..."_

"I did. Well everything past 'Go to bed' to 'Good'. It's my fault your up because I called you. Go on before you get in trouble." I said, I know I heard everything, including Stoick saying his name but I could tell he probably didn't want Angel knowing his name so I told him I didn't hear it all.

" _I'm glad you called. I...really needed it tonight. Thank you_ , _Angel. Wait...Can we...talk again tomorrow?" Hiccup asks softly, whispering now._

"I work tomorrow but yes you can call, the hotline of course. I'll be at work from 3pm-8pm...Sweet dreams, Ryder." I tell him softly.

" _You too. Goodnight, Angel."_ Then the line disconnected. I put the phone down, then on the charger. I flopped back on my bed staring up. So I had been right, he did need me tonight. That meant he was crying and probably cutting. _'Oh what in the name of Odin did I just get myself into...'_ I thought sighing. This could either be really good, or really bad for both of us now. I prayed for good, I hoped and prayed for good. I had to figure something out and I needed to do it sooner rather than later. Yawning, I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.


	11. Eavesdropping

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

11; Eavesdropping.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

It seemed to get worse and worse for me. My feelings for Hiccup were unmistakable, but that just the thing. My feelings as Astrid weren't known to him, he know how Angel felt for him and they were now keeping a huge secret. Both of us were. I had told him nothing was official until I figured out a way for it to happen. By now I had to assume he knew I was probably his age because of the fact I liked him and saying we'd meet up or whatever, if I was older than him, I couldn't do that because I'd be considered a creeper for liking a minor. That was all I needed. For now until I could figure out how to either break contact or tell him the truth, I had to keep him thinking that work was on my ass about all my conversations with 'Ryder' and I was telling him that Ryder was just a guy who didn't like to have no one to talk too.

It had been a few weeks since that night where I admitted my feelings to him as Angel, not myself. Things with the play were going well too. All the props were done, the stage sets were too. There was only a few more things that Hiccup was working on to add effect. The houses and building made from cardboard got destroyed and I knew who did it. Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout then trying to tell Mr. Bretson that cardboard wasn't smart because it was so weak. I knew this was them getting revenge on Hiccup for the night at Ruffnut's where Hiccup kicked Snotlout's rear for trying to take advantage of Heather. But Hiccup knew the truth and just didn't care, he simply shrugged and told the teacher he'd find another way.

And sure enough coming into drama class that day, I was shocked to see what Hiccup worked on almost all week to accomplish. He came in with Fishlegs who had a laptop with him and a slew of wires that I had no idea did what. Mr. Bretson asked what they were doing and Hiccup explained that because she didn't have enough students for some of the musical numbers that he set up the laptop with the animation of the movie so all they needed was for the group of students singing those numbers like "Belle" and "Be Our Guest" to sing aloud and the animation on the projector screen would do the rest. Mr. Bretson almost hugged Hiccup for the work he did, now it was just a matter of rehearing certain scenes that people still didn't perfect. The play was set to be viewed in a month and a 2 weeks. Things were down to the wire now.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

The day after Angel told me she liked me but we had to keep it a secret until she found a way around work questioning who she was talking to so much, life was brighter for me. Sure I still got teased, picked on, and bullied but knowing Angel was there for me made it somewhat bearable. I actually hadn't cut myself in 3 weeks since that night, the thought of meeting Angel face to face warmed my heart. It gave me butterflies honestly, I really liked her and I'd long since figured out that Angel was probably my age and went to another school because if she was older and liked me, it could get awkward or involve police. I never knew I could be so happy just talking to someone who accepted me, liked me for me. A feeling I'd longed for and got through the strangest of ways all because I called the wrong number one time.

Things for the play were exceptional, I was actually more comfortable in my role as Beast now. Angel was right. I was like him in so many ways. I was cold and didn't care about a lot until someone came and changed that. The someone was Angel, she was my Belle, my actual angel. If I hadn't called that number back, I never would of spoken to her and I would of killed myself that night. It felt good to know someone cared other than my sister. My mood fluctuated honestly, most of the time I was happy. But the day I went to drama class and saw my cardboard houses destroyed, I'd known who did it. I didn't care though, I just told the teacher I'd figure out something else and I did too. I re-did the houses and enforced them with thin sheets of metal and a high powered staple gun. The metal was inside while the houses were painted outside. Seeing their faces go from snickering to confusion and shock that I'd fixed it so easily was pricess.

I even told Angel about it too, she laughed that night saying she wished she could of seen the looks on their faces. This is what I liked about her so much, she was so care free and happy. It made me happy. I still spent a lot of time with Toothless too. Dad was busy with a case so he was hardly home now but still found times to remind me I was nothing more than a slave in my own house essentially. These were never his exact words but I knew how to read between the lines. My dad liked to think I was stupid but I wasn't. I was also happy for my sister, she was getting closer to Fishlegs. She confessed to me that she liked him a little but wasn't sure if she should make the first more or not. I advised her to drop hints, and so far that was working.

Today was fun, Mr. Bretson told me he loved the idea I came up with to use the laptop animations for some of the song scenes. We even practiced quite of few of them together and it went smooth for once. So far we were only practicing in normal clothes but the last two weeks would be in full costumes, with sets, and music. These were times parents would have to pick us up from school because we were required to stay after to make sure we had it right. I wasn't worried, Astrid didn't seem to be either. That was good. I felt bad though that I'd have to kiss Astrid twice on stage when I had a think for Angel. I almost felt like I was cheating on her, but she had told me not to worry about it since we weren't really together yet.

It was the yet that made my heart soar, it meant one day we would be together. I couldn't wait for that day, I wanted to meet her so badly and just hug her. To thank her for coming into my life and saving me, without her I'd be dead right now. So here I was in drama again, we'd just finished practicing the scene in the snow during the "Something There" song. Mr. Bretson told us good job and to take a 10 minute break. I was actually chatting with Angel at this time, telling her how nervous I was getting that the production night was 6 weeks away. She told me that everything would be fine and she was rooting for me.

- **Ryder;** I wish you could come see it yourself, Angel.-

- _ **AngelWings;**_ _I wish I could too...But I have work that night. And I can't be unfair to my other callers..._ -

- **Ryder;** I know. But soon we'll be able to see one another right? You said your bosses were backing off a bit.-

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I bit my lip glancing over at Hiccup after reading his message to me. Why did I keep making this worse for myself!? I always got so engrossed in our conversations that I say things I shouldn't. I had said it to him by accident that my bosses were backing off, so now he was under the impression we'd meet soon. I saw his face, how happy he looked. I liked seeing this but I know it was fueled by my lies. But they weren't lies, I did like him and I...honestly wanted to tell him I was Angel, wanted to be with him but I couldn't I feel like it would just hurt him to know I was there the entire time and never said anything. I hoped he'd understand that I couldn't tell him who I was because of my job. But even at that, I told him I broke the rules for him once by admitting to liking him and calling him with my cell.

- **AngelWings;** Yes, but its not safe yet Ryder. I'll let you know, I promise. Oh, have another caller. You should get back to class. Don't want your phone taken, right? I'll talk to you after.- I had to end the conversation, I needed time to think about things. I put my phone away sighing and closing my eyes. This was getting out of hand, I couldn't duck him forever. If I did it could bring his depression back fast. If I told him the truth it could be really good or really bad. These were chances I didn't want to take right now, not until I knew he was stable. And even then, I didn't know if I'd have the courage to tell him that Angel was me and I'd been aware of everything since the night he called the hotline. It was a delicate situation and I had no one to talk to about it.

"Hiccup. Mr. Belchsen just called looking for you. He said the workshop is having issues with the pieces and need your help." Mr Bretson told Hiccup, I saw him get up with a nod and head out of the room. Mr. Belchsen was the workshop teacher and I knew from conversations with Hiccup that this was his favorite class and hated that he was forced into dramatic arts instead of getting workshop again. I wondered why he liked it so much, sure I saw the work he did but how could he possibly like class with Gobber? That is what everyone called Mr. Craig Belchsen. Gobber. That's what he liked to be called. Though we had no idea why.

I faintly remember getting stuck in workshop with Gobber during my 9th grade year for half a semester. I think he had said that his ancestor was a viking blacksmith and went by the name Gobber the Belch and since Craig loved all things metal and wood to create with, he just used the name. Hey, whatever made ya happy I assumed. Class still had 20 minutes left, Hiccup was in workshop now so I was kind of bored. Heather and Ruffnut were working on their lines, the guys were practicing their scenes. I was just relaxing for the time being. What else could I do? The last bell rang at 2:20pm and anyone who wasn't needed for practice such as stage crew bailed out. I was staying to practice more, I had a car now. It was my birthday present from my parents.

I was grateful to no longer have to take the bus to school or work. "Astrid will you be a dear and go see if Hiccup can sneak away from workshop to do these scenes. I know he knows them but I like seeing all the characters in one place. If he can't, that's fine." Mr. Bretson says to me. I nod and get up to head to workshop, I peer inside and see Hiccup hard at work on things for the set. I shrug and return to the room. Mr. Bretson sighs and we continue on with practice. At 3:00, Mr. Bretson told us it was enough for today and he'd see us tomorrow. I packed up my things and headed to get to my car by I passed workshop and overheard talking. Looking through the slightly open door I see Hiccup talking to Gobber.

"I can't stand him, Gobber." I hear Hiccup say. Who was he talking about?

"I know lad but he is yer father and you can't hate him." Gobber says. Hiccup was talking about his dad? Was Gobber a friend of the family?

"Oh but he can hate me? I know he's upset about mom being gone but really? To hate me?" Hiccup says.

 **{Regular POV}**

Gobber sighed watching Hiccup work on the wooden piece for the set, "He doesn't hate you, 'Iccup. He's just...well you know how he is."

"Yeah. He hates me. He loves Heather but hates me...And its just not fair. What did I ever do to lose my mom, have my dad hate me, and my sister adore me thinking we're a perfect family. She doesn't even know the shit dad puts me through. He hides it around her...He won't act like he hates me around her." Hiccup sighed. Astrid was still watching, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Heather didn't know any of how Stoick was towards Hiccup? How could she not see the almost fear Hiccup held when Stoick was around him?

"Oh it can't be that bad? Heather lives there, she must see it." Gobber retorts. Hiccup turned the machine off, removing his protective goggles now and faced Gobber with a serious look in his eyes. Astrid had never seen it before, it was pure pain.

"Gobber. He outright told me that that I'll never live up to the Haddock name. Okay? He says those things to me. I'm a slave in that house. Every chore is my responsibility." Hiccup said firmly.

"He doesn't mean it. Being chief is a big job, and stressful." Gobber said softer.

"So you think its okay for him to treat me like his greatest disaster?" Hiccup scoffed.

"No lad, I don't. I don't like how he treats you but what can I do? He's chief of police...Old friends or not, I can't step to him." Gobber put his hand on Hiccup's back. Astrid's eyes widened a bit. Gobber and Stoick were old friends? Is that why Hiccup was so open with his words about his father to him? So Gobber knew Hiccup went through hell at home and school. "Lad, are ye still cuttin yerself?" Astrid had to force herself not to gasp in fear of being caught. Gobber knew about Hiccup's cutting!?

"No...I haven't in 3 weeks...The play has...kept me pretty distracted from being my father's disappointment." Hiccup replied looking down. Astrid couldn't believe, Gobber knew about the cutting and didn't say anything?! He was a teacher, any student harming another or themselves was to be sent to the school psychologist for evaluation. Parents got notified and if it was bad enough the student would be taken by mental hospital guys and held for a 72 hour suicide watch. Astrid knew she wasn't any better, she knew about it too but never said anything in fear of her own secret getting out that she was Angel to him.

"Good. You're like a nephew to me kiddo. I don't wanna see nothin happen to ya. I agreed to keep yer secret because you promised me you wouldn't resort to killin yerself and if ya did feel that way you would call me." Gobber sighed.

"I know my promise...I just want to graduate, and get out. Away from him..." Hiccup looked down.

"Its not that bad lad. He does love you, he just has a hard time showing it. He's always been that way, even with your mother. I remember they almost broke up in high school because yer father wasn't showin yer mum that he loved her." Gobber chuckled a bit.

"Yeah you've told me that story at least 100 times...I know what happened. Mom was gonna leave him, he found her in the locker room and begged her not to go. That he would change and show her he loved her every day. They got married two years after high school then another year later had Heather and me...Everything was great...we were a happy family until 3 years ago...Now she's gone...and dad...died with her." Hiccup closed his eyes tightly. Astrid could tell he was trying to keep from crying. "And no. Heather doesn't see it. She thinks everything is fine."

"How can she not see it. I can see your depression from miles away and I only see ya for a lil while every day in 'ere..." Gobber asked.

"Because I don't...let her see it." Hiccup said lowly. Astrid was now genuinely curious. She knew Hiccup hid the depression but never knew why and since he was clearly being so open about it, and though wrong she might as well take the chance to find out. The room had gone silent now as Hiccup went to start working again, Gobber stopped him and made him look himself now.

"Hiccup..." Gobber said. "You shouldn't hide it from her, she loves you and she'd want to know that your father is playing favorites."

"Forget it, Gobber...It doesn't matter. Heather is...taken care of. I don't matter or need to matter to anyone...As long as she's happy. She relies on me Gobber, she trusts her older by a minute big brother will protect her. She believes I'm strong and that makes her feel better. I don't want...No...I can't let her see me fall apart because of dad or anyone else. Dad is...her hero. So for her, I look strong and I keep my emotions and feelings to myself. I want her to have the illusion everyone is okay at home."

"But the illusion is a lie..." Gobber said.

"I know. That's why it works...My life is a painful truth, and hers can be a painless lie. She's happy, so it doesn't matter what happens to me." Hiccup says.

"That happiness wouldn't last if you were gone, Hiccup..." Gobber said.

"She'd be okay, she has dad to help her..." Hiccup looked down. "Even if he's never there for me...He's there for her. And that's all I care about. I gotta get back to work, dad will...be sending a car to get me in about an hour...Heather went home on the bus." Hiccup sighed trying to start the machine again.

"Lad...Stop. Now being you been in my class the last 3 years, yew know my rules about using the machines when yew are upset." Gobber informed him. Hiccup pulled his hand off the start button and Gobber motioned for him to sit down. "Now tell old Gobber whats on your mind and don't you tell me nothin cuz I know you better than that. You hold back, and hide how you feel." Gobber said firmly.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I'd always been able to talk to Gobber, he was like the uncle I never got to have. Mom's brother died from lung cancer when Heather and I were 6. And he never married so we didn't have cousins either. Gobber and my dad were old friends from middle school, they actually attended BHS too. Gobber went on to be a teacher while dad followed his father's footsteps in becoming a police officer, now chief of the Berk Police Department. I doubted my dad wanted me do the same. I was nothing like him, I was...his biggest failure. Gobber knew of my depression and cutting yes, he learned of it by accident when in the 9th grade my first time in class I got hurt. Gobber moved my sleeve up and saw my wrists. I begged him not to tell my dad or anyone else. He agreed under the circumstances I never killed myself and never cut more than 3 times on each wrist, which is why I only did 3 on each side.

Yes sometimes I did more than that, but those were over the summer when I didn't see Gobber and he told me the years I was in workshop with him if I ever needed someone to talk too, that I could talk to him. So I always asked to be in his class until this year that is. And this was a year everything was wrong and pushing the limits of my sanity now here I was working on more things for the play and talking to Gobber about everything lately. The only thing Gobber didn't know was about Toothless. No one knew that secret and no one ever would as long as I could help it. I sighed sitting down like Gobber told me too. I could unload on him, he wouldn't care if I screamed, swore, punched something, or even cried and that's why I liked being in workshop because I had Gobber.

"Its just everything, Gobber. Everything. I hate my life...but I think I hate my father more because he hates me and I don't know why. I never...did anything to deserve to get treated the way I do...And its by everyone around me Gobber, except you and Heather. Everyone treats me like I don't belong. And I don't. I don't belong in school, I don't belong at home...And more than half time I feel like I'd be better off dead." Hiccup looked down.

"Well you don't belong dead lad so stop talking that way..." Gobber put a hand on Hiccup's shoulder now. I got up now upset and mad throwing my fists down.

"I do, Gobber! I fucking do belong dead. Everyone would be happier with me gone, no more...useless, disappointing, worthless, weak Hiccup Haddock around. I'm hated at home, I'm hated at school and I have god damn clue why! I never did anything to anyone to deserve this. Dad hates me because he blames me for mom's dead!" Gobber stepped back a but when I yelled this.

"Lad that isn't...true..." Gobber tried.

"Yes it is! He's told me that it is! Because I'm the one who asked mom to go out for ice cream that night, and she never came back! Her blood was found at that gas station, her car was pushed into the lake, and her body gone. No trace of her of any of it. After a week dad blamed me, said that I had to just keep going after mom said no. But like always, I had to have my way so she went and...that was it. She was gone...and...its all my fault." My lip quivered a bit as tears formed in my eyes.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from crying too. I'd never heard Hiccup snap like that, to anyone except Snotlout that night but as I'm listening to Hiccup...I know how hurt he is. I couldn't believe Stoick blamed him for his mother's death. "Hiccup don't blame yourself...Its not yer fault..." I heard Gobber said.

"YES IT IS! MY FATHER BLAMES ME, GOBBER. BLAMES ME! I am a fucking slave in that house. I have to do dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, dusting, lawn, garbage, bathrooms, vacuuming...EVERYTHING! And its every single day. Heather tries to help and dad tells her that its my job. And her only job is to just keep her grades up and graduate. My father has outright said that that its my fault mom is dead and gone, I have to do all the work she used to do. On top of keep straight fucking A's and graduate high school. And as soon as I'm out of high school I have to get a full time job, and 2 months after I start...I have to pay rent to stay there! He tells me I'll do nothing with my life, he tells me I'll be a nothing the rest of my life, he tells me I'm not his son!" I nearly fell back hearing Hiccup say that.

"Hiccup...please calm down..." Gobber asked.

"He won't even tell me good night! He doesn't say 'love you' either. No! I can't! I'm so sick of it, Gobber...He tells me I'm not his son because his son would of listened to his mother when she said she didn't want to go out that night...And I didn't listen. I pushed until I got my way, she went out and now she's gone forever. And its...my fault...And I'm...sick and tired...of it. I'm hated here too. I am target number one for bullies and even when I stood up for myself to protect my sister...The bullying, teasing, punching, beating me up...All of it just gets worse...And I don't...know what I ever did to anyone...for them...to hate me so gods damn much..." I watched Hiccup slam his hands down on work bench crying uncontrollably. Tears streamed down his eyes which were closed tightly. Gobber had Hiccup face him. "He hates me...they all...hate me...and I don't...want to feel this pain anymore. I just...want it to stop forever..." Hiccup cried, Gobber closed his eyes and pulled Hiccup in for a hug.

"Ssh lad...Its alright...Just let it out with old Gobber...I won't judge yew. Its okay...It won't be like this forever, things will change. You'll see but you can't give up. You have to keep holding on. Your mother wouldn't want you to give up the life she gave you so you keep fightin lad. I promise things will get better for you..." Gobber rubbed his back as Hiccup cried against the old man's chest. I couldn't believe what I heard or what I was seeing. Stoick was terrible, awful and deserved to lose Hiccup and Heather for the rest of his life. I really couldn't even process everything Hiccup had said about the man who was supposed to be his father. I knew Hiccup said his father hated him, I thought he was exaggerating until now when I hear everything that happens.

I couldn't listen anymore. I darted away from the workshop door and went to my car, I sat in the drivers seat then just cried into my hands about everything. My heart was breaking having to hear and see all that playing over and over in my head again. I didn't even know how to feel anymore about it. Hiccup was miserable, he really did hate his life. How could Stoick blame Hiccup for his mother's death!? That was terrible. You never said that to your child, and Stoick saying Hiccup wasn't his son? I wanted to call the police and report the chief myself but I couldn't. I wouldn't have proof and Hiccup would never go against the man. After I calmed down, I left the school. I had to do something to help Hiccup, I just didn't know what yet. But I couldn't stand to see him so upset.


	12. Goodbye

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

12; Goodbye.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I just couldn't get it out of my head from that day I accidentally listened in to Hiccup and Gobber's conversation. I knew it was wrong of me but, I had believed things couldn't have been that bad with Stoick and Hiccup. That was until I heard the truth of how Stoick treated Hiccup, and why Hiccup didn't show Heather the truth. It was to protect her, so she could keep believing things were okay. It was for her happiness which seemed to be all Hiccup really cared about. It was a sweet gesture but at the cost of his own happiness too. Hiccup was sacrificing his happiness for his sisters. It was truly an honorable act, Hiccup dealt with so much abuse. Physical, mental, and verbal. He managed a strong front for his sister so she wouldn't worry about him but Heather had admitted before she was worried for Hiccup because he'd been different since their mother died.

It was actually giving me nightmares seeing Hicucp break down in Gobber's hug. In all the times I've talked to Hiccup and heard his sadness, I've never seen it first hand. And when I saw that display, Hiccup breaking down on Gobber because of everything...It actually broke my heart to hear and see. I couldn't even do anything for him. I wanted so badly to rush in and hug him, to tell him the truth about being Angel so I could make him happy again but I also wanted to march down to the police department and slap Stoick right across the face and tell him what a horrible parent he was. But I refrained, I only got in my car and left. I didn't want to cause more trouble for Hiccup.

I didn't know what to do anymore. This situation was way out of hand with me being Angel, Hiccup like Angel and not knowing it was me while I sat here not knowing what to say or do because every day I found out something knew that hurt Hiccup and I'm the useless one to stop it. I could tell him the truth but that could have drastic effects that went either way, and that wasn't a chance I wanted to take right now. Hiccup admitted to Gobber in tears he didn't want to live anymore, that he wanted the pain to end. That scared me more. If Hiccup broke down that easily in the arms of a teacher, then anything could set him off and if he didn't have someone to talk him down...Something inside me said he'd kill himself without a second thought.

There were 5 weeks until the play now. Then after that was senior prom, and finally graduation. All in the course of 2 more months. The play aired at the end of April, prom was a week before the end of May, finally graduation was the second week of June and then that was it. High school would be over for us all. I couldn't wait. Then for me at least I September, I'd be starting classes at the community college. It was exciting. But honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to pursue psychology anymore. Not just because of this situation with Hiccup but it hurt me all the time to listen to people cry and want to end their lives. I hated not being able to just hug these people tightly and tell them it would be okay like what Gobber did for Hiccup last week.

There would be more rehearsals today. The set and scenes were finally done, music was set, and animation thanks to Hiccup, Fishlegs, and the stage crew. All costumes were done, so each class was spent on timing, proper emotions, and staying in character. I noticed Hiccup did have more confidence in his role as Beast now, he was less nervous doing his lines and he stayed in character no matter what. He danced fine, sang great, and his reactions were amazing. I actually had fun rehearsing with him. I knew he was acting though, not just as Beast but with his own self too. Everything he did was nothing more than a facade. It bothered me because I was the only one who knew that Hiccup was an actor all the time, not just during the drama class.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I couldn't help the break down on Gobber last week. I just hadn't cried in so long, and I couldn't cut myself there so I cried, I blew up and cried. Gobber knew all those things but he knew I needed to get them out. They were never out, they were always there and that's why the pain never stopped. It was never ending. Gobber drove me home that night after calling dad and telling him that I helped him late with a project involving the play. Dad said okay but otherwise didn't care as usual. When I got home, dad was there. I made dinner and sat quietly at the table. Heather asked me why my eyes were red, I couldn't tell her from crying. Dad had looked curiously too. I only responded with I had gotten sawdust in my eyes they were irritated. Both both the lie and we finished our meal.

Now we were back to Monday after the weekend, great more school. Least it was almost over. 8 weeks to go, and 5 until the play. I would be happy when it was over. Heather and I just arrived at the school, went right to first period as always. Walking in I saw a few others, ones I didn't like. I saw them smirking at me, chuckling. I thought it was weird but ignored it. I saw down and stared out the window, then saw them walk over. Heather had gone to the bathroom so she wasn't in yet. "Hey loser." Snotlout said.

"What do you want." I said coldly.

"Nothing, just wanted to make sure you were okay. You were so upset Friday, crying against the workshop teacher because daddy hates you?" My eyes widened a bit, they'd...seen that?

"Hah, check the face! It is true." Dagur snorted laughing.

"Is not. Get lost..." I order. Dagur grabbed my wrist, I fought back wincing. I still had fresh cuts there from the weekend. I never talked to Angel though she tried to message me. I just said I didn't feel good.

"Don't tell me what to do. You're weak, you only fought against Snotlout because he was drunk that night. You couldn't do it again." Dagur hissed out, turning his elbow and hitting me in the face before walking away and sitting down. I ignored it. It was every day this happened anyway. Heather came in, then Astrid, other students, and finally the teacher. The lesson began.

Every class was like this with one of them. They'd hurt me, threaten me. I was even getting texts from dad about chores I didn't do because I was tired. My limits were getting tested today, a couple times I snuck off to the bathroom to cut myself. Just once on each wrist, I let it bleed a minute or two before wrapping it up and hiding my wrists with my long sleeve. I'd return to class and just sit there blankly watching the lesson.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Something seemed off about today. Hiccup was disappearing to the bathroom more and more between classes and sometimes even during. It was only 11am, I had a bad feeling about it but what could I do? I had to act like I knew nothing at all, had to act normal. I just saw Hiccup return to class again, he sat down and stared void of emotion at the board. It seemed like he was paying attention but the nothingness in his eyes told me differently. Next class was actually just lunch and I had a feeling he wouldn't sit with us like always. Sure enough he didn't. I heard Snotlout, Eret, and Dagur snickering, watching something on Eret's phone.

Something wasn't right. Hiccup was too quiet. He hadn't answered my messages all weekend, he even missed my calls. He only told me late Friday night that he didn't feel good. I assumed he just wasn't in the mood to talk after the whole thing with Gobber which still weighed on my mind. None of my callers even got like that, I knew Hiccup had a lot going on but to break down in school against a teacher. He had to of really been holding it in. I saw him with his headphones in, he was too far away me to hear what he was listening to though. I sighed, I just hoped he would be okay.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

It just didn't stop. From that moment in Algebra with Dagur saying what he said, it kept going. How had they known about my break down with Gobber? Were they watching it? This is why I hid myself in school, why I didn't talk to anyone. Now they knew and were picking on me for that too. Wonderful. When there was only 10 minutes left of class. I eventually got up and left the cafeteria. I didn't even eat my lunch, I wasn't hungry. I went to the bathroom on the opposite side of the school and sat in the stall. Cutting myself again. I didn't care anymore. I was nearing my limit. If anything else went wrong today I was going to snap. I sat there bleeding a while, not a lot but enough to relax me. When the bell rang, I wrapped my wrists again and moved into the hall with the other students.

Reaching history, I actually tripped going in. I hadn't lost enough blood to be dizzy yet? I shook it off and sat down sluggishly. "Hiccup, are you okay?" Heather asked me.

"Fine sis." I lied.

"You don't look so good. Maybe you should go to the nurse." Ruffnut offered now.

I glared crossing my arms over my chest. "I said I was fine." The lesson began as I watched. All things I knew of course. I couldn't wait for school to be over, I had time to visit Toothless today and that always cheered me up. Only a few more hours to go. I could handle that right? As class continued I saw Eret grinning at me, I flipped him off and kept looking ahead. The bell rang and once again, I went to my next class. Finally one with just me, the others weren't there. It was peaceful. The end of the day came, drama class. We'd be doing more rehearsals. Mainly scenes between Astrid and myself. I realized my phone was almost dead, so I left it backstage to charge up.

I met on Astrid on stage and for the next hour or so we worked on our lines, the other minor characters jumping in for their parts. We had it pretty much down. After all that, class was about to let out in 5 minutes. I went in the back to get my phone. Astrid went to talk with Heather, Cami, and Ruffnut. I saw Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur near my phone. Holding it and laughing. "Hey hey, there's he is." Snotlout laughed.

"What are you 3 doing with my phone?" I roll my eyes trying to take it from them but Dagur moved back with it shaking their heads.

"Didn't know you were so popular, Haddock. Did you know your dad wants you to clean the house spotless tonight?" Eret chuckled. They were reading my texts?!

"Oh and AngelWings says to call her because she's worried about Ryder. Must be you...Didn't know you had a girlfriend." Dagur said. My eyes widened, they saw my messages with Angel! I reached for the phone again.

"Give it back!" I demanded.

"No way, this is gold. Wait until everyone finds out that Haddock's girlfriend works for the suicide line." Eret snickered.

"Its just her job...and she isn't my girlfriend. We're just...friends." I say softer.

"No its more than that." I froze a bit. "We saw everything...She's your helper. You've called the suicide hotline! And its because you're a depressed little boy who cuts. We saw everything! Eret was in the workshop when you broke down on Mr. Belchsen." Dagur remarked. No. No that couldn't be true. Eret was in there? He saw all that? I bit my lower lip now.

"See it is true. No comeback now, do ya?" Snotlout said pushing me a bit.

"Don't touch me...Leave me alone. Just give me my phone." I said again. Dagur and Eret grabbed my wrists shoving my sleeves up. I tried to jerk away but Snotlout punched me in the stomach, I gasped for air coughing a bit and wincing.

"Well shit...I didn't know you cut at school...these are fresh...That what you been doing all day? Cutting? What a weakling." Eret said laughing.

"J-Just shut up...You don't know anything about me, Eret." I snap at him.

"Oh because of your display last night we know everything. I have it on video..." Eret whispered, my eyes widened again. No. No! I jerked from their grip and grabbed his phone from him. I saw he had the video up as I quickly deleted it. Eret snatched the phone back and punched me in the face. I didn't care. The video was gone.

"Got balls, don't ya. Well maybe we call Angel and tell her you're still cutting. You told her you stopped. You shouldn't lie, Hiccup. Makes people hate you." Snotlout said.

"Everyone...already hates me. What's...one more. But Angel...would never hate me. She likes me." I said.

"You're such a loser. A failure. You think that girl wants you? Get a look at yourself Haddock and seriously, for a straight A student...You're an idiot." Dagur said.

"S-She does want me. We'll be together soon..." I say.

They only laughed. "Wow. So you think a girl who you met through a suicide hotline wants you? Out of the thousands of callers she gets a day who bitch that their life sucks. She doesn't mean it, Haddock." Snotlout said.

"She gives everyone that line. Bet you anything she said your life has meaning and not to give up right. That she'd meet you one day, she likes you because you're kind, and caring. Some bullshit like that? And you fell for it. She's just keeping you from killin yourself." Dagur retorted. My eyes widened. No, that...wasn't true. Angel did like me. She told me that.

"Did she say you were special, Hiccup...Did she say she was breaking the rules just for you. That you're the only one she's ever just called to talk too?" I looked down.

"What a fool. Don't you know those hotlines are a scam. There ain't no men in that building, all women praying on helpless suicidal kids like you." Eret added. I felt tears prick my eyes. No, not...Angel. She said we'd meet and...be happy.

"She's lying to you. You mean nothing to her or she would of called you without using *69...She would of trusted you with her cell phone number. She doesn't love you, or like you. She doesn't want you. No one does. You're a loser, hated by everyone. Even your dad. Its your fault your mom died...You got nothing Haddock. You will never have anything, you will never be anything. You are nothing." Dagur said tossing my phone to me now as they walked away from me. I caught it staring at my exposed wrists, silent tears falling from my eyes. I covered my wrists and pulled myself together. Not here. I would not break here again. Something told me those assholes were sitting around the corner with their phones out.

The bell rang, and I wiped my eyes and used one of the water bottles to splash my face a bit. I wiped the excess water and headed off stage meeting Heather so we could go to our bus. Once on, I saw Eret and Snotlout chuckling still. "Ignore those jerks bro. They aren't worth the aggravation." Heather tells me.

 _'But their words cut deep and its pain I can't escape...'_ I thought though I nodded to her and relaxed.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Ever since Hiccup and I did our scenes. I hadn't seen him exit from back stage, nor did I see Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur but those three always stayed together. Tuffnut was sitting with Fishlegs, myself, Heather, and Ruffnut. When the bell rang, Heather went backstage and I didn't see either of them after that. I had to get to work seeing as the boss scheduled me at 3pm and it was already 2:25pm. I had a 20 minute drive into town, plus park then clock in. I was getting a terrible feeling that something was wrong. I hadn't heard from Hiccup a week through chat, or the hotline. And now he'd been unusually quiet in school too. I got in my car and began my drive to work.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

The bus ride was silent, I was going to message Angel and ask if we could meet up. Even if it was just for a minute that I could see her to prove those guys wrong. But I hesitated, I stopped. No. I couldn't call her. Her job...was to help people. I was...making her job harder because she liked me. Or said she did. I didn't know anymore. And after the day I had, I didn't care anymore either. I just wanted to go to bed. I wouldn't call Angel again, she had...other callers to tend to and I was...just a broken mess that couldn't be fixed no matter what. Nothing could fix me. I was broken, and dead inside. Why not be dead...outside too? Who would care. Heather would be fine. Dad would probably be happy. And everyone else...would just forget about me.

As we got home, Heather went to do her homework and I assumed with her headphones in too. That was fine by me. I'd do mine later, maybe. I wasn't in the mood right now. I felt my phone vibrate as I text from dad, I pulled it up and read it. _"That house better be spotless, Hiccup. I mean it. From top to bottom, I want to see my reflection in the counters, floors, and windows. If its not done by the time I get home, I will take your phone and computer. That house should have been done yesterday. Your slacking! Your mother never would of slacked, and she always said you were just like her. Why can't you just listen and do as your told like your sister can. We only wanted one child, not two. Especially one who came unexpectedly. You weren't even seen on screen until the birth. You were born first and you just happen to be the problem child. Now clean that house! You'll never get a good job to pay rent in 16 weeks if you can't follow simple instructions. I won't support your ass forever. I'll be home at 10pm."_

I couldn't believe what I just read. I was slacking?...I wasn't like mom? I was...the problem child? Really!? Why! Why couldn't he love me like he loved Heather! What did I ever do wrong! I was sick of it, I couldn't do it anymore. I'm done. I knew to clean the stupid house, I didn't need all that as incentive! I threw my phone on my bed and screamed in the pillow. I didn't care I was crying or yelling as loud as the pillow would allow. After stopping, I slammed my fists into the bed, the mattress bounced as my knife came out. I picked it up and stared at it a good minute.

 _ **Everyone hates you, Hiccup.**_ I slid my sleeve up and put the blade to my wrist. _**Angel doesn't like you. You're just another one of her callers. That hotline is a scam. You mean nothing to her or to anyone. You'll be never anything. You are nothing. A worthless, useless, weak, nothing.**_ I dragged the blade across my wrist. Oh Gods it felt so good too. I did the same 5 more times, then matched my other wrist. The knife dropped from my hands as I reached for my phone. I dialed the hotline number for Angel's desk. There was no answer. I just wanted to say goodbye. I left a message then dropped my phone and went to the bathroom to get a bottle of pills. I didn't care which ones. I was done. I couldn't do this anymore. No one would miss me or even care. I'd...get to be with mom.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I got to work at 2:55 because of traffic, I rushed into work to clock in. I got to my desk and put my things down. My coworker leaned over from her chair and smiled. "Hey, Astrid." She greeted.

"Not supposed to use our real names, but hey." I greeted.

"Someone just called your line directly. It rang 5 times before I think going to voicemail. The name came up Ryder." My coworker said. My eyes widened as I froze. Ryder called before I got here? That was a relief. He was okay, but wanted to talk. I'd call him back after I checked the voicemail. I said down and put my headset on, clicking the voicemail button on the phone and listened. But what I heard, scared me. He was crying, actually crying like when he had with Gobber.

" **Angel...I-I guess your busy, but that's...okay. I know a lot of people call you for help...I'm not...looking for help this time. I just...wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me. You really are...an angel. And I'm sure you'll make some guy really happy one day. I ju—just wanted...to s-say good...bye. You probably...won't hear from me again. Things...will be better this way. I don't...want to get you in...trouble. The...guys at my school saw...our messages and they are calling you my girlfriend...I just...I can't take it. I'm done. And I don't feel like talking, or feel the need to keep trying...or breathing anymore...So...that's...it I guess...Goodbye, Angel..."**

The message stopped as I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Hiccup was saying goodbye to me, that meant...He was going to kill himself! I had to stop this, stop him. I got up and raced towards the building exit, ignoring all the looks I got. I was trying to dial Hiccup. 4 rings in, "Pick up the phone, Hiccup..." No answer, I got voicemail. I pulled my keys from my purse getting in my car. I tried again, 2 rings in. "Pick up, Hiccup!" Nothing again. This was really bad. I started my car and sped off down the road. I had a 15 minute drive back and I prayed I made it in time, but in case I didn't. I lifted my phone again and I called one more number.

" _Berk Police Department. How can I direct your call today?" Came a woman's voice._


	13. Sadness

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

13; Sadness.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I'd been sitting on the edge of my bed now for a good 10 minutes letting my wrists bleed, I'd already taken 3 maximum strength aspirins. They were prescribed to dad for his migraines, these bad boys were 250mg a piece and I took 3. My body was numb, I couldn't feel anything anymore but the pills made me sick. I was throwing up too but I wasn't stopping. I wouldn't do this anymore. I couldn't. My crush on Angel was going to get her into trouble at work, and those jerks at school knew about all the crap with my dad. I would never live it down, so I'd rather die. Heather was listening to her music, I heard it when I walked by her room.

 _'I'm...sorry...Heather...I'm so sorry...'_ I thought as tears rolled down my cheeks. _'Please forgive me one day...'_ I felt my body getting heavier, I was dizzy and could barely see straight. It would all be over soon.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I was driving as fast as I could towards Hiccup's house, I had the phone to my ear after dialing the BPD. I might not get to the house in time, but they could. But I wasn't going to just call in a suicide. No. I was telling father. As soon as I heard the receptionist pick up I started. "I need to speak with chief Stoick Haddock immediately."

" _I'm sorry, Mr. Haddock is in a meeting right now."_

"I do not care. Get him on the phone now. Tell him its in regards to his kid." I demand.

" _May I ask who is calling."_ Oh I was going to be in so much trouble for this.

"This is Astrid Hofferson from the NAC Hotline, reporting a suicide attempt in progress. Tell the chief this an emergency." I wasn't supposed to use my pull from the hotline, it would get them involved. But I had to save Hiccup, that's all the mattered right now. I'd take the repercussions later on. I heard a click, then Stoick's voice.

" _Miss. Hofferson what is going on?"_

"Hiccup is trying to kill himself! You need to get home, right now!" I scream.

" _Astrid, I don't need to remind you that prank calling the police about a fake suicide attempt is a serious offense." Stoick says dryly._

I seriously could not believe what he just said. "THIS IS NOT A PRANK, STOICK. YOUR SON IS TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF! I work for the Not Alone Crisis Hotline. Hiccup called it and he just left a voicemail at my desk saying he was done talking, trying, and breathing. Now if you don't move your ass right now, then your daughter is going to walk in and find your son dead from bleeding out because he cuts himself! Is that what you want! Your son wants to die and it appalls me that you aren't taking this seriously! I will give you whatever proof later just get home, please!" I pleaded now, crying.

Stoick was silent, he wasn't saying anything at the moment. And then, it was like realization hit him. _"I want two cars and an ambulance with suicide attempt gear following me to my house right now. This is a drop everything order and do it NOW!" Stoick's voice boomed. "And you, we will discuss this later." He says to me._

"I will tell you anything and everything...Just get to him...please...He can't...die." I cried.

" _Don't worry, Astrid. We'll make it."_ With that he hung up. I tossed my phone to the passenger side and drove faster. I was scared, worried, panicking. Hiccup couldn't die. He couldn't. This was all my fault. I saw these signs the first time he called, I saw them in school and I could have gotten him real help instead of just being Angel. I'd take him hating me the rest of his life as long as he's alive rather than dead because I decided to keep my mouth shut because I thought I was enough to help him. I hated myself right now.

I drove another 5 minutes before pulling up at the Haddock house. I rushed towards the door and opened it. "Hiccup!" I yelled out. I made it to the kitchen where Heather was eating a sandwich.

"Astrid, what are you doing here?" Heather said quickly.

"Hiccup! Where's Hiccup?" I asked rushing.

"I—I don't know...He should...be in his room. What's going on!?" Heather screeched with worry. I didn't even answer her, I rushed upstairs and saw blood droplets on the carpet leading to the bathroom. I opened the door and looked around but didn't see him. I heard a grunt as I looked behind me to see Hiccup's door, I quickly turned the handle and walked in. I saw him a crying mess sitting on his bed trying to open a pill bottle.

 **{Regular POV}**

Hiccup had thrown up the first 3 pills he took, he reached for the bottle sitting beside him and tried to get the cap off but the cuts on his arms made him weaker and he couldn't get it off right. He grunted as Astrid burst through the door. He was crying hard. Blood coating his sleeves, arms, bed and parts of the floor. "I can't...get...the cap off..." He whimpered. Astrid rushed in and tried to take them from him.

"NO!" Astrid screamed trying to get them away. The two struggled as Hiccup yelled at her, this alerted Heather to rush up the stairs slipping a few times. Stoick arrived with two cars and an ambulance outside, he rushed in as well hearing all the screaming and hollaring.

"Hiccup!" Stoick called out. Upstairs, all the struggling forced the bottle open and pills spilled out on Hiccup's bedroom floor.

"What have you done!" Hiccup scolded Astrid, she cried backing up a bit. "Why did you do that!" Hiccup was a mess. He was pale and a little cold from what she could tell when she touched his hand. Stoick came up the stairs and had her back up.

"Sit down, sit down...I got him..." Stoick said softly as he pulled Hiccup back from the pills and towards the bed.

"No...No I want to die...I wanna die..." Hiccup cried out as Stoick held him still rubbing his auburn hair a bit. Hiccup tried to struggled but couldn't with how weak he was. Heather was standing almost petrified in the doorway, seeing the state of her elder brother crying and saying he wanted to die. Astrid put her hands to her chest, pleadingly.

"Please..." She whispered.

"Its alright son...Ssh...Its alright...Calm down..." Stoick soothed. He nodded as the paramedics came in and stuck a needle in Hiccup's arm. "Wh—what are they...giving him?..." Astrid forced out in fear.

"A sedative...so we can treat his wounds..." The paramedic said softly. The sedative didn't take very long to take effect, Hiccup's cries of wanting to die lessened as his head drooped a bit to heavy breathing before his eyes closed. Stoick had been rocking him back and forth, the old man was actually trying to force back tears have seen Hiccup in such a state. Astrid looked over to Heather who was shaking, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Alright...He's out. Lets get him in the ambulance and to the hospital..." Stoick said as he picked Hiccup up and carried him downstairs onto the gurney. The paramedics moved quickly to stop the bleeding on Hiccup's arms, then apply some antibacterial cream before wrapping his wrists and nodding to Stoick. "He's stable with an IV but we need to get him to the hospital to check his system. Are you riding with or separate?"

"I'll follow in the car." Stoick said turning around to see Astrid helping Heather outside as the ambulance headed off, sirens blaring. "Both of you, get in the car now. You men...You know what to do." Stoick ordered. His officers nodded as Astrid helped Heather in Stoick's squad car, then he got in and they were following lights behind the ambulance.

"Da—Dad...Is...Hiccup...going to be okay?" Heather forced out.

"Yes...He will be." Stoick said. "We aren't going to lose him, don't you worry. Hiccup is a Haddock, and we...always make it through anything." His eyes were on Astrid through the rear view mirror though, she knew she was in a lot of trouble with not just her job which she doubted she would have by the end of the week and also now Hiccup's father when he found out she knew about Hiccup's depression and didn't report it right away. Otherwise the trip to the hospital was silent.

(The Hospital)

Hiccup was immediately taken into the emergency room to have his stomach checked and a blood transfusion. There had been a lot at the house, Hiccup made deep cuts. Heather was taken by a nurse to evaluate her since she was in a bit of shock still about what she'd seen. Now being just Stoick and Astrid he faced her. "I want to know everything Astrid...From beginning to end that led to my son trying to kill himself." Stoick ordered. Astrid wanted to him hit, how dare he demand an explanation after he was part of the problem! But she didn't snap and she couldn't hide the truth.

"It started a couple months ago. Hiccup...called the NAC line by accident. Then called back two hours later, I was the one who answered when it came up. As you know...us workers don't give our real names for security. I...at the hotline am known as Angel. I didn't know it was Hiccup at first, and he never used his name. He went by Ryder, but when I asked how I could help him. He told me flat out he felt like no one cared and he wanted to kill himself." I saw Stoick's eyes widen a bit.

"This was an issue months ago and you didn't report it!" Stoick boomed, this time she got angry and waved her finger in his face.

"Don't you dare get mad at me because YOU WERE PART OF HIS PROBLEM!" She snapped at him, he took a step back. A few people looked up and Stoick moved us outside but still in sight of the main desk. "I talked him down from it, as my job says too. And we're only supposed to report it if the caller is unresponsive to the advice given, or if we can't handle the situation anymore. I got Hiccup calm, we talked until I assume you came home. He told me that he was hated by everyone, including you but excluding Heather and some teachers at school. I am not going to explain everything because it is far too much. The night I talked to him, he'd been cutting himself. He told me about home life and school life. Then when you came home, he just dropped the call." Astrid retorted.

"Was that the only time he called?" Stoick asked quieter.

"No. He called again after the play was announced. I convinced him to try out and sing. He sang for me, a song from Skillet over the phone. In exchange I gave him my work e-mail and direct line. As I said, I did not know it was him until the day of tryouts. When he sang another Skillet song. I put two and two together. From everything 'Ryder' told me about his life. I matched it to what I knew about Hiccup's...and then the dance we had to do on stage...I saw the cuts on his arms. He doesn't know I saw them. You know the rules at the hotline...We don't get personal with our callers. And I'm sorry sir but with all Hiccup told me about his life...Given the fact I went to school with him and he was calling me talking to Angel about his life...It was hard not too. He doesn't know I'm Angel either...We talked, and e-mailed all the time. I didn't report him because talking to Angel...He seemed happier over all and that is my job...to make people feel better." Astrid sighed a bit looking down.

"And today, what caused all this if he was happy..." Stoick questioned.

"Last week...Gobber took Hiccup home, right?" Stoick nodded, "In the workshop, Hiccup broke down against Gobber telling him how much you hated him, and didn't call him your son. I mean every bit of what I say here sir but you are an asshole! You were the main source of Hiccup's depression! How could you...treat him like he didn't matter! How can you blame him for your wife's death!" Astrid took a breath seeing Stoick look down a bit. "But that wasn't all...All last week, I didn't hear from Hiccup in chat, e-mail, or the hotline...I was worried. Then earlier today at school...those idiot guys who were drunk at the Thorston's...They constantly bully Hiccup...And they found out about him talking to...me, well Angel. Also that he was a cutter and cried against Gobber...I went to work after school...and there was a voicemail there from him, him saying goodbye. I left and headed right for your house, and I called you so you could get there faster before I did...I got there, Hiccup was trying to get the pill bottle open...We fought so I could get it away...then you came..." Astrid explained.

"You know I'm going to have to get that voicemail from you..." Stoick says. Astrid pulled her phone out and called her hotline number, then went to voicemail, then handed him the phone as Hiccup's message played to him. Astrid knew how to get into her own office voicemail, it wasn't hard. Stoick's eyes almost filled with tears again hearing how broken Hiccup sounded. Stoick handed it back to her as she flipped through her pictures and stopped on a video, the one Eret had taken of Hiccup and Gobber. I pressed play and handed it back, Stoick was able to see Hiccup's conversation with Gobber, start to finish. When it was over, he slowly handed it back.

"Hiccup wanted to die...because you've been a horrible father to him the last 3 years. And there's my proof. The guys were teasing Hiccup because of me. By accident as 'Angel' I told Hiccup that I liked him and he apparently liked me, well her back. I said I had to figure out how to get around the work policies for us to meet. By this...I was going to tell him who I was. But...Those idiots made him think I was just some phony pulling at his heartstrings. They told him I wasn't real, that I didn't like him...Which isn't true. I do like him a lot too...I knew I was personal with him but...I didn't know when I started talking to him that he was Hiccup and by then...It was too late and I couldn't bare to just break contact. I thought it would make him worse...So I kept talking to him..." Astrid cried.

"Its...not your fault lass. And I won't reprimand you for doing your job...Had it...not been for you...Hiccup might have tried to kill himself the first night he talked to you...I know I've been horrible to him...He just...reminds me so much of Val and her being gone, with no leads to finding her body or killer...Its a fresh thing still. I never...knew how much he was suffering because of me and I put work ahead of my children..." Stoick lowered his head.

"But you can make up for it. Its never too late to change but Hiccup...he's gonna need time. He's probably not going to remember what happened at the house...Or he might shut down seeing you there because he'll think you're only going to be disappointed in him again...Hell he's gonna be pissed at me when he finds out I was Angel the whole time..." Astrid looked away.

"He'll forgive you. You said he said he liked Angel back. You're Angel. Just because you use a different name, doesn't mean your personality changes." Stoick replied.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

After telling Stoick everything, and hearing he wasn't going to punish me made me feel better. I knew I'd hear it from work though...and probably Heather when she found out I was talking to Hiccup and knew he was depressed when she'd been wondering if he was okay. I didn't care though, Hiccup was alive and Stoick saw the error of his ways. I knew Hiccup would be okay in time, and I prayed Stoick was right about him forgiving me. Ruffnut had sent me the video of what Eret took that day of Hiccup crying to Gobber, if she sent it to me. She'd probably send it around to everyone. I sighed now watching the nurse come over and motion Stoick inside.

"How is my son...and daughter?" Stoick asked.

"Your daughter is alright, just a bit shaken up from the experience. Your son for now is stable and asleep, the sedative will probably keep him asleep for a good few hours. It makes the patient drowsy. His stomach was pumped, whatever he took didn't agree with him and he threw most of it up. Also his wrists have been wrapped. The doctor can tell you more inside. We've placed your daughter in the same room as him, she asked to be close to her brother and she'd be okay." The nurse said.

"Thank you." Stoick nodded his head, then we followed her inside to Hiccup's room. Heather was sitting in a chair by Hiccup's bedside, she was holding his hand stroking the back of it.

"You idiot...I told you...to talk to me if you felt down..." Heather whispered as a few tears fell from her green eyes. Stoick went over and put his hands on Heather's shoulder, then a hand to Hiccup's head to move some of his hair from his eyes.

"Don't worry..He'll be okay. Hiccup was like yer mother...She didn't like to talk either...But now we know so we can get him the help he needs..." Stoick said. Heather looked at me now, she got up and hugged me. I was surprised but hugged her back.

"Thank you..." She whispered.

"F-For what...I didn't..." I began.

"I don't know how...But you knew something was wrong and you came, you...saved his life. I didn't...know he was up there...doing any of that...If you...hadn't come...we could of lost him...Thank you for saving my brother...You're a good friend." Heather tells me, oh that only made the guilt worse.

"Its...okay...I-I'm gonna go...call my parents and tell them I'm with you. I won't...tell them anything about Hiccup...I know its personal...I'll be back okay." I say, Heather nods as she moved back to her seat and holding Hiccup's hand. I left the room to call my parents, I saw missed calls from my boss. I was going to have to deal with it sooner or later. I'd call my parents first, then them. I let them know I was with Heather at the Haddock's rehearsing things from the play and work gave me the night off. It was a lie but they wouldn't check it. Then I called the hotline and got put through to my boss.

It was a long explanation and they said we'd talk next time I came in. For now to let Stoick know they'd cooperate in anyway they could. I told them also that I was resigning from the job. They asked why and I said that after this...I knew I couldn't ever deal with it again. I explained that I didn't know who Ryder was until I put the pieces together he was a student at my school. I told them that I tried to stay impersonal but couldn't because his sister was my best friend and I hated seeing him hide his depression from everyone. And now this where I'd fallen for him and my silence almost caused him to kill himself. They told me they weren't going to tell Stoick it was me but I told them I already gave him the truth. And that I was resigning...effective immediately.

I knew I couldn't do this job anymore, not after this. I'd fallen for Hiccup and though I might lose him forever...at least he was alive. After getting off the phone with them, I made my way outside and stared up at the sky, it was just becoming dark. My body shook as I finally just cried from everything. Hiccup tried to kill himself. For months I thought he was okay, and he was just hiding it like he did with everyone else. And now he was laying in a hospital bed, sedated for the next few hours. I felt like it was all my fault, I know I didn't play a part in his depression but I knew the truth about what did. And if I'd spoken up sooner...this could have been avoided. I couldn't help by cry.


	14. A Choice

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

14; A Choice.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

After about 25 minutes standing outside and crying, I finally took a breath and walked back in. I went to the bathroom first to splash water on my face and calm down. My parents had said they'd come get me if I wanted but I said I wanted to stay for a while longer, I lied and said we were doing homework together. I know I shouldn't lie, especially after all this but it was personal and I didn't want to go around stating Hiccup tried to kill himself and how I ended up there. I'd had enough telling the story for one day, right now I just wanted Hiccup to be alright. I returned to his room as Stoick was talking on the phone with his officers, apparently the house had been cleaned up and no remnants of what happened.

Heather was still sitting by Hiccup's side. "H-How is he?" I asked.

"Doctor said he was stable, and wants to keep him overnight. Wants Hiccup to have one on one sessions with him to talk about what happened, also come to a support group for depressed teens, and gave dad a mild tranquilizer that will make Hiccup sleepy and help relax him until Hiccup evens out on his own..." Heather explained trying not to cry.

"It will be okay. I was with him every day just like you...Not even...I saw how upset her really was." This was a bold faced like and it hurt me to say it too. I would tell Hiccup eventually but not right off the bat, he needed time to recover first. Doing it too soon would only relapse him.

"I just...I'm his twin sister. I knew something was wrong, Astrid...And I should of...made him talk to me...He could of died tonight...I could of lost him him...and...I don't...know what I'd do if I lost him." Heather cried. I rubbed her back slowly. We heart slight groaning and Hiccup's lifted her head quickly as we saw Hiccup's eyes moving with the lids still closed, then his head moving side to side slowly and trying to open his eyes. "Dad!" Heather called to Stoick who quickly said goodbye to whoever he was talking too and rushed over.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

At first all I heard was beeping, a steady one. Then I heard voices, I could distinguish it was Heather and...Astrid? What was...going on? I tried to open my eyes, my head was pounding. The room was so bright, I tried to move my arms but they were sore. I heard Heather talking to Astrid, she was telling her something about the doctor and overnight, support group and mild tranquilizer until my mood evened? What? I shook my head when I heard Heather call for our father. At that, my eyes began to open slowly while I groaned. Everything was fuzzy at first, I blinked to focus. The first faces I saw belonged to Heather, dad, and Astrid. As I looked around more I saw I was in the hospital now. That explained the bright lights and beeping.

I saw their worried faces staring at me, my eyes trailed to Heather holding my hand and my wrists bound with gauze and wrappings. That's when I remembered what happened, I'd tried to kill myself at my house. I'd...cut myself deep on both wrists then tried to overdose on dad's prescription migraine pills. Then everything went black. What happened? I wasn't dead, I could feel my heart beating. Who found me? My head was killing me.

"Hiccup?..." Heather asks. I turned my head towards her seeing how sad she looked, I only assumed they were all there because I tried to kill myself. Which meant my depression was out in the open now and I'd be watched like a hawk. I closed my eyes.

"If you're going to yell at me then do it..." I mumbled, of course this was directed at Stoick.

"I'm not...going to yell at you son. I'm...glad you're awake..." Stoick said, I glanced at him now. Oh great a suicide attempt got him to care suddenly. Wonderful.

"How...do you feel?" Heather asked me.

"I can't...feel much right now. And I'm tired..." I reply.

"Its the sedative wearing off...Doctor said that might happen..." Heather said softly, tears forming in her eyes. This is what I'd been afraid of, Heather seeing me like this. Depressed and hurting myself, and now she was in the hospital after I'd tried to kill myself. Did she come in the room and stop me? Or did dad come home early? Why in the name of Thor was Astrid there? My eyes fell on her now.

"I don't...remember you being at the house before all this...Why...are you here?" I asked her, she tensed.

"Astrid is the one who found you in your room...She...saved your life." Heather said first. My eyes widened a bit.

"She's the one who..." Stoick was cut off by the doctor coming in with a soft smile.

"Well, its good to see you awake. You've been asleep for close to an hour and 30 minutes there son. Any pain?" The doctor asked me. I shook my head. "That's good. How much do you remember from the last few hours or so?"

"Everything up until my bedroom." I reply.

"Can you tell me your name?" The doctor asked. Great these questions now.

"Hiccup Haddock the Third. February 29, 1999. 17 years old. Senior at Berk High School. Mother; Valka Haddock. Father; Chief Stoick Haddock. Twin sister; Heather Haddock. That about answer them all?" I retort coldly. The doctor blinked a bit and nodded.

"Well they are just standard lad. Have to make sure you know who you are. You lost quite a bit of blood. Took 3 bags to get you levels stable again." The doctor said. "You seem...irritated right now." He mentioned.

"I feel like I'm being held down by six, 200 pound weights. I have a splitting headache, and I'm in a room with someone I really rather not be." His eyes glanced towards his father.

"Hiccup, this is standard to as-..."

"Yes I know why I'm here. Because I tried to slit my wrists and overdose..." Hiccup rolled his eyes.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

When Hiccup woke up, we were relieved and scared as to his reaction about being in a hospital bed or if he'd remember why he was there in the first place. I was nervous when he noticed me and asked why I was there. Heather cut in saying I was the one who saved him. Then Stoick started to say I called him to let him know about the attempt but thankfully the doctor came in and that was put to rest quick. I didn't need that being an issue right now. I listened quietly as Hiccup answered all the doctors questions before the doctor even asked. Yeah he was still mad, I saw the glance he made at Stoick.

"Just tell me when I can go home. And resume...what I guess is normal life..." Hiccup remarked. I hated how he was talking.

"Well that's going to be an issue lad...Because of your attempt to take your own life for reasons we don't understand right now...We have to keep you here for at least an overnight watch to ensure you won't do it again. And if you cannot refrain from harming yourself...Then we have to admit you to the psychiatric hospital until we feel you're no longer a danger to yourself." The doctor said.

"Great. So its Hiccup versus the world again. What a not so shocker to to me." I saw Hiccup turned his head and close his eyes. It was hard to see him like this, he was still mad and hated it all. He hated he was still alive and his attempt to kill himself hadn't worked. Did that mean he wanted to try again first chance he got?

"Its not meant to me against you son...We just don't want you to hurt yourself anymore." Stoick offered, Hiccup's glare darkened right away.

"Hiccup please...Let the doctors help you. You...promised me that if something was wrong you'd...talk to me and you didn't." Heather held his hand tightly. I was also silently pleading for Hiccup to agree. It hurt to hear how angry he was. The doctor faced us now with a smile.

"Can I ask the three of you step out for a bit. I'd like to speak to Hiccup alone." We all headed out leaving them alone in the room. I knew this was the part where Hiccup would be telling the doctor about what caused the attempt but I worried if he'd lie or not. It seemed like hours we were all out there just pacing and wondering the Hiccup was telling the doctor from the suicide attempt. After almost 30 minutes, the doctor emerged with a deep breath.

 **{Hiccup's {POV}**

I had two choices when the doctor asked my father, Heather, and Astrid to leave. I could lie and say I just snapped or I could tell the truth about everything. My father was proud of his position as chief, he worked hard for it. But if I lied and the doctor caught to it, I'd be institutionalized for sure and I didn't want that. I know what I'd done, I tried to end my life because of what happened at school all day today, then seeing dad's text just sent me over the edge. I didn't remember what happened after I tried to open that pill bottle, Heather said it was Astrid who rushed in and stopped me. Why would Astrid of been there? How had she known something was wrong?

At the moment, it didn't matter. "Hiccup. We we want to help you not feel this way again. Its just us now, why don't you tell me what led to you trying to take your life." I wouldn't tell them about the hotline. I didn't want Angel in trouble. Even if I never met her, she was too kind and I wouldn't involve her.

I sighed closing my eyes. "I was just sick of my life...I didn't want to live anymore." I replied slowly.

"And what made your life so bad. School, bullies? Anything at home?" The doctor asked.

"A lot of things...My depression started when my mom died 3 years ago...I was okay for a little while, but the mourning got worse and I didn't know what to do. My dad was always busy with work trying to track down her killer...Get some justice for her. My sister and I didn't see him except for early morning, or late night, sometimes no night at all because he'd be out until midnight or later." I started to explain.

"Did you ever tell him you were feeling depressed? Or did you try talking to a school counselor?" The doctor asked. I shook my head.

"I thought I could handle it. I've been bullied at school since the 7th grade, by the same people too. But...I knew dad was busy so I...kept it to myself. But one night...It just became to much, I-I blamed myself for mom dying because...I was the one who asked her to go get ice cream for my sister and me. And she never came home...I was upset, if I'd done what she said and just waited until the next day...She might still be here. I...started cutting. At first it was just...on the one wrist, then the bullying got worse and it turned into both wrists...finally I used to do 3 on each side and that's how it was up until earlier when I did 6 on each arm. Before I used to bleed a bit to relax then I'd wrap it myself. My workshop teacher...And I don't want him getting in trouble either...So what I tell you is confidential. My workshop teacher learned I was cutting and he told me he wouldn't blow my secret as long as I never tried to kill myself...I kept my cuts light and only 3 to each arm..." I sighed.

"As a teacher his legal job was to report it..."

"I don't care...I asked him not too tell. My depression was managed with light cuts, I know how bad that sounds but if I wanted too...I could ended my life 3 years ago...Anyway...So that's how I dealt with it for all that time but this year seemed to be worse. Everyone took shots at me and I couldn't get away from it no matter what I did. And earlier...I just had enough of it. I tried cutting but it just wasn't enough to erase the pain...So I cut deeper than before...and tried to OD..." I admit calmly.

"I've had a lot of patients with similar stories. They told me most of them tried calling the suicide prevention hotlines and those helped. The Not Alone Crisis line is actually centered right here in Berk. I've met a few of their workers, men and women too. Such nice people. They work with the police to stop people who want to kill themselves if a caller said they were going to hurt themselves. Extraordinary actually." The doctor states, I look at him a little now. The NAC line was centered in Berk...? That meant Angel was always close by. And the office had men and women, that meant those jerks at school were wrong. "Now this workshop teacher...Are you close with him?"

"He and my dad go way back to middle school years, their middle school years. He's...always been like an uncle to me. I always took workshop when it was offered, but this year I got stuck in dramatic arts. Though while we were working on the set for the play in 5 weeks...I was in there working on set pieces so I got to see him often. Just last week...I sort of had a break down on him, he would hold me and tell me it would be okay soon. He took me home that night..." I reply.

"Now you mentioned earlier that there was someone in this room you didn't want to be here. Was that...your father by chance?" I looked away and nodded. "His neglect of not being around affected your depression I assume?" I nodded again slowly. "I have to ask, he never hurt you or your sister? He never drank and took his grief of losing his wife out on you two?"

"He never hit us. My...father plays favorites between my sister and I...She's a daddy's girl and I was...a mama's boy. When mom died...Dad put all the house work mom used to do on me. And...he's...blamed me for her death since...I'm the one who bothered her to go for ice cream..." I didn't want to cry again. "The only hurting of me he ever did was...never loving me. What...set me over the edge was a text from him when I got home from school saying a bunch of hurtful things..."

"I see. I know he's chief of police but if his words or the words of those bullies at school pushed you to try and commit suicide...Its considered, assisted suicide and a very steep offense. You can press..." I stared at him shaking my head.

"No. I won't press charges on my dad, or the guys from school...Its not...their fault I'm a useless, worthless, disappointment." I sigh.

"You are not those things, Hiccup. I'm going to keep you overnight and in the morning, we'll see how you feel. Though I cannot recommend your recovery be at your father's house. I am getting the feeling he might be a trigger to your depression and until we work past that, I don't feel it would be good for you mental state to stay there. Is there...someone else you can stay with for a while? Or if you like, I can admit you to the psychiatric hospital. In there you'll receive care, and therapy. A place of no judgment and see if that helps at all." The doctor offered.

So even the doctor didn't think I was safe at my dad's house. "I thought you said you'll only admit me if I wanted to harm myself again..." I mumble.

"Do you want to harm yourself again, Hiccup? I can tell you that your father and sister, and...I want to say girlfriend were all very upset when you were rushed in here." I blink, girlfriend? Did he mean Astrid?! Oh Gods no, why would he think that? And why the hell had she been at the house in the first place, how did she stop me from killing myself? How could...she of known something was wrong.

"The blond with blue eyes wasn't my girlfriend. Just...a friend of my sister's who...happened to be at the house when I did what I did. I don't have a girlfriend. She was...just over because she and I play the lead parts of the play at school." I lie. I didn't know the real reason, maybe I'd ask her.

"Ah, my apologies then. As for admitting you, it can be done two ways. I can admit you under the pretenses I feel you are a danger to yourself. Or...you can admit yourself with the knowledge you know you have depression, and want help with it. If you admit yourself, you can let yourself out when you feel stable. If I admit you, you stay until I release you." The doctor explained.

"I'll...let you know tomorrow..." I say. Maybe I could go, I knew I had depression and now that Heather knew she would be terrified of me trying again. I know she'd want me to get help so I'd be okay but I didn't know if any meds, or mental hospital could fix the damage in me. "They were...really upset about what happened?" I asked slow.

"Yes. You sister had to be taken for an evaluation because she looked petrified when she came in. Your sisters friend and dad talked outside for a while. Then after they were all brought here, the friend went outside and cried for a good 20 minutes before returning. She seemed very upset you tried to end your life. Well you best be resting up now, I'm sure you're still tired." The doctor smiled. I nodded, I was tired. He left as I closed my eyes and soon drifted back to sleep.

(Outside The Room)

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I stared at the clock, the doctor and Hiccup had been talking for close to 30 minutes before we saw the doctor come out holding his clipboard. Stoick and Heather were up first, concerned for Hiccup. I just stayed beside listening. "Doctor, how is he? How is my son?" Stoick asked. The doctor eyed the father a bit before sighing.

"He and I spoke about the causes pertaining to his depression. It seems...this has been going on for a few years now, since the passing of the mother. He's decided not to fight or argue about my choice for him to stay overnight. He is stable and resting again. I suspect he will probably sleep the rest of the night. We can take the next steps tomorrow morning." The doctor stated. I saw that look the doctor gave Stoick, Hiccup actually told him the truth and that Stoick was a cause in the depression. This was all my fault. I shouldn't of kept my mouth shut these past few months. For now the doctor was essentially telling them that there was nothing more for them at the hospital right now and to go home.

I didn't know if I'd come back tomorrow, I wanted to make sure he was okay but first I needed to tell Stoick not to tell Hiccup about me calling in the suicide attempt. I didn't want that out yet, I wanted to tell Hiccup but not right now. We all nodded, thanking the doctor before exiting the emergency room hospital exit. Stoick led us back to his squad car, we got in and headed back to the Haddock household. I was quiet the whole time, of course. Reaching Stoick's house, Heather went to sit on the couch as I stood outside with Stoick. "Is she going to be okay?" I asked worried for Heather.

"Yes, we're going to to stay in the living room tonight, she's a little afraid to be so close to Hiccup's room after...all that. Thank you, Astrid for what you did tonight." Stoick tells me.

"I didn't...do anything. You're the one who held him..." I admit.

"But you drove past the speed limit I assume from your job, to my house to stop Hiccup and you are the one who fought to get the pills away from him. You saved his life tonight, and I am eternally grateful. Not just for you saving him, and talking to him these past few months but also for making me realize my mistake. I've neglected my own son or selfish desires, and I played favorites. Almost losing Hiccup tonight...I'm a changed man and I'll be there for him always. Would you like to come with us tomorrow to visit him?" Stoick asks.

"Ma-Maybe...I have some things to do and...its a school day. Just...tell him I'm glad he's okay. And...if I can ask...Will you...not tell him about me calling you to alert you of the suicide attempt. I feel...him knowing that right now might just...make him worse. I'll tell him soon...but I want to be the one to do it." I ask sheepishly.

"I won't tell him. And can you...not say anything at school about what happened. If anyone asked, just say he got into an accident. I'm not ready for the truth to come out yet either..." Stoick says, I nod and get into my car still parked on the side of the road from earlier. I began to head home. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. I was glad Hiccup was alive and right now okay but this was only the beginning of a long recovery.


	15. Astrid Snaps

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

15; Astrid Snaps.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

The start of Tuesday morning was terrible, I barely got any sleep last night, as soon as I got home I took a shower and then went to my room. I stayed up until close to 3am crying and begging Odin for forgiveness for what I'd done. I could of gotten Hiccup real help months ago after he called the hotline the first time saying he wanted to kill himself, or when he yelled at me and was about to hang up. Instead I let myself believe I was doing good as a helper and kept my mouth shut even after figuring out who he really was. Things hadn't been complicated until that day when I understood that Ryder was Hiccup. And now Hiccup was laying in a hospital bed in the emergency room because he'd tried to overdose and slit his wrists to bleed out. And if I hadn't gotten there when I did...He would be dead right now. Heather would be without her brother, and Stoick wife and son-less.

I tiredly got myself out of bed and dressed for the day. I had to act like everything was okay with them, that Hiccup and Heather were sick or had some type of family emergency as to why they weren't there today. I wanted to strangle Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout for what they did. They teased Hiccup about Angel, about me. I was definitely saying something to them but not yet. Or it'd blow my secret or raise suspicions as to why I was so worked up over what they'd done to Hiccup when I wasn't there to actually see it but I could only imagine what they said to him. Maybe I'd go visit Hiccup later on, bring flowers or something. I wanted to try and make him feel a little better, hopefully he was going home today and could start healing.

I made myself breakfast and ate quietly, my fingers tempted to text Heather and ask if she was at the hospital yet and how Hiccup was doing but it was only 7:00am and visiting hours didn't even start until 9am. I sighed ignoring my phone and continuing to eat my eggs and toast. At 7:15, I cleaned my dishes and locked up the house heading to my car then driving to school. So began a long day for me, I doubted I'd be able to focus though when all I wanted was to be at Hiccup's side.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I had no idea what time it was but I could tell it was daytime. My arms were sore, and I was hungry which was rare for me given how little I used to eat. It was party of my oh so skinny frame. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around, the same beeping from the heart monitor, or maybe it was the blood pressure one. I didn't know or care right now. I was stuck in a hospital because of my suicide attempt and out of everything else on my mind, all I wondered was why Astrid had been at the house. Why did she save me? And what did the doctor mean...she had cried after I was brought in to the emergency room? Astrid cried for me? I didn't understand and wanted too. Yesterday was Monday, so today had to be Tuesday and my guess was she was in school.

My eyes widened a bit. School. Oh Gods, I wasn't there. Heather wouldn't be either after this whole thing. Everyone was going to wonder what happened and why we were out. What would dad tell them? My idiot son tried to kill himself so he'll be out for a while and I'm keeping my daughter out too because she's upset her brother tried to leave her? I almost laughed playing that out in my head. So what if everyone knew, let them. Its their faults for never leaving me alone. I adjusted in the bed with a scoff as I heard a knock on the door and looked towards it. "Come in." I say. The door opened revealing the doctor.

"Morning, Hiccup. How did you sleep?" He asked. I only shrugged to him. "Well I don't believe I introduced myself last night to you. I am doctor Zachary Blackwood." He introduced with a hand out.

"Hiccup Haddock." I said shaking his hand. He pulled a chair over now and put a leg over his other one with the clipboard resting on his knee.

"So how are you feeling today?" Dr. Blackwood asked.

"I don't know...How should I feel after I wanted to kill myself yesterday...And...I haven't really processed that I'm still alive and the desire hasn't faded if you want honesty." I reply, why lie?

"That will fade as we work more on your depression. We've recognized your triggers and I think we can figure out a way to work around them. The only questions that remain are if you are will to try them also if you want out or impatient therapy." He asked. I didn't know what I wanted, out patient meant I came on my own to therapy and in patient meant the nut house, or that's what I called it at least.

"You said yesterday you didn't want me living at home...So where do I go. I don't have friends and...admitting myself would mean I miss school." I state.

"Well I don't recommend you stay at home seeing as one of your triggers is your father and right now...I feel it'd be too soon for you two to be so close in proximity while you're healing. We want you to essentially work slowly towards you two being a good father son relationship again, and because of all you told me then I cannot say that doing it fast would be wise. As also with you going back to school so soon. You will only relapse. It has to be done slowly, worked through. You understand yes?" The doctor asked me.

"I do...So I guess the next move...is mine on what I do or where I'm going." I ask. He nodded. "If I...admit myself...What happens there? Can...people still visit me...I know my sister will want too...And I can leave whenever?" Hiccup asked.

"Your sister can visit, and anyone else you say is okay. The doctors would ask you if its alright first and we do recommend you staying at least 3 days so we know you're stable but yes you can leave when you want. We do a psych eval before treatment and after." Dr. Blackwood explained. "Mr. Haddock. How close are you to your teacher, the one you broke down on?" I heard him ask. How close was I to Gobber, the man was practically my father the last 3 years since mom died. He'd always been there for me and I knew dad probably told him what happened. I sighed.

"Mr. Belchsen is my uncle for all intensive purposes. He lets me rant, talk, cry, relax...He's...someone I trust and feel comfortable with." I respond truthfully. The doctor nodded, it seemed he was in deep thought about something. I was curious now, why would he ask about Gobber? "What...are you thinking?" I ask.

"Hiccup, do you think Mr. Belchsen would...allow you to stay with him for a while while we work through your depression? Medical opinion I don't believe its smart to throw you back into the fire at your father's house. And if you cannot stay with him, then I would suggest an inpatient therapy with your permission." Mr. Blackwood says.

Staying in patient therapy and people who I allowed could visit sound nice but, I didn't want therapy. I knew I was still depressed but seeing how terrified and sad Heather looked...I don't think I could ever bare the thought of her possible finding my dead body. I didn't think her mental state would hold knowing I was dead. Safe to say I wouldn't be trying to kill myself again, and they'd watch me like a hawk and even if I said I was okay they wouldn't believe me because I said it for 3 years when I really wasn't. Maybe therapy would help me, talking to Angel helped. But that was just it, I only wanted to talk to Angel.

Gods she must hate me right now. She always took my calls and for hours too we'd talk about whatever. I ignored her for a week and then left her that voicemail saying goodbye. She must be a mess, I had to find a way to talk to her. Maybe Heather could bring me my phone today? I saw the doctor staring at me. "Call Craig Belchsen. His number is 845-213-9643...He's probably...just leaving for school now...If he says I can stay with him, I will...If not...I'll agree to in patient therapy..." I say to him. The doctor nodded and headed out of the room. I sigh sitting back. It was about 7:25am, Gobber was actually already at school. I close my eyes, I knew dad and Heather would be back soon when visiting hours started at 9am. I didn't mind Heather, but I didn't want to see my father. I also wanted to talk to Astrid and find out why she was at my dad's house the night I tried to kill myself.

That made no sense. It had only been Heather and I. Heather was in her room when I tried to do that. When had Astrid gotten there, and why did...she stop me? Was she who I fought with about the pill bottle, is she who I'd yelled at? I vaguely remember her sitting across from me while I was wrapped in a pair of strong arms, I think they were dad's. Astrid was...crying and begging me to calm down? Why. I wanted to know why she was there and why she cared. And why she'd been crying when I got brought in here to the hospital. I groaned bringing my sore arms to my head. I was so confused and still pretty tired. I tried to relax something told me however that I wouldn't be able too.

 **{Heather's POV}**

Dad told me I could stay home today, and the rest of the week. He'd called Hiccup out under family emergency and then after I of course agree to stay home too, that excuse was used for me. I was watching the clock, waiting for 9am when we could go back and see Hiccup. I still couldn't believe he was in the hospital for an attempted suicide. Dad and I both stayed in the living room last night but not matter how late it was, neither of us could sleep because we were worried about Hiccup. I still had no idea what happened, what drove him to try. And why had Astrid been there? She just showed up, I was sure she had work. She said she got called in but ended up at my house not even an hour later looking for Hiccup?

Astrid...had gone right to Hiccup's room. She knew something. Astrid knew something about Hiccup's depression that I didn't. And I wanted to know. My brother almost killed himself last night, and yes if Astrid hadn't shown up when she did then he might not be alive right now but she still knew something, the truth about what happened. I would find out. But for now, I was just glad Hiccup was alive. I was so frustrated. It shouldn't be like this! Hiccup should be home, around the table and eating breakfast with us. We should be just getting to first period like any other day. I already had texts coming in from Ruffnut and the guys asking where my brother and I were, I chose not to answer them. There were far more important things going on, like if my brother was going to be alright after this of if he'd just try again.

It scared me. It honestly did. I was his twin sister and I had no idea he was that depressed. Sure I was depressed to after mom died but I never hurt myself, I never even contemplated suicide. And Hiccup...I always thought he was the strong one where nothing bothered him and that was just it. Everything bothered him but he acted fine. I knew something was off but he kept telling me he was fine so I let it go. I was upset and mad at him for what he did. I told him to talk to me if he felt down. And I didn't even know how bad this depression was, I knew nothing and that bothered me. I saw my dad sitting on the couch just staring at a family portrait of all of us when mom was alive, he hadn't even touched his coffee and I swore he was shaking.

"Da-Dad?" I ask, he glanced my way. "Why did...Hiccup try to kill himself?..." I had to know.

"I...don't know princess. I hope we find out today.." He replied, I nodded to him hoping the very same.

 **{Stoick's POV}**

I was a fool. I was an idiot. I was terrible. I didn't deserve to have Hiccup or Heather in my life after what I did. I was a factor in my own son's suicide attempt. And now he laid upset, and weak in a hospital bed because of my negligence. I was...his father and I treated him like he wasn't part of the family. Why had I been like that to him? I loved my son, I loved both my kids so why did I treat him so horribly. At first when Astrid called the station, I thought it was a prank but then she yelled at me that I was about to lose Hiccup. Getting home and hearing the struggle, I feared the worst. I watched Hiccup yell at Astrid for stopping him and stepped in to hold him back. It broke my heart, just like when I learned of my wife's death.

I held Hiccup until the sedative took over and he knocked out. I carried him to the ambulance as they wrapped his wrists then left for the hospital. I followed with Astrid and Heather. After Heather was taken for evaluation because of what she'd seen. I asked Astrid to tell me what happened. And at first I was mad that Astrid didn't follow the rules of the hotline and call when there was talk of suicide. But then she yelled at me, told me I was part of the problem. I didn't want to believe it but as I listened to Astrid tell me everything she talked to Hiccup about, I realized how right she was. I was awful to my own son and the more I thought about everything it just made my feel worse. I had to be better, to him for him. I would never let Hiccup think I didn't love him again.

I wouldn't lose my son. I couldn't. I'd make this right no matter what.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

School was dreadfully boring. Part of me wanted to message Hiccup as Angel, just to ask if he was okay since the hotline informed the police and that's why they found him. But that would make me too involved so I had to stay back, that and I knew Hiccup didn't have his phone right now. People were already talking about why Hiccup and Heather were both out. Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur were laughing it up talking about Hiccup's fake girlfriend. Thankfully Ruff, Tuff, and Fishlegs weren't in this class because they knew I worked for a hotline and went by the name of Angel. I'm surprised no one put two and two together yet. I just wanted to leave class, go to the hospital and see Hiccup. I wanted to tell him the truth, even if it cost me him forever. I could tell him while he was in the hospital, least then he couldn't hurt himself there.

I'd go there after school. During a class switch, I saw Gobber outside on his phone. He looked panicked and worried, all I heard him say as he entered the building was that he'd be right there. I wonder if Stoick told him what happened to Hiccup. As far as anyone knew, Hiccup was in an accident and hospitalized. So far, the truth would get out. It always did. And I just hoped Hiccup could handle it. He wanted to kill himself just because of 3 guys at school torturing him about me, about Angel. I still didn't know what happened and I wanted too. I saw them talking and walked over. "You guys really need to get a life if all you do is talk about Hiccup. I'm sure you have better uses for your time, like maybe worrying about finals or paying attention in class." I remarked.

"You missed it, Astrid. Hiccup fell for some suicide hotline chick. He left his phone backstage when you two were rehearing and we saw a message come up from some contact named Angel." Snotlout began. I refrained from getting mad at then and continued to listen.

"Man he has it bad for this girl. He's never even met her, she kept telling him she'd meet him soon and they could be together but not right now because of her job. Its so pathetic, he can't get a real girl so he latches on to some girl who took pity on him? A girl he'll never see? We told him he never stood a chance." Dagur laughed. Again, I had to keep myself under control.

"Yeah and Dagur told him that he was never going to be anything, he'd always be a nothing. We told him that this Angel didn't care about him, that she was just a girl behind a desk who took callers like him all the time. It was just an act and not real. Pretty sure he was crying when we walked away." Eret chuckled. Nope. Couldn't hold it back anymore, I stood up angrily.

"HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" I didn't care I was screaming, and I didn't care the entire class was watching me. "Do you have any idea how bad your words can hurt a person!? Those were Hiccup's conversations, and you had no right to go through them and then pick on him! You three are such assholes and I hope karma gets you. By the way...It's illegal to go through someones phone. Its called invasion of privacy...You know how much it hurts to not get what you want. You wanted Heather and Hiccup beat your rear for touching her, and now she won't even look at you. How could you of hurt Hiccup by telling him something you don't know. Maybe this Angel will meet with him, and maybe she genuinely wants to be with him but can't because the job she has won't allow it. Hotlines are a place for people to call to get help, to be offered advice. And those are confidential lines and conversations. Hotline workers have to remain impersonal to callers but sometimes you meet someone you just can't avoid. And you sure as hell don't help you you fall in love with. You don't know Angel, or Hiccup so you don't get the right to say they won't ever meet. You could face jail time for reading those messages between them." I snapped angrily.

"Miss. Hofferson. You need to control yourself." Said my teacher.

"No. I will not. These three have been picking on Hiccup since the 7th grade and I'm done with it. You three crossed a line you shouldn't of. And I'm going to tell Hiccup's father, you know. The chief of police. Let see what he thinks about you reading those conversations and invading Hiccup's privacy." I didn't care if I was talking about myself, I wasn't going to let them hurt Hiccup anymore. I refused too. "I cannot believe you three would say such heartless things to him! Hiccup is a good guy, and he doesn't deserve all the abuse he gets!" Unable to take it anymore, I grabbed my things and left the classroom angrily.

I wasn't staying. I couldn't believe what I heard from those three idiots. They teased Hiccup about meeting me and told him it would never happen. That's why he called the hotline and left an emotional goodbye. Because those three knew, that's what Hiccup meant by not wanting to get Angel in trouble. This only made things worse for me of course. I was the one telling Hiccup we couldn't have a relationship because of work, those guys teased him based on what they read and I said those thing. I was allowed to sign myself out of school, not like I was missing much and I knew my play lines. I got to my car and left, I didn't know what to do so I decided I'd just go home for a while. I needed to calm down.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

It was around 8:45am when the doctor returned to the room to tell me he got a hold of Gobber, gave him a brief rundown of things about me being in the hospital. But the doctor never told him why I was there, I was grateful for that but also worried. Gobber was going to scold me for breaking my promise to him. I just got so fed up with everything and broke. I couldn't do it anymore, I wanted to die last night. And part of me...honestly still did. Just to avoid all the questions and staring eyes wondering if I was alright. Of course I wasn't. My father and sister knew of my depression, evidently Astrid still for some unknown reason to me knew as well.

And now, Gobber. Who was sure to find out as soon as he got there. I didn't want all this, I just wanted to go peacefully. I knew Heather and Gobber cared about me, and I guess...Astrid too? Was still unsure about that one. But dad? Had he cared or was he just acting? Sure he was there but he probably just...didn't want his image as perfect father and police chief ruined. I scoffed a bit as the door burst open and I saw Gobber there, he rushed to my bed. "LAD! What in Thor's name happen to ya!?" The old man said quickly.

"I—I broke my promise, Gobber...I-I'm sorry..." I put my head down. It took Gobber a minute but he realized what I meant. His eyes scanned over my wrists which were wrapped still. I wanted to cry, I knew I'd disappointed him.

"When did...all this happen, 'Iccup? I only...saw ya a week ago and ye were fine...Why didn't you call me? Does your father know?" Gobber asked.

"Mr. Haddock's father and sister know. He was brought in last night from cutting and attempted overdose." Dr. Blackwood said coming in now. Gobber's eyes widened.

"Please tell me what happened lad...What...drove you to this?..." Gobber asked sadly. After I'd asked the doctor to give us a few minutes, I told Gobber everything. Even about Angel. I knew I couldn't leave anything out. I didn't give a full explanation. Just enough so he understood what happened. By the end it was about 9:15am, and I took a breath. "And...that's everything up until...well now, I guess." I finished. Gobber only hugged me.

"I swear if I see your father...I'm gonna slap him and those three boys..." Gobber began.

"No...No I don't want anyone punished or slapped Gobber...I just...don't want to feel this way anymore. The reason...the doctor called you is because...My dad...is a trigger to my mental state, to my depression and he doesn't want to release me to him and back to my house..." I trailed off. "The doctor...thinks that because you're...like an uncle to me and I feel comfortable with you...I might be able to heal and get the help I need...So I...was wondering if...I could stay with you for a while...?" I asked.

"Stay with...me, lad?" Gobber blinked. I nodded.

"Its...okay if you say no. I'll just go spend a few days at the psychiatric hospital..." I tell him.

"Oh lad, I'd never make ya have to go there. Of course you can stay with me while you get better. But your father has to sign off on it." Gobber said. The door opened as low and behold, Stoick walked in with Heather. And here we go, dad was never going to allow it. He wanted me home so he could yell at me for what I did, I know he was just waiting for a chance to do it. Gobber turned to see Stoick there, I saw Gobber's eyes go to disappointment at his long time friend. Well this was going to be awkward. How did you explain to the chief of police that he wasn't a good father and a trigger to his own son's depression and mental state? How did you tell Stoick Haddock, my dad that even the doctor didn't want me living with him? You didn't My dad was going to flip out.


	16. Heather's Rage

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

16; Heather's Rage.

 **{Heather's POV}**

When the clock hit 9am, I practically dragged dad out of the house and to the car so we could go see Hiccup. As long as he was stable then he could come home today and I wasn't letting him out of my sight. I'd find a way to always know what was going on. I didn't care one bit. I wouldn't lose my big brother. Dad and I got in his car and we headed to the hospital. I prayed Hiccup was feeling better, the doctor had said if Hiccup wasn't then he'd be admitted to the mental hospital. I didn't want that, it would devastate me to be so far from him. As we reached out destination, I practically ran in until dad grabbed my arm to slow me down.

"Easy. He might be asleep." Dad reminded me. I nodded forgetting that and walked slower. We reached Hiccup's room but the doctor stopped us.

"He's in with another visitor right now." The doctor said.

"Another...Who? No one knows about him being here but my daughter, her friend, and myself doctor." Stoick stated.

"Your son asked me to call a friend of the family to come down. A Mr. Craig Belchsen? Hiccup mentioned you and him were old friend." The doctor informed. I blinked, Mr. Belchsen was in with Hiccup? The workshop teacher? Why would Hiccup ask for him to come down? "Mr. Haddock, I'd like to speak with you privately." The doctor added.

"Very well. Heather, wait here. We'll go in after I speak to the doctor." He tells me, I nod sitting in the chair outside Hiccup's room. I just wanted to go in and hug my brother. I sighed frowning but I'd wait.

 **{Stoick's POV}**

When I learned Craig was there, I was shocked. Then more-so when I found out Hiccup had asked the doctor to call my old friend from school. The doctor asked to speak with me and I had a feeling it was why Gobber was there. I told Heather to sit tight and we'd see Hiccup when I was done talking. I walked with him away from Heather, I stared at the doctor. "Is Hiccup...alright?" I ask nervously almost.

"He seems to be alright. He admitted that the feeling to end his life is still lingering with him, but he's willing to cooperate in treatment and therapy which is a step in the right direction. That's not my concern however." The doctor tells me.

"What concerns you, doctor?" I question slowly.

"Hiccup has told me that there are some bullies at school, and...you who attributed to his depression and desire to die." The doctor says, I bite back a bit. Hiccup told him how things were at home and how neglectful I was. I had a sickening feeling in my stomach now. "Mr. Haddock, you are unfortunately one of your son's triggers. I noticed it yesterday when he claimed there was someone in the room he didn't want to be there. I am not saying you are a bad father, but in Hiccup's mind and heart...You don't care about or love him. I do not know how long term these effects are, I haven't been able to get Hiccup one on one to learn everything from start to finish."

"I know I have been neglectful to my son...I am not proud of such, doctor. Whatever he needs...Give him, do for him. I want him to be alright. That's all I care about right now." I say.

"The problem is, Mr. Haddock. You are a trigger to your son's desire to die. And in treatment for these situations...Our goal is to remove triggers so the desire lessens to nothing. To find a new outlet for the pain, to stop the pain." The doctor informed me.

"Are you saying...You are removing me from my son's life?" I ask firmly.

"For the time being until Hiccup can handle being around you without only thinking of what he's been through, yes. That is why I called Mr. Belchsen at Hiccup's request. I offered your son 3 choices this morning. One was that I admit him to the psychiatric hospital and keep him until I feel he's stable again. This could be quite a while from what I've heard so far. Another option was he admits himself, understanding he needs help and wants to seek it out. His leaving would be his choice when he felt ready again. And the third option...was for him to remove himself from a place of pain and go to a place of comfort. He told me that Mr. Belchsen has been somewhat of an uncle to him and he feels safe and comfortable around him, can talk to him, cry to him and Mr. Belchsen is there for him." The doctor explained to me.

I understood where it was going. Hiccup chose option 3, to be out of my house so he could get better. "I-I see. So he is...going to be living with Craig then." I sigh looking down.

"Not permanently, Mr. Haddock. Just until he can handle being around you again. And this only stands if Mr. Belchsen allows Hiccup to stay with him. If not, Hiccup has already consented to admitting himself for help. He told me he wants to return to school, and graduate. We have a treatment plan in the works. It will be slow but it will help him overall. And I told Hiccup that my medical advice was for him to be away from you for a while. Not forever, just for now until we work past everything. Where he can be at peace with what happened, and not think you hate him. I know you do not but that is not how Hiccup feels. You are involved in the treatment plans, we want to restore the father son relationship. But it will be slow and you have to be patient. If he's pushed to quickly, he will only relapse and break again." The doctor states.

I sighed nodding, I understood. And I'd already said I would fix this but the doctor was right. Hiccup didn't want me around right now and if I wanted any chance at all of having my son back with a second chance then it was Hiccup who had to come to me when he was ready. I didn't like the thought of Hiccup not being home, more so how it would affect Heather. She still didn't know about what I did to Hiccup. And sadly, I didn't not have the heart to tell her. If this would help Hiccup, then I had no choice but to agree. I looked to the doctor and nodded to him. "I stand by what I said. Whatever...Hiccup needs is fine with me. I just want my son to be alright, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure of that. Even if I have to lose him for a little while." I reply.

"You are doing the right thing." The doctor tells me. I nod, hoping he is right. Hoping I'm right in doing this. I know Gobber wouldn't turn Hiccup away, I knew how close the two were. I walked back to Heather with a smile.

"Alright, lets go see him." I tell her softly, she jumped up as we moved to the door taking a deep breath.

 **{Heather's POV}**

When dad returned and said for us to go see Hiccup, I was excited and nervous. I watched my father's facial reactions while he talked to the doctor. I knew it was something to do with the teacher being there, I didn't like it. They were all hiding something from me. Something big that had to do with Hiccup, I didn't like secrets being kept about my brother. For Thor's sake, I think we've all had enough secrets with not knowing how badly Hiccup was depressed until last night when I saw him near death in his room. I never wanted to see that again. Just as we opened the door, I heard Gobber say that it was fine for Hiccup to stay with him as long as dad consented...What?

Why was...Hiccup going to stay with Gobber? What was going on!? I didn't understand anymore. I saw how calm Hiccup looked, then the sadness in his eyes when I walked in, then the anger when he saw dad behind me. Something wasn't right here. It didn't...add up. I wanted to know damn it!

"Stoick..." Gobber said to dad.

"Aye. Good to see you again my friend..." Dad replies.

"I cannot say the same at the moment." Gobber says. What did that mean? Dad...and Gobber were best friends, practically brothers. Why wouldn't Gobber be glad to see dad? We should all be standing together to help Hiccup through this time. I was so confused. "We need to talk, Stoick." Gobber adds. Before I could ask what was going on, dad agrees and walks out with Gobber. When the door closed, I faced Hiccup who just sat there quietly. I approached him sadly.

"Hiccup...what's...going on? I don't understand." I tell him sadly.

At first he said nothing, "Nothing is going on, Heather...I'm fine." I wanted to slap him but refrained. Tears filled my eyes.

"But your not. Your not fine, Hiccup..." I whimper a bit seeing him look at me now. Finally I can't hold it back, I lean forward and cry on his chest, gripping his hospital gown tightly. "Your not fine! Stop saying your fine, Hiccup! You are not! Last time you said you were fine to me...I saw you in your room, wrists slit to hell and back and you trying to OD on pills!" I cried.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I knew this would happen. I hadn't expected Heather and dad to come in just as Gobber said I could stay with him but needed dad's approval first. When Gobber saw dad, his whole demeanor changed to a side of Gobber I'd never seen before. Gobber actually got...cold for once. He told dad they needed to talk, my guess was that Gobber was going to give him an earful about what happened. Good. I wanted dad to feel bad, I wanted him to know how bad her hurt me. Whether he cared or now, I didn't care anymore. Let him feel bad if he did at all. My worry was with Heather now, I saw her breaking down against me, clutching my hospital gown and telling me to stop saying I was fine. I hated seeing her like this. I knew this could happen if I ever tried to kill myself and she found out.

"Heather..." I say softly, she shook her head at me.

"No. No I won't listen to you tell me you're fine again...I-I know you're not..." She cried again.

"Heather...Listen to me." I tell her, she lifted her head and looked at me now, her green eyes filled with tears that didn't stop going down her cheeks. I put my hand on her head and offered a smile.

"You're right...I'm not fine...But I will be." I say as gently as I can to her. I knew I wasn't fine, the fact I was sitting in the hospital with my wrists wrapped after a suicide attempt because I got fed up with dad and bullies. Yeah, I wasn't fine. But the doctor and Gobber were going to see to it that I became fine soon. And I wanted to assure Heather of that since I wouldn't be seeing her other than school or if she decided to visit me at Gobber's.

"Why Hiccup...Why...did you try to kill yourself? I don't...understand any of it. Nothing makes sense to me right now..." She asks. I knew that question would come up too and I sighed. What could I tell her, the truth? That dad hates me, and so does everyone at school? That I'd met an amazing woman who I really liked, possibly even loved through a suicide hotline I'd been calling for about 4 months? A girl I'd never meet? I couldn't tell her the truth, it would...destroy her to know our father had been horrid to me. That was her hero, and I wouldn't be the one to destroy that illusion for her. She was happy and cared for, she didn't have to suffer what I did.

"It was just a lot of things, Heather and I didn't...handle it well. I just lost it and...had a moment of weakness." I lie.

"But I told you...if you were upset or down...to talk to me, Hiccup...I'm...with you every single day. And you always just...said you were fine. Do you know...how terrified I was when I saw you in your room last night? Screaming at Astrid for her getting those pills away from you? They had to send me for a psych evaluation to make sure I didn't snap and hurt myself or someone else." I bit back, I hadn't known that.

"I'm sorry, Heather. I didn't...think my depression was that...bad until everything just piled up at once and...I broke down. I wanted it to stop and I didn't think anyone would understand what I was going through so...I decided I wanted to end my life. I thought...it'd be better if I was gone..." I look away.

"You idiot..." She cries laying her head on my chest again. "No matter what happens in this life, Hiccup...It would never be better for you to be gone. Even if you believed no one else would miss you, or need you...Always remember that I would be devastated if you were gone because I need you...You're...my big brother, even if its only by a minute. Your my brother, Hiccup, my twin brother. I need you in my life. I love you, I care about you...Please...don't ever try to leave me again...Please..." She pleaded me.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing her say. I expected this reaction but I never imagined I'd hear it the way I was now. She really...did need me. No matter what happened in my life...She mattered to me. I cared about her, she was my sister. We were twins, we were born together and we've never been apart. I couldn't change that, not now or ever. It didn't matter if I was miserable or not. If I had to hide it the rest of my life I would but I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill myself and leave her. Ever. I scooched in the bed a bit and ignored the pain in my wrists to pull her up there beside me.. My arm behind her back as she laid on me. "I give you my word that I won't try to leave you again. I will never leave you sis. I'm sorry I scared you..." I reply.

"Good...And its okay. We'll...get you back home and we can fix your depression together. You'll have me this time, and won't be alone." She smiled, I sighed now. This was going to break her heart.

"Heather...I—I'm not...coming back home right away..." I state, I felt her freeze in my arms as she looked up at me in fear.

"What...do you mean? You're not...going to the psychiatric hospital, are you?" She askes.

"No...I'm...going to stay...with Gobber for a while until I get past this. I can't...be in that house right now. My depression...stems from mom dying...And there are just...to many memories right now. And being in my room where...that almost happened. I'm just not ready for it yet..." I explain.

"Then...I'll come with you." Heather says.

"No Heather...I have to do this myself, I have a lot to work through...I'm...going to be going to therapy and all that too but...I just can't do it in that house. Not right now at least. You can't come with me, you have to stay home and...help dad. I'm sure he'll be upset about my choice too...You'll still see me in school and you can visit me whenever you want there. Gobber doesn't mind." I remind her.

"You promise I can still see you? And you...are gonna get help...and come home?" Heather said sadly.

"I give my word..." I tell her. She finally nodded and laid down again. It was silent among us now. "Heather...why was...Astrid at the house last night?" I ask now.

"I...really don't know actually." Heather says, I looked down at her now.

So Astrid did just show up out of the blue. "I'm sure she had her reasons. Its not...important right now." I tell Heather, just then Gobber and Stoick returned. Stoick looked like he'd been reamed a new asshole and obviously it was by Gobber who had his arms cross over his chest looking disappointed and irritated. Trust Gobber to tear you a new one when he was mad enough.

"Tell him, Stoick." Gobber ordered. At this, Heather sat up in the bed and I looked at him with cold eyes.

"Hiccup I...I talked with Gobber and...I want you to go stay with him for a while. I know it will be better for you to heal since...I can't keep a watch on you all the time." My dad says. Huh. Gobber made him agree to it, I could tell by my father's hesitant voice that this was rehearsed and forced. Good. I'd have to hug Gobber later.

 **{Heather's POV}**

I was shocked to see dad looking so guilty when he and Gobber returned. What had...Gobber said to him to earn that look. I felt off again, like there was a huge piece of the puzzle missing. When I heard Gobber order my dad to tell Hiccup something, I got off the bed in curiosity. Hearing dad not even put up a fight about Hiccup staying with dad was concerning to me. That wasn't right, even if it was for Hiccup's well being like he already told me. Dad would never agree so easily unless Gobber knew something I didn't. That's how I felt, was that something was being held back and I didn't like it. And I was going to find out.

"And..." Gobber pressed.

"And I'm...sorry, Hiccup. I'm so sorry son." Stoick adds. Why was...dad sorry? He hadn't done anything. None of us knew Hiccup was so depressed. Unless Gobber did? No, that couldn't be. Why would...Hiccup tell his workshop teacher about everything but not us. That couldn't be the case. I saw Hiccup's mood shift.

"Yeah...I can imagine you are." I was a little shocked, I'd never heard Hiccup talk like that to dad before. Now I know something wasn't right. I stayed quiet for now, I didn't want to cause trouble or risk Hiccup's state of mind. I know he gave his word he'd never leave again but given that he already said things became to much and handled it bad, I knew the chance of him trying again in a stressful situation was high right now. And that was a chance I didn't want to take. I'd ask dad later. The doctor came in smiling softly.

"Well now, how are we feeling now?" He asked.

"Better when I get out of this bed...I can still be discharged today right?" Hiccup said.

"I'll begin your discharge right after another evaluation." The doctor said. "Have arrangements been made for where you're going from here?"

"I'll be staying with Mr. Belchsen..." Hiccup replied, the doctor nodded. Gobber, dad, and myself sat there watching as the doctor asked a slew of questions about my brother's mood, state of mind, if he still felt like killing himself and it scared me when Hiccup answered that he did but also added he would be okay eventually as in when certain issues were removed from his life. I couldn't help but noticed the slight glance towards our father. Was...Hiccup saying that their father was an issue in his life? Dad loved both of us, dad had been a wreck since last night. All of this only made me more curious. Finally around 10:30am, the doctor left to start the discharge paper work. We all just sat around, Gobber told Hiccup they'd go to the house and Hiccup could get whatever he needed. By 11:15am, Hiccup was out of the hospital and riding with Gobber to our house.

Once at the house, I sadly watched Hiccup grab his suitcase and pack 15 pairs of jeans, shirts, sweaters, socks, boxers. He got his shoes, and backpack. The last thing get took was a stuffed dragon toy mom had given him. I had one too, in the shape of a Razor Whip dragon. Hiccup's was a Night Fury. It took Hiccup all of 20 minutes to pack and leave with Gobber with only a hug to me and him saying he'd see me soon. After that, Hiccup was gone with Gobber. Dad was still downstairs with his head buried in his hands, I sighed and returned to Hiccup's room. I sat on his bed and cried hard. I missed him already. Hiccup and I had never been apart until now, it really hurt. I laid on his bed and felt something poke my back.

Sitting up, I reached around and found Hiccup's phone. I thought he'd taken it with him. I pressed the power button and saw the battery was slipping into the red zone, I put it on its charger and stared at it a few minutes. I knew it was wrong to look but maybe his phone could give me a reason why all this happened. Hiccup was always on his phone the last few months. And I needed to know what happened to my brother. I moved closer so it could stay on the charger while I just gave a quick peek. Nothing in his e-mail, nothing on his social media page, nothing in voicemail. That just left text messages. I pressed the app for Messages and the first thing I saw was from dad. Curious I clicked it and it loaded. But what I saw brought tears to my eyes.

There was a text from dad, being...terrible to Hiccup. Saying things I didn't even know dad was possible for dad to say. I scrolled up more and only say mean, hateful comments, and orders. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and they dated back months ago, I was already in the summer before senior year. This is...why Hiccup tried to hurt himself because dad...hated him. No longer sad, I got up with Hiccup's phone and charger now stuffed in my pocket. I'd take it to him myself but not before I did something that needed to be done. I marched downstairs and saw dad there, he looked miserable. Good. I was about to make him feel worse. "HOW COULD YOU!" I screamed.

Dad's head shot up quickly. "How could I...what?..." He asked.

"You know what! YOU ARE THE REASON HICCUP TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF!" I saw dad flinch and lower his head so I know I was right now. "That's why Hiccup is staying with Gobber, isn't it! Because he wants to get away from you! You're the issue he can't bare to be around! How could you treat him so horribly, dad!? You never treat me that way! And Gods that makes it worse! Hiccup has been suffering for Odin only knows how long and its because of you treating him like he wasn't your son!" I yell.

"Heather please calm down...I know...what I did to him. I feel terrible...I didn't know...how upset he was until he tried to kill himself last night..." Stoick says.

"I don't care! I didn't know either until last night when I saw him in his room crying, wrists cut, and trying to overdose because of you! You're his problem and now you're mine too. I cannot believe you treated him the way you did! Mom wouldn't be pleased with you right now. That's why Gobber looked mad at you, isn't it? Because Hiccup told him why he tried to commit suicide." I saw Stoick nod to me. "How long have you hated him!" I yell again.

"I-I don't hate him sweetheart. Things were...just hard after your mother died..." Stoick replies.

"That is no excuse to treat one kid better than the other. That is no excuse to make Hiccup feel like you don't care about him! HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF LAST NIGHT! Does that process in your head! He tried to kill himself, with me home! If it hadn't been for Astrid showing up for whatever reason, Hiccup would be dead right now! Do you understand that!? I almost lost my brother because of you! You are horrible, terrible, awful! I can't even...And you told him in a text that you only wanted one child, that he was the problem child? You asked him why he couldn't be more like him? Hiccup is my role model, I look up to him. The only reason my grades are as good as they are is because of Hiccup helping me when you aren't around! You're always working! Always trying to track down a lead on mom's death. You're never home for us, for him especially. Why is it his job to clean the house!? I always want to help but you tell me no!"

"Mom is gone! And it hurts all of us that she is but she's gone. She has been for 3 years and I'm gonna take a whack in the dark and say that's when Hiccup's depression started and got worse because of you! And the bullies at school, I know they had a part in it and when I find out what they did I'm gonna yell at them too. Hiccup always keeps me safe! He's always there for me! But no one was ever there for him. I knew something was wrong but I didn't want to push him and now this...I can't even look at you right now. I cannot believe you made him feel like you hated him! How dare you blame him for mom's death. It wasn't his fault. If its anyone's its mine!"

"Heather, no. That's not true..." Stoick tries.

"Yes it is! Hiccup only bothered mom to go out because I wanted ice cream." I saw Stoick's eyes widen. "Mom already told me know but I really wanted it so Hiccup pestered for me. You were going to arrest Hiccup that night at Ruffnut's when you didn't even get his side of the story. Hiccup would never attack anyone without a good reason. Snotlout in a drunken state was going to rape me, and Hiccup saved my life. I just...I cannot believe you would do that to him. I can't...No. I refuse to stay here because the longer I'm around you the more I want to start hurting myself, now I understand why Hiccup wanted to get away, why he was always so quiet and kept to himself. Because our dear old dad hates him. Well he and I are twins so if you're gonna hate him, then you'll hate me too. And if you try and stop me...I'll show your boss the messages between Hiccup and you. Stay away from Hiccup and me..." I cry, I step back now pulling out my phone.

I knew Astrid was home, she texted me to ask if Hiccup was okay and she'd left early because Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur were talking about Hiccup being out. "What's sad is you used to be my hero...And now...you're just a shadow of who you used to be. A shell of a man who used to exist. When mom died...our father died with her. If Hiccup doesn't forgive you...then neither will I." I walk away to my room, throwing things in a bag while I called Astrid and begged her to come get me. When she came 10 minutes later worried for me, I cried in the car to her about everything then asked her to take me to Gobber's. Astrid nodded and headed down the street, I gave her directions where to go. I wouldn't stay at home. I couldn't believe what dad did to Hiccup. I just couldn't. All I wanted to do was hold Hiccup in my arms and tell him I was sorry for not seeing it sooner. I just wanted my brother.


	17. Sibling Love

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

17; Sibling Love.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I hadn't felt this good in a long time. To be in a house where I was cared about and loved, and I knew I had Heather back at dad's but I still hated being in the house with him around. Now I felt comfortable. Things after the hospital were good, I was discharged and given my next therapy appointment with doctor Blackwood. I opted not to take the tranquilizers, I assured myself that I could handle things without them. But I didn't say no to an mild anti-depressant. What would it hurt, I could use an upper right now after spending even 20 minutes in that house packing my things. Of course, I realized after I left that I didn't grab my phone. I'd ask Heather to bring it to me later. Gobber told me I didn't have to go to school the rest of week but I said I didn't want to fall behind.

I'd been to Gobber's apartment before. It was a 1st floor 3 bedroom, no yard, 2 parking spaces and 3 bedrooms, 1 ½ bathroom. It was a nice place for only $825 a month. I was eternally grateful to this man right now, taking me in so I didn't have to admit myself to the psych hospital for a few days. I'd go back to school on Thursday, I just wanted a day to relax and clear my head from everything. I knew I was going to get questions about why Heather and I were out, and I didn't even know if she was talking the whole week off too. I didn't speak to my father at all and I doubted I would for a while. I knew he had to sign some form that gave Gobber temporary custody over me for medical reasons. So right now Gobber was pretty my my foster father and I was good with that.

I was staying in a decent room, it had a bed and dresser, closet too. And two windows. It was nice, and perfect size for me too. I had just finished unpacking my things, everything was put away now as I plopped on the bed sighing. Gobber knocked and poked his head in. "Ello lad, how are yew settling in?" He asks. I look over at him with a half smile and shrug.

"Settling I guess. I gotta have Heather bring me my phone...I left it at dad's." I reply calmly.

"Everything okay otherwise? Mood alright? And you know I'm gonna ask often so don't you be holding back." Gobber orders. I sighed, yeah I expected that to come.

"I don't really know how my mood is right now...Void I guess. I don't know what or how I should feel right now...Happy I'm out of that house, sad that I'm away from Heather, annoyed because of everything, mad about everything that happened yesterday. Worried if Angel...hates me for leaving her a message like I did. Gods her job must be angry with her. I probably got her in so much trouble...She broke a lot of rules for me. I hate that I can't tell Heather about our dad's neglect to me. I just...hate everything right now..." I look down.

Gobber came over and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know its not what ya wanna here lad but I'm gonna say it because you need to hear it. Okay? Stop worrying about everything else. Angel, I'm sure knew the consequences of her choices when she made them. You can be blamin yerself for that. Heather will be fine, like you said she has that illusion that your dad is a saint but after I yelled at him today, he knows he's not. And for everything else...Just relax. Focus on yew...and getting better." Gobber tells me, patting my back a bit.

I forced a smile, "Thank you, Gobber..." I say, he nods and stands up straight again.

"You're welcome. Now why don't you just lay down a bit and I'll call ya for lunch. Making beef stew." Gobber replied, I nodded as he left the room. I laid down. Gobber was right, I had to stop worrying about Angel and everything else. I had to worry about me, and focusing on getting better. I closed my eyes, still tired from everything and soon fell asleep.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

After getting home when I left school early because I literally just couldn't deal with those idiots today after what Hiccup tried to do, I collapsed on my bed in deep thought. I couldn't believe those jerks teased Hiccup about me, and told him all those hurtful things about me. Well Angel but she was me so it was about me. Of course I'd meet Hiccup, or he'd meet Angel. He technically already had, because he knew me as Astrid and we'd been in the same classes for years together. I had maybe 3 that weren't with him, sometimes two in years before. But I'd always had class with Hiccup and Heather, we grew up together. Heather and I had been friends since were were about 12. Back then Hiccup was a happy kid, there was never a time you didn't see a smile on his face.

Now it was rare to see even a smidgen of emotion present in his eyes. I hated that I knew the truth about everything now. What those guys said to him, that his father was terrible to him, that Hiccup hated his life. He went on and on to Gobber that he wouldn't destroy Heather's illusion of a happy home and Hiccup tried to off himself while she was only down the stairs. I knew they had to be wondering why I showed up so worried. Heather only told Hiccup that I rushed in and stopped him, and Stoick tried to say I had called but the doctor arrived and cut him off thankfully. But I knew Hiccup, he was smart and sooner or later he'd question or put the pieces together himself. It wasn't hard to figure out actually.

Meet a girl who works at a hotline, talk for a few months. Break the rules for you. But what should be the main thing is that Hiccup called the hotline to say goodbye and then 20 minutes later, I showed up to stop him? How did he not put it together that I was the one he was talking to. We'd talked on the phone, didn't he recognize the two voices? It didn't matter though. What happened, happened and now I had two choices. Wait for him to discover it, or tell him the truth. I was going to tell him the truth, I got my keys preparing to leave for the hospital. Just as I got in my car, I got a call from Heather and she was crying. My heart dropped in my stomach fearing the worst. I feared something happened to Hiccup.

" _Astrid...I need...a huge favor..." Heather cries to me through the phone._

"What is it girl? Is everything okay?" I ask not wanting to let too much on at once.

" _I need you to come get me...and take me to my brother." Heather says._ I freeze a bit, did Stoick not want to take her to the hospital to see him? Hadn't she already been as soon as visiting hours started at 9am. I checked the clock, it was almost lunch time now. _"Please...A lot...happened and...I just...need to get to him. I'll tell you when you get here..."_

I couldn't say no, something else was up and I wanted to know. Even though where I stood on everything, I probably shouldn't be knowing more about this than I already did. "I'll be there in 10 minutes." I tell her then hang up and head to the Haddock house. When I arrived, Heather was sitting outside on the porch, a suitcase beside her. Oh I already didn't like this. Heather rushed over and put her bag in the back seat, then she took her place in the passengers beside myself. She just broke down crying in her hands. "Heather...what...happened? Hiccup is alright...isn't he?" I ask.

"Its...dad's fault!" She screamed. I pulled back a bit, did Heather know about the neglect? "Its his fault Hiccup tried to kill himself! He's been...an asshole to him! He sent him over the edge!" Heather cried now.

"Alright, hey...sssh. Calm down. Tell me everything." I say softly. She knows I work for the hotline and talk to people like this all the time.

"J-Just...drive for now. I want to be away from this house...Can you take me to Gobber's...That's...where Hiccup is right now." I freeze a bit, why was...Hiccup at Gobber's? I had a feeling I'd soon find out. Putting the car in drive, I only caught a glimpse of Stoick on the porch watching us leave. Once we started driving, Heather calmed down a bit and began to tell me everything. As we drove, I couldn't believe all I heard. I knew Stoick had a hand in Hiccup's depression but I never knew about this text message Stoick sent the day Hiccup tried to kill himself. Heather read it off word for word, and she read my other things too about Stoick's hateful demeanor towards Hiccup. Heather went on to explain about what happened at the hospital with Gobber being there, and why Hiccup was now staying with him.

I felt relieved actually, Hiccup wouldn't stay at Stoick's and I guess...Heather wasn't either anymore. She told me she wouldn't forgive Stoick unless Hiccup did. We pulled at Gobber's apartment, Heather explained that she wouldn't stay at home anymore and hoped Gobber would take her in. I told her if not then I'd help her out for a bit, we had a guest room at my house. My parents wouldn't mind I was sure or she could stay between Ruffnut's and my house. I felt bad for her, the illusion Hiccup worked hard to create for her was shattered and I actually worried for Heather's mental state, and now Hiccup's when he found out Heather knew the truth about their father. I turned the car off and we got out and headed to the apartment door. Heather knocked and we waited for an answer.

 **{Regular POV}**

Gobber heard a knock at the door while he was stirring the stew, he blinked wondering who it was. His assumption was Heather and Stoick coming to check on him. He sighed, didn't Stoick the the message at the hospital to back off until the lad was ready to see him. This whole arrangement was set up so Hiccup could heal, comin around no even an hour later wasn't going to help him heal any. Gobber opened the door after taking the chain lock off and seeing Heather and Astrid there. Gobber didn't mind Heather being there, but seeing the tears in her eyes. No he didn't like that at all.

"Ello lasses. What can I do for yew?" Gobber asked.

"Heather asked me to bring her over to see Hiccup..." Astrid replies.

"Well the lad is napping right now...Been a long 24 hours for him." Gobber states.

"I-I know...Gobber but...I need to see him...please..." Heather pleads. Gobber couldn't say no to her, he stepped aside to let them in.

"I'll go get him, make yerselves comfortable." Gobber said as he went down the hall to Hiccup's room and knocked lightly. "Lad...You awake?" Gobber asks, he opened the door and looked inside seeing Hiccup asleep on the bed. He didn't want to wake him but seeing Heather's teary eyes and pleading to see Hiccup, Gobber assumed something was wrong. And if Gobber knew Hiccup well, and he did then Hiccup would want to know his sister was upset and had come over pleading to see him. Gobber moved beside the bed and gave Hiccup a shake.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I felt someone shake me, opening my eyes a bit I saw Gobber there looking at me with soft eyes. I sat up slow rubbing my eyes. "Hey Gobber...What's up?" I ask.

"You've got visitors here to see you lad..." Gobber states. I blink, who the hell would be coming to visit me? Oh wait, I knew that already. Stoick and my sister. I sighed laying back down.

"I'm not in the mood for visitors right now...And I really don't want to see him." I mumble pulling the cover over my head. Gobber moved them back again.

"Lad. Yer father isn't here...But Heather is. She's asking to see you...begged actually. Astrid brought her over, Heather says she needs to see you..." Gobber tells me, hearing that Astrid brought Heather over because she needed to see me made me worry. I threw the covers off and got out of the bed, Gobber moved aside as I walked past him then down the hall to see Heather sitting on the couch crying. Astrid rubbing her back. I swear if dad yelled at her because of what happened to me...If he shut down and started taking his frustration out her...I would kill him then myself to avoid prison.

"Heather." I say calmly. As soon as she heard me she whipped around with tear filled eyes, "What happened?" I asked. Without warning she got up from Astrid's hug and rushed into my arms crying uncontrollably, I was a little shocked. Heather never broke down. I've seen her cry yes but never break down. I wrapped my arms around her, ignoring the pain on my wrists. I didn't care, my sister needed me right now. I held her for close to 15 minutes before she pulled away and stared at me.

"I hate him. Gods I hate him so much..." She whimpered. "I never...knew how horrible he was to you..." At first I'd been confused as to what she meant then it clicked. She meant our father. My eyes widened a bit, how did...she find out?

"It...doesn't matter anymore." I say.

"Yes it does, Hiccup! It absolutely matters! He...had hand in all this and he's the reason you wanted to leave the house and stay here with Gobber! Why didn't...you ever tell me!?" Heather cried.

"Because he was your hero, Heather. You loved him so much and you loved the thought that we were a happy family even after mom died...Even though dad turned on me, began to hate me...He didn't do it to you and that's...all that mattered to me. That you were safe and happy. So I took the abuse and neglect so you could enjoy the illusion of happiness." I explained to her.

"Hiccup you tried to kill yourself because of it all! Him not caring...not loving you...made you want to die. I almost lost you because of him! I hate him! I hate him and I will never forgive him unless you do! How could you...let him blame you for mom's death! It was me who wanted the ice cream, you did that for me! And he blamed you for her dying! That's...awful! He made you do all those chores daily...He said...horrible things to you. I saw the text messages." She yelled crying still. I froze, she saw the messages between dad and me?

"Heather, why were you in my phone?" I ask now.

"I hadn't meant too. I was in your room after you left...I was crying because I missed you already...And I laid on it. It was almost dead so I put it on the charger saying I'd bring it later..." At this she now pulled it from her pocket and handed it to me. "I had only...gone in it to look at the picture of us. You know...the one where we went to the fair last year and took the picture while we were on the top of the Ferris wheel watching the fireworks...Because you looked so happy and I wanted to...see that smile again. But when I opened your phone your text messages with dad were open...and I...saw what he sent you yesterday..." She saw it by accident, I couldn't be mad at her for that.

I sighed, "Heather...Really...its fine. Its...done and over with now..."

"Hiccup will you stop acting like this! I know it hurts you! That message came through 30 minutes before Astrid found you upstairs! Which meant he sent you over the edge last night...If it hadn't been for Astrid...Hiccup...I'd...be brother-less right now...I wouldn't have you standing in front of me right now...What he did...is unforgivable, and unacceptable...No father...who cares would treat their child that way then suddenly change when he realizes how much he messed up. I've been confused all morning about what happened. I saw the glares you gave him, I saw how down he looked after the doctor and Gobber talked to him...But I didn't know what caused...this...and now I do. And I refuse...to be around him right now. I can't..."

What did I do here? "I know what happened, Heather...I was there...You're not...brother-less. I'm here...and alive..." Hiccup said.

"But you wouldn't of been! Don't you understand that, Hiccup! I almost lost you because of him! Our dad! The one who is supposed to provide, protect, and love us forever more! You tried to kill yourself, and the thought of almost losing you because of you...Hiccup...I—I never felt more pain than I did when I saw you almost dead in dad's arms...and if...I'd lost you..." She trailed off. My eyes widened in fear now of what she was getting at. "Hiccup...I wanted to die. I don't...want to live this life if you're not here too. You're...my brother, and I love you...We're twins...we're supposed to be together always, close as close can be...and if you were gone...I'd be missing a part of myself. I wouldn't be complete and I won't live this life if I can't be whole..."

I saw Astrid looking at me sadly, her being here meant she now knew too. Great. More things out that didn't need to be. I pulled Heather close to me now as she cried lightly against me. "I know what he did wasn't okay, Heather. But I put up with it for your sake. And I'd do it again too." She whimpered more. "I promised you earlier I wasn't going anywhere, and I won't. No matter how bad things get for me, I won't try to end my life again...But you have to go back home. I'm here to heal...You can't just leave." I tell her.

"Hiccup." Gobber says. I look to him."Its fine with me."

"What's...fine?" I ask, what did he mean?

"I can tell already that the lass doesn't want to be away from you and clearly is just as mad at your father as you are. She doesn't want to be in the same house as him so its fine with me if she stays too. I'll deal with Stoick later, I have a spare room and I think you both need each other right now." Gobber explains.

"Thank you." Heather replies weakly still in my arms.

"I'll go get your bag, Heather." Astrid says leaving the apartment. I only nod to Gobber, he was right. My sister was one of the only people who cared about me. She was scared and needed me, and I needed her too. I wanted to be around people who cared. I was glad Gobber was letting her stay too, I owed that man my life right now. Letting me stay and Heather too? He was a saint. I held Heather another 5 minutes before we separated and Astrid brought her bag in for her. Gobber took it to the other bedroom which had a futon type bed, dresser, closet, night stand, and one window. Astrid helped her get things settled while I sat in my room.

 _'I hope you realized how much you messed up, Stoick...'_ I thought sighing as I laid back on the bed. Gobber called us for lunch about 20 minutes later. Astrid ended up leaving which sucked because I wanted to talk to her about everything but for now it could wait. I had my phone back, I could call Angel maybe and explain things. I would decide later. After lunch, Heather and I were in her room as I helped her make her bed. "You really aren't going to forgive him, are you? He didn't do nothing to you sis."

"But he hurt you. And that is enough. In a family, you don't play favorites Hiccup." This was true. "So I won't forgive him unless you do too." Heather said to me. I nodded, I didn't even know if I could forgive Stoick. It was too soon to tell right now. We spent that night watching a movie with Gobber, though me being tired turned in around 8:30pm. I never called Angel, I didn't know if I could so soon after everything. I fell asleep around 9pm, for once feeling like everything would be okay when I woke up.


	18. First Day Back

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

18; First Day Back.

 **{Regular POV}**

As he had said, Gobber took care of everything regarding Hiccup and Heather staying with him. Though he hadn't wanted to again, Stoick agreed to let Heather be with her brother by living with Gobber for a while. Gobber made Stoick understand where he went wrong and what he could do to make it better which for now was to just leave both the kids alone. Stoick said he wanted weekly updates on both however, not that Hiccup or Heather had to call him to check in just for Gobber to give an update on how they were. Stoick knew it would take time for Hiccup to forgive him, and in that Heather wouldn't forgive Stoick unless Hiccup did first. She believed that because Stoick hurt Hiccup, that it should be him who decided whether he could be forgiven or not.

Stoick brought Hiccup his car on Wednesday, then left with one of the officers in the squad car. He said that he would pay the the insurance, gas in it, and the parking pass fee for him to park at school. Hiccup hadn't cared, he didn't mind talking the bus or riding with Gobber who previously offered to drive Hiccup and Heather to school with himself everyday. Regardless, Hiccup didn't shoot him down. Hiccup knew his father was trying so it would only be fair that Hiccup tries as well so he wouldn't just dismiss the man. No matter what Stoick did in the past, he was still Hiccup's and Heather's father so he couldn't hate him fully. He could hate what he did, but Hiccup couldn't hate his father. That would of made him no better.

Today was his first day back to school, Thursday. He knew what he'd get. Questions and nothing but. On Wednesday afternoon, Hiccup had his first support group meeting and he actually dreaded going but Heather had practically pleaded him to which to avoid seeing her cry, he did go too. And he found out more than a few interesting things that day too. That he wasn't the only one with secrets in school and led a life of depression no one knew about.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

( The Day Before; Wednesday Afternoon)

We were sitting in Gobber's car outside the therapy office, I was sitting in the front seat with Heather riding backseat and Gobber driving obviously. The session started 20 minutes ago, we were late. Well I was procrastinating. I didn't want to go and sit in a room with others who didn't even know me to talk about what happened to me or listen to advice on how to avoid things like that again. I knew this was a teen support group, so there were teenagers like me in there who suffered from depression and suicidal tendencies or thoughts. Even those who had tried. I hoped I wouldn't be judged for my story which I knew I'd inevitably have to give.

I just sat there staring out the window. "Lad...You promised you'd take the help offered to you..." Gobber reminded.

"And I have been. I did the one on one with the doctor, I take the anti depressants...I don't need...a support group full of people who don't even know me." I huff.

"Hiccup please...Please just go in. Having it...be full of people you know don't know if better. It means they don't know you and can't judge you." Heather adds now.

"And a support group would be good lad, others like you. You can learn new ways to stop or alter the the thoughts, how to deal with how you feel..." Gobber pressed on.

"I don't want to talk to others like me...I don't want to talk at all." I mumble. I felt Heather's arm on mine now, I saw her eyes get big and water.

"Please. Please go in, Hiccup...Its hard for us to see you struggle through this alone. And...I'm terrified you're going to try something like this again...Please go in..." Heather pleaded me. I stared at her a moment, she was going to start crying. I put my hands up in defeat with a sigh.

"Alright fine, I'm going...Just stop with the tears..." I get out of Gobber's car and head towards the building.

"Text us when the meeting is over." Gobber said before he left with Heather, apparently they were going shopping for food since originally Gobber's food supply was for one person, not 3. I headed inside and found the room. On the door it read 'Teen Support Group' then below, 'Dr. Zachary Blackwood' I sigh. This must be the room then. I put my hand on the handle and took a deep breath pushing it down and walking in. Immediately the eyes were on me.

"Hiccup. I'm glad you could make it." Dr. Blackwood smiled standing up. "Come in, take a seat. We're just getting ready to do introductions. I just went over the rules in this room. I'm sure you know the standard ones. Everything said in here doesn't leave here, no judging or remarks, we speak the truth." I nod understanding of course. I shut the door and moved to a seat beside one guy who seemed to have his head turned from me. As I sat down he faced me and I saw that it was Tuffnut.

"Tuffnut?" I asked in shock, why was...he in a teen support group? Oh Gods this just...couldn't possibly get any worse.

"You two...know one another?" Dr. Blackwood asked curiously.

"W-We...go to school together..." Tuffnut said shyly.

"That's wonderful then. Now I don't know if you two are friends there or not, but here you are so play nice. With that, Hiccup since you arrived late...why don't you start us off. We don't have a lot of people to get through. Just give you name, age, and the reason you're here." The doctor says. Great I think to myself. I sigh now.

"My names...Hiccup." I start.

"Hi Hiccup." The group said now.

"I'm 17...and the reason I'm here...is because I...tried to kill myself Monday night..." I saw Tuffnut's eyes widen as he slowly looked my way again.

"Alright Tuffnut, you next."

"My name is Tuffnut. I'm 17...and I'm here because...I'm depressed, been cutting. M-my sister caught me and begged me to get help for it..." Tuffnut admits. Now it was my turn for my eyes to widen. Tuffnut...was depressed and a cutter too? Ruffnut caught him and made him get help, just like Heather forced me to do today. Maybe...Tuffnut and I weren't so different after all. This introduction thing went around the small group of 8 other people bringing the total to 11 including Tuffnut, the doctor, and myself. When it got back to me, the doctor smiled a bit.

"Excellent. Now we all know who the other one is...Do you want to share your story, Hiccup?" I sighed, I knew that was coming.

"Not really but since...my sister begged me to do this...I will." I mumble.

"Honesty appreciated. Whenever you're ready." The doctor motioned to me.

I took a deep breath. Me and my stupid honesty...Angel liked that about me too. I really wanted to check on her, she'd been so kind to me since I called and then on Monday I probably scared her and got her in trouble with my voicemail. I'd call tonight. "My depression started 3 years ago, right after my mom died. It wasn't bad at first, I could handle it with just...sitting around listening to music or playing my MMO games...But then my father changed. He got...cold towards me. I held a while, thinking he was just grieving and would be okay in time. But he didn't. After 6 months, he was still cold and hateful to me but not my twin sister. He treated her like a princess and me like a slave. I got put in charge of all chores, had to keep my grades as straight A's...It wasn't until he began to blame me for my mom's death that I started cutting when I was 15." I paused now.

"And why did your dad blame you for your mother's death?" Someone asked. Of course I forgot people could ask questions.

"Because...the night she died was because I asked her to go out to gas station for ice cream after she'd told me originally that she'd go tomorrow when it wasn't so late...The truth of that night is that my sister asked me to ask again. I...had done it for her and my father never knew that. My sister and I are twins, and a minute apart. I'm older so I guess even if by a minute I always wanted to protect her and make her smile. Mom agreed to go out to get the ice cream but...she never...came home. After 30 minutes, dad got worried and left us home while he went to look for her. She'd been killed by a gunman, the found the exit wound and bullet. Her car had been dumped in the pond, and dad...never found her body. He's...actually still trying to find the guy who did it. My father is...chief of police. They only know it was my mom because of her blood..." I answered. Why lie. Doctor said it was safe in here.

"That's rough man..." Tuffnut said looking at me sadly. Great. Pity. If any of this got out, I'd know exactly who it came from.

"Anyway, continue Hiccup." Dr. Blackwood smiled.

I had no idea why anyone wanted to hear about this, it was depressing to talk about. "But the pain...wasn't just at home. Its at school too. I'm...regarded as a weakling because I'm so skinny. I've been called...useless, worthless, a nothing...It hurts. But I used to just take it, then go home and cut. At first it was just one wrist, one cut...then gradually over the last 3 years it became...3 cuts on both wrists...Only one person knew of it...My...workshop teacher and he was going to report me...but I begged him not too. He's...an old friend of my family, I see him like an uncle or second father. He made me promise to never cut more than 3 times on either wrist...and to never try and kill myself...I kept that promise for 2 years...until Monday." I explained, my hands rubbing over my wrists a bit. They were still sore.

"What...led to you breaking the promise?" A girl, I believed her name was Alva asked me.

"Well...one night when ordering pizza for my sister and I for dinner...I accidentally called...a hotline. The Not Alone Crisis hotline. When I realized I dialed the wrong number...I hung up just as quickly. I called for pizza, my sister and I ate. Then later on when I was sitting in my room alone...I just couldn't deal with everything anymore. I wanted to die, believing no one would care or even...notice I was gone. Except my sister, and workshop teacher. But I knew they'd be okay...My sister had our dad and he'd get her through it. I was going to kill myself then, but I hesitated remembering the voice that answered from the hotline. It was the way she answered that made me stop cutting and decide, why not call and just see if someone could change my mind. I had it set that if they couldn't...I would of killed myself that night." I say remembering the night I met Angel.

"I've called there before, they are the reason I'm still here today too." Another person said with a small smile.

"Well it turned out when I called, I got the same girl who answered when I called accidentally. Uh...I don't know if I should be giving names or not..." I looked to the doctor.

"Its fine, Hiccup. What is said in here, doesn't leave this room. Be as open as you like." He told me, I nodded.

"Well, her name was Angel. As soon as she finished her introduction I told her I felt like no one cared and would be better off dead. That I wanted to kill myself. First thing she asked was if I had anything near me I could hurt myself with. I told her I had my knife on the bed. She asked me to get rid of it and wrap my wrists, I did so then just told her everything about my life since I was 15. That my dad hated me, kids at school hated me...She and I talked a good hour. She showed me this technique about closing my eyes and remembering my mom, the good times when she was alive. And...it helped. I felt better. Angel told me if I died, I'd lose those memories and I guess that's what kept me from killing myself. Dad came home early and I quickly hung up. I didn't want him knowing."

It was weird...I saw Tuffnut stiffen when I named Angel, did he...know her? Or maybe he'd talked to her too? "I didn't talk to her for the weekend. Dad was home...But times dad wasn't home, I did call her. She helped me prepare for the school play because the teacher wanted everyone to sing for him, so he could see how we ranked. My turn had to hold until that following Friday...I played sick for 3 days because I didn't...want to sing. But on the phone with Angel on Thursday night, she had me sing for her and she said if I did in exchange she'd give me her work e-mail and direct line so I wouldn't always have to call. I sang for her and I guess she was...amazed by it. Her words, not mine." I explain.

"You do sing good dude, everyone at school was shocked by your performance that Friday. And hell, you can dance too." Tuffnut said to me.

"Thanks...I think? But...Yeah, I did manage the performance fine...Nervous but fine. I had Angel's e-mail and direct line. We e-mailed a lot after that. I landed the lead part in the play...and for a few months...everything was fine. I was...cutting less, I felt happy again. Dad still acted like he hated me, and I still got bullied but being able to go home and talk to Angel even if just...5 minutes, made it better. But...all good things come to an end. One night using the hotlines new instant chat feature...I hadn't been in the mood to talk and I guess...Angel got worried and she...actually called me using the *69 hidden number thing. She told me she was worried and wanted to make sure I was okay. I said she'd get in trouble because it was...against the rules of the hotline. But she told me she didn't care...She did it because she was worried and...that she liked me. I admitted to liking her too and asked if she did this with anyone else, calling them because she was worried. She told me no and said until she could figure out a way around work finding out, we had to keep our feelings a secret...I agreed...But the thought of getting to meet her made me happy." I sighed looking down a bit.

"What happened, Hiccup? Was she...lying to you?" Asked a girl named Sylvi.

"I-I don't know. Monday, was the day I just had enough of everything. All day people were taking shots at me...and I'd been sneaking off to the bathroom to cut myself...I always...kept a pocket knife in my pocket. And at the end of the day there were rehearsals for the play since...it airs in 5 weeks...I left my phone in the back to charge and...3 of my main bullies got a hold of it, they were reading my messages with Angel. When class was about to be over, they cornered me and teased me about it all. They saw me break down against the workshop teacher about everything, they had it on video. Saw my cuts from that day, and...telling me that Angel wasn't real, she was just a worker at a hotline and didn't care about me at all. That she had a thousand callers daily with the same story about being depressed. It was her job to make me not want to die...that she'd never meet me and the hotline...was just a scam. It was a building full of women praying on weak, sad, pathetic men like me..." I closed my eyes.

"That's bull. I've talked to male workers in that office...My guys name was Fury." Someone exclaimed.

"I know that now. But...I kept telling myself they were wrong. I'd get to meet Angel and we'd be happy. I was okay until one guy said, _'_ _She's lying to you. You mean nothing to her or she would of called you without using *69...She would of trusted you with her cell phone number. She doesn't love you, or like you. She doesn't want you. No one does. You're a loser, hated by everyone. Even your dad. Its your fault your mom died...You got nothing Haddock. You will never have anything, you will never be anything. You are nothing.'_ After that...I left on the bus with my sister. She was doing her homework and...in my room I'd been cutting. They weren't deep, I just wanted to get rid of the pain. Then my dad sent a text to me, _'_ _ _That house better be spotless, Hiccup. I mean it. From top to bottom, I want to see my reflection in the counters, floors, and windows. If its not done by the time I get home, I will take your phone and computer. That house should have been done yesterday. Your slacking! Your mother never would of slacked, and she always said you were just like her. Why can't you just listen and do as your told like your sister can. We only wanted one child, not two. Especially one who came unexpectedly. You weren't even seen on screen until the birth. You were born first and you just happen to be the problem child. Now clean that house! You'll never get a good job to pay rent in 16 weeks if you can't follow simple instructions. I won't support your ass forever. I'll be home at 10pm.'__. After that...I just...had enough. I couldn't anymore. I was so sick of everything..."

"That's when you tried to kill yourself?" The doctor asked. I nodded to him.

"Not right away. I cut deep first, way more than normal. Then...I called Angel...to say goodbye and thank her for everything she had done." I said.

"What did you say to her?" Asked Tuffnut.

I sighed. "Angel...I guess your busy, but that's okay. I know a lot of people call you for help. I'm not looking for help this time. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me. You really are an angel. And I'm sure you'll make some guy really happy one day. I just wanted to say goodbye. You probably won't hear from me again. Things will be better this way. I don't want to get you in trouble. The guys at my school saw our messages and they are calling you my girlfriend. I just can't take it. I'm done. And I don't feel like talking, or feel the need to keep trying or breathing anymore. So that's it I guess. Goodbye, Angel...Then I just sat on the bed getting weaker, and dizzier from bleeding. After 10 minutes I went to the bathroom to get the strongest pills I could fine, my dad's migraine ones...I took 3, threw them up and tried to take more but my arms were weak from the cutting and couldn't open it. Before I could get it off...one of my sister's friends rushed in and fought with me on it, she got them away, they burst open on the floor of my room. I yelled at her...Dad came in and held me, then I guess they sedated me. I woke up in the hospital 2 hours later...And now...I'm here." Hiccup sighed.

"Hiccup man...I-I'm sorry. I never...knew how much you were going through...Those guys are jerks...I don't hang with them anymore. After you were out, they started bullying Fishlegs and me...Fishlegs didn't care, but it bugged me. Ruff caught me cutting and told me if I didn't get help then she'd have me admitted..." Tuffnut told me.

"Its...fine, Tuffnut...Those guys...have no life if they get a joy out of torturing others." I shrug.

"Well, Tuffnut. Why don't you share next?" Doctor Blackwood offered. And so, Tuffnut did. Apparently he had been depressed about a year. He didn't know where it came from, it just started one day. Like me, he dealt with it a while before starting to hurt himself to release the pain. And then Ruffnut caught him cutting himself Tuesday night, and forced him to get help. So that's why he wasn't in school today, because their mother also learned of it when she saw blood stains on Tuffnut's sleeves while she did laundry. He was going back to school tomorrow too. Guess we'd be facing it together. Ruffnut was like Heather in some ways, but maybe that was just a twin thing. Tuffnut and Ruffnut were twins, so were Heather and me. The meeting went another hour to get through everyone, then we were dismissed saying we'd meet again next on Friday to start talking about better ways to handle things. Tuffnut and I...actually shook hands as a form of truce and apology, possibly even friends in time.

 **{Regular POV}**

(Back To Thursday Morning; School)

Hiccup was nervous to return. He'd been out since Monday and Heather told him that everyone just though he was in a car accident. No one had ever seen Hiccup's car so they couldn't challenge the story that it wasn't wrecked when he drove in to school and parked in his new spot. Gobber had gone to park in the teachers parking lot and they'd keep in contact throughout the day in case Hiccup couldn't handle it and decided to leave. Gobber already made Heather and Hiccup a copy of his apartment key. Hiccup reached the main entrance since he had to tell them he was back, he took a deep breath entering.

"Hiccup, welcome back." Alvin greeted first.

"H-Hey, Mr. Treachor." Hiccup replied.

"Back finally are ya?" Alvin asked smiling. Hiccup nodded to him. "Well its good to have ya. This here is a folder of all the work you missed and you've got until grades close in 5 weeks. Right after the play. Then there is finals, and grades closing a week before graduation." Alvin said handing it to him. Hiccup put it in his backpack nodding, he sighed himself back into school then sighed. Heather waited for him outside the office with a light smile.

"Ready?" She asked.

"No...But I can't avoid it forever...Besides...this is senior year. I won't ever have to see these people again in 7 weeks..." Hiccup retorted as he moved to his locker and got the things he'd need up until lunch time. He tried to avoid going to his locker between classes, it was time consuming. Reaching Algebra, he dreaded going in because he had it with Dagur and Snotlout.

"It'll be okay. If anyone gives you trouble, I'll deck them." Heather encouraged her brother.

"No you won't. I can handle them, Heather. Don't get yourself in trouble." Hiccup reminded, with that the two walked into class. Not a word was said at first. Everyone just looked at him. He ignored it and moved to his seat at the back of the class, right before the bell rang Astrid ran in panting.

 **{Astrid' POV}**

I couldn't believe I overslept! I skipped the shower, got dressed, grabbed a granola bar and rushed to my car. I'm pretty sure I broke about 3 laws getting to school then rushing in. The warning bell rang and I booked it to class, I moved inside just as the bell rang. I panted heavily taking my seat.

"Nice to have you join us Miss. Hofferson. And if I can add, welcome back Hiccup and Heather." The teacher said. I froze now, Hiccup and Heather were back?! I turned around and sure enough I saw Heather, then Hiccup. So far I'd been lucky to escape talking to both of the siblings before they could ask me why I was at the house the night Hiccup tried to kill himself, being in school all day with them...I doubted I'd get away so easily. Odin help me survive today.


	19. You Need To Tell Him

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

19; You Need To Tell Him.

 **{Tuffnut's POV}**

After my sister caught me cutting, and mom discovering the blood stains on my sleeves...I got begged, and forced to go to group therapy. So there I was sitting in the room with a bunch of others who were depressed and had problems like me when suddenly the door opens and I hear the doctor say "Hiccup, glad you could make it." I froze turning my head a bit. No way. Hiccup couldn't be there. He'd see me, I'd see him. Hiccup came in and sat down and sure enough, my fears confirmed it was the same Hiccup from school. Then again, how many people could one 17 year old know named Hiccup? Of course we recognized one another and he looked just as shocked to see me as I did him. Great. Awkward.

We went around the room, introducing ourselves. Then the doctor had Hiccup start the session with his story. At first it didn't interest me. Everyone at school knew about the death of Valka Haddock, Chief Stoick's wife and mother of Heather and Hiccup. I knew it was hard for him to talk about. Couldn't be easier talking about your mom who died so tragically only 3 years ago. Then I learned of his cutting and that came off as a shocker, more so that his father apparently hated him for even though Hiccup was only asking on Heather's behalf about the ice cream. So even the great chief Stock Haddock wasn't perfect. The more I listened, the more I actually paid attention. Hiccup...had it bad. He openly admitted about the bullies at school, I'm surprised he never mentioned me. I was always picking on him with Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur.

I felt really bad now knowing all I did about Hiccup's depression. At least he knew where his came from. Mine just started one day and I never got out of it. Hiccup's came from his mom dying, being hated by his dad while Heather was favored, and being bullied at school. I actually swore to myself that after hearing all this, how far the bullying went for Hiccup, I would never tease him again. How could I? He'd tried to kill himself on Monday afternoon. When we heard about the absence in school it was only that Hiccup got in a car accident. I understood now that was just a cover up for what really happened. I think though what shocked me the most was hearing about Angel, and why that shocked me so much is because I knew who Angel really was. She was Astrid.

I'd known Astrid worked for the hotline, Ruffnut told me. Astrid went by the name of Angel but it was a secret and we couldn't tell anyone. Fishlegs and Heather knew too. I wondered if Heather knew that Hiccup had been talking to Astrid the last few months. And I was shocked to find out that Astrid showed up at Hiccup's and Heather's house and actually saved his life. My assumption since Hiccup clearly didn't know the truth was that after Hiccup called Angel to tell her goodbye, Astrid obviously got the message at work and hearing Hiccup was going to kill himself, she rushed to the Haddock house and stopped him. The more we talked that day, I discovered that Hiccup actually had no idea how Astrid got to the house and saved him when no one knew what he was planning to do.

So Heather didn't know about how Stoick treated Hiccup, or how bad the bullying was, or that Hiccup had actually been talking to Astrid secretly the last few months. Hiccup didn't know who Angel really was, and he liked her as well now revealed that Astrid liked Hiccup and broke rules to talk to him. Hiccup was a straight A student, he was incredibly smart. That I could admit without an ounce of doubt. I saw him design all those things for the play, and the technology things too. Hiccup was going to figure out who Angel was, and I honestly feared what he might do when he did. It could break him. If hearing from those 3 jerks at school telling Hiccup Angel wasn't real and didn't like him, that they'd never meet was enough to make him cut so deeply...then finding out Angel was Astrid the whole time and she knew who he was talking to would really hurt Hiccup. I had to talk to Astrid.

After the meeting, Hiccup and I shook hands and put a truce in place. And apology for everything. Well I apologized and he accepted it. He said maybe we could even be friends. I actually suggested it and he said maybe. That was enough for me. I went outside first and left with Ruffnut and mom. Then I assume Hiccup went out with Heather and Gobber, who I also learned was putting Hiccup and Heather up at his place since Hiccup and Heather refused to live at their father's house because now Heather knew how Stoick treated Hiccup the last 3 years. I guess I didn't blame either of them for not wanting to live there. I wouldn't. And come tomorrow at school, I was going to have to talk to Astrid. She needed to tell him the truth before Hiccup found out on his own. Astrid knew that Hiccup tried to kill himself so she had to know all he went through when they talked at the hotline.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

After learning Hiccup and Heather were back, I tried to duck them all day long. Saying I had places to be, or phone calls to take. But in drama class, I couldn't get away because of rehearsals. All day, I saw Hiccup get uncomfortable with the teachers welcoming him back and asking if he was okay from the accident. I watched him only nod silently but his hands were holding his wrists shyly. When lunch came, Heather refused to let Hiccup sit alone so he sat with me, Fishlegs, Tuffnut, Ruffnut, and Heather. Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur were at the table to the right of us. I was still livid with them for what I heard about them teasing Hiccup on Monday. I wanted to hit them but refrained.

Now at lunch, the table was silent. I knew the truth, Heather knew the truth but Fishlegs, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut didn't. It was an awkward silent. I learned from Heather that Hiccup confided in her that the 3 boys teased Hiccup about his cutting in school. I also knew they teased Hiccup about Angel, rather me. But Heather didn't know that yet and I doubted she'd ever talk to me again when she did find out. But Hiccup had told her anything about Angel, or talking to her which shocked me to know he was still keeping secrets. I could see that Hiccup had his headphones in, eyes closed while eating. I felt bad, I wanted to tell him but I couldn't. Every time I tried, I just froze with fear thinking he'd hate me, never forgive me. I knew he'd be alive but I'd still lose him. I really liked Hiccup. I couldn't deny that.

I worried more if Hiccup would try to cut himself again or worse if he found out the truth about me being Angel. I'd never forgive myself if he hurt himself knowing the truth about me. I could see Tuffnut staring at me, which was off. But he wasn't talking, his eyes were motioning to his phone, then back at me. Okay? Did he want me to look at my phone? I pulled it out and motioned to it with my eyes, now a silent conversation with just eyes. He gave a nod as I checked it and saw a text from him. _-I need to talk to you ASAP.-_ I blinked, what could he possibly need to talk to me about?

 _-Okay, tell me then.-_

Another reply came in, _-Not here in txts. Meet me by the main office after skool-_ Alright, that was a little weird. I simply nodded to him. He sent another text to me saying, _-And come alone.-_ I nodded shortly to him again and continued to eat my lunch. When the bell rang, Hiccup and Heather left first. Followed by Ruffnut and Tuffnut, finally myself and Fishlegs. The rest of the day was pretty quiet until drama class, which always promised to be drama filled. Because it was a class where all of us had it together.

 **{Regular POV}**

Reaching the class, they all walked in slow. Hiccup and Heather came in last, Astrid knew he was dreading this class because last time he was here was Monday when those 3 assholes told him Angel wasn't real and didn't love or care about Hiccup. As we arrived, Mr. Bretson had them sit down to announce how class would be the next few weeks until show night. "Alright my little actors and actresses, listen up!" Mr. Bretson called their attention. People began to quiet down. "Now, first off...Heather, Hiccup...Welcome back. I know you missed a few days but not to worry because everything we did then is what we'll be doing until show night." Hiccup and Heather nodded to him.

"So what's gonna happen the next 4 weeks?" Camicazi asked.

"In short. We are going to do the play every day. Each day we will work on scenes starting from the beginning and to the end. That way the whole play gets done through out the week to make sure we have it perfect for show night. We'll be doing the scenes with props, scenery changes, and sounds. And the week before show night, we will not be using scripts. You should all know your lines by now. You've had almost 2 months. Beauty and the Beast is a classic so you should all know it." Mr. Bretson informed. There was a group sigh.

"So 3 weeks practicing with and 1 without?" Heather asked. Mr. Bretson nodded. "Sounds fair enough. I know all mine!" She smiled softly.

"Wonderful. Who else knows theirs?" Mr. Bretson asked. Few people put their hands up, including Hiccup and Astrid. "Oh! Before I forget...Mr. Haddock." Hiccup looked at him. "I was informed that after the accident...You haven't really talked or sang. Can you still play your part?"

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Really!? Way to call me out, Mr. Bretson! Ugh. Now I was being questioned if I could still play my part. Of course I could. I tried to kill myself. I didn't tare out my voice box you idiot. I sighed nodding to him. "Can you...prove it? You haven't said a word, even now. You didn't talk to answer me." I clenched my hand into a tight fist.

"Yes. Mr. Bretson...I can still play my part. It was a car accident...I didn't lose my voice." I replied a little irritated.

"I am still going to have to ask you to sing. We have a month left and if for whatever reason you are unable to then I have to call in your understudy which is Dagur." Mr. Bretson tells me. Son of a bitch. Maybe I should just back out and let Dagur have it. I never wanted to do this stupid play anyway. I contemplated it, backing out. Astrid looked at me.

"Please..." I blinked. Did she just ask me to do it. "I won't play Belle if Dagur is Beast...I've done these lines with you. I hate them...Please Hiccup? Just sing, one song so the teacher knows you can still do it." Astrid asked me. Gods damn it, I sighed.

"Fine. You owe me for this..." I stood up heading to the stage. Mr. Bretson smiled brightly sitting down.

"He's gotta do it without the lyrical versions. We can't hear his singing if he's singing along." Eret remarked. I saw Heather sit forward and smack him upside the head for it. I saw Astrid chuckle a bit while Heather sit back arms crossed over her chest.

"Shut up, Eret. You have no idea how good my brother can actually sing. A lot better than your cracked voice." Heather spat out. I had to force myself not to laugh, that was funny.

"Alright you two. Don't make me have to send you to the principal." Mr. Bretson sighed, he now faced Hiccup who'd made it to the stage. "Unfortunately, Mr. Haddock...Eret is right. Singing along doesn't show us you can sing on your own voice."

"That's fine with me. I've got karaoke versions..." Hiccup replied calmly. Mr. Bretson nodded, satisfied with the answer. Just as I was about to start, I saw the auditorium room doors open as Gobber walked in and behind him, Stoick. Why the hell was he here? Didn't Heather and I specifically tell him to leave us alone for a while. I wouldn't flip out, not here. I was sure by now the 3 idiots told everyone about my cutting, the daddy issues, and Thor only knew what else. Why hide it, I was mad at him so why shouldn't he know how mad I actually was. But as I'd said...He is my father and I couldn't hate him back, no matter what. In a split second, I decided to change the song I was going to sing to something else. I knew what I had to do.

The music began as I took a breath. _"_ _Hey Dad, I'm writing to you. Not to tell you that I still hate you. Just to ask you how you feel. And how we fell apart...How this fell apart?"_ I kept my eyes on him the entire time, I saw his eyes widen as I began. _"Are you happy out there in this great wide world? Do you think about your son? Do you miss your little girl? When you lay your head down, how do you sleep at night? Do you even wonder if we're alright?...If we're alright...We're alright."_ I took another breath.

 _"It's been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried. You broke my mother's heart. You broke your children for life. Its not okay, but we're all right. I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes. But those are just a long lost memory of mine. I spent so many years learning how to survive...And I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive..."_ Of course the song was to him. He had to know how badly he messed up and that the life he helped create...Almost ended because of him too. This song was mean to be something to explain a father walking out but as far as I was considered, he did walk about of my life. And he broke me, and Heather after she found out what he did. Also...Mom would be none to pleased about his behavior since her dying.

 _"The days I spent so cold, so hungry. Were full of hate, I was so angry. The scars run deep inside this tattooed body. There's things I'll take to my grave. But I'm okay. I'm okay!"_ I sang out.

 _"It's been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried. You broke my mother's heart. You broke your children for life. Its not okay, but we're all right. I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes. But those are just a long lost memory of mine. I spent so many years learning how to survive...And I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive..."_ My eyes briefly glanced to Heather who looked like she was about to cry, or maybe go over and slap Stoick. I wasn't entirely sure, maybe both?

 _"Sometimes I forgive. Yeah, and this time...I'll admit. That I miss you, said I miss you!"_ I saw Stoick's eyes widen at the words of the song. It was a song to say not only did the son despise what happened but also...that he forgave his father for everything. And I meant it. I forgave him, people do crazy things when they are stuck in grief and loss. Sure I hated what he did to me, put me through the last 3 years but I didn't hate him. And what good would it of done me to stay mad and not forgive him. It only fueled more hate and pain and after my last 3 years...I didn't want anymore pain. So I'd forgive him.

 _"It's been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried. You broke my mother's heart. You broke your children for life. Its not okay, but we're all right. I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes. But those are just a long lost memory of mine. I spent so many years learning how to survive...And I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive..."_ The music softened and I swore I saw my father about to cry. Heather looked in shock. _"And sometimes I forgive. And this time, I'll admit...That I miss you, I miss you...Hey Dad."_ I finished. All I did was give him a nod so he'd understand what I was saying.

I didn't even wait as I got my phone when the music stopped and headed off stage towards him. The room was rather silent, everyone watching my moves and listening for me to talk. Stoick was about to talk but I put me hand up to him, "I don't want to hear you. I don't even want to see you right now. But..." I paused now opening my eyes. "I do want you to hear what I have to say." He nodded slowly to me. "You hurt me. Father's...are not supposed to do to their children what you did to me. The things you said, the things you did...For 3 years, it never stopped and each time brought me lower and lower. And as with most things, there is only so much one person can take."

"Hiccup...I'm..." Stoick began to say but I cut him off.

"I wasn't finished." He was quiet again. "As my father...You are supposed to protect me, care for me, guide me, teach me...and love me. And you...did none of those things after mom died. You did the exact opposite and you need to understand how badly that hurt me. Especially when you didn't do it to Heather. Only me. And the only reason I didn't snap sooner...was because of her. I didn't want to crush her illusion of the Haddock's being a perfect family, even with the loss of mom. She was happy. Heather was cared for, loved, protected, guided, and taught so I played along for her sake. None of what I suffered for 3 years was for you. You really hurt me...And Odin knows...I should hate you to no end for it all. Part of me wants to yell at you, part of me wants to cry, part of me wants to hit you, and a part of me wants to hate you."

I watched him look down in shame almost. This was really going on in front of everyone who was in the drama class, and I didn't care. Whoever knew the truth about my life at the Haddock house, whatever. Fuck em, they weren't my problem. I had to say this to Stoick.

"I-I would not blame or hold it against you if you did any of those things, Hiccup..." Stoick said.

"But that's just the thing. I want to, but I won't." I saw him look in shock at me. "I won't yell at you. I won't cry, I won't hit you...and I won't hate you. Because if I did, then it would make me no better than you. That's not the kind of person I am, to extract revenge on those who do bad things to me. I prefer to wait for Karma to come around and bite those who wronged me. Two wrongs, do not make a right. I believe Karma is already making you pay for your mistakes and wrong doings. You feel a pain right now. You lost your wife, and now your kids. We chose to live elsewhere to be away from you. You need to know how much you hurt me, and that it is something I will never forget." I tell him.

"I-I understand, Hiccup...And I'm...so...sorry..." Stoick said.

"Whatever your reasons at the time, I no longer care. They were yours. What I am saying...is that while I will never forget...I am choosing to also forgive you." There was a round of gasps in the room. I suspected from Heather, Astrid, and anyone else who knew about my home life. I think even Gobber was a little shocked. Stoick's eyes widened. "And no, this isn't my anti-depressant's talking. I actually think I forgot to take it today. But...Yes, I'm choosing to forgive you. That does not mean that I am coming back to the house, yet. It means, I will accept the things you have done and I will let them go. But also...What you did still hurt me, and I need time to heal from that. So if you can agree to give me my space and I will come to you when I am ready...Then I will forgive you." I said.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I seriously couldn't believe what I just watched happen. Hiccup sang...another amazing song perfectly but it was where his eyes were that I noticed who was there. Gobber and Stoick. Why, I had no idea but I wanted to see what would happen. After Hiccup's song, we all saw him step off stage and walk to his father calmly. I was shocked to hear Hiccup not screaming at him to get away from him but no. Hiccup stayed calm and then he said he'd forgive his dad and we all gasped. Hiccup was forgiving him!? So easily after only a few days since the attempted suicide? And he wasn't on his anti-depressants right now. I didn't even know he was taking them. Hiccup was going to forgive him if Stoick could agree to still give him his space.

We all watched in silence waiting for Stoick's answer. "O-Of course, Hiccup. Yes, anything. I'll do anything to have you forgive me." Stoick said, I swear he was about to cry too.

"I am still staying at Gobber's a while. And you can't just be showing up out of the blue to see me...I don't know what Heather wants to do but this is my decision. Now before you ask me why I'm forgiving you so soon...I'll tell you. Because there has already been enough hate and pain. 3 years, I suffered your hate and felt that pain. And now that it's you feeling the isolation, the neglect, the pain because you understand what you did wrong...Now that's its you, I will not turn on you. Like I said, I should hate you for it all but I don't. I hate what you did, which is why I still need time to heal...But I don't hate you. I'm forgiving you its the right thing to do. Hating you only creates more pain and hate and there's been enough of that. I want it to stop so I will not add fuel to the fire. And I can see that you're actually sorry. I guess I got that from mom, the ability to see emotions and if people are being truthful or lying. I can see your sorrow, and I know you speak the truth. You feel regret for what happened. You are still my father...and no matter what you do to me...I'll still always love you. So I forgive you, under the condition you give me space. You break that...and you lose my forgiveness and me forever because I will never come home, you will never see me, and I will never speak to you again." Hiccup said to Stoick.

Hiccup was a lot more mature, and strong than I gave him credit for. He was forgiving Stoick, and not for some shitty reason either. He genuinely meant what he said, but was also warning his father that if he didn't give him his space, he would never forgive him and Stoick would never see Hiccup again, or speak to him.

"I understand, Hiccup." Stoick said, now Heather was up and beside Hiccup. "Do you...forgive me too, Heather?"

Heather sighed. "You hurt me when you hurt Hiccup, dad. We're twins, I always felt his pain. But I did say when Hiccup forgave you, I would too and a Haddock doesn't break their word. So I forgive you too...But like Hiccup...I need my space too and...I wanna stay with him until he's ready to come home. And if you ever hurt him again...I swear I'll disown you. You'll never see me, or hear from me again..." Heather warned.

"Of course...thank you, both of you. I'll back off until you're ready...Just...if you need anything...let me know?" Stoick asked.

"We will. Now go on and get out of here, we got class still." Heather smiled.

"One hug?" Stoick asked, both Hiccup and Heather shook their heads. "Alright. Not yet huh?" Stoick asked, both Haddock kids nodded. Stoick nodded to then left the room.

I'm proud of yew lad." Gobber said with a smile.

"Like I said, I don't hate him...just what he did." Hiccup shrugged. Not forgiving him would mean I hate him and I don't. So I forgave him...And you, Mr. Bretson...Are you satisfied I can do my role or now?" Hiccup asked. Mr. Bretson nodded as he went on doing more things for the class.

"Alright, I'm gonna leave ya be. See ya at home then." Gobber patted his shoulder, Hiccup nodded as Gobber left. Heather hugged Hiccup tightly before both of them returned to their seats. I couldn't believe how mature Hiccup was, it still amazed me that one song led to him forgiving his father for everything the last 3 years. And honestly, it made me love him that much more. Yeah I loved Hiccup and I wasn't ashamed to admit, to myself of course. No one else knew. Yet. I'd tell Hiccup soon and just prayed he didn't hate me. At the end of the day, everyone left and as asked, I met Tuffnut by the main office just outside by the student parking lot.

"Alright, Tuff...I'm here so what's going on?" I ask.

"Astrid...You have to tell Hiccup the truth about who you are." My eyes widened, how did Tuffnut know that!? He knew I was Angel but how did he know Hiccup talked to me as Angel!? "Listen ok, cuz I'm about to break rule one of the support group...And yes...I'm in it too. Its...a long story but for now...Yesterday, I was out because I was in therapy and Hiccup is in my group too. He told everyone his story that led up to his suicide attempt. He told us what Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur said to him regarding Angel...I know he likes Angel, he likes you. Astrid, Hiccup is a smart guy...He's going to start putting it together and I think he's going to be more pissed if he finds out before you tell him yourself..." Tuffnut tells me.

Tuffnut was in Hiccup's therapy group? Tuffnut knew everything about what happened to Hiccup, and the stuff about me? Great. "Who else knows?"

"No one but me, and the support group. Rule one is confidentiality...No one in the groups talks outside of the group of what is told in the group...And the members are anonymous to anyone outside the group. I'm doing this to help you...And no one in the group knows your Angel...I only know because you told Ruff, Legs, and I...But you need to him, Astrid. He likes you and you like him...He's probably gonna be mad for a while but you gotta tell him or he'll find out on his own. Its only a matter of time before he starts telling Heather...and she knows you're Angel...She'll be mad too when she finds out you knew you were talking to Hiccup and didn't get him help but I know you had your policies too...Just tell him the truth and soon...I gotta go for now..." Tuffnut says.

I sigh, this is what I worried about. How long I could keep the secret but Tuffnut was right, Hiccup was smart and he was going to figure it out or Heather would tell him when he told her that he talked to a worked named Angel at the NAC hotline. I would tell him tomorrow, I'd go to Gobber's and tell him then. At least Gobber and Heather would make sure he was okay. Heather would be mad too but I could live with that as long as Hiccup was alive. My mind set, I nodded to Tuffnut who then ran off. I sighed. No going back now. I'd tell Hiccup the truth tomorrow.


	20. The Truth

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

20; The Truth.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Things were actually okay for me for once. Sure I was still depressed, there was a lot more involved than just what my father did to me and the pain of what he did do for 3 years was fresh. But I had felt better now that I had forgiven him, but he still needed to give me my space. Hopefully for once he would listen to me and just back off. I know Heather felt the same way, as far as revoking the forgiveness if he came on to strong. It was in agreement for at least 2 weeks that dad couldn't show up at random, he couldn't call or text us. He had to wait for us to get a hold of him first, and he couldn't pester Gobber for updates about us. We had invited him to see the play in 4 weeks, and he was happy about that. I'm pretty sure he sucked up to me by saying that he actually liked my singing, I guess I had a voice like my mothers.

It was a genuine compliment so I didn't give him shit for it. Overall, things were looking up as far as family affairs went. School was still a war zone for me, especially since my entire drama class had been present for the 'talk' with my father. It was whispered about most of Thursday, and I'm certain would continue into today. There would be more rehearsals today, goodie for me. I needed a distraction, I didn't take my anti-depressants again. They honestly weren't doing anything for me, I'd talk to my doctor about it during the next one on one session which I think was on Tuesday of the following week. Things were getting busy for school too. Besides the play there was also the senior camping trip and senior prom coming up, then graduation in June. Right now we were just starting May, I couldn't believe I was almost done with high school.

I'd gotten a good portion of my make-up work done, since I didn't have to do a mountain of chores anymore I had more time for school work well, homework. Most of it was reading and the end of chapter reviews. The rest was worksheets or study for finals in a few weeks. I did a lot of studying any who so it made no difference to me. My arms were healing nicely and unfortunately as ordered by the doctor...Gobber had to do bed checks for weapons or drugs. I assured them both I was fine but they said until the next evaluation on my mental state they had to check for now. I shrugged it off and just let them. I honestly did feel better. The only thing weighing on my mind was Angel. I still hadn't talked to her since Monday. She had to be worried, right?

I pulled up the chat on my phone app and found our conversation. I stared at it a good 5 minutes before sighing. No, she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I called and left a voicemail on her phone saying I was killing myself, she had to of gotten in trouble of something and it was because of me too. I felt horrible about that, if she...wanted to talk to me...or check on me then she probably would have called or messaged me first. But even after the voicemail, she never called back, she never messaged me so...maybe those guys were right. She didn't care. That hurt to say because I really had liked her. I guess a part of me always would since she was the first one in 3 years to make me feel better. I sighed checking the clock. 6:45am. Time for breakfast and to get to school for another long day.

I grabbed my backpack, stuffed my books in and zipped it shut. Then I got my phone and put that on silent and in my pocket it went. Leaving the room, I saw Gobber and Heather at the table. I sat down to a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast. Compliments of Heather, she was an amazing cook too. "Morning lad, how did you sleep?" Gobber asked me.

"I slept alright. Stayed up until 10:30 studying..." I replied.

"Good man." Gobber chuckled.

"How'd you two sleep?" I ask looking to Heather and Gobber.

"I slept fine too." Gobber nods.

"I had the best sleep in ages!" Heather exclaimed. I chuckled, always such a happy sister I had. We ate silently before 7:15am rolled around, we cleaned up and headed into our cars. Well Gobber to his, then Heather and me to mine.

"Meet you there." I say to Gobber before backing out of the spot and heading down the street in the direction of the school. It only took 15 minutes to get there, I parked as Heather and I made it to our lockers then Algebra on time. Thank Odin for that. Our Algebra teacher could be a real bitch when students came in late. I sighed taking my seat in the back as always, pulling out my notebook and textbook. The bell rang and thus began the day. As the hour ticked on in Algebra, the teacher handed out a paper to everyone.

"Alright students. These are your permission slips for the camping trip next weekend. As you know it is a 3 day trip in the forest behind the school about 10 miles in. Also I've handed the list of things to bring with you. There will be a lot of hiking involved so dress comfortable and appropriately." Ms. Bolgur announced. "They have to be turned in by Thursday of next week of you will not be permitted to go." She adds before sitting at her desk.

I looked over the paper, basic things to bring with us. Boots, sweaters, few sets of clothes, sunscreen, insect repellent, sleeping bag, blanket, and pillow. The rest would be provided by the school which was tents, and food. I was psyched to go. A real, wilderness camping trip. We'd all been excited to go since it was announced after Christmas break, 3 days in the forest. Not a campground, not a backyard. The actual forest!

"Hey Haddock, guess you can't go since you don't live with your dad anymore and it says a parent has to sign." Snotlout teased.

"Will you shut up, Snotlout. I am not in the mood. It says parent or guardian, you'd know that if you could read. Its beyond me how you're even surviving senior year." I remarked. The class went 'Ooooh!' That was a good burn too.

"Don't get a tude with me, Hiccup. I'm not the one with daddy issues." Snotlout said, the class looked back to me to see if I had a retort.

"And I'm not the one with an IQ lower than 6 while reading at a 3rd grade level. I missed 2 days of school, got all my make-up work done, and still maintaining a perfect 4.0 grade point average. In case you don't know what that means...It's straight A's." I snickered.

"Least Snotlout isn't a cutter." Dagur remarked now with a smirk.It felt good to get back at Snotlout, I was good with witty remarks. I knew Gobber or my dad would sign the slip so it didn't matter. I froze as the room silenced. Really? They had to go there when they were cornered. I saw Dagur and Snotlout do a high five.

"He doesn't..." Heather tried to step in but I stopped her.

"No Heather. Let them say whatever they want. I don't care. Yeah, I used to cut myself and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one in the school or world who has. I suffer from severe depression, not ashamed to admit it." I sighed.

"So you admit to being a weak, depressed nothing then?" Dagur asked.

"I might be a nothing to you but that is just one assholes opinion. So why not take you opinion and shove it up your ass. Because I'm done letting you two give me shit over literally nothing!" I stated as I grabbed my books, bag, then left the classroom just as the bell rang signaling the end of class. Oh my Gods why didn't it ever end. Before the halls crowded I went to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall, slamming my head on the ceramic tiles hard. It hurt but I didn't care right now. Even when I tried not to let it get to me...It still bothered me. I didn't even want to finish today anymore. I wanted to go home but being alone there...I might fall back into old habits. I wasn't totally healed and pushed far enough, I knew they could come back.

I stayed in there a good 4 minutes before the next bell rang, I moved to my next class which I had with Astrid, Tuffnut, Eret, and Fishlegs. I made it in before the final bell and sat down, I was sitting beside Tuffnut in this class which was language arts. He passed me a note as I closed my eyes sighing heavily, I opened it slowly. _**~U ok?~**_ I got my pencil, and wrote back. **~No. Snot & Dag gave me crap bout being a cutter in Alg. Announced it to the whole class.~** I passed it back carefully. After 5 minutes, Tuffnut passed it back. _**~Dnt listen 2 those jerks. U dnt do that no more. Doc Blackwood said not to let them have power over you. So ignore em.~**_ Yeah, I knew that much. But it was hard to ignore them when they knew a lot of things about me because of them going through my phone.

I didn't reply to the note, teacher was watching us closely now. I tucked the note in my pocket and focused on the lesson. There was one more class after this and then lunch, good too because I was actually hungry for once. And Gobber packed big lunches. This class and the next dragged on forever it seemed but finally lunch came around and I sat with Astrid, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Fishlegs, and of course my sister. In my lunch today I had a turkey and swiss sandwich, a blue powerade, grapes, and bag of chips, oh a yogurt too. Gobber believed it using at least one of every food group until I reminded him that I was a twig and couldn't eat that much.

We both laughed about that and Gobber agreed to cut back the amount in my lunch. I usually saved the chips for drama class since Mr. Bretson said we could have snacks as long as long as it didn't interfere with rehearsal and drink had to be sealed with a cover. I looked over at Astrid who had been abnormally quiet most of the day. By now she was laughing it up with Ruffnut and Heather. She seemed to have a lot on her mind. I left her alone about it. I knew how it felt to have a lot on the mind and not wanna talk. Then again, my silence usually led to cutting. I hoped she wasn't. Astrid didn't seem the type, she was more outgoing in her feelings. Maybe she was just having an off day, I know I was. Towards the end of lunch, I left to go to the bathroom and told Heather I'd meet her in class.

 **{Heather's POV}**

I still couldn't believe Dagur and Snotlout outing Hiccup as a cutter but it brought on the question of how they knew? The only ones I was aware knew were Gobber, dad, Astrid, and myself so how did they know. I still didn't know a lot about what drove Hiccup to try and kill himself on Monday afternoon. But dad wasn't talking, neither was Gobber, or Astrid and she's the one I had the most questions for. How had she known Hiccup was in trouble. Astrid showed up immediately calling for Hiccup, then asking where he was. She look worried and terrified when she rushed in. She hadn't even knocked. Something was still missing from this puzzle. I knew Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout had something to do with it, and I think Astrid did too. She's been way to quiet since it happened. It was like she was hiding something big.

Snotlout leaned over towards me now, "Hey babe. Now that your brother is out of the way, want to come over tonight? Having a party."

"Don't call me that. I want nothing to do with you." I remarked to him coldly with my arms over his chest.

"Oh come on, I had a little to much to drink." Snotlout argued softly.

"You're 17 years old, you idiots knew you were drinking when its illegal too." Ruffnut rolled her eyes.

"No one asked you, Ruff." Dagur added.

"Hiccup said to leave Heather alone." Tuffnut reminded.

"Oh shut up you, traitor. Leaving us for them, since when do you defend Haddock? A week ago you were teasing him with us." Eret said next.

"I realized you guys are jerks. You hurt people on purpose, and that isn't cool. I don't want no part of that. Leave Heather be or I'll go get Hiccup." Tuffnut warned.

"He couldn't take me again." Snotlout laughed.

"You clearly don't know my brother then..." Heather turned her head from them now.

"Come on, no drinking tonight. I swear, gimme a chance Heather...I can be the guy you want me to be." Snotlout pressed on.

"The only guy I want you to be is NOT mine. So leave me alone." Heather said. Snotlout put his hand on her shoulder and she tried to pull away but Snotlout was strong. "Let go..." She warned. He didn't. "HICCUP!" Heather yelled out. The room went silent after I yelled.

"He ain't gonna save you again." Snotlout chuckled.

"Wanna bet?" Without warning Snotlout saw his wrist be grabbed and taken off my shoulder. I looked and saw Hiccup there with a dark glare.

"Now. I was pretty sure I said if you touched my sister again I would hospitalize you, Snotlout...Do I need to put you on your ass in front of everyone for you to learn? Keep your hands off her." Hiccup said, I smiled.

"You think you're some tough ass, don't ya?" Eret said getting up now after Hiccup dropped Snotlout's wrist.

"No. But I'm not gonna let you hurt her so keep your hands off her lest I break them..." Hiccup warned. The bell rang signaling the end of lunch as I got up and hugged Hiccup.

"My hero..." Heather smiled.

"No one will hurt you with me around. That's a promise sis." Hiccup winked at me. We moved to the next class, Hiccup walked me to mine and asked Fishlegs and Tuffnut to keep an eye on me since we didn't have class together. I loved my brother so much, always there when I needed him to be. Astrid and me had class too, and Dagur and Snotlout. Joyful for me. The class was alright, when there was 10 minutes left of class the teacher told us we could just talk.

"Come on, Heather, come over tonight." Snotlout tried again.

"No. Hiccup and I are studying for finals." I lied.

"Pfft, like he needs to study with his straight A's or whatever. He's probably talking to his suicide hotline girlfriend." Dagur rolled his eyes. My eyes widened. What? My brother's what?!

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I was minding my own business through history class. The last 10 minutes of it we were allowed to talk but I elected to just read. I heard Snotlout try again with Heather, I rolled my eyes. He was such an idiot, didn't he get the hint. I sighed focusing on the book. Then I heard what Dagur said. I froze hearing his say "Hiccup's suicide hotline girlfriend". They were talking about me! Tuffnut told me this, that Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout had been looking at Hiccup's phone and saw his messages with me. Heather knew I worked for the hotline, or used to at least.

"My brother...doesn't have a girlfriend." Heather remarked.

"Psh, maybe he doesn't tell you everything after all. Why not ask him about Angel from the Not Alone Crisis Hotline. He was talking to her for months before we told him he was an idiot for him because she didn't like him and they'd never meet. She was only playing him." Snotlout chuckled. I saw Heather's head slowly turn and look at me now, shock at first and then anger. She took out her phone and texted me. I saw her leave for the bathroom. I checked my phone. _-Meet me in the bathroom. NOW.-_ I was going to kill those two morons! I got a pass to the bathroom and met her in there.

"What the actual fuck, Astrid! You've been talking to Hiccup for months as Angel at the hotline! He called it!? Tell me everything, now!" Heather yelled at me. I winced slightly. I sighed and began to tell her everything as fast as I could in 10 minutes, they'd send someone to look for us if we didn't get back. I even told her about Hiccup's voicemail to the office and that's why I raced in the house looking for him. I finished taking a breath, Heather looked like she was going to murder me.

"Heather...I swear...I never meant for it to get this far. I just...I broke the rules and got personal. I'm sorry...Gods I'm so sorry..." I cried a little.

"Does Hiccup know Angel is you?" She asked. I shook my head. "Who does know about you talking to Hiccup as Angel."

"Gobber, I know Hiccup told him about Angel but Gobber doesn't know I'm here... but, your dad from the night I explained why I was there. And...Tuffnut. And you can't say anything about how he knows...He's in Hiccup's support group, and heard the story." I explain. Heather grumbled breathing heavily.

"How did this...happen! You knew he was depressed and cutting! You knew every time I said I was worried about him! That attempted suicide could have been prevented if you had spoken up! Why didn't you! I almost lost my brother, Astrid. You know how much he means to me! Gods, I've been blaming dad and those 3 jerks and you had a hand in it too because they teased him about you, didn't they!?" I nodded to her again.

"They were in his phone, saw the chat messages and teased him about me never meeting him..." I admitted.

"When the whole time, you saw him everyday!" Heather screeched.

"Heather, I couldn't tell him! It was against the policy, we aren't supposed to tell the callers who we really are." I explained.

"It doesn't matter! You broke the rules to talk to him, you just told me that! You called him from your cell phone using the hidden number code, you chatted with him. You knew how depressed he was! Why didn't you tell anyone!" Heather asked.

"Because I fell in love with him!" I yelled back, Heather's eyes widened. I cried. "I...fell in love with your brother while talking to him as Angel. I told him I liked him, and he told me that he liked me back. I said we'd meet as soon as I figured out what to do about work...But those guys got a hold of his phone before I could. They teased him saying Angel wasn't real and didn't care about him, that she had thousands of caller, that the hotline was a scam and she was only playing him. Then he got that text from your dad...and it sent him over the edge. He left me a voicemail at work...and I raced back to stop him...And at the hospital...I quit my job. I couldn't...can't do it anymore. Not after all this...I know Hiccup almost died because of me...I just...I thought he was happy...I thought I was enough to help him...I never...meant to hurt him." I cried more.

I heard her sigh. "You really love him?" I nodded. "Then tell him the truth. Tonight, come over to Gobber's and tell him. I don't know how he'll react but he needs to know the truth...I still cannot believe you. You've been my best friend for years, Astrid...I don't even know if we can be friends in the same way anymore, or at all because of this. If my brother tries to hurt himself again...I will never forgive you." Heather warned as she left the bathroom. I stood in there another few minutes before leaving as well. The bell rang as I grabbed my books from history then moved to my next class. Heather was right, Tuffnut and Stoick were right too... Hiccup needed to know. And I knew if I didn't tell him, Heather would.

(Later That Night)

I was in my car sitting outside Gobber's apartment. I knew they'd just finished eating dinner, Heather texted me to tell me. This was it. Time to tell Hiccup the truth, I gave one last silent prayer that he didn't hate me as I got out of the car and moved to the apartment door. I knocked 3 times and waited, Gobber answered it. "Ello there lass. What can I do for ya?" He asks.

"I-I need to speak to Hiccup..." I answer. Gobber arched a brow as I gave a pleading look. He nods and turned his head.

"Hey 'Iccup! Visitor for you." Gobber calls out. Hiccup came over as Gobber moved out of the door way.

"Astrid?" He asked.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

We were all sitting in the living room when there was a knock, Gobber answered it then called for me. I got up and saw Astrid there. "Astrid?" I asked confused.

"Hi...Hiccup...Umm...Co-Could we talk a minute?" Astrid says shakily.

"Sure...you...want to come inside? Its kind'a cold tonight." I ask her. She shook her head.

"I can't..." Astrid says, okay that is odd. Why couldn't she come inside? I said she could.

"Why not? Astrid why are you here? Its...6pm." I ask her now.

"I can't come in because you're going to hate me when I tell you this..." Now she was freaking me out. Why would I hate her?

"Tell me what? You're freaking me out, Astrid." I tell her.

"Hiccup...There's...a reason I was at your dad's house the night you tried to commit suicide...I know you've been wanting to know since you found out that...I'm the one who saved you..." Astrid says, yeah that was true. She came all this way to tell me something she could have at school or on the phone? Seemed a little weird.

"I still want to know so...lets hear it." I tell her. I saw her eyes start watering, why was she crying? I didn't like this. I had a sickening, bad feeling in my stomach suddenly.

"You called Angel at the hotline and left her a message..." My eyes widened as my hand dropped to my side. "And...I-I'm Angel." I stumbled back in shock. Astrid was Angel!? She was the one I was talking to for months?! I couldn't even think right now. They...couldn't of been the same person. No. If...Angel was Astrid...then why didn't she say anyone earlier...I felt tears pricking my eyes now. I couldn't believe this. No, it couldn't be right. Astrid couldn't be Angel...Angel couldn't be Astrid...A pain I didn't ever want to feel again spread through out my body. Betrayal.


	21. Can't Deal

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

21; Can't Deal.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Yep, no going back now. I'd said it. That the reason I knew he was trying to commit suicide was because he left a message for Angel, and I was her. I saw the shock run across his face, the fear when he stumbled back after I'd said it. But what broke me the most inside was seeing him about to cry. Nothing hurt more than that. I saw Heather come behind Hiccup and put her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "Hiccup? Is everything okay?" Heather asks.

"Get back inside Heather, I need to speak to Astrid alone..." Hiccup said coldly, I bit my lower lip. Oh Gods please don't hate me although I deserved it for this. I didn't blame him one bit. Heather shot me a deadly glare as she nodded and backed up a little.

"I'll be right inside if you need anything." Heather says.

"Shut the door behind you." Hiccup ordered, Heather stepped inside and shut the apartment door leaving just Hiccup and I outside now. It was cold, maybe I should of worn a sweater or something. Hiccup didn't say anything at first, then he took a breath. "That was cute, Astrid. Telling me your Angel, but come on. I know the rules of hotlines, workers can't meet their clients. That was good. Cheered me up a bit from earlier at school." Hiccup remarked.

He thought I was kidding?! Oh my gods, Stoick and his son were so similar. First Stoick didn't believe me when I called to tell him his son was trying to commit suicide, now Hiccup himself won't believe me when I'm telling him I'm Angel or...was since I didn't work for the hotline anymore. "Hiccup...no...I'm not...kidding. I'm Angel...I'm the girl you've been talking too for months." I tell him.

"Astrid, seriously. Jokes over...Did those idiots put you up to this to screw with me...I don't appreciate it. I actually really did like Angel but I know I'll never meet her so whatever." Hiccup shrugs.

"Hiccup! I'm not joking! If I wasn't her then how did I know about the voicemail you left at my desk with you saying goodbye? How did I break speed limits to get to your house to stop you from taking those pills? How did your dad find out about you trying to commit suicide...Its because I called the BPD and told him." I explain to him.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

At first, I thought she was kidding around to cheer me up. When she said it again I assumed Dagur, Snotlout, and Eret put her up to it. But when she got louder asking all those questions, I froze a bit. Okay yeah, that was a little odd how she knew all that. "Messages into the hotline are monitored and suicide prevention ones work close with the police. I could believe you work for the hotline, but I don't believe you're Angel. I know Angel...I talked to her. Its late, I got homework to do." I tell her.

"For Thor's sake, Hiccup...What do I have do to prove it to you. I remember everything you told me from the first conversation when you called by accident." Okay, that was specific.

"Alright, call me then or e-mail me. As Angel, do it." I tell her.

"I can't." I rolled my eyes. I knew she was bluffing.

"See. Angel wouldn't of held back. She called or e-mailed anytime I asked..." Hiccup remarked.

"I can't because I quit working for the hotline! So I lost my work e-mail and I can't call because I'm not there. I quit the night you tried to kill yourself, I told them I couldn't work there anymore because I broke the rules and got personal. Also, I couldn't keep doing it. Its too emotional." She tells me.

"Not buying it, Astrid. Sorry, its cute you want to try and cheer me up...But you're just making it worse by playing with my heart like this. I thought you were better than that." I went to go inside slowly.

"Wait...I can prove it. I have all our calls from my cell phone. When I called using *69." Astrid yells, I stop and face her as she has her phone out and showing me her call list where it said *69, and my number afterwards.

"You wanna prove you're Angel...Fine. What's the first thing I said when I called the hotline?" I ask her now with my arms over my chest.

"You told me you felt like no one cared, and would be better off without you. That you wanted to kill yourself." She replied. Okay that was true.

"What is the name I gave Angel of who I was?" I state.

"Ryder." Astrid says. I began to get a little nervous...was she...really Angel?

"What song did I sing to Angel the night before play tryouts?" I question her.

"Would It Matter by Skillet." Astrid says. My arms dropped from my chest. She answered every question right, my eyes widened now. Oh Gods...she...actually was Angel. Astrid was Angel...My body began to shake now, with anger or sadness I didn't even know. She was Angel! Or Angel was Astrid?

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I watched his facial reactions change as I answered his questions. I knew now that he knew I was Angel, there was no denying it. He knew it for sure that I was her. I didn't say anything, I waited for him. "Do you believe me now?" I ask after 5 minutes of silence. Still nothing. "Hiccup?" I say stepping towards him, then he finally moved but he moved away from me. I saw his eyes narrow and I stepped back. I'd seen that look before and it was the night Hiccup beat Snotlout's drunken ass.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" He snapped, I bit my lower lip again as tears formed in my eyes.

"Hiccup please...You have to understand..." I tried.

"NO! I don't need to understand anything other than you are...were Angel and you lied to me! You fucking knew who I was on the phone and you didn't tell me the truth!" He yelled.

"No...It wasn't...like that. Please...Just give me a chance to explain..." I begged him.

"Stay away from me!" I backed up more.

"Please...Please let me explain, Hiccup...You don't understand why I didn't tell you sooner..." I cried out.

"You literally had every chance to tell me the truth, Astrid. Every chance when we talked! We talked on the phone, in chat, and e-mail! Any of those times you could of just said 'hey by the way...we've met in real life before. I'm Astrid, we go to school together'!" Hiccup growled at me, tears in his eyes.

"Hiccup, I couldn't! Please let me..." He swatted his hand down to make me stop talking. I'd never seen him so upset or angry, this...looked worse than the night Snotlout almost raped Heather. And just like then, it was terrifying. Hiccup was an easy going guy until you made him mad and I knew I had.

"No! Just fucking no! I don't want to hear it! For all I know, its more lies. Those guys were right...Angel was just some girl at a desk getting paid to tell me what I wanted to hear." I cried more. "The only thing untrue about what they said is that I actually got to meet Angel...And she's nothing like I thought I knew...Angel...would never lie to me. Angel...doesn't exist. It's just Astrid Hofferson playing with the loser's heart right?"

"Hiccup no...No, gods no. I meant all the things I said to you..." I tried to tell him.

"How long have you known I was Ryder, how fucking long have you known who I really was..." He asked me, I lowered my head in shame now still crying.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I couldn't believe it, she really was Angel. There was no denying her answers to my questions and given how ashamed she looked, I knew it wasn't a lie. How could she not tell me it was her the whole time, we literally saw one another every fucking day! She had every chance to tell me before now. "Answer me! How long have you known I was Ryder!" I yelled again.

"Since the day or tryouts when you sang Monster by Skillet...I-I recognized your voice from the phone when you sang to me the night before then...I just matched Ryder's stories to your life or what little I knew about it. The biggest thing was realizing Ryder had a twin sister who adored him and Heather...adores you, she's...also your twin." Astrid tells me. She fucking knew it was me for months and didn't say anything...? I couldn't...do this right now. I can't do it. No. I can't believe that...Angel, the girl I'd started falling for was Astrid who knew who I was and didn't tell who she was.

"So you've known for months that Ryder, was me...And every single day we saw one another after you found out he was me...you just chose not to say anything." I say hatefully.

"Hiccup please...I couldn't...tell you...It was, against the company policy..." She cried, oh that only made me more angry.

"Against the policy? Astrid you fucking told me you broke a lot of rules for me! To talk to me because you liked me!" I saw her flinch back. "You called me that night, from your cell phone because you were worried about. Were Dagur, Snotlout, and Eret right? That you didn't care. Of course you don't. If you really liked me then you wouldn't of lied to me. So it was all bullshit. You were just another worker with thousands of callers just like me but you told me I was special, how many other guys did ya tell that one too? Though hotline workers couldn't get personal. How many other guys did you give false hope of happiness to?"

"No—none! Hiccup...I swear on my life, I didn't tell anyone else what I told you! I meant what I said to you. I do like you, and I broke a lot of rules for you because I like you. I've never...called anyone else from my cell phone, never. Its...forbidden in the company but...I quit there. I quit the night you tried to commit suicide...Your dad almost told you that night in the hospital that it was me who called him..." I froze looking at her again. I saw her instantly clamp a hand over her mouth.

"My...dad has known you're Angel...? Who the fuck else knows, Astrid?! Who else knows I was talking to Angel and making a fool of myself?!" I yelled at her. She bit her lower lip now.

"Tuffnut, Heather...your dad..." My eyes widened. My father...and sister knew? "Hiccup please...Heather and Tuffnut...only just found out. Heather knew I worked at the hotline, so did Legs, Tuff, and Ruff but they didn't know you were talking to me. Tuffnut...put it together when you told your story in the support group...and Heather...found out earlier today when Dagur and Snotlout mentioned you talked to your suicide hotline girlfriend." Astrid explained.

Tuffnut broke the code of the support group. And Heather knew I'd been calling the hotline, she also knew now I was talking to Astrid the whole time? So everyone fucking knew but me! Gods damn it. I couldn't...do this. It was to much, all I felt was betrayal right now. I needed to...get away. Far away. "Leave, Astrid..." I told her.

"Hiccup please...give me a chance to explain things..." She asked.

"I said to fucking leave...I need to think. I need to be alone, and think before I fucking lose it..." I said again.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I bit back when he said that. This is what I was afraid of, him getting so upset that he didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't want him in a wrong mindset. I knew this was enough to push him. "Hiccup...Please..." I tried again.

"Leave, Astrid. Why is that so hard for you to understand, leave! I don't want to see you right now, or maybe never. I don't know. I don't fucking know anything other than I've been betrayed and lied too again! Its great to know that it never stops. I called that hotline needing help...Not more heartache and pain. Is that why you decided to tell me tonight? Because everyone knew and you didn't want anyone else telling me? I try and heal from everything and nope. You step in and try to finish me off by hurting me! Thanks a lot... _Angel_. I feel the love that you claimed you felt for me. That's why you saved my life, so you could come in and kill me yourself. You brought me up to tare me down again." He said softer now.

"No that's...not what I was doing...I do want to help you. Please...just let me explain..." I cried.

"No. No, I am done talking. I'm just so done...I'm sick of this...Every time I try to be happy...this shit happens. Leave, Astrid. Just go..." He tells me turning to go back in the house.

I tried to reach for him. "Don't walk away from me please...I love you!" I saw him stop and face me.

"What did you just say?..." He asked.

"I said...I-I love you. I fell in love with you talking to you as Angel...Please believe I never wanted to hurt you...My hands were tied at the time...I couldn't tell you..." I cried, he faced me with void eyes.

"You weren't supposed to do a lot of things but you did them anyway. Nothing stopped you from telling me the truth but your own self. You chose not to tell me who you really were. As for loving me, that's great for you and I wish I could say the same. But my feelings for Angel don't exist, because Angel doesn't exist." Hiccup said. I cried more. No. No. I couldn't lose him.

"Hiccup please..." I went to reach for his hand. "My feelings are real, I'm real. Angel is real, she's me..." I pleaded.

"Angel wouldn't have lied to me. And she did. You did. And since you lied then anything and everything you ever said to me was a lie and I can't believe you anymore. " He paused opening the door slightly, turning his head to face me as I had tears streaming down my cheeks. "Leave me alone, Astrid. I don't know if I can forgive this. You hurt me, something I didn't think you could ever do, as Angel or yourself...Whoever you are. You hurt me and what's worse is that I really did love you. But now...No. Right about now...I wish I never called that hotline and had just killed myself months ago. Because it would have been a lot less painful than this. To know the one I loved, first girl I ever liked lied to my face every single day for almost 3 months because she chose to." With that he entered the house and slammed the door in my face.

I couldn't believe what he said. He had...loved me back and was wishing he'd just killed himself months ago. What could I do? He didn't want to see me right now. I slowly moved to my car, crying my eyes out as I started it and left. I'd text Heather when I got home and ask if he was okay.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

As soon as I was inside, I avoided looking at Gobber and Heather. I just moved towards the hall where my room was. "Hiccup?" I stopped hearing Heather's voice.

"Don't act innocent, Heather. I know that you knew since this afternoon that I was calling the Not Alone Crisis Hotline and talking to a worker named Angel for months. I know that Tuffnut knows, and so does dad. I also know you know that Astrid was Angel. And I'm just as mad at you as I am at her...I don't hate either of you but I'm still pissed and it would be in your best interest to stay away from me right now so I don't snap..." Was all I said, then added. "I am going to bed. Goodnight." I moved down the hall without waiting for a response and entered my room. As soon as I shut the door I slid down it with my back against, crying into my hands over everything.

I must of cried for a good hour, checking the clock it was 7:15 or so. I couldn't do this. I didn't want to feel this pain. I didn't have another choice right now. I grabbed a piece of paper, wrote a note and left it on my bed. I got my keys, wallet, and notebook as I opened the window, then screen as I hopped out. I shut the screen once out, then moved to my car in the driveway. I got in, started it up and drove off. I knew where I could go, I hadn't wanted too but I couldn't handle this right now. I just couldn't.

 **{Regular POV}**

Gobber and Heather had heard most of the fight, only when Hiccup yelled loudly. When he came in, and said what he said to Heather, she sighed heavily. She explained things to Gobber, and they decided they'd just leave Hiccup alone for a while and check in later. When that hour passed, Gobber was about to check on Hiccup when they heard Hiccup's car start and he drove off quickly. Gobber entered the room and saw the note, Heather came in worried for her brother as Gobber handed her the letter with a sigh. Heather took it and began to read it over.

 _ **Gobber & Heather,**_

 _ **Tonight was too much for me. I won't lie, learning that Astrid was Angel and everyone knew but me really hurt. I cried for an hour in this room and the thoughts of wanting to hurt myself to get rid of the pain consumed me. But instead, I decided to go somewhere so I can't hurt myself and figure things out. I'm going to Berk Psychiatric Hospital. I'm admitting myself under the pretenses that I feel like killing myself. I promise I won't be gone long, maybe. This was so I could make sure I didn't hurt myself, I hope you can respect that...and stay away. I need to be alone for a while. I'll text when I'm out. They'll take my phone while I'm admitted...Heather, tell Astrid I don't hate her but she did hurt me and I need time to heal. Thanks, Hiccup.**_

Heather pulled out her phone and texted Astrid, then put it away sighing. "At least he recognized he was in a bad mental state and chose to go to a place for help. He didn't cave and hurt himself again...He did what he felt was best to help him through this." Gobber told Heather. Nodding in agreement, she went to her room as Gobber locked up the house then relaxed on the couch.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I was sitting in my room crying when I heard my phone vibrate on the night stand, I hoped it was Hiccup but it was only Heather. I opened her text and read it word for word. _-He doesn't hate you but you did hurt him and he needs time to heal. His words, not mine. He's not even here...He snuck out the window and admitted himself to BPH...He admitted himself to a mental hospital, Astrid...Under the pretenses he felt like killing himself tonight after crying for an hour. He said the pain was too much. He said he'll won't be gone, maybe...and to respect him by not going there. Don't feel bad...He's mad at me too. See you on Monday. I don't know if Hiccup will be with me or not._ -

Hiccup...admitted himself to the mental hospital? Because he wanted to die over this. I didn't blame him and I did blame myself. I brought back his want to die. I was a horrible person. I didn't deserve Hiccup's love. I didn't deserve him. I laid down, and cried myself to sleep. I only hoped Hiccup was okay. That's all I wanted to know.


	22. Ready

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

22; Ready.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I had been on the verge of a break last night after hearing everything. I didn't know what to do, or think, or even feel. How did you react to finding out the girl you'd liked a lot, practically fallen in love with was really a girl you saw everyday but never told you it was her. How did one react to learning that after everything else, his sister and father knew too. And of course I'm referring to Astrid being Angel, then Heather and dad known. Tuffnut broke the one rule of therapy and told Astrid in private about my story from therapy about what those guys said to me that day. Everything was a mess. And I couldn't relax or calm down last night, so I came here to Berk Psychiatric Hospital. Yes, the mental hospital that Dr. Blackwood told me about back on Monday that I could admit myself to if I needed help.

Well I needed help because last night, I wanted to hurt myself. I didn't want to feel the pain of such betrayal last night but I held firm and remembered I had another choice, a place to escape to so I wouldn't hurt myself. When I'd arrived there, 20 minutes after leaving Gobber's apartment, I parked and took a deep breath. Dr. Blackwood had told me if I felt like hurting myself and no help was available I could admit myself under the pretenses I wanted to hurt myself and felt like killing myself. So when I got there and rang the bell, I was met by one of the doctors on staff. He opened the door and looked at me calmly with a smile.

"Visiting hours are between 8am and 5pm son." He tells me.

"N-No...I'm not...here to visit anyone...I'm admitting myself...so I don't snap and hurt or try to kill myself..." I reply, my voice still shaking as I tried not to cry thinking about everything that happened about an hour and 30 minutes ago.

"Alright lad, come on inside." He says softer, I walk in past the doors with him. There was a loud buzzing sound as we went to what I assume was an intake office. He opens that door and lets me in first, then he closes the door and sits at his desk after motioning for me to sit down in the chair. "I'm just going to ask you a few questions okay? So we better know how to treat you." He adds.

"Th-That's...f-fine..." I reply.

"Thank you for being so cooperative. Your very calm right now, I've seen people in far worse states who admit themselves or by doctor Blackwood's orders." The man said.

"I-I know him...He was...the doctor at the emergency room on Monday night when I tried to kill myself..." I admit slowly.

"Mr. Blackwood gets called anytime there was a suicide attempt. The ambulance called the hospital ahead of time, then the hospital phones here to get Mr. Blackwood down there to assess the patient. How are you so calm right now?" He asks.

"Because I don't want people to think I'm a lunatic when I'm really on the verge of just screaming, crying, and wanting to hurt myself...Dr. Blackwood said if I ever felt that way...I could come here to admit myself for help..." I tell him.

"Mr. Blackwood is a good man. He's not here tonight but he will be in the morning around 9am. My name is doctor Chris. Can I get your name son?" Dr. Chris asks me.

"Hiccup Haddock the Third." I say.

"Birthday?"

"February 29th, 1999." I answer.

"Can you tell my your history with mental health?" He asks.

"I've been...suffering severe depression about 3 years after my mom died. I was self diagnosed, never went to therapy or anything. I just dealt with it alone. But then I started cutting when I was 15 and...have been up until Monday night when I tried to kill myself...I'm...in a teen support group run by doctor Blackwood, and I take...anti-depressants but they...aren't really working." I explain.

"Have you harmed yourself at all since Monday?" I shook my head at him.

"I was...okay...until tonight. I was healing, I was happier...And then its like everything just crashed in front of me and...I don't know how to handle it, I was freaking out in my room...As soon as I got the thoughts of wanting to hurt myself...I came here..." I reply.

"Will you tell me what happened tonight?" Dr. Chris asks softly. I nodded and began to tell him everything about tonight, I also explained everything from before since he got curious when the two stories began to mix and he realized that it was all part of one story that led to me trying to kill myself on Monday afternoon. After a good 15 minute explanation he smiled a bit with a hand on my shoulder. "Well you came to the right place, Hiccup. Now since you are here, we have to take your phone so it won't be a distraction from your therapy here."

I immediately powered it off and handed it to him without a problem. I didn't want to talk to anyone anyway, I just wanted to not feel the way I did right now. "Take it...Please." I say. Dr. Chris put it in a basket with my name taped on it, then placed it in a room off to the side. He returned to his desk and slid a piece of paper towards me, then handed me a pen.

"This just says you're admitting yourself into our care, and you have to stay a mandatory 3 days. Says about the confidentiality agreement, and we won't allow anyone in to visit you unless you say so first. Its you giving us permission to treat you. If after the 3 days, you feel better then you are free to go but if not, you're agreeing to tell the truth and let us know so we can help more more. The rest is just saying the things you agree to, such as treatment, medication, therapy with the doctors..." Dr. Chris explained.

My eyes scanned the document quickly, I was always a fast reader. It was everything he said it would have on it, I even checked fine print where it say they could hold me if they felt I wasn't ready to be released yet. This place was just my escape, so I could think without being bothered. I was mad at Heather, but I still promised her I wouldn't hurt myself or try to leave again. So this was my way of keeping my promise. I signed my name on the bottom where is said patient and slid it back to him, along with the pen. "Now what?" I asked. I'd never done this before so I genuinely wanted to know how the next few days would go for me.

Dr. Chris filed away the paper in a folder with my name on it then got up as I did with him. "Given it's late, tonight we're just going to get you a room and let you settle down a little. If you need something to help you sleep, I'm sure I can find the med nurse to give you a little something. Then tomorrow, will be a full physical and mental evaluation. Once all that is done, we move in to therapy which is one on one with doctor Blackwood or one of us. After that we work on therapy to fix the problem."

"Okay..." I tell him. I'd never been inside a mental hospital before, I knew that some people referred to it as the insane asylum but not everyone who came to these places whether by force or choice were insane. Some people had psychotic breaks and they just didn't know what to do with themselves anymore so people label them as insane. I came here because I was furious, hurt, confused, and variety of other things. I knew I could be helped so I came, some people came but never left because they just couldn't handle life anymore. "Am I...rooming alone or do I have a roommate?" I ask. I knew that happened too.

"For now, this is just a temporary room until the doctor gets a feel of where your mental status is so you'll be alone for now. Is that going to be okay?" Dr. Chris asked.

"Yeah...that's fine...I'm just...tired right now...mentally and physically. Is it...okay if I keep my notebook?" I asked taking it out of my pants pocket which was by the knee and showed it to him. "Its just...drawings, nothing bad. Nature, people, inventions..." I list off, Dr. Chris took it and flipped through quickly then handed it back.

"That's fine. Ah, here we go. Room T-4. T stands for temporary. There's a bed, nightstand, bathroom, shower, sink, hair brush, toothbrush, and toothpaste. Don't worry, all temporary things that get replaced every time someone new rooms here. There's a phone in there but it only calls to the nurses station in case you need anything. And they have the your room number in case anyone calls in for you." Dr. Chris explains.

"The only two people who know I'm here, understand why I'm here...And I asked them to leave me alone for a while..." I mumbled referring to Gobber and Heather. I was too tired to think about anything of tonight right now. I entered the room and looked around.

"Now these doors for safety of the patients do lock from the inside so you won't be allowed to leave until we open it. Its a security measure in case a patient has a break, it's happened before. They come in thinking they are alright but then just snap. We had one girl last year do that and she went and tried to strangle the first person she saw when she got out." Dr. Chris stated. I wasn't that damaged, thank Odin for that. But still, was good to know that they didn't just let people out on their own free will.

"Do regular rooms allow patients to wander?" I questioned.

"No, every door has this feature now. Generally how it works is that the nurse at the her station as a a large set up. She controls all the doors. Say if a patient asked to go to arts and crafts and has been cleared by the doctor for that activity then she will open the door from her room and a nurse or helper will be waiting to escort the patient. Meals are at 7:30am, 12 noon, and 5:30pm. Two snack times at 9:45am and 2:45pm and there is always dessert at lunch and dinner. Do you have any allergies?" Dr. Chris asked.

"None sir..." I reply.

"Excellent then. Any to medication?" He questioned.

"I have one but I can't remember what it is...My...dad would know." I say shyly. 17 years old and I can't remember what medication made me break out in a rash and my throat close up on me.

"Do you think he might still be up at this hour?" Dr. Chris asked. I nodded as he walked towards the phone and picked it up pressing 0. "Hi Solvi, its Chris...Can you flip the switch to room T-4 for me please, outgoing call...Thank you. Yes, I'll let you know when to switch it back." With that he hung it up. "The phone can be switched to outgoing calls, but only if the doctor on the floor is present at the time." He lifted it again and handed it to me so I could call my dad. I dialed his cell phone and handed it back to him, not really in the mood to talk.

 **{Stoick's POV}**

I was just getting home from work, it had been a long day. No sooner than I stepped in the door, my cell phone rang. Looking down to the screen I saw a number I didn't recognize. I answered it, "Chief Stoick Haddock here."

" _Mr. Haddock, hello. I am doctor Christopher Olivera at Berk Psychiatric Hospital, I have your son Hiccup here with me."_ My eyes widened. Hiccup was at the psych hospital!? Fear filled me but but I controlled myself.

"Why is my son there, he should be with his guardian...Craig Belchsen." I state. Had Hiccup tried to hurt himself again and got admitted? Why was I not informed!?

" _Why don't you tell him lad?"_ There was some fumbling and a sigh. _"Hey...dad..."_

"Son...what happened?" I ask worried hearing Hiccup's monotone voice. "You didn't...try to kill yourself again, did you?"

" _No...Well...I thought about it but...I admitted myself to the psychiatric hospital about 20 minutes ago...If you want to know what happened, call Gobber and talk to Heather...she knows. I'm not in the best mood right now...I only called so I could ask what that medication I was allergic to was..."_ I sighed, so he admitted himself.

"Its Amoxicillin son. Gives your a bad body rash and makes your throat close up. Don't forget you're allergic to bees too..." I tell him. I was calling Gobber after this.

" _Thanks..."_ Then I heard more shuffling again and I heard him tell the doctor say amoxicillin and bees.

"How long...will he be there doctor?" I ask.

" _That is up to your son. He admitted himself, he has to stay a mandatory 3 days but after that...He can leave when he's ready. Thank you for your time. Don't worry, your son is in good hands."_ After that I said goodbye and hung up with a heavy sigh. I plopped down at the kitchen table and called Gobber right away.

" _Hello?"_

"Craig...Its Stoick. I just got a call from Berk Psychiatric Hospital because Hiccup admitted himself 20 minutes ago and he needed to know what medication he was allergic too...Would you care to fill me in?! I put him in your care so this wouldn't happen." I demanded quickly.

" _Stoick...It was nothing I did..."_ I heard Heather take the phone from him.

" _Dad, calm down...It's not Gobber's fault. Its...no ones really. I found out today that Astrid was Angel, also that you knew Monday night when Astrid told you after we got to the hospital. I told her she needed to tell Hiccup, she came tonight and did so. He didn't take it well...Gobber and I went to check on him an hour later and he was gone. He left a note saying he was admitting himself to BPH, wouldn't be gone long and asked us to respect him by not calling or coming there. He told us in the note he wanted to hurt himself and was admitting himself so he didn't kill himself from the pain."_ Heather explains to me. I sigh, that's why he sounded miserable and didn't want to talk.

"At least he's alright..." I state closing my eyes.

" _Did you talk to him?..."_ _Heather said._

"The hospital called me, Hiccup wanted to know what medication he was allergic too. The doctor said he has to be there at least 3 days, after that he can leave when he's ready..." I tell her. "I know you're worried about him but he did the right thing. He recognized he would hurt himself without help, so he went to get it. Though I'm curious how he got out without you two noticin?" I ask now.

" _He snuck out the window and drove off." Gobber says now._

"He's okay, that's all the matters. How bad was the argument?"

" _Bad. Never heard Hiccup swear a day in his life until tonight...He told Astrid to leave him alone, that he didn't love her anymore because he loved Angel, and Angel lied to him. We didn't hear a lot of it, except when he was yellin..." Gobber sighs._

"He feels betrayed...Astrid knew, I knew, Heather knew...I assume Hiccup told you about Angel but not that she was Astrid..." I rub my head now. Hiccup just forgave me and already things might change, I knew the truth too. He had to be mad at me. "All we can do is hope he gets the help he needs and comes home soon." I add. After saying goodnight, I hung up. He was alright, that's all I cared about right now.

 **{Regular POV}**

After all that was done, Hiccup laid down when doctor Chris left. It didn't take him long to fall asleep after being given a light sleeping pill. The next morning was as the doctor said a full physical exam to check for any self-harming or malnutrition. Then it was the psych eval for two hours where Hiccup had to answer a bunch of questions about how he was feeling, had to re-tell the story again. He was moved to a regular room, with a roommate who was actually a pretty nice guy who lost his father to suicide, and his mother sort of shut down which only made his depression worse and his brother and sister were both in the army. His aunt admitted him 2 days ago when she caught him trying to hang himself. We talked a bit and we both felt better afterwards.

But still, Hiccup had a lot to figure out about things. Had he meant what he said to Astrid about not loving her anymore, no. Maybe not love but still liked her a little. Over the next few days, things got easier and Hiccup's desire to end his life and harm himself faded. After a one on one with Dr. Blackwood whom Hiccup found out owned BPH, Hiccup realized that he might have overreacted and didn't give Astrid a chance to explain things. And he knew he didn't because she pleaded him many times to let her but he was so mad and upset that he shut her down each time. Hiccup knew he needed to talk to her, to get the whole story but he still wasn't ready to face her yet. Currently is was Tuesday. I'd been here 4 days so far and already now missing two days of school. Today was another session with doctor Blackwood.

I sat in the therapy office, we'd gone over the usual questions of my mood, state of mind before actually talking. "So Hiccup. Anything you want to talk about today?" He asked him.

Hiccup sighed, "I just...don't know what to do about Angel...well Astrid. I know I overreacted when she told me but...Who could blame me, she was with me...every day and never told me it was her."

"I understand that can be upsetting. But you also admitted on Sunday that you realized you didn't give her a chance to talk either." Dr. Blackwood said.

"I know...I was just mad and...I was lost in shock, anger, sadness...I feel betrayed by her, even by my sister, father, and Tuffnut...He's the one in the therapy teen group...He...broke the rules. He told Astrid that I told my story...Its just...a mess and its driving me crazy not having an answer to it all." Hiccup replied.

"Well, I don't think that's the problem here son. You have all the answers, you just don't know how to process it all. Finding out that the girl you had begun to like, was really someone who was with you every day can be shocking, and stressful. Then to add on that she told your father, and sister but you last can hurt. But that's your view on it, you haven't heard her side of the story. I can tell you that by law in the hotlines system...Workers are not supposed to give their names or any personal information about themselves. For safety reasons." Dr. Blackwood said.

"I get that but...She broke the rules of her job for me, she told me that herself...She knew I was...well me for months..." Hiccup lowered his head.

"And that can be frustrating to know. Lets put it in a different perspective, Hiccup...She knew she wasn't supposed to do it. She wasn't supposed to call from her cell phone to check on you. All calls were supposed to go through the hotline, e-mail, or chat. Workers are not supposed to get personal with their callers, and this can be hard to do. Can you imagine sitting at a desk listening to some of what people go through and not feel anything but heartache for them? To want to just hug them and say it will be okay, but know that you can't? Its hard for those workers. But also...you say she lied to you but is that true. She did break the rules for you, Hiccup. Because she knew you outside of the hotline." Dr. Blackwood said.

"But doesn't that make it worse that she actually did know me? And no, I could never do that job...I'm too caring." Hiccup muttered.

"There is no such thing as too much caring. Well the workers aren't supposed to be personal with callers. The farthest they are meant to go is by being that caller's worker all the time. Like Astrid was with you, giving you her direct line and e-mail so you could always reach her because you confided in her that she made you feel better. Originally, she only knew you as Ryder, not Hiccup. And she found out where you went to school, she goes there to. That already makes it difficult not to get personal. Because she became aware that her caller, Ryder was in the school and someone she knew. You mentioned having a twin sister, a mother who passed away. She just used process of elimination to find out who you were. But even then, she had to keep her secrecy...To try and avoid becoming personal." The doctor said.

"But she did...After she found out who I was...I get not telling me because of the hotline but...she still broke the rules. If she broke those rules to call me from her phone...then why not just tell me the whole truth. She kept saying after she liked me that we'd meet soon, and could...be together..." Hiccup lowered his head.

"Because she was scared of how you'd react, like how you did on Friday. You didn't give her a chance to explain, Hiccup. There's always two sides of the story lad. But perhaps, still you made the right choice in refusing to let her explain. Tension was high, you felt those emotions and chose to walk away to avoid further worsening your state of mind. But now that you've had time to calm down, don't you think she deserves a chance?" Dr. Blackwood asked.

"I guess so..." Hiccup said.

"And to touch base on her feeling for you. You can't say she lied and didn't care about you..." Hiccup looked at the doctor now. "If she didn't care, she wouldn't have broken every rule at the hotline to come save you herself. She could have told her boss, and they would of called the police. But she didn't, she went to your house herself and saved you while calling your dad personally to let him know. She does care, Hiccup. Her feelings were not a lie. Astrid called you from her cell phone, hidden number or not to check on you when she hadn't heard from you. Because she was worried, and worried means that she cares. Give her a chance to explain things. And don't be mad at your father or sister...If I had to take a guess, Astrid asked them not to tell because she wanted too even knowing the risk of you yelling at her. That takes courage son." Hiccup nodded to him.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I sat there thinking about what the doctor said. He was right, I didn't give Astrid a chance to talk and she deserved on. I looked at him now. "I'm ready to go home." I say to him firmly with a soft smile.


	23. His Return

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

23; His Return.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I had hoped to get out of the hospital by Wednesday but it turned out that there was an emergency with another patient and Dr. Blackwood got called away so he couldn't sign my discharge papers. But that was fine, one more day wouldn't hurt to get myself together before I left and had to face Astrid which I still dreaded however as doctor Blackwood said, I had to face it and talk to her. I spent the rest of Tuesday with the psych evaluation which was required before a self admittance patient left. Wednesday I hung with my roommate, gave him my number in case he ever wanted to talk when he got out. He told me the doctor might let him go in a few days if nothing changed in his stabled mood, I also did some new drawings. I wanted to see Toothless too, I hadn't in about a week.

But now it was Thursday, around 11am when doctor Blackwood came to the room and had me sign the papers. He handed me back my phone and keys with a smile and reminded me if I ever needed to talk to call him to set up an appointment. Or just come back to the psych hospital. I nodded, and he gave me a new prescription for anti-depressants which were stronger and had positive feedback from other users of it. Then I got my next one on one with him appointment before he walked me out of the building and to my car.

"Remember Hiccup...Give Astrid a chance to explain...And know she did what she did because she had too, but also because she cares about you." Dr. Blackwood said as I unlocked my car and got in nodding.

"I will...Thank you for everything, again." I say, he nodded and stepped back as I put on my seat belt then started the car, backed out, and headed to Gobber's apartment to get my school stuff. Might as well go, sitting at home dreading the talk with Astrid wasn't going to be good for me. 20 minutes later, I was at Gobber's. I rushed inside to change my clothes and get my school things. Back in the car, I decided to go to dad's real quick. I wanted to see Toothless. Reaching dad's 10 minutes later, I parked the car and got out. I checked the time to see it was 11:35am, yeah I had time. I rushed into the backyard then the forest, I actually smiled giving a howl as the signal. He must have been close because 5 minutes later, I got tackled down.

This was odd because normally, Toothless would sniff me first but he didn't this time. I laughed, "Hey bud!" He was licking my face and whimpering. I knew he missed me. "I'm so sorry Toothless...A lot happened the last week. I don't have a lot of time today, I gotta get to school to turn in my slip for the camping trip. We'll be in the forest behind the school. You know where it is, we've walked there before. You'll keep me safe right?" I asked. Toothless nuzzled against me. I took that as a yes. I pulled a steak from the plastic bag and gave it to him as I rubbed his head smiling. "I missed you too." I smile. I actually felt really good right now. But I still had to get to school. I sighed. "I'll be back soon, I promise." He licked me again then darted off.

Exiting the forest, I got back to my car and headed to school. It was about 12 when I arrived. Just in time for lunch too. Great. I parked, signed myself in and took a breath. My first welcome back was from the office aid. I didn't know what Gobber used as an excuse for my almost 3 day absence this time but whatever. If people knew I admitted myself so I didn't snap then okay. Its not like I could hide it forever I had depression. I walked down the hall a bit where lunch was in the cafeteria. _'You can do this, Hiccup...Its just school and only a few hours until the end of the day any who.'_ I thought. I'd already turned in my permission slip so I was set for the trip tomorrow.

I put my hand on on the cafeteria door hand then turned it down as I pulled it open and stepped in slow. The room fell silent seeing me there.

 **{Regular POV}**

The group in the lunch room all sighed heavily around the table. The tension could be cut with a knife. No one had heard from Hiccup since Friday when he admitted himself. "I miss him..." Fishlegs said to break the silence. The tension between Astrid and Heather was fierce and as such, they had no choice but to tell Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Fishlegs what happened with Hiccup and why he was out.

"We all do..." Heather mumbled sadly with her head down, we heard the cafeteria door open and the room go silent. Heather looked up to see who entered to make the room go silent and saw Hiccup standing there. Her eyes widened, "Hiccup..." She whispered. Astrid and the others whipped around seeing him standing there. Heather felt tears falling down her cheeks as she quickly backed out of her chair and ran towards him crying. "HICCUP!" She yelled happily as he quickly put his bag down and caught her but getting tackled again So on his back he went with a grunt and Heather on him. "Sorry!" She said quickly, she got off him and he got to his feet, then she hugged him tightly, crying on his shoulder.

"Hey sis. Its alright now...I'm back. Stop crying, you're making a scene..." Hiccup said softly.

"I don't care! You jerk! How dare you not call, or text, or anything for 6 days! Do you have any idea how worried Gobber and I have been!" She screeched.

"They took my phone when I admitted myself...I just got released an hour ago..." Hiccup replied hugging her back before the two pulled apart and she practically dragged him to the table.

"Does Gobber know you're here? Does dad know you're out?" Heather asked.

"Yes and yes. I texted them both." Hiccup sighed.

"And you couldn't text me! You know, your only sister!?" Heather whimpered.

"What, I can't surprise you? Fine, I'll keep that in mind." Hiccup teased.

"Its not funny!..." Heather calmed herself down now, "Are you...okay?"

"I'm...better than what I was 6 days ago...There's still somethings I have to take care of..." Hiccup said his eyes moving in Astrid's direction which made her tense and look down sadly. Hiccup watched her about to get up to leave, "Don't even. You aren't ducking me this time, Astrid...We are not done talking." Hiccup stated firmly.

"You said...you didn't want to see or talk to me, Hiccup..." Astrid said softly.

"And I was pissed and hurt when I said it. Now that I've calmed down, I want to talk to you." Hiccup replied. Astrid sat back down slowly. "And yes...I'm still pretty upset about it all...I got a lot of make up work today, and packing tonight. We'll talk tomorrow. You are going yes?" Hiccup asked.

"I am..." Astrid said.

"Then we'll talk tomorrow on the trip. You want your chance to explain...Tomorrow is your chance and if you lie or leave anything out...Then any ideas I have about forgiving you are gone." Hiccup said. Astrid nodded to him. "Good. Alright...I'm starved...Hospital food is terrible..." Hiccup gave a soft smile and pulled out his lunch to start eating.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

When Heather first said Hiccup's name, I thought maybe she got a text from him saying he was okay and coming home. But when she got up and ran to him standing in the cafeteria, I realized he was already out of the hospital and there at school, in the room. I felt my heart drop, he had to hate me right now. When they got to the table after Heather and Hiccup talked, I went to leave thinking he wouldn't want me around but he stopped me and told me he wanted to talk tomorrow on the trip, that it would be my chance to explain things and if I lied or left anything out then he would never forgive me. That was...a relief I guess, he was considering forgiving me at least. That was something for now. But talking on the trip, how would that go?

Gobber hadn't lied about where Hiccup was to the school, he didn't say Hiccup was in an accident or sick. He told the principal the truth about everything from the attempted suicide to breaking again and admitting himself but never gave names about Astrid being the worker Hiccup spoke too. Alvin, the principal understood this and accepted it. Most of the school knew about Hiccup's cutting and suicide attempt because someone eavesdropping when Gobber came in with Heather but no Hiccup. That someone was Eret who'd been in the office for something or another. So the school or at least the senior class knew Hiccup was actually admitted into BPH over the weekend and 3 days afterwards.

That's why the room went silent when he suddenly arrived without warning. He seemed to care less about what anyone knew, that was good I guessed. Means he wasn't letting anything get to him, but he told me he was still upset about Friday when I told him the truth about me being Angel. I knew I'd get such a reaction, I knew he'd be hurt and pissed but I had still never seen such anger from him other than the night he kicked Snotlout's ass for touching Heather, and at that...Hiccup's anger to me was stronger and deeper. And now I'd get my chance to explain things, my one chance to get his forgiveness. I couldn't blow it.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I felt better after telling Astrid straight up she and I had to talk. Now I actually had to get through the talk without flipping out. Or needing to get away again, we'd be in the forest. A place I could relax, which is why I said we'd talk on the trip. If I really needed to get away, I'd call for Toothless and leave that way. I knew he'd be there watching me, keeping me safe. I'd heard thus far as the day continued that only a small handful of us were going on the trip. Other parents didn't like the idea of their kids being 10 miles in the wilderness with an elusive bear known as the Red Death on the loose. I didn't care, Toothless had my back. We'd worked on a signal if the bear was near us and how to get to safety. The whole pack would be doing patrols on us and if things got scary or questionable then they'd come in to protect us, well...Heather and I. A bonus also...Gobber was leading the group.

I didn't mind. I knew I was safe, Heather too. The rest were on their own. So far, I'd learned that Eret, Dagur, Snotlout, Fishlegs, Tuffnut, Ruffnut, Cami, and Astrid were going. Maybe one or two others that I didn't really know or didn't see often. Either way, Gobber was in charge of all of us. Should be fun, Gobber had the best stories for a campfire. So this weekend, we were all with Gobber, yay us. I didn't care, Gobber was awesome. Speaking of, right after I texted him and told him I was in the lunch room, he came bolting through the door and hugged me so tightly that I could barely breath. Needless to say he was excited to see me again. The rest of the day was pretty simple. Now we were in drama again and I swore if Mr. Bretson made me sing again, I was walking out.

(Drama Class)

"Hiccup! Welcome back...again. Feeling better I hope?" Mr. Bretson asked.

"Every day sir. Sorry I missed so much...But I still know my lines and parts." I assure him calmly.

"Good man because today, we're on the scene where Beast and Belle dance and sing. Its right up until he lets her go because her father is sick." Mr. Bretson smiled.

"Awesome..." I mumble. Great, a direct scene where Astrid and I had to interact and be in close proximity to one another. It was fine. It was for the play, I wouldn't ruin that over what happened.

"Alright class! Listen up. We're going to start today's rehearsals from where we left off yesterday and since our...Beast as returned, so Dagur you returned to your normal roll today. So places people!" Mr. Bretson announced. The scenes changed and everyone was in in position for the scene to start. "We're taking it from Belle and Beast walking down the two sides of the staircase, dinner, the dance and song, then ending with the beasts roar as Belle gallops away into the forest." Mr. Bretson informed us.

As usual they were in costume and in places. A few people still used their scripts but most of us main roles didn't. Beauty and the Beast was a simple movie and very easy going. I took a breath. As the queue was given, I saw Astrid move first, in total character but I saw past that and could sense the nervousness coming off in waves. When she got to the bottom of the make-shift stairs, I did the same then there was a small 3 step on each side bridge which acted as the connector and then together we walked down the 3 steps with her arm linked to mine.

We moved right to dinner scene, both eating with the soft tune of the music instrumental playing in the background. Originally the movie has Mrs. Potts or Heather singing the song but she got nervous to do it herself so Mr. Bretson changed it so Astrid and I were singing while dancing since he knew we could from the day of tryouts. When the time came, Astrid got up and moved smiling towards me and took my hands as we moved towards the open area to dance. She positioned my hands on her as in the movie and led first. I even managed the gulp noise, surprising I wasn't nervous at all. The music started now.

 **{Regular POV}**

 _The scene was actually one of the easier ones, just dancing and singing. Astrid began of course._ _"_ _Tale as old as time. True as it can be. Barely even friends, then somebody bends...Unexpectedly."_ Hiccup took a breath now. Not that anyone saw it because he was wearing his costume.

" _Just a little change. Small to say the least. Both a little scared, neither one prepared..."_ Hiccup sang softly.

" _Beauty and the beast."_ Hiccup and Astrid sang together. _"Ever just the same. Ever a surprise! Ever as before and ever just as sure as the sun will rise..."_

" _Woah oh oh oh!"_ Hiccup sang out as the music hit an instrumental part as Hiccup and Astrid continued to dance, they were moving slow in a waltz for a minute or so.

" _Ever just the same!"_ They sang together.

" _Ever a surprise!"_ Hiccup sang out.

 _"Ever as before"_ Together again moving in perfect sync.

 _"Ever just as sure!..."_ Astrid smiled happily.

 _"As the sun will rise!"_ Hiccup released her and span her once while they sang together

" _Oh. Oh. Oh!"_ Hiccup brought her back to him while they kept moving together around the stage being mindful of the edge.

" _Tale as old as time...Tune as old as song!"_ Astrid sang gently.

" _Bitter sweet and strange. Finding you can change. Learning you were wrong..."_ They sang together while Heather was just beaming brightly, she could still see it even if Hiccup didn't have his costume off. He still cared about Astrid but was mad and upset she'd lied to him. Heather was mad at Astrid too, she knew about Hiccup's depression and didn't say anything when it could have prevented the suicide attempt. But all that aside, Heather knew things would work out as they always did.

" _Certain as the sun."_ Hiccup sang.

" _Certain as the sun..."_ Astrid repeated softly.

 _"Rising in the east..."_ Hiccup sang afterwards as they moved slower.

" _Tale as old as time..."_ Astrid twirled again as she laid her head against his chest.

" _Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the beast."_ They sang together in sync.

" _Tale as old as time..."_ Astrid looked up into his eyes now.

" _Song as old as rhyme"_ Hiccup looked down into hers through the mask he was wearing.

" _Beauty and the beast..."_ They finished slow and came to a halt moving to the what would be outside balcony piece and sitting on the wooden, painted to look like stone railing. The scene continued normal now.

"Belle...Are you...happy here with me?" Hiccup asked.

"Why yes..." Astrid trailed off looking to the distance.

"What is it?" Hiccup asked, concern lacing his tone as it happened in the movie.

"If only I could see my father again..." Astrid looked at him softly as their hands were intertwined, "Just for a moment. I miss him so much." Hiccup looked off a bit, playing the part.

"There is a way." He says standing and leading her away as the scene changed to them in the West Wing, he hands her the mirror. "This mirror will show you you anything. Anything you wish to see." Hiccup tells her. Astrid take the mirror and looks into it.

"I'd like to see my father...Please?" She asks it. The mirror glowed green and flashed once, another one of Hiccup's props no doubt. In the background noise Fishlegs's coughing could be heard. "Papa..." Astrid gasped with worry. "Oh no...He's sick. He may be dying and he's all alone." Astrid says as Hiccup turned from her, his hands on the rose in the container. Closing his eyes, he realizes what he must do.

"Then...You must go to him." Hiccup said. Astrid gasps.

"What did you just say?" She asks.

"I release you...You're no longer my prisoner." Hiccup keeps his head turned from her.

"You mean...I-I'm free?" Astrid questions in shock.

"Yes..." Hiccup whispers.

"Thank you...Hang on papa, I'm on my way..." She pauses turning to face Hiccup again to give the mirror back.

"Take it with you." He says now running his fingers through her hair, "So you'll always have a way to look back...and remember me." He lets her hair go.

"Thank you for understanding how much he needs me." Astrid says softly, she goes to leave but strokes the beast's face once before taking off. Tuffnut comes on stage now cheerfully in his Cogsworth costume as Astrid rushed by him.

"Well I must say your highness, everything is going just swimmingly. I knew you had it in you." But Hiccup is looking out off the Western balcony. His hands on the table and looking down.

"I let her go." Hiccup says lowly.

"Haha...Yes yes...splend—You what?! How could you do that?" Tuffnut asks.

"I had too." Hiccup replies.

"But why?" Tuffnut questions in shock.

"Because..." He faces Tuffnut now, sad eyes. "I love her." The room darkened then switched to Tuffnut, Cami, Heather and Ruffnut as their roles of discussing why Beast let Belle go and realizing that Belle has to love Beast in return to break the spell. Another scene was Hiccup watching Astrid gallop off which was only her on a cart that look like the horse being pulled away from someone off stage. Closing his eyes he did the motions as a loud roar emitted from his costume, something he programmed himself. The curtains closed after the scene. As soon as the scene was over, Hiccup took off his head piece and put it down, then climbed out of the costume.

Astrid was coming over towards him, to compliment him on the scene work but he only looked at her a moment as the bell rang and he picked up his backpack. "I will not speak to you until tomorrow." With that he was gone, Heather beside him as they moved outside to his car.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

As soon as the scene was over, I had checked the time. Time to go and that was good enough for me, I saw Astrid come over to compliment me, I could tell by the nervous smile. But I wasn't in the mood, Heather came over as the bell rang. I picked up my bag and left with her to the car. Our drive home to Gobber's was silent, once there I tossed my things down and flopped on the bed. Heather knocked on the door frame and poked her head inside. "Before you ask. I am not in a good mood and no, I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm going to do my homework, clean the room a bit, eat dinner, and go to bed. We don't have to be at the school until 12 tomorrow. Leave me alone until then...I need to think...and get myself ready for this conversation with Angel...Excuse me...Astrid." I say.

Heather nodded her head sadly and left the room shutting my door. I sighed heavily, it still didn't feel real to me that she was Angel but there was no denying it was her either because she had answers to questions only Angel would of known. I broke out my homework, and make up work. I'd knock it all out tonight then pack for the 2 day, 2 night stay in the forest. I would agree to hear her out, her side but I couldn't right now guarantee I would forgive her. I worked on all my algebra, then language arts, I managed reading too. I took a break around 5:15 for dinner, cleaned my room, took a shower then finished science and history. I was beat by 9:30 so I decided to call it a night. I changed into my pajama pants, put my phone on the charger then crawled into bed, falling right to sleep not even 15 minutes later. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, it was actually going to be a long weekend but I'd make it through somehow.


	24. Informative

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

24; Informative.

 **{Regular POV}**

The next morning came quicker than Hiccup expected and thankfully he didn't have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get ready for school. Instead, he had to pack for the camping trip. He couldn't wait even though he was dreading today's discussion with Astrid. He just wanted to be done with it, put it behind him and focus on healing but honestly he didn't know if he could anymore. Angel was the first girl he really ever liked and cared for, his feelings were genuine but apparently so were hers. So this left a problem, even after hearing her out...Would he still care like he used to? He was still mad and hurt she didn't tell him the truth when she had already broken rules to talk to him. Hiccup managed to sleep in until 9am, first thing he did was go to the bathroom, get breakfast, and then go to his room pulling out his camping backpack.

Back when their mother was alive, they did a lot of camping in the backyard of the Haddock house which is why Hiccup knew those woods so well. He loved outdoors, just like his mother had. Both of them were adventurous and carefree. Hiccup could navigate his way around a forest with ease, Heather too. Gobber was actually thankful they were coming because he didn't navigate so well. It was actually pretty comical too. The grown man relying on two 17 years olds to survive 3 days and 2 night in the wilderness. Anyone going on the trip was to meet on the far back baseball field behind the middle school, that was the forest entrance. Everyone was meeting at 12, the rules would be gone over, gear split up, and then they'd go in 10 miles. Find camp for the night, round up firewood, eat, tell stories. It was going to be a blast.

Hiccup packed 4 days worth of clothes, and 3 nights worth pajamas which for him were just sweats and long sleeve shirt. He was going to wear his hiking boots. He had extra sweaters, a coat, a blanket, and sleeping bags which was rolled up and strapped to the top of his hiking backpack. This bag had about 10 different pockets for different things, Heather had the same. Her's was brown, Hiccup's gray and their initials on them. Hiccup's with H. for Hiccup Haddock the Third then Heather's as H.H for Heather Haddock. Hiccup packed his toothbrush, toothpaste, hair brush, and anti-depressants which he was going to keep hidden and take when he was alone. He wasn't ashamed but he didn't need to give the others a reason to tease him.

Hiccup checked over the things on his bed about 6 times before deciding he had all he needed. He packed it up then grabbed his phone. The battery would hold for 3 days, but just in case he was bringing his solar powered charger. All it needed was sun to provide power to charge. Then he had an external 12 hour battery charger that only needed charging to hold the charge. Basically it was a back up that had a wire for his phone so he could charge it if his battery ran low. It was good for about 4 charges give or take. No way his phone was dying on this trip. Hiccup made sure to get his notebook, drawing pencils, and colored pencils. No way he wasn't gonna draw on this trip.

Lifting his bag onto his shoulder, he checked the weight. Perfect as usual. He left his room after shutting off the light then shutting the door. He met Gobber and Heather out there with their bags fully packed too. "Lad...Could yew possibly hold the compass, and map?" Gobber asks. Hiccup held his hand out as Gobber gave them to Hiccup who then put them in his bag for safe keeping.

"Alright you both got everything?" Hiccup asked them.

"I do." Heather smiled.

"Aye lad, me as well." Gobber nodded.

"And I got the first aid kid, and all my stuff. What time is it?" Hiccup questioned.

"I'd say about 11:15am." Gobber states, Hiccup sighed plopping down. "Yer father is nervous about all yew kids being in the forest with that bear roaming free..."

"We'll be fine. We've got you." Heather said happily.

"Oh yeah, ole Gobber verses the Red Death that not even trained hunters or animal control have managed to catch in the last 6 months...May want to pack a body bag, hammer, chisel, and headstone while you're at it lad because you'll be diggin and markin my grave if I go against that beast." Gobber rolled his eyes.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I couldn't help it, I busted out laughing at what Gobber said. That was funny as hell! I forget sometimes how much of a comedian Gobber could be and honestly I needed that laugh too. It's been too serious the last 6 days at the psychiatric hospital, then yesterday at school. Yeah, that good. I held my sides, Heather was laughing too. It felt good to laugh and that was genuine, not one of my sarcastic ones. I calmed down taking a few breaths, but in all seriousness a lot of people were concerned for the Red Death making an appearance because it was known for attacking small groups of campers. Some survived, others didn't. But we'd be safe, I had Toothless and his pack on watch for me. He'd let me know if there was a problem.

"Oh come on Gobber, you're from viking ancestory. You could take that bear." Heather said to him.

"Fat chance lass. If that bear shows up, we are runnin for our lives..." Gobber stated firmly.

"We'll be fine. Its only 10 miles in...I think we'd hear a bear that size coming, we'll have time to make an escape." I remarked.

"See Hiccup's not worried. If he was worried, then I would be." Heather giggled.

"That much confidence in me eh?" I joked with her, she hugged me.

"I'm just glad you're home brother...It was lonely those 6 days without you..." Heather sighed in relief.

"Me too..." I hugged her back. And back to seriousness again, this trip with the hiking would be when Astrid and I talked. We all sat around until 11:30am, Gobber made sandwiches for us to eat as lunch before we got in his car with our gear and headed to the school.

(School)

We all met on the far baseball field by the forest edge. When we arrived the others were already there along with the principal, Alvin Treachor. I assumed he was there to give us the rules of camping trip and if any rules got broken we'd be in big trouble. We got out holding our bags on our shoulders then put them down by our feet sitting on the grass while the principal talked with Gobber.

"This is gonna be so awesome." Eret said to Dagur and Snotlout.

"I hope we see that bear." Snotlout chuckled.

"Are you stupid! That bear hasn't let anyone live that its come across. 12 people dead in 3 weeks back in February...Odin knows how high that toll is now." Ruffnut remarked to Snotlout.

"33 dead, and a lone survivor listed in critical at the hospital as of last week." I state simply as they stared at me now wondering how I knew that, I held up my phone. "My dad is chief of police remember? His son and daughter going on a 3 day, 2 night camping trip 10 miles into the forest, he wants us to be aware how dangerous it is." I add.

"And now all of you are aware." Came dad's voice, Heather and I looked seeing our dad there in uniform with two officers holding guns at there sides, then two across their backs as the straps formed an X on the chest. I saw camping gear and instantly groaned. I knew where this was going. "Which is why these two officers and myself will be coming as well. We offer protection against the bear if it decides to show. Yep, there it was.

"You're coming with us daddy?" Heather asked now, he nodded.

"I am. I have permission from Mr. Treachor. Its not safe for one man to be watching 12 students under 18 by himself with no means of protection so 4 adults, 3 with weapons should suffice." Dad said now. I guess I couldn't argue with that. I had to keep Toothless and his pack safe, those officers had tranq guns.

"Now for the rules of this trip...Every student will be carrying on their person a swiss army jack knife, whistle, and two flare sticks. If anyone gets separated for whatever reason, you stay where you are and blow that whistle. If its dark, use the flare. The tents sleep 3 and are not coed. Use the buddy system, no one goes anywhere alone. Keep all food sealed, and don't go anywhere without telling one of the adults. Anyone breaking a rule will be in serious trouble. Is this all clear?" Alvin asked.

"Aye sir." The students replied.

"Now, there are 12 students and 4 adults. 5 different colored tents. Arrangements for sleeping are as follows. Ruffnut, Astrid, and Heather will have the yellow tent." Heather took the tent that Alvin held out. "Camicazi, Kari, and Thora will take the purple tent." Kari took the tent from him. "Hiccup, Fishlegs, and Tuffnut will be in the black tent. Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur in the blue tent. Gobber and the chief will take the gray tent, and the two officers Bijorn and Gustav in the dark green one." Alvin stated.

We all took the color we'd been assigned and stepped back. "Now for the rest of the gear. Us adults will take the coolers with food and drinks. You kids take the chairs and other small necessities. Lad, you got the map still?" Gobber asked me. I reached back and pulled it out with the compass.

"Right here, Gobber." I said.

"Why does Haddock get the map?" Dagur groaned.

"You wanna navigate?" Heather asked, Dagur backed up shaking his head. "I didn't think so. Now shut up... My brother knows these woods like the back of his hands." Okay, that was a little funny to hear.

"Alright, enough arguing. I circled our location on that map so lead us forward." Gobber told me. I checked over the map briefly and realized where we were going. My eyes widened a bit, the cove just below the point? Oh just perfect. That was mine and Toothless's spot. But that didn't concern me...

"Gobber. This is...way more than 10 miles in. The cove is at least 25 from here...That's double the distance and mostly uphill." I state now.

"That's the area we're going too. We can't just camp in the middle of the forest, we needed an open area to set up." Gobber adds.

"Then we better get moving. It gets dark by 4:30 now and it's already 12:20..." I sigh heading forward. Guess there wasn't much choice. I hulked my bag over my shoulders and picked up two camping chairs, put one on each shoulder. I was carrying close to 120 pounds right now but I didn't care. I knew his hike, it wasn't hard for me. It was the people trailing behind me who I worried if could keep up and handle it. I led the pack, felt good actually...people relying on me for once.

After only 20 minutes of walking people were starting to complain. I only rolled my eyes, I glanced back seeing Astrid looking down and staying pretty quiet. Right...We were supposed to be talking. Damn it. "Astrid." I say. She looked up quickly. "We still need to talk so get up here." I tell her.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Hearing Hiccup was leading made me feel oddly comfortable. I knew from talking to him that he was a man of many talents. We walked for 20 minutes so far as people were complaining about their feet hurting. Really? Hiccup said it was 25 miles to the location we were camping for 3 days and we had to get there by nightfall. Promising. I had my head down. Hiccup said we were supposed to talk but how with him navigating the path we were walking on. Our of nowhere, he said my name. I looked up quick as he said we needed to talk and to come beside him. He wanted to do this now? With everyone around? Great.

"Hiccup, I think you should worry more about where we're going than talking to Astrid right now..." Fishlegs mentioned.

"We've been walking close to a half hour and I haven't checked the map or compass since we left. I know where we are without it." Hiccup stated, I blinked. He hadn't checked the map at all? How the hell weren't we lost.

"Great, Hiccup is gonna get us killed...16 new people to the death toll!" Snotlout remarked groaning. Hiccup stopped and walked up to him now, Snotlout actually backed up.

"You see all the trees around us?" He asked, Snotlout nodded. "Look behind you and to your right. I think you'll find there is a red marker on it. I know where we are going because I've walked this before. I know where the cove is, and I know my way around. You know nothing of what I'm capable of because you don't know me. None of you do. Gobber wouldn't have entrusted me to lead if he had a solitary doubt I couldn't get us where we are going safely. Now will you please just shut up and stop questioning me. " My eyes widened a bit, I saw the mark. Hiccup walked this? It was so far.

"Sorry..." Snotlout said looking down. I couldn't believe it, Snotlout was...stepping down to Hiccup? I think Hell just froze over.

"That goes for all of you. Do not step outside of the red and orange marked trees...This trail is safe of traps, you step past the line I made and you're gonna be losing a leg or caught in a net." Hiccup warned.

"Oh come on. That's not true..." Eret remarked. Hiccup sighed, I could tell he was becoming irritated by the minute. He picked up a large rock and walked outside the line of 4 trees marked with orange and red, he stopped then dropped the rock to the ground. The sound of cracking twigs and crunching leaves revealed it was a hunter's hole trap. Dagur stepped back past a red marked tree but Hiccup pulled him forward and dropped a stick on the spot Dagur was about to step. Instantly a metal trap clamped shut.

"Are we going to listen to me now? These woods are riddled with hunters traps because the one who brings in the red death dead gets a million dollars. The bounty gets higher every person that gets killed. Honestly, don't you read the news? So stay on my trail and you will live." Hiccup stated as he kept walking ahead. Heather stuck her tongue out at the 3 boys.

"Told ya so." She boasted.

"Astrid." Hiccup said again, I moved up beside him.

"Y-Yes?" I asked.

"You have until we reach the cove to tell me everything. Whatever it was you wanted to explain last Friday, this is your chance. I will decide if I can forgive you or not by the end of the trip." Hiccup tells me. I bit my lower lip.

"Okay..." I sigh. "Where...do you want me to start?"

"I don't care. I know what happened on my side. You kept saying to let you explain and I didn't let you, now that I'm calm...I'm ready to listen to you. We have..." I saw him check his phone for a time, it read out 12:45pm. "3 hours to tell me your explanation. Starting now."

Great. "Well you know how it started...You called the hotline by accident...then called back 2 hours later telling me you wanted to kill yourself."

"None of that matters to me. I know all the conversations, Astrid. I want to know why the hell you lied to me for 3 god damn months..." Hiccup scoffed.

"Hiccup...Language." Stoick said calmly.

"Not in the mood dad. I might of forgiven you but that doesn't mean I can't take it back. I'm pissed that Astrid told you, and Heather before I got told and I should have been first." Hiccup remarked coldly.

"Hiccup...Don't...be mad at them. Its my fault...I asked them not to say anything...Y-You know why I couldn't tell you who I really was...It was against..." I started.

"I know it was against the company policy! Why do you think I'm furious? I know how hotlines work, Astrid. I'm not stupid." I backed up a little at his anger. He took a breath and looked forward again. "You told me you knew that Ryder was me since the day of tryouts. Those were in February..We're in May now and I just found out a week ago that you were Angel the whole time. You've known who I was since then, right?"

"Yes..." I mumble.

"How did you find out Ryder was me." He asked.

"The night before tryouts...You sang that Skillet's Would it Matter to me. I knew you went to BHS because you told me the first time we talked. So I knew whoever Ryder was, also went to my school. I pushed it back knowing I wasn't supposed to get personal to my callers...But then...the day of tryouts when you sang Monster by Skillet...I recognized your voice from the night before on the phone. I tried to tell myself it couldn't be true...But then...I just began...comparing things that Ryder told me to things I knew about you. Ryder told me he was a straight A, model student adored by his teachers and twin sister. That his father hated him, and the bullies at school hated him. That he liked to draw, invent, and play MMO games, and that his mother died 3 years prior, that was a cutter too." I explained.

"Yeah, I'm aware of all I told you as Ryder. How did you figure out it was me, Hiccup. You knew nothing about me, I'm rather invisible to most of Berk High." He retorted.

"The singing was my first clue...Then...I saw your dad come in and you looked down sadly. It was just everything. I kept having flashbacks of what Ryder told me about his life. Ryder was a straight A student, so are you. Teachers loved him, they love you. Ryder had a twin sister, you have a twin sister. Ryder's father hated him, and I could tell Stoi...Sorry...your dad was cold towards you but never Heather. Ryder was depressed, and you are too. I saw it in your eyes. Ryder liked to draw and invent, I saw your skin tone headphones that Heather said you made and also the sketch you did of the Berkerser crest...Ryder lost his mom 3 years ago...and so did you. But the biggest thing was...when we danced that day to the high school musical song...I...saw the cuts on your arm and remembered that before the weekend when you called that Friday...Ryder said he'd been cutting...I just...put it together." I explained to him slowly.

"So you knew who I was, that in itself makes it personal because you knew who you were talking too and you're not supposed to know who your callers are." Hiccup said.

"I-I know that which is...why I pretended like I didn't know you...I didn't...want to stop talking to you when you told me that I'd helped you and made you feel better..." I looked down.

"It doesn't matter what I said if you still knew who I was. But whatever, I guess I get that. So what's your excuse for the night you called me from your cell phone using *69? Hm? That was definitely breaking the rules of the company." Hiccup asked.

"Because I hadn't talked to you in a few days...I was...worried if you were okay or not. So I...called you while sitting at home." I admit.

"But WHY, Astrid! That's what I want to know. I get the first thing, you found out who I was by accident and tried to act like it was okay as long as I didn't know who you were. But you purposely broke rules to call me that night. And I want to know why. If you couldn't tell me you were Angel when you found out who I was by accident to save your own ass, then why would you risk yourself to purposely call me when you know it wasn't allowed!?" Hiccup yelled now stopping in his tracks and facing me angrily.

"I told you...I was worried, Hiccup." I say.

"If you were so worried then then why the fuck didn't you just tell me the truth! Were you afraid I couldn't keep a secret or something?! For Thor's sake I hid that I was cutting for 3 years from everyone, no one knew until those 3 idiots went through my phone!" Hiccup yelled again. I backed up a little.

"That's not true, Gobber knew you cut! I heard him ask you that day in workshop!" I said then quickly covered my mouth.

"Oooh so Hofferson was there too! Busted." Snotlout laughed.

"I would highly advise you to shut up." Hiccup warned. His eyes turned on me again. "You were eavesdropping on me?..." I didn't say anything. "Answer me!" Hiccup yelled.

"I—I didn't mean too! I was...getting ready to leave and heard you two talking..." I admit.

"Then why didn't you walk away! What, were you not getting enough information about my shitty life on the phone or chat so you spy on me in school too?! How much did you hear!" Hiccup growled now.

"Everything...You telling Gobber how much your father hated you, that you wouldn't tell Heather about it so she could keep her illusion of the Haddock's being a happy family...Your break down against him..." I looked down.

"I cannot even believe you right now. So what's the rest, Astrid. We've gotten this far? Lets see...You know about those 3 getting my phone, teasing me that Angel wasn't real...By the way...Thanks guys, turned out to be true. She didn't care at all and was only lying to me...Oh and what else...You got to work, got my message about saying goodbye. Rushed back, called my dad, stopped me...Told dad everything...And even then...you didn't want to tell me the truth. No wait...there's more right? After all that...someone told you they knew about me talking to Angel, and told you to tell me the truth. Then Heather finds out, calls you out and tells you to tell me the truth...And that's when you finally did and I got so confused, angry, and upset that I admitted myself to the mental hospital for 6 days so I wouldn't try to kill myself again! That about all of it?!" Hiccup yelled.

I was crying but nodded. "Yes...that's...all of it, Hiccup. I swear..." I tell him.

"Good. Because if I find out one more thing about all this that I didn't know before...I'm seriously going to snap. Thanks for the talk...It was fucking informative. I would suggest you leave me alone for a little while so I can think and get us to our destination safely. It's 1:15pm and the clouds are rolling in. Get a move on people..." He ordered and kept walking silently. I hated myself now. Heather surprisingly put her hand on my shoulder and offered a smile.

"Just let him cool off..." She tried. I shook my head.

"No...What I did...was unforgivable, Heather...And I don't blame him if he never speaks to me again for it...He's right...I broke the rules to call him, and I should have told him the truth long before he tried to kill himself..." I sob a bit and keep walking.


	25. Swear It

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

25; Swear It.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Since the 'talk' with Astrid, no one had said a word other than Gobber and dad asking how close we were. It was nearing 4pm and we still had 7 miles to go. We had to stop for bathroom breaks, and to take a drink. When I'd gone to the bathroom, I found Toothless, and thanked him for for walking along with us out of sight. He comforted me for a good minute before I told him I had to get back before they sent someone to find me, I promised him I'd see him again soon after reaching the cove. He licked my cheek and darted off, I returned to the group and instantly Gobber, dad and Heather were on me checking for new cuts. That actually bothered me that they had no faith I couldn't control myself. I got so frustrated that I actually took off my shirt completely to show no new cuts or injuries on my body, just old scars from a 2 weeks ago, and beyond that.

"Are we good now? Believe me when I say I didn't hurt myself?" They nodded as I put my shirt back on, then backpack and two chairs on either shoulder again. "Good, lets go. It will be dark in 30 minutes..." I stated, everyone got up and got their gear on. "Stay two by two in a line, the trail narrows through here and its all uphill so I hope you rested well." I state. They nodded, obviously no one was testing my already unstable mood right now. Yeah, I'd admit it. I wanted to run away and just get away from all the pain but I couldn't leave these guys stranded with nothing. 10 minutes into walking and Ruffnut called up to me to hold on. I stopped and looked back to see Heather and Astrid struggling on the hill with their bags.

I moved through the pairs towards the back and took the chairs off my shoulders and put them down. "So-Sorry...Hiccup...Its steep and these bags with all the gear is heavy..." Heather panted.

"Forget it. Take off your backpacks." I tell them, they blinked confused but took them off and put them down on the ground. I lifted the two chairs I took and handed those to them. I pulled both of their bags up by the top handles and rested them on my shoulders comfortably. "Carry the chairs...I'll take these with me." I state and walked away from them heading forward on the trail again.

"Hiccup...those bags are 35 pounds a piece...plus yours...That's like..." Heather started.

"110 pounds even. Yes, I know. I wouldn't have taken them if I couldn't handle it now for the last time, lets go. If we don't get there by dark we're screwed because I can't see the trail markers. Map or not, the trail keeps us away from traps. I won't trust the map in these woods." Hiccup stated as he kept walking. The silence continued walking the trail.

"The map would show us the way though..." Eret asked.

"You really don't get it do you? The map can only show you the way, it cannot protect you from the danger along the way. That map shows how to get to the cove, the many ways to get there but those ways are all through hunter trap lines. My way on the trail gets us to the cove without running into traps..." I state as we keep walking. I could see the sun setting overhead, the sky colors were changing. Fuck. Below the trees it was already getting darker and we had 2 miles to go. I heard a crunching in the leaves and stopped. "Stop." I told them.

"Why are we stopping, its almost dark!" Dagur snapped.

"Will you shut up for a minute." I snap back. The crunching again, my eyes darted to the right and saw one of Toothless's pack members blending in with the leaves and shrubbery. One of the males, a mate of one Toothless's children. He nudged his head to the left of me. I looked and saw someone crouching down to shoot the wolf. I motioned with my head for the wolf to run, he did as I ran in the path with my hands up. "Don't shoot! Don't shoot, hikers on trail!" I called out. The guy stood up from his position and walked over with his gun slung over his shoulder.

The guy eyed me a minute then smiled. "Well shit. Didn't think I'd see you tonight, kind'a late for you to be out. And you never come with a group. Sorry if I scared ya with the gun? How the heck ya been, Hiccup?" He laughed.

"Nah, its fine. I saw your shift in the trees which is why I said what I said. And camping trip through the school, I'm leading them through the trail. Not much on my end, just living...What are you doing out here, Thuggery?" I ask shaking his hand. I heard the group behind me gasp or go _HUH?!_ Made me want to laugh but I refrained.

"Hiccup, what's going on. Who is this guy and how do you know him?" My father asked.

"Thuggery is someone I met two years ago when I was on the trail, he saved me from getting my leg taken off with one of his traps. He's home-schooled by his dad." I replied.

"Hey chief. Thuggery Holgerson here. Hiccup and I go way back, I always see him out here. I'm here huntin with dad." Thuggery smiled.

"Of course you are." I chuckled. "Where is your old man anyway?"

"Hold on I'll get him. DAD! Check who is on the trail!" He called out loudly. Some more rustling and a man stepped out with a short beard, and brown eyes, black hair.

"Well if it isn't Hiccup Haddock. How are ya son? Been a while since we seen you." The man greeted me with a handshake.

"Yeah...Been dealing with some personal stuff. I'm good now, here with the some school guys for the senior trip. Heading to the cove below Raven's point. Getting late though, harder to see the trail markers...This your trap line over here on the right?" I ask.

"Sure is." The man replied.

"Think you can lead us through to the cove so we don't have to go all the way around for another two miles?" I smile.

"Sure thing lad. Come on Thuggery, its past huntin hours at sunset anyhow." The man said.

"Thanks Balder, appreciate it." I said.

"Hiccup, you gonna explain all this?" My father asks.

"Later...Can we just get to the cove first?" I state, my father reluctantly agreed as Balder and Thuggery led the way through the trap line, after another 10 minutes we'd arrived at the cove. I sighed in relief.

"It was good seeing ya, Hiccup. Don't be a stranger, I'll make a hunter out of you yet! You got a sharp eye. We gotta get back to our cabin." Balder said as he and Thuggery left.

"I told you I'm not ever hunting! Be safe guys!" I called as they were out of sight soon after. I turned and saw the group staring at me with wide eyes, some of their mouths hanging open. "I do have a life outside of school and home ya know...So I know a few people out here." I shrug putting down Heather's and Astrid's bags and then my own.

"Hiccup...How'd you know there were hunters where we were walking..." Heather asked.

"I told you, I saw the shift in shrubbery. There's no wind today, he was about a quarter mile to the left of us ducking below a bush...That's why they think I should be a hunter...I have good eyes." I state. Still silence, okay now it was getting annoying. "Just set up your tents and sleeping bags...I got the fire ring and wood..." I mumbled out then sighed.

 **{Regular POV}**

They all watched Hiccup move towards the middle of the cove and crouch down slightly. They were confused about what he was doing, Hiccup moved a pile of leaves that they all thought was part of the scenery and it was revealed to be a fire ring. Big river flat stones forming a circle and stacked about 3 high in a in-ground fire ring. Like it was dug already and outlined with rocks to keep the fire contained. There was also a bed of old burnt ash on the bottom. Their mouths dropped open in shock seeing it. More confusion rose as they saw Hiccup move over to the far side of the cove where there was a small cave, looking closer they saw a gray tarp that blended in with the cave wall. Under it was a full stock of wood, enough for a few hours. There were some uncut logs too, and an ax in there.

Who the hell was this guy? How did he know about the hunters, the trap lines, the fire ring, and full wood stock? How did he even know those guys? There was a lot about Hiccup that no one ever guessed. Everyone was watching as Hiccup pulled out about 7 logs and piled them next to the ring, they were skinnier logs. Hiccup pulled a hatchet from the cave and knelt down by the pile of wood. The saw him get one and set it upright on the rock, hold it, tap the edge of the hatchet to it twice before bringing it down hard making contact with the top as he moved his hand and the wood split in two. He did this about 15 more times until there was a bunch of little stick.

Hiccup set the wood up on the ring in a log cabin formation, then he stuffed paper from his backpack in and around the cabin, finally he arranged 4 bigger logs around the cabin in a tepee and put dried, dead brush and more paper between the bigger logs. Hiccup pulled an aim-a-flame from his bag next and lit the middle paper and balls crumbled on the inside. "Come on baby...Light for me." He said as he got closer to the base and blew it a bit. The sudden air added to the fire made it burst slightly, Hiccup moved back but now the fire was going and burning fine. He stood up wiping his hands on his pants and saw them staring. "What?"

"Ring? Wood pile?...Hunters? What the heck, Hiccup. I think you're the one with secrets, not us..." Heather stated.

"I never denied having secrets...However the difference between mine and yours are that mine never drove anyone to a psychotic break or attempted suicide. Lets keep that in mind when talking about who has secrets. Plus mine aren't secrets because I never hid it. You just don't know me. I'm just the loser after all." Hiccup remarked coldly as he covered the wood up and moved towards Tuffnut and Fishlegs who were having trouble with the tent. Hiccup sighed. "Guys, its a tent...not rocket science..." Mumbling now, he fixed the poles to their right position. "Fishlegs bend that side into his holder." When that was done, Hiccup moved to the other side. "Tuffnut, bend that one down in its place." He did so.

Hiccup took two smaller poles and propped up the sides. He tossed the rain fly on, hooked it in place then put the pole over the front so the rain wouldn't come through the door rather just roll off the sides. He stepped back now. "Thanks..." Tuffnut said. Hiccup only nodded.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I only assumed Hiccup's new found irritation and mood was because of me. He'd been grump since but I was shocked when he still took mine and Heather's bags from us and carried them for a good 30 minutes on his own. Not to mention how he managed to save us from getting shot by Thuggery and his dad, Balder. Now he'd gotten the fire going, and set up the tent he was sharing with Fishlegs and Tuffnut. "Anyone else need my help of can I sit and relax for maybe just 5 minutes..." He grumbled. We all shook our heads to him as he set up the 16 chairs around the fire then plopped down in one, he pulled his headphones out and put the buds in his ears the I assumed turned on his music with his eyes closed. Here were had all been excited for this trip but when it came down to it, none of us had a clue what we were doing in the wilderness and Hiccup did. And we had no idea how he was so good at it.

"I'm worried about him..." Stoick said.

"We all are...Well...aside from a few people...I won't mention names but..." Heather said, her eyes motioning to Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur.

"The lad is fine." Gobber interjects calmly.

"Gobber, you've known him all his life...You can't tell me...that this is fine to you." Stoick states.

"Yes, I can because I know him. If he wasn't fine, you'd know it." Gobber sighed as he came out of the tent and stood beside Stoick and looked at Hiccup who almost looked to be asleep now.

"Gobber, look at him...At everything today...Its...not him." Heather said softly.

"Listen 'ere...All of you listen. I have known that lad since he was born, I've always been Uncle Gob or Gobber to him and you too, Heather. Hiccup tells me everything, he always has since yer mother died...I knew of his cutting, I knew of his depression, I knew everything. You have to all understand what he's been through the last 3 years, mostly the last few weeks. To him, it never stops and he continues to hurt even when he's trying to heal. Instead of sadness and resorting to hurting himself, its coming off as anger." Gobber explained.

"But..." Stoick started.

"Stoick...I know you think you know better for him cuz he's yer son but remember that for the last 3 years...You haven't existed to him because you treated him like he didn't exist to you. In this...I know better. I know when he is okay or not, right now he is exhausted mentally and physically. Leave 'im be a while. You're gonna have to trust me on this one..." Gobber said firmly.

It was hard to hear but Gobber was right. We had to leave Hiccup alone to heal, he did a lot for us today. We owed it to him to just let him rest for a bit. I sighed and went back to helping Ruffnut and Heather set up our tent. All of them were the same just different colors and since we saw Hiccup set up his with his tent mates it was easier for us to see how it was done. The fire was still going strong, Hiccup hadn't moved from his chair as we all finished setting up our tents, sleeping bags, pillows, and blankets. It was close to 5:30pm now, we were all hungry and some of us had to go to the bathroom but after seeing the traps out there we didn't know if it was safe.

"Well we can't very well go in the cove, no place to hide..." Said Ruffnut mumbling to Heather and I.

"You 3 talking about the bathroom too?" Tuffnut asked. We nodded.

"Well honestly...I think we have to ask Hiccup...He...knows his way around..." Snotlout stated, we all looked at him like he had 4 heads.

"Yeah...I agree." Eret added.

"Well who want to be the unfortunate soul who wakes him up?..." Fishlegs said nervously. No one moved from their spot, I sighed getting up and moving in front of Hiccup now and lightly tapping his arm. His eyes opened slowly as he pulled his earbuds out.

"I thought I said to leave me alone..." He remarked. I bit my lower lip.

"I know but...Some of us have to use the bathroom and...you are the only one among all of us who knows his way around...So you just became everyone's buddy for the buddy system by default..." I state slowly. He stood up and I backed up nearly tripping and falling the fire but Hiccup caught my wrist and helped me stand again.

"Don't walk in front of the chairs, trip hazard." He stated before releasing me and moving towards his backpack. He pulled out his flashlight, then a roll of toilet paper. What the heck did he have that for? "All of you follow me. I ain't going out 15 other times for bathroom trips..." He mumbled.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I'd been listening to soft music to relax since 4:50 after getting the fire going, and setting up the tent. I was in the middle of a Titanic saxophone instrumental when I felt someone tap my arm. I opened my eyes seeing Astrid, I silently groaned to myself. I listened as she explained some of them had to use the bathroom and I became everyone's buddy by default because I knew my way around. Wouldn't they be surprised when I showed them what else was in this cove. I got up, and saved Astrid from falling the fire. Warned her not to walk inside the chairs because it wasn't safe. I grabbed a roll of toilet paper from my bag, and then my big flood flashlight.

"All of you follow me. I ain't going out 15 other times for bathroom trip." I mumble lowly, slowly they got up going around the outside of the fire ring behind their chairs and moved near me. I walked towards a stack of rocks that had on large in the middle, two mediums on the side, then one across the top. I moved behind it shining the light on a tall wooden shack. It was skinny but I knew they'd all figure out what it was.

"There's an outhouse in the cove?!" They gasped.

"Yep." I opened the door and put the roll in there then stepped back pulling a small battery operated lantern from my pocket, I flipped it on and set it inside on a small self. "Made it about a year ago. 10 foot hole down, dug it myself. You don't need the buddy system in the cove. There's a trap line of my own set up around the outside ring. So if anyone has to go in the middle of the night..." I shut the door and showed the illuminated moon symbol on a rock in sight of all the tents. "Look for the moon." With that, I handed Heather the flood flashlight and walked back to the campfire. As they all went and returned I was already pulling out the food for sandwiches. It was quick and easy for tonight, I knew everyone was tired.

I had my headphones in while working on two folding tables put together. I saw them coming but I didn't really care. I made everyone two sandwiches, myself one then took it as I moved towards the outside of the cove until I reached the rock over the outside. I jumped on it then plopped on the edge eating.

 **{Regular POV}**

They saw him making sandwiches, 30 of them for them, and one for himself. They saw him with his headphones in so they knew he couldn't hear them, they watched him get out of the cove and walk along the outside until he reached the rocks where the outhouse was, he jumped from the cove outside to the rocks and sat on top. He ate his sandwich silently. "Gobber, come on...He's not okay..." Stoick said.

"Stoick if ya took the time to know yer son then you'd know he likes to meditate and be outdoors with his music." Gobber sighed.

"Its an outlet for him...Isn't it?" Tuffnut asked. Gobber nodded. Out of nowhere, Hiccup started singing which took them all but Gobber by surprise.

 _"Crowded hallways are the loneliest places. For outcasts and rebels, or anyone who just dares to be different. And you've been trying for so long, to find out where your place is. But in their narrow minds, there's no room for anyone who dares to do something different. Oh, but listen for a minute..."_ Hiccup sang softly with his eyes closed. The rest of them just listened. They'd never heard Hiccup song such a mellow song before, or of his own free will.

 _"Trust the one...Who's been where you are wishing all it was, was sticks and stones. Those words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone...And you're not invisible. Hear me out, there's so much more to life than what you're feeling now...Someday you'll look back on all these days, and all this pain is gonna be...Invisible..."_ Hiccup took a breath now tilting his head to the sky. _"Oh invisible..."_

 _"So your confidence is quiet. To them quiet looks like weakness. But you don't have to fight it, 'cause you're strong enough to win without a war. Every heart has a rhythm. Let yours beat out so loudly. That everyone can hear it...Yeah, I promise you don't need to hide it anymore. Oh, and never be afraid of doing something different...Dare to be something more!"_ Hiccup sang out.

The others actually felt bad for how much pain he actually held inside. _"Trust the one...Who's been where you are wishing all it was, was sticks and stones. Yeah, the words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone, and you're not invisible. Hear me out, there's so much more of this life than what you're feeling now...And someday you'll look back on all these days, and all this pain is gonna be..Invisible!..."_ He took a breath now.

 _"These labels that they give you, just 'cause they don't understand. If you look past this moment, you'll see you've got a friend. Waving a flag for who you are, and all you're gonna do...Yeah, so here's to you...And here's to anyone who's ever felt invisible!"_ He paused now after holding the note. He panted a few times as he looked down at his wrists and smiled slightly, _"Yeah, and you're not invisible! Hear me out, there's so much more to life than what you're feeling now...And someday you'll look back on all these days, and all this pain is gonna be invisible. It'll be invisible..."_ Hiccup finished his song as the others heard howls and froze.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I finished the song, I don't know why I just felt like singing it. I saw all of them looking at me then I saw them freeze in fear. Why would they be scared? We were safe in the cove. I paused the music and pulled the headphones out. "Why is it every single time I turn around, you are all staring at me like I have 2 heads...Its really starting to annoy me." I huffed.

"We heard...wolves..." Astrid says.

"Well naw shit, Astrid...Its the wild..." I rolled my eyes.

"No these were...really close to us..." Heather added in fear. I sigh jumping down from the rock. It must be Toothless...Wait...If Toothless was howling then...My eyes widened. The Red Death was close by. Great...Why tonight of all nights when everyone was exhausted. I was gonna need help.

"No one move..." I warned.

"What's going on?..." Dagur asked. What choice did I have? If that bear got in the cove we were all screwed, scratch that...We were dead.

"Dad...You have to swear to me you won't shoot...Swear it on your life, on my life...On mom's grave you will not shoot..." I said quickly.

"Hiccup, what the hell is goin on!?" My father demanded now.

"Swear it to me or else we're all dead! I am trying to protect you, all of you. Now can you swear it to me or not!" I yelled back.

"Just do it dad...Please...I'm scared..." Heather pleaded.

"I swear I won't shoot...Now can you tell me what's going on." Stoick asked.

"You're about to find out why...Remember your promise..." I sighed looking forward as I cupped my hands over my mouth and let out a howl. I waited a moment, then Toothless returned in. The cove fell silent now as there was fast racing through the leaves which stopped when it reached the edge of the cove, silence again. 14 wolves jumped down into the cove as everyone bit back seeing them. "Do not move, talk, or shoot..." I remind them. Finally, a large black wolf jumped down into the cove and the other wolves bowed their heads to him as he walked right up to me who put his hand out slowly. "Hey Toothless." I smile as Toothless now cautiously sniffed my hand a moment then licked my palm and nuzzled my hand. I crouched down as Toothless rubbed his face against my cheek and purred contently. "I've missed you too bud." I heard the others gasp. Wouldn't this be fun to explain. Not.


	26. Sacrifice

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

26; Sacrifice.

 **{Regular POV}**

None of them could believe what in the name of any Norse God or Goddess had just happened. Hiccup had pet a wolf. A wild wolf! And they were all currently surrounded by wolves, the entire pack was there and they only assumed the black one was the alpha of it. The group of 15 had watched with wide eyes, mouths hung open in shock when Hiccup let out a howl and the wolves arrived, then the black one approached Hiccup slowly. Hiccup had put his hand out and the wolf didn't attack him. "Hey Toothless." Hiccup had greeted it. Hiccup knew this wolf!? What! The wolf sniffed him a few times, then licked his palm before Hiccup crouched down and the wolf nuzzled its snout against Hiccup who actually smiled. "I've missed you too bud."

"Hiccup...Those are wolves. Wild wolves...What the hell is going on..." Stoick said first reaching for his gun.

"Don't you dare...You swore to me you wouldn't shoot. I'll explain everything in a minute...Just know you're safe as long as you're with me." Hiccup remarked as the black wolf stepped back and gave an approval growl to the others who lifted their heads from the bow. Hiccup smiled now as instantly the pups bolted forward and tackled him down, pouncing him and licking his face, walking all over him. Hiccup actually...laughed. First time they'd ever seen or heard one too. "Hahaha...That tickles guys..." Hiccup giggled out. The older wolves moved closed now and called off their young to step back. Hiccup knelt down as he greeted the other wolves. Finally he stood after one of the pups, the wolf purred lovingly and nuzzled Hiccup's neck as he pet it gently.

"Okay...Now can you tell us what is going on?" Gobber questioned.

"I said to hold on...They came here for a reason..." Hiccup said, the other blinked. "Toothless...Where is it?" Hiccup asked. What the heck was he talking about? Why was he talking to a wolf. They all saw Toothless whimper once and motion his head up and in the direction of East. Hiccup sighed placing the pup down, "Then we don't have a lot of time..."

"Where is what? Why are you talking to a wolf, Hiccup? I'm starting to think you really are crazy!" Heather mentioned. Hiccup faced them now.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I knew this was going to get like this. The Red Death was heading our way and they all worried about why I'm friends with wolves. "Look...There's a lot that none of you know about me, not even you Gobber..." I begin sighing, "Toothless, how much time do we have. Tell me it's at least 6 miles away?" Toothless sat beside me, nodding affirmatively. Okay, that was some relief.

"What are you talking about!" Astrid exclaimed. I gave them a serious look now.

"Red Death. Its about 6 miles away, coming from the East..." They all gasped. "Chill. You're safe with Toothless's pack...We've outrun it before."

"You've...encountered that bear!? Thor almighty Hiccup, start talking now. That's an order..." My father said.

"I've seen her yes. This is why I know about the forest, the hunter's trap lines, trails and where she is...Toothless keeps watch for me. We set up a signal for him to let me know when she was close for this trip..." I start to explain.

"From the beginning lad...When did...yew even meet these wolves..." Gobber asked.

"Take a seat...I'll explain..." I sigh, they nervously did. "It happened a year after mom died...She loved the outdoors, so did I. After she died, I came out a lot and just wandered to feel closer to her. Toothless here...got stuck in a hunter's trap. I...earned his trust, and set him free. He pounced me, I thought I was dead but he only licked me then ran off. The next day from my bedroom, I saw him come to the forest edge so I grabbed a steak and gave it to him...We've...been best friends ever since. He introduced me to his pack, well he told them it was safe and then I just...named them. Toothless is the alpha..." I state.

I watched as the medium brown wolf with green and slightly blue eyes came over and nuzzled my hand whimpering softly. "Ssh, its okay...They won't hurt you...Because if they do then they hurt me..." I say crouching down a bit. I could tell the others thought I was crazy yet they believed me because these wolves weren't attacking them, rather just sitting around me contently. "I've come out here as much as I can. Me howling is the signal to Toothless that I'm in the forest, and he finds me. And his howl before was to alert me the Red Death is close." I explain.

"So you...really know these wolves?" Ruffnut asked.

"Mmhm, I named them all...They consider me pack." I add. The others eyes widened. I saw Astrid step towards me a bit, Stormfly, Toothless's mate growled slightly. "I'd...keep my distance, Astrid. They trust me, none of you..." I warned her, she stopped.

"Will you...introduce us to them?" Camicazi asked nervously.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt...Hmm what's the easiest way to do this..." I mumbled. Toothless stood up and gave a low growl stomping his left front paw down. The other wolves got up and lined up in between Toothless and Stormfly, then the mates of the 3 eldest offspring to Toothless and Stormfly, then those pups before their parents. "Thanks bud." I smile to him, he nodded once.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I still couldn't process this. Hiccup knew these wolves for...2 years, and named them. The wolves considered him pack? It sounded crazy just repeating it to myself. I had tried to get closer but one of them growled at me and Hiccup warned to keep my distance because they trusted him not us. Great...Cami then asked if he'd introduce us to them. Why would need to meet them? What sense did that make? It didn't. But regardless, these wolves were calm, content even and listening to Hiccup so maybe we were safe. But knowing Red Death was out there and headed this way was scary.

"Okay...So..." Hiccup moved near Toothless. "This is Toothless, alpha of the pack. And this is his mate, Stormfly. Standing to their left are their 5 offspring. The 3 larger wolves are Fang, Skullcrusher, and Cloud. Beside Fang is Windshear, his mate and their pups are Scar and Simba. Shut up and don't ask about the names. It fit their colors...Moving on. Beside Cloud is Howler, and their pups are Rain, Sapphire, and Hunter...Finally..." I saw Hiccup kneel down near the brown wolf with green-slight blue eyes as it licked his cheek. "This is Valka or Val...I named her after my mother because...she looked just like her only as a wolf...And she's incredibly protective of me." Hiccup said slowly.

That was a little heartbreaking to hear. He'd named the wolf after his mom, I'd seen pictures of Valka Haddock before and she was beautiful. I heard Stoick gasp a bit after Hiccup made the comparison. "Why does she look so different from the others?" Asked Thora now.

"Because she was a rogue wolf who joined Toothless's pack...She's not of relation to them." Hiccup said. Heather moved a bit closer now as Valka looked into Heather's eyes then nuzzled against her cheek and licked it. Heather backed up a bit. "Its okay, Heather. She won't hurt you...I think she likes you actually..." Hiccup added.

"N-No...Hiccup you don't understand it...do you? You said she looks like mom...And she does...I think...this is mom." Heather said. Everyone gasped, Stoick stumbled a bit.

"Heather...Mom was human...This is a wolf..." Hiccup remarked.

"Hiccup...You met these wolves, including her a year after mom died right?" Hiccup nodded to Heather, "Her fur is the same color as mom's hair was, and her eyes...The other wolves don't trust us but...she's not...attacking me. You also said she's protective over you...I think this is mom, reincarnated into a wolf...Don't tell me you didn't consider the possibility?" Heather asks.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Of course I'd thought about it after meeting her, but reincarnation was never proven, just rumored. People claimed dejavu was a sign of reincarnation because it meant its happened before but never remembered where from A strange phenomenon indeed. But Heather was right, this wolf, Val let Heather near her and licked her cheek gently. Val got up and moved slowly towards the rest, she stopped in front of our dad and stared up at him whining a bit. "Its okay dad...She won't hurt you. Trust me." I tell him softly.

Heather and I moved towards him now as Valka sat back on her hind legs looking at us softly, sadly. Stoick dropped to one knee now, for once I saw the old man shaking with...I'm not sure what emotion. He stared at the wolf I'd named after mom. "Val?" Stoick asked. The wolf got up and licked his cheek a few times, Stoick put his hand to the side of her face as she nestled into it with her eyes closed. "It is you...Isn't it?" Stoick asked. The wolf nodded. I saw Heather collapse to her knees crying. I couldn't believe it either, this wolf...really was mom. She is mom.

"Mama?" Heather whimpered a bit. Valka licked her cheek to stop the tears. "It is you!" Heather wrapped her arms around Valka's neck crying now. I dropped to my knees, so this wolf...had been my mother the whole time. That's why she was always protective of me and whimpered so much seeing the cuts on my arms, hearing me talk about life at him. She was always laying beside me for comfort. I looked to Toothless who walked over.

"Toothless...did...you know she was my mom? Is that why...you let her in the pack?" I asked as Toothless gave a nod to me. I felt tears prick my eyes now as I hugged Toothless tightly. "Thank you bud...You're the best." I said trying to contain myself.

"Uh...I hate to break up this reunion but...We still have a very large bear headed our way that doesn't let its victims live!" Fishlegs mentioned. Shit that was right. Red Death was still about 4 miles from us. I stood up now, time to take action. A large roar emitted from above, I froze looking to the East and sure enough...Red Death was just over us growling. Oh no.

 **{Regular POV}**

Everyone froze hearing the roar then all slowly looking to see the bear likened the Red Death above us and trying to make its way into the cove. The wolves formed an instant circle around them growling, Toothless looked at Hiccup as if asking him what to do. There wasn't a whole lot of time to debate a decision here. "Hiccup...You're the woods master...What do we do?..." Tuffnut asked.

"How the hell should I know...All the times I've encountered her...Toothless and I outran her to safety...I can't do that with all of you here..." He stopped, "Or can I?" He said softer now, clearly he was thinking about something.

"Just shoot it!" Snotlout yelled.

"No! Don't you get it you idiot! Bullets and even tranq guns don't work on it or it would have been killed months ago. There are at least 5 hunting groups, 20 different trap lines, and then several lone or pair hunters looking for this thing and this bear avoided it all!" Hiccup yelled back. The wolf pups were cowering by their parents. A plan was needed and quickly too.

"We're gonna die...We're all gonna die!" Cami, Thora, and Kari cried out. Ruffnut and Tuffnut were holding each other in a hug. Astrid looked terrified breathing heavily. Heather was still on the ground by Valka and Stoick. The others were just as scared, the officers had their guns ready.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Toothless had looked at me wondering what to do. What did I do? Everyone was scared to death of dying. My eyes darted left and right quickly before sighing as I got to my feet and stepped out of the protective ring of wolves. "Hiccup what are you doing!" Heather exclaimed.

"Saving your lives...I'll distract Red Death...You all run for safety." I said.

"WHAT! No! No way, Hiccup! That's suicide!" Astrid yelled now.

"I can outrun her with Toothless. We'll lead her away. You climb out, the wolves will lead you through the forest safely to dad's house..." I state as Toothless came beside me.

"Hiccup! Now is not the time to be wanting to end your life by bear just because your cutting and overdosing didn't work two weeks ago! This is serious!" Eret yelled. Everyone stopped. Hiccup took a breath and faced him.

"I don't want to end my life. That's what you don't understand, none of you do! I never wanted to die until everyone started making me feel like you'd all be better off without me. Alright? That was you 3 and dad hating me for years and for what? I don't want to die, but all the pain I felt made me feel like I had no other choice out of it but to end my life. You think I want to do this? To risk my ass for people who hurt me? No. But if I have to in order for the death toll to not add 15 more people in one night...Then so be it. I'd rather lose one life than the lives of many. Its called sacrifice, and its what people do when they want to protect the people they care about. Regardless of what anyone in this cove has done to me...I am still willing to keep everyone safe. There is one chance to save lives here...And I'm going to take it." Hiccup said.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

The area was silent after Hiccup said what he said. He was willing to risk his life to protect all of us even though we'd all hurt him. "But Hiccup..." Heather started.

"No, Heather...There is one chance, and I'm taking it. When we lead her away...You get out and get through the forest to dad's house, the wolves will lead you. I'll take her through the heavy trap lines towards the hunters...Enough bullets should put her down..." Hiccup said.

"Son we have guns and tranqs here..." Stoick says now.

"It won't be enough. Those are basic 6 clip guns, and those tranq guns only have a 2 shot chamber...18 bullets and 4 tranqs won't take it down...If that bear get in this cove and you start firing and miss, the bullets will ricochet off the rocks and go everywhere. To big a chance of people getting hurt." Hiccup said, the roar was heard again as a tree snapped and fell into the cove. The bear began making its way down slowly. "There is no time to debate this anymore...Come on Toothless!" Hiccup called as Toothless turned and Hiccup with him prepared to leave the cove. I felt tears stinging my cheeks, he was going to get himself killed. My eyes met his for only a moment, he stopped and stared at me.

"Astrid..." Hiccup said, I looked at him as he moved closer to me. "I'm sorry I yelled at you...I was just upset about everything going on, it was too much at once...I didn't mean those things I said to you either time. Truth is, I'm glad your turned out to be Angel, and I'm glad you saved me that night...Because I never would of known the truth." My eyes widened as he cupped my cheek. "I love you, Astrid." He leaned in and kissed me deeply, I threw my arms around him and kissed him back. He pulled back now with a soft smile.

"Hiccup please...We can all get out safely..." I pleaded.

He shook his head. "No. Someone has to lead her the other way while the rest escape. Please get to safety...I will be alright. She doesn't scare me, what scares me is not having you to come back too." Hiccup said then backed up as he jumped on Toothless's back. "Head West from here, run as fast as you can and you'll exit in the chief's backyard. Lets go, Toothless!" He called out, Toothless gave a howl as we darted off out of the cove. The bear stopped its move downwards. "Come on RD! Remember us, the only campers you've never caught! If you can catch us, you can have us!" He taunted the bear.

It growled annoyed and came back up the tree and on to the main level of the forest. He looked back one last time at Astrid and the people in the cove. "Mom...Lead them home." He told Valka, his mother wolf now. She looked at him sadly but nodded as Toothless and I took off into the darkness. I cried hard. As the wolves gave a howl and began climbing out of the cove using the log the bear knocked down as we all followed out of the cove exit the way Hiccup had showed us to get in. Valka wolf led us through the forest heading West. All I could do was worry about Hiccup, he was trying out run a bear that had killed 33 other people while riding on the back of wolf. My eyes widened, how had I not seen it before. Hiccup's e-mail was...BlackWolfRunner1. It had literally been right there in front of me the whole time. And now he was out risking his life to save all of us. What hurt me the most, was that he loved me back and forgave me but now I feared he wouldn't be making it back at all and this was the last time I'd ever see him.

"Astrid, come on!" Heather said. I quickly followed after and and the wolves.

 _'Please be alright, Hiccup...'_ I thought while running through the woods, each step taking Hiccup and I farther apart from one another.


	27. Blind Shot

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

27; Blind Shot.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I knew it was stupid. Reckless, idiotic, and practically suicide but what other choice did I have? If someone didn't distract the bear then everyone would have been a target in the cove and the bear would of kill us all. Why should 16 people have to die when one could and save the rest? The others didn't know the forest like I did so it made more sense that I risk my life for theirs. Not only could I run fast, but I had Toothless too. We'd outrun Red Death tons of times, I honestly lost count of how many times we'd done this. So much happened just a few moments ago, with making the decision that I had. And to think this was just supposed to be a simple 3 day, 2 night camping trip. Now it was run or die trying.

I looked back seeing Red Death trailing behind by a foot or so, this thing was fast for its size which made it a tough opponent. What was worse was, I didn't have a plan. I'm just leading it the opposite direction so the others could get out of the forest and to safety. I needed a plan, that would be a wise thing right now. If I got near the hunting groups, they could fire at it. Enough bullets or tranquilizers all at once should be more than sufficient to take her down with. "We can do this, Toothless..." I tell him as he is running top speed with me on his back. Toothless growled in response and jumped a fallen tree on our path. "Lets just keep it behind us...Head for the hunters cabins..." I tell him. It was dangerous because the hunters would go after Toothless too and I didn't have time to explain that he wasn't dangerous. My eyes kept checking forward and behind.

I had forgiven Astrid, and even told her that I loved her. It wasn't a lie either. Sure, her lying to me still hurt but I knew she had her reasons. Just like I hurt dad, Heather, Gobber, and even Astrid with my suicide attempt two weeks ago, and for all intensive purposes with this one too. I was riding a wolf, leading a bear through the forest at 6:30pm. I didn't know if I'd survive this, one mistake and that bear would tare me to shreds in a heartbeat. I knew they were hurt I chose to do this, but they also knew there was no choice. No one knew the forest like I did, or could ride a wolf. I wanted to make it back alive, I wanted to see everyone again. Maybe not Eret, Dagur, and Snotlout but the rest I did.

When this was over, if I survived...I was asking Astrid to be my girlfriend. We'd...planned to do it anyway when I didn't know she was Astrid. What changed? Nothing, other than I knew who she really was and she was the same Angel I know. Kind, caring, sweet, and understanding. Name didn't matter, her personality is what I fell in love with. I honestly think I started liking Astrid after the first kiss we shared rehearsing for the play. Something about it...just lit a fire inside me that hasn't died since. I lessened a little when she admitted to being Angel but after time in the psychiatric hospital, the more I thought about it then the more maybe I should have seen it and my feelings made sense too. I did love Astrid, and I wanted to be with her. I just had to survive this.

 **{Regular POV}**

They were all panting and running as fast as they could with the wolves along side them keeping them in range of the safe zone between marked trees towards Stoick's house, where Hiccup had said for them to go because they would be safe there. Things were so confusing, happening so fast. The day started normal, everyone just getting ready for the camping trip, now this with the bear and Hiccup protecting them all. "How much...farther?" Fishlegs wheezed.

"Hiccup said it was about 3 miles running...We've had to of run at least two by now, right dad?" Heather panted a little.

"Aye, that's right..." Stoick replies.

"He'll...be alright, Stoick..." Gobber remarks now.

"You don't know that, Gobber...He's riding the back of a wolf...in the dark...alone with nothing to protect himself with and a giant bear that has killed 33 people in 4 months...all pair or lone campers..." Astrid added now, trying to wipe her eyes and still run. They all slowed down to a jog now panting feeling that they were safe, Gobber faced them sternly still trying to catch his breath.

"Now yew lot listen 'ere...I know you think Hiccup can't handle himself, but you don't know him like I do. Yew saw fer yerselves how very capable he is." Gobber stated.

"He's right...Hiccup got us to the cove without even using the map, and knew there were hunters near us preparing to shoot." Ruffnut said.

"And he got the fire going, and made us dinner..." Thora added softly.

"He also made friends with wolves, and knew the Red Death was coming because the wolves warned him...And now he's out there leading it away so we will be safe..." Heather looked down.

"No, he's getting himself killed." Stoick huffed with grief. Valka now whined and nuzzled her face to his hand. It was still a shock to everyone too that this wolf was actually Hiccup's and Heather's mother, the chief's former wife reincarnated. Valka confirmed it also when Stoick and Heather asked if it was her. Stoick looked down at Valka and sighed, he understood the look she was giving him. The 'Trust our boy' look. "I'm trying, Val...But...He's only a boy...outrunning a bear..." Stoick said.

"Valka is right, Stoick. We have...to trust he'll be okay. You heard him, he's out run the bear before and he knows the forest..." Gobber adds putting a hand on his shoulder.

"He's my only son, Gobber...I almost lost him once..." Stoick looked down.

"He'll be okay dad...Hiccup knows what he's doing, he...always does." Heather said trying to smile although she was just as worried. All of them were worried, even the 3 boys who gave him so much trouble. After this, they saw Hiccup differently. He wasn't just some weak boy, he was intelligent and strong. They started seeing the difference when he protected Heather the night of that sleepover, and then again in the forest. Hiccup didn't have to show them about the traps, he could of let them kill themselves or get hurt because of their own stupidity but Hiccup didn't. He showed Snotlout the trail markers, and the pit trap. He also saved Dagur from getting injured on the metal leg trap.

Hiccup kept them safe from the hunters, and now the wolves. He knew what he was doing and Hiccup had been right before in the cove. Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur had pushed him to such lengths of wanting to die. Even his father pushed him that far. Hiccup admitted he never wanted to die, but he felt there was no option out of the pain. Now he was risking his life, for all of them. "Lets keep moving...Even if Red Death isn't after us, this is still the forest with other wild animals in it...smaller bears, coyotes..." Stoick sighed. In agreement, they continued through the forest with Valka leading the pack beside Stormfly.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

From the moment in the cove when Hiccup told me he was sorry for yelling at me, up until our kiss I had been crying. Hard or soft it didn't matter, the tears just didn't stop. I was worried, scared, terrified of Hiccup not making it through this alive. I finally had his forgiveness, and his love but now I'd lose him. No. I couldn't think like that. Hiccup would make it back to us...He had too. He said he would come back to me. Hiccup...never went back on something he said. Heather told me that. I didn't know how much farther we had to go but I hoped it was soon. All of us were tired, and thirsty from the running. We had to be close at least. Hiccup said about 3 miles and we've run close to two in the last 20 minutes.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I didn't know how far we'd run but I did look back and didn't see Red Death not following anymore, that worried me. Last time I looked back had been 10 minutes ago, "Hold up boy..." I say to Toothless who slowed down to a halt now. I got off and looked back more. No bear. Definitely worried, when had it stopped following us and where the hell had it gone?! This wasn't good at all. I didn't know where it was, or where it went. I saw a faint light off to the left of us, I wanted to assume it was a cabin. Probably belonging to a hunter or small group of them. Most people used the weekend to hunt. Toothless and I had been out running the bear about 25 minutes, we lost it 10 minutes ago...maybe sooner. I hadn't been watching. It could be anywhere by now which was concerning to me.

I knew hunter cabins weren't far from the cove because a lot of hunters plus myself used it often. Its why that place was stocked with ax's, hatchets, an outhouse, and wood. I built as a personal campground area for hunters who didn't make it back to their cabins before nightfall and I'd even hung out with them a few times until I realized how late it was and got back home before dad got home from work. "Alright Toothless...Stay hidden, I'll give the call after I see who is staying in that cabin..." I said, Toothless huffed once and gave a nod. I pulled my phone from my pocket and used the flashlight on it to guide me carefully to the cabin. I took a breath and knocked. Please let it be a hunter I knew...

The door opened revealing Thuggery. "Hiccup!" He exclaimed. Oh thank Thor it was their cabin, I needed friendly faces right now.

"Hey Thuggery..." I said slowly with somewhat of a smile.

"What bringa ya here? Though you were on that school trip or whatever?" Thuggery asked letting me in now, I stepped in then he closed the door.

"Hello, Hiccup. Nice to see you again. Kind'a late to be wanderin around." Balder, Thuggery's father tells me.

"I know...We...ran into a problem..." I stated, they saw the concern in my eyes.

"What kind of problem?" Balder asks.

"Red Death..." I tell them, they both froze.

"Where is it?!" They ask together.

"I don't know. That's the problem...It...happened so fast." I reply sighing and holding my head, it was stressful not knowing where that bear went in so little time. Balder saw my worry and led me to the couch, Thuggery got me a glass of water.

"Tell us lad." Balder sat beside me. "Where's your group? Red Death...didn't get them did it?"

"No...It happened about 25 minutes ago...It showed up near the cove, began making its way in...I led it away, told the others to escape...It was following me for 15 minutes or so...then I looked back and it was just gone. I saw the light to your cabin and came here..." Hiccup explained, they both looked at me confused and in disbelief.

"You...outran Red Death yourself?" Thuggery asks. I shook my head.

"Then...how did you...?" Balder questioned.

"If I tell you, can you promise not to one, call me crazy and two, not shoot?" I look at them. They nodded. "I was...on the back of a wolf...He's...my friend. Happened two years ago, a little after I met you two...He was trapped so I set him free. Next day he came to the edge of the forest near my dad's house...We've been friends since. I know how whole pack...that pack is leading my group out safely and...the alpha, my friend is right outside..." I explain quickly.

Both went wide eyed. "You serious, you...rode on a wolf?" Thuggery blinked. I sigh getting up and going to the door, I opened it then gave a whistle. Toothless emerged and came to the the door looking at me.

"Its alright Toothless..." I assure him, Toothless came in slow as Thuggery and Balder backed up quick. "Its okay...Its alright...Don't shoot him...He won't her you, I promise..." I say as Toothless sat beside me on his back legs. "This is Toothless, alpha of his pack and my best friend...This is who helped me outrun Red Death...We led it away from the cove but now its Thor only knows where...And I need your help." I say firmly.

"What...can we do? No one can catch Red Death..." Balder says.

"Exactly. No _ONE_ can catch her. But a group working together on the other hand..." I begin as they looked at one another.

"Alright Hiccup, we're listening." Thuggery said with a nod.

"RD is too fast and too smart for one or two hunters. And even if it gets hit, as we know, it doesn't take that thing down...It escapes quick and then we lose it...But...If we corner it with a group...It will have no where to run or escape and enough bullets or tranqs should take it down..." I say.

"This is the forest, Hiccup...We can't corner it without endangering ourselves...It attacks when it sees hunters..." Balder said.

"And you said it stopped following you and your...wolf, so where do we even start looking?" Balder adds.

"I think I know where it went...I just hope I'm wrong." I say. I had a feeling where that thing went, why follow a boy and wolf it can't catch where there were 15 wolves and 15 humans running the other way who wouldn't be expecting an attack. I felt like RD knew it couldn't catch Toothless and I, so it changed course and went for the others. "Round up whatever hunters are in their cabins this weekend. Bring shot guns and tranqs...Then follow the trail to my dad's house. You know the way right?" I ask.

"We do. What are you gonna do?" Thuggery said.

"I have to run ahead with Toothless. I'll distract it or something but I can't let it reach them...So call the other hunters, and get to my dad's as fast as you can..." I say as Toothless stood know and I got on his back. "Ready for a run bud?" I ask Toothless who purred when I rubbed his head. "Then lets go." I tell him with a small smile. Toothless gave a howl as we darted off back into the night heading to dad's house. I just prayed I made it in time.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

We'd been walking now, too tired to keep running. Still hadn't broken through the forest and more concerned about Hiccup who we hadn't heard from since the cove. While walking we heard a distant howl and watched the other wolves stop and look at one another. The group of them lifted their heads and let out a group howl together. What did that mean? Was that...Toothless calling to them? Was...he okay, was Hiccup okay?! "Val...What's going on?" Stoick asked Valka. She looked at him with almost worried eyes.

"Its Hiccup...Isn't it?" Heather asked. I panicked. Stormfly now motioned for them to keep going. This was worry some, what did the wolves know that we didn't? I felt something push against my legs, looking I saw one of the younger pups pushing me to get going. I sighed looking back into the dark forest then began jogging again following the wolves with the rest of the group. After another 10 minutes, we finally broke through to Stoick's backyard all panting to catch our breath. That was brutal, so much running but we'd made it out. Stoick was first to get to large buckets and fill them with water for the wolves. He used his elbow to break the garage window and get inside since all our gear was back in the cove.

Stoick brought out water, gatorade, and powerade for the rest of us. "Man that was rough." Eret said.

I fought the urge to smack him but Heather beat me to it, "Shut up! My dear Odin above, just shut up you insufferable jackass! Running 3 miles was rough for you!? My brother is out there, outrunning a damn bear by himself! He's risking is hide for us...ALL OF US, including you jerks who did nothing by torture him!" I blinked. Go Heather! That was actually entertaining to watch and listen to.

But it didn't erase the worry about Hiccup from my mind and heart. It didn't matter if Hiccup outran that bear if it was still alive and in the forests of Berk. Until it was killed, they weren't safe. As we were all trying to rest outside in the back, our eyes stayed on the treeline, for any sign of Hiccup. Stoick had turned the back lights on while he watched closely, Valka beside him. The two officers had left, Stoick of course ordered search parties for Hiccup if he didn't return in the hour. We heard shifting in the trees and all got up hoping for Hiccup but instead...Red Death emerged growling. It stepped towards us slowly, heavy paws on the ground nearing with each step.

 **{Regular POV}**

They didn't know what to do or say. They were going to die tonight, that's all anyone thought. The bear reared back on its back legs to swipe at Stoick and Gobber who had the kids pushed behind them for safety. Then from the darkness, a black shadow emerged from the trees growling menacingly almost. "Toothless! NOW!" They all heard Hiccup's voice in the silence. They watched Toothless launch from the ground with Hiccup on his back and tackle the bear down. Hiccup was thrown off to the ground, Toothless bit the bears neck and clawed at it roughly before the bear pushed Toothless back with its paws and got on all fours again. Toothless got up growling.

"Hiccup!" Astrid and Heather cried in fear.

Hiccup coughed but forced himself up, "I'm fine! Get inside." Hiccup ordered them.

"No chance son, you can't face that thing by yourself." Stoick said firmly.

"I'm not by myself, I've got the pack." Hiccup said, "And back up is coming." He grinned. Oh that was promising. The bear roared as the wolves came in snarling and growling, the younger pups stayed back with the teens.

"Hiccup, 15 wolves and one 17 year old can't take that bear!" Astrid yelled now.

"You literally have 0 faith in me and that hurts a little, Astrid..." Hiccup mumbled. "I told you I'm not..." A pause as about 12 hunters emerged from the forest, guns out and at the ready. Some laying down with sniper rifles, some standing with shot guns or tranquilizers, others kneeling. Hiccup smiled. "Not alone and have back up. Dad, take them into the garage and get below the windows..." Hiccup said.

"Oh no ya don't lad. You get inside too!" Gobber added. The wolves had the bear surrounded, the hunters at the ready.

"No one fires until I give the word. We only get one shot at this..." Hiccup said to the hunters.

"We're on your command, Hiccup and if this works...We want you to take the reward. This is your plan." Balder told him.

"I don't care about the reward money..." He trailed off. "I care about no more innocent lives being taken, and everyone being safe again." Hiccup said. The bear roared swiping at Hiccup, he ducked down and moved off to the side.

"Hiccup please get out of there! I'm not going to lose you!" Heather cried. The bear swatted some of Toothless's pack members away, they whimpered in pain from the force. Toothless, Fang, Howler, and Skullcrusher charged in all grabbing hold of the bear with their mouths and biting down, the bear roared in pain. Howler and Skullcrusher got the bear's legs, Toothless got the bear's neck, Fang got an arm.

"Hiccup, get in the garage with us and let the hunters shoot it!" Tuffnut yelled.

"No! Get out of here!" Hiccup ordered again. Fang was thrown into a tree, he whined out. The bear swatted Skullcrusher and Howler away and Toothless got thrown down hard. "Toothless!" Hiccup said with worry. Toothless got up and nodded to Hiccup, he was alright. Hiccup's eyes narrowed. Gobber began moving people into the garage as they watched from the windows. Astrid, Heather, and Stoick were still outside. "Toothless, get your pack out of here. Get along the side of the house..." Hiccup told him. Toothless looked at him worried but gave a nod, then a howl. The wolves stopped and rushed to the side of the house, Toothless on the edge watching still.

"Hiccup what in the name of Thor are you doing!" Astrid screeched with fear, tears in her eyes still.

"Ending this..." Hiccup stood before the bear which was now on its rear legs, growling at Hiccup. "Yeah yeah, I hear ya..." Hiccup mumbled. The bear tried to swat Hiccup down but he dodged and moved towards the hunters. "Will you 3 gets inside the garage please!" Hiccup ordered, worried the three nodded and moved in the garage. "Hit the deck!" They all got below the windows, Toothless moved to the corner of the house hiding behind it with his pack. "FIRE! All at once!" Hiccup yelled.

Suddenly, it was nothing but gunfire at the bear. Thuggery stopped to reload his and tossed Hiccup a gun, "Help out sharp eye." Hiccup smiled and rolled his eyes, his 'hunter' name that Balder and Thuggery gave him even though he wasn't a hunter. Hiccup loaded the gun and fired at the bear hitting it in the shoulder, it dropped to its four legs again whimpering almost.

"Cease fire!" Hiccup called, the firing stopped. He saw the others peek out slightly and walk towards it. Hiccup approached the bear slowly still holding the gun in his hand. He saw the bear panting, it got hit a few times but was still alive otherwise. Astrid rushed over towards Hiccup, the bear suddenly got up with a roar it turned to attack Astrid with its paw ready to strike. Hiccup's eyes widened in fear as he prepared the next shot in the gun and raced around. "Move!" Hiccup pushed her out of the way, the bear began to lower its paw towards Hiccup as he lifted the gun up, closed his eyes and fired. The area fell silent.

The only sound heard was the bears heavy breathing, and Hiccup coughing weakly. Looking closer now, they saw the bear had been shot but its claws got Hiccup bad on the shoulder and across the chest. Hiccup slowly opened his eyes and saw the bear just standing there, the gun was smoking. His eyes trailed where the gun had been pointed. The bear's heart. The bear let out a groan of defeat as its eyes closed and it fell forward onto Hiccup. "Hiccup!" Astrid cried out into the silence.


	28. Awakening

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

28; Awakening.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

It happened so fast that I couldn't even process what had happened but I knew for one thing, the gun went off and Hiccup was currently trapped beneath the now dead Red Death. I laid there on the ground panting, trying to figure it out. Hiccup had told us all to take cover in the garage and get below the windows, then there was a firestorm of bullets hitting the garage but none hitting us or the wolves on the side the the house. We heard Hiccup yell cease fire, we looked and saw the bear had weakly fallen to all fours again. Joy filled us, and shock. Hiccup's plan worked, taking on so many bullets at once was no match for the evasive bear. But it was short lived because Hiccup walked towards the bear, I assume to deliver the final shot.

That's when things happened so fast. I rushed out of the garage to hug him but the bear got up again, turning to hit me. I froze in fear with wide eyes as the bear went to strike me, I heard a gun cock then Hiccup lift his arm and push me out of the way of the bear. "MOVE!" He yelled at me, I hit the ground hard. It took me a minute to recover, all anyone heard was the shotgun fire and it fell silent. The bear was breathing heavily, weakly and then there was Hiccup's coughing. From my position I could see that Hiccup's shot hit the bear's heart but the bear's claws meant for me had hit Hiccup's shoulder and chest. The gun in Hiccup's arms fell down to his side as the bear collapsed dead and fell on Hiccup.

Tears filled my eyes. "HICCUP!" I screamed out.

"Son!" I heard Stoick call out, looking behind me I saw Stoick rushing up with fear, as did Heather and the others. They all stopped reaching the dead bear. All we saw from under the mighty bear was Hiccup's hand, partially open and not moving. The hunters walked forward slowly, then Toothless rushed in whimpering using his head to try and move the bear. Fang, Skullcrusher, and Howler tried to help too but it was next to useless. The bear was just too big and heavy.

"Lets help out! Hiccup could still be alive!" Thuggery called to the hunters. They dropped their weapons and took a position on the bear trying to push it. Gobber joined in, then shockingly Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur. Stoick was last.

"Alright, on 3..." Balder said. Heather helped me up and pulled me back out of the way. I had been so afraid that I couldn't move on my own. "1...2...3!" Balder yelled and on that queue all of them pushed the bear hard, grunting and panting but the bear's massive body began to shift slightly in a roll. Once it was up enough, I could see Hiccup's body but no signs of him being awake.

"Arg...Its no good! We can't move it all the way!" Thuggery growled almost. Toothless and fang moved from their positions and bit into Hiccup's pants or sleeve and dragged him out. The others dropped the bear panting hard. Toothless whined nudging Hiccup's face but there was no movement from him. The bleeding on Hiccup's chest was bad, Snotlout took his sweater off and placed it over the wound pressing hard to stop the bleeding. Stoick rushed over to his knees and checked for a pulse, tears fell from the chief's eyes.

"I've got a pulse!" Stoick called out through his tears. Hope reignited in my heart hearing that. "It's weak though...We don't have a lot of time." Stoick pulled his phone out, dialing 9-1-1. "This is chief Stoick Haddock, I need an ambulance at 418 Fury Lane now!...This is an emergency, my son got attacked by Red Death. He's got a weak pulse...I want that ambulance here in 5 minutes or less!" The chief ordered, then he hung up the phone. We all sat there in fear of Hiccup surviving. Thuggery came over and took the gun from Hiccup's hands, slinging it over his shoulder.

"Nice work sharp eye...You did it. You took Red Death Down..." Thuggery smiled a bit.

"Don't you worry son, Hiccup's a strong lad. He'll be alright..." Balder put his hand on Thuggery's shoulder comfortingly. We already heard sirens in the background. I was on my knees stroking Hiccup's cheek lightly, crying still.

"You idiot...Why'd you do that for me..." I whimpered.

"Because he loves ya lass...Why would any man put themselves in harms way if not to protect the woman he loves." Said one of the other hunters.

"He could of died protecting me..." I cried.

"He could of died protecting all of you...That's why he led Red Death away so you could escape..." Thuggery added.

"He won't die...Not Hiccup...He's too stubborn." Heather tried to smile as she moved some of Hiccup's hair from in front of his eyes. Valka came over and laid beside Hiccup's still form whimpering.

"Don't worry, Val...I won't let him die, I promise you that." Stoick said reaching over to rub the wolf's head, she purred into it.

"Someone will be coming to remove the bear...And get Hiccup's information so he can collect the reward money." One of the hunters stated putting his phone away.

"Thank you men for coming to help my son..." Stoick said.

"Hiccup is an old friend of all of us. We see him all the time in the forest, he's a good kid, always going to the cove. Keeping it stocked for us after a long trip if it was too dark to get back to our cabins. He's spent many nights with us until about 10pm, then gets home before you do chief. The wolves led him through the forest." Said one, we all looked up and blinked. They knew about Toothless's pack.

"What? You think we didn't know?" Smiled another one.

"Hey, my son and I didn't even know until tonight." Balder interjected.

"We always saw the black one, Toothless I think he calls it. It scared us at first but seeing them interact was amazing so we let it be, he was safe." Added one with a shrug. The ambulance arrived and paramedics rushed into the backyard with the bed. Snotlout was forced to move as the medics worked on cutting off Hiccup's shirt to get at the wound, I bit back seeing how bad it actually was. It wasn't so much deep as it was long and going across the top left shoulder to the right side of his lower stomach.

"Is he...going to make it?" I heard Heather ask.

"He will lass...Won't know how long until he wakes up until we get him to the hospital though, or the recovery time." Said one medic as the wrapped the wounds the best they could before lifting him carefully onto the bed and wheeling it towards the ambulance.

"I will meet you there." Stoick told the medic talking to him. They nodded and left with Hiccup towards the hospital. "You kids should call your parents and be getting home. Astrid...You're welcome to ride with Heather and I to the hospital and wait for an update on Hiccup..." He adds. I only managed thankful nod to him.

"You ride ahead Stoick, I'll wait here with the kids for their parents to get them." Gobber says next.

"Thank you, Gobber." Stoick nodded as Heather, him, and myself now headed for Stoick's cruiser car in the garage. "The wolves can stay too, there should be some steaks in the garage fridge. I doubt Toothless there will go far until he knows that Hiccup is okay." Gobber nodded as soon we were off following the ambulance with the cruiser lights on. All I worried about was Hiccup being okay, and how long he'd be out for.

 **{Regular POV}**

"Wow...I can't believe Hiccup took down Red Death..." Eret said still astonished by what happened.

"I always had a feeling it'd be that lad. He's got sharp eyes, and a sharper mind which as any good hunters knows is the strongest weapon anyone can have." Balder chuckled a bit.

"And he just became a multi-millionaire too. The reward was a million after the first 12 deaths back in February...Now its up to 5. I just checked it online, every time that bear killed someone...The victims family would add to the reward money." Said Thuggery with a smile.

"Well we best be getting back to our cabins. We'll go to the cove too and get everyone's gear from it, we'll bring it here and you kids can collect it at your leisure." Said one hunter with the tip of his hat. Soon all the hunters began moving back through the forest to their cabins. Thuggery and Balder stayed though, wanting to wait on an update on Hiccup's condition. It didn't take long for parents to arrive for Snotlout, Eret, Cami, Thora, Dagur, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut. Gobber explained what happened and parents said to give Stoick their prayers for Hiccup to have a speedy recovery, and thanks to Hiccup for protecting their kids.

When that was done, Gobber called Alvin the principal to let him know what happened. Alvin actually ended up showing up to Stoick's with Gobber's car then Gobber, Thuggery, Balder, and Alvin went to the hospital after Gobber fed the wolves and left more water for them.

(Hospital)

They all just sat around waiting for an update, it had been a good hour and a half before the doctor came out of the emergency room doors with a heavy sigh. Stoick, Heather, and Astrid were up first with worry. "Doctor!...How is my son?" Stoick asked quickly.

"He's alive, chief. And lucky to be, that bear cut any deeper and it could have been his heart or lungs. He made it through surgery fine, no complications. He's pretty banged up. Scratches, bruising, 2 cracked ribs on the left side, 1 broken one on the right. I estimate his body's recover shouldn't be more than a few weeks or so. The claw wound however needed quite a few stitches. It wasn't deep so it should heal around the same time as his body does." The doctor explained.

"And his...unconscious state?" Thuggery asked.

"He's...comatose right now. Unfortunately, I cannot ever say how long that will take to recover from. Some range from days to months...and...if bad enough...to years. We did scans, he hit his head a few times but the most damage was done when the bear fell on him. I want to estimate a month at worst, a week at best. But as I said, there is no way of knowing." The doctor shrugged shaking his head.

"As long as he is alive, we'll wait however long it takes for him to wake up." Stoick adds.

"I suspected as much. I'll take you to his recovery room if you like. He's on an IV for pain, antibiotics, also as a just in case, he's on an oxygen machine. His breathing was a bit labored and shallow during surgery." The doctor said. They all nodded now as the doctor scanned his badge and opened the ER doors and led them inside to Hiccup's room. In the room they saw his laying there as still as could be, the breathing mask over his mouth and nose, IV in his arm, covered from by the blanket up to his waist, wearing a hospital gown of course. Heather and Astrid were first to his side, each taking one of his hands being careful of wires and trying to control their tears.

Stoick stayed back by the foot of the bed while the Alvin, Gobber, Thuggery, and Balder moved towards the window leaning against it quietly. "My brave boy..." Stoick whispered.

"You idiot..." Heather cried a bit.

"It was...my job to save you, not you save me..." Astrid kissed his hand. It hurt that he was comatose and couldn't respond to them.

"It's gonna be a long recovery for him..." Alvin sighed.

"But he'll pull though. He's Hiccup...He's...too strong to let this stop him. He's going places...Don't know where yet but the lad is going places for sure." Gobber offered a smile. They all just stood around in the room until visiting hours were over at 9pm. After that, they had to leave. Gobber took Alvin back to the school so he could get his car and go home, then Gobber of course did the same. Stoick took Heather and Astrid to his house, Astrid was spending the night. Upon arriving there they saw not just the wolves but all their camping gear too. Stoick told Valka and Toothless about Hiccup's condition, after all that. Everyone went to bed. The wolves stayed out back in the grass, so ended a very long night.

(The Next Day)

 **{Astrid's POV}**

After a long night, Heather and I were up around 7:30am sitting at the kitchen table with Stoick and our breakfast. We'd both spent the night in Hiccup's room actually on his floor with pillows from his bed and the comforter. We put it all back together when we woke up. As soon as 8:30am hit, the other students from the trip arrived to get their things and Alvin came to get the school property. Then at 9am we were headed back to the hospital, surprisingly with us was Fishlegs, Tuffnut, Ruffnut, Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur came too. Snotlout brought Ruffnut and Tuffnut. Dagur brought Eret and Fishlegs in their cars to the hospital. I rode with Heather and Stoick again.

Arriving there, we all made our way to Hiccup's room again. Like the night before, he was still laying their motionless. The doctor informed us upon arrival that Hiccup was experiencing REM or Restless Eye Movement meaning he was remembering something but still unconscious, also his brainwaves showed he was aware of things and responding to touch and sound. That was good, the doctor told us it meant Hiccup might not be comatose for long, that was better news that what we expected. As soon as it was my turn to sit with him, I held his hand sighing.

"Hi Hiccup...Its me, Astrid..." I trailed off not knowing what to say. "When you wake up...I hope you know I'm going to hit you for what you pulled...You could of killed yourself...Then what would I do? You have to wake up...You promised me you'd come back to me...And I know...Haddock's don't break their word, so don't you be the first." I try to laugh now. My thumb stroked the back of his hand softly. "You can't be out for too long...We still have the play to do, and graduation...And prom...if you want to go with me..." I kissed his hand now. "I love you, Hiccup...Please wake up soon..."

What else could I say besides that? There were a lot of people in the room who wanted to see him so I had to keep it short for now. Thank Thor it was only Saturday. Everyone got their chance to visit him, then around lunch time the twins, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Eret, and Dagur had left leaving just Stoick, Heather, and myself again. We all hated this waiting game, waiting for Hiccup to wake up but we had too.

(4 Days Later)

As much as we hadn't wanted to, or I hadn't wanted too...I was forced to go to school when Monday came around again. Heather too apparently, and Stoick to work. We all just wanted to wait for Hiccup to wake up but couldn't sit around in the hospital until he did so. School was boring, so was play rehearsals. That was supposed to air in 3 weeks now, Mr. Bretson was worried Hiccup might not be able to perform even if he did wake up. There were a lot of issues with comatose patients. Hiccup's body still needed to heal, and when he woke up we worried if he'd be up to performing, or if he'd have memory problems. There were too many questions and no answers until Hiccup woke up. I was going with Heather to visit Hiccup after school let out.

(End Of Day)

Turned out we all ended up having the same idea because Ruff, Tuff, Eret, Dagur, Snotlout, and Fishlegs were following us from school to the hospital. It was fine with me, I didn't care. It was actually nice to see the 3 who gave Hiccup so much trouble coming to visit him after he saved all our lives. I know Thuggery and Balder had been by to see him too, they left a bullet there. The one that was taken out of the bear's heart, with a note that said, _"For you, Sharp Eye. The bullet that took down Red Death, though you might like to have it. Hope you wake up soon my friend. You're always welcome on our hunting team and in our home. Hit us up when you recover. -Thug and Bal"._ It was sweet of them. And still a shock to us that Hiccup knew hunters, all of them and were friends with them.

Arriving, we all signed in and went to Hiccup's room. As like always, he was just laying there. It saddened me to see it never change in the last week. As usual, Heather took one side holding Hiccup's hand and I took the other. The others just kind of stood around watching in silence. "It sucks he hasn't woke up yet..." Eret mumbled.

"What do you care anyway?" Heather asked, yeah she still hated them. I wasn't fond of them either.

"Well he did save our lives..." Snotlout said.

"Oh so that's an excuse to suddenly stop torturing him? What you want to be his friend now because he nearly saving your asses?" I ask coldly.

"We wanted to be his friend before he nearly died...Since the forest trail when he showed us the traps we almost walked into..." Eret said.

"And knowing Hiccup...He'll probably forgive them, he's not the type to hold very long grudges..." Fishlegs retorted.

"That's true...He forgave his dad, me, Astrid..." Tuffnut added nodding. We all sighed heavily. Hiccup wasn't one to hold grudges at all. He wasn't one to hate anyone, regardless of what happened to him. Then in the silence, we heard a groan. All our eyes snapped to Hiccup's form, his head moved slightly to the side.

"Hiccup?" Heather asked quickly with wide eyes. Hiccup's eyes began to flutter open, another groan.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Gods everything hurt. _Beep. Beep. Beep._ Wait...am I in the hospital again? I heard muffled voices, but they steadily became cleared as I listened. "It sucks he hasn't woken up yet." That was Eret's voice. Why the heck was he here? "Why do you care anyway?" That was Heather's, I'd know it anywhere. "Well he did save our lives..." Snotlout was here too. Oh just kill me now. Then I'd heard Astrid's voice, that was a relief...she was alright. I heard Eret's remark about wanting to be my friend since I led them through the trails? What?! Forgive them? Did they think the years of torture I endured from them could just be forgiven because I'd forgiven everyone else?

I paused a moment. Yeah, I probably would. Life was too short to stay mad over meaningless shit, those guys realized I was nothing like what they teased me about, they saw the real me and thought I was cool or whatever. What did they mean I hadn't woken up yet? It was still...Friday right? I know I went unconscious after RD fell on me but...How long had I been out?! Groaning, I turned my head a bit and tried to open my eyes.

"Hiccup?" I heard Heather said in shock. Finally, I got them open and blinked a few times to adjust to the light.

"H-Hey..sis..." I forced out with a weak smile, she instantly hugged me crying. I ignored the pain a felt and hugged her back.

"Oh my Gods! You're awake! Oh thank Odin!" Heather exclaimed crying now. Evidently...I missed a lot if this is the reaction I got to waking up.


	29. Show Night

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

 **[Authors Note:** _Hey everyone. Sorry for the delay in chapters. My work week was horrible and I had no time to write. My schedule next week is looking about as hectic too but I'll do my best for ya. Sorry again! Enjoy the chapter!]_

29; Show Night.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

We'd all been sitting in Hiccup's hospital room. Literally, all of us. Even Snotlout, Dagur, and Eret were there. We hadn't been fond of this idea but evidently they drove Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Fishlegs with them. The three main bullies of Hiccup actually said they wanted to be Hiccup's friend, we joked saying he'd never forgive them but then we honestly thought about and Hiccup probably would forgive them just like he'd forgiven his father and me after all we did so chances were in their favor that Hiccup would forgive them in time. Though it was still shocking to find that they realized Hiccup wasn't a loser suddenly and wanted to be his friend. Amazing what saving their lives from an elusive bear would do do the state of mine and view of a person.

Things had fallen silent for a few minutes after a group sigh, then we heard a groan. We looked at one another for a moment before realizing it hadn't come from us. Our eyes slowly turned on Hiccup whose brows were furrowed a bit as his head was moving to the right a bit slowly, another grown eliciting from his throat. Heather held his hand with concern, when he opened his eyes I'd never felt more relief. He looked around confused at first, wondering why he was in the hospital. Heather hugged him tightly, thanking the Gods he was finally awake. I was too, he'd been out for 4 days almost. It was a little emotional to see Hiccup hug Heather back and say "Hey sis." Same old Hiccup, that was good.

They broke from the hug as Heather wiped her eyes, Hiccup's eyes fell on me now as a soft smile graced his lips. "There's my angel..." He laughed a bit, as I tried not to cry while my hand found his hand and held it softly.

"If anyone is the angel here, its you Hiccup...You saved us." Ruffnut chuckled.

"I did what anyone would do." Hiccup remarked.

"Yeah...Any crazy person. I wouldn't of gone up against a bear...Especially not the bear formally known as Red Death." Eret said.

"Shut up, Eret..." I snapped at him rolling my eyes and looking back to Hiccup. "How do you feel?" I ask softer now.

"My head is killing me, my body is sore, and I'm tired...Was I out a few hours or something?" Hiccup asked.

"A few hours? Pfft. Try 4 days man." Tuffnut smiled. Hiccup's eyes widened.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

4 days? 4 days! I was out for 4 days? What?! I hadn't been that injured had I been? "I'm gonna go call dad and let him know you're up finally, and tell the doctor." Heather said as she kissed my forehead then pulled her phone out and exited the room to call our father. I was still processing I'd been unconscious for 4 days. Well that explained why Heather got so emotional when I evidently woke up. I sighed closing my eyes. "Are you in any pain?" Astrid asked me.

"A little but not much. Is...everyone else okay?" I asked looking around.

"We're all...fine. Thanks to you, Hiccup." Fishlegs nodded.

"Toothless...Gods, how's Toothless?" I asked quickly.

"He's with his pack in the forest again. Your...mom is staying in the backyard at your dad's last I heard." Astrid replied, I relaxed a little. Good. They were alright. I closed my eyes and tried to shift in the bed to sit up more but my chest and stomach hurt. I cringed a little but eventually got up and stared around the room and saw everyone there. Heather now returned smiling softly.

"Dad is on his way, isn't he?" I ask her, she nodded. Great. I honestly just wanted to eat, then go back to sleep. The doctor came in smiling now. Shockingly enough, it was doctor Blackwood. I thought he was just a doctor treating emergency suicidal patients. "Hey doc. Fancy seeing you here again..." I greet him.

"Hello again, Hiccup. I'm pleased to hear you are awake, gave us quite a scare there." Doctor Blackwood smiled at me.

"Sorry...If you don't mind me asking, why are you here? Psychiatric hospital said you only come down here for suicidal patients who tried to kill themselves..." I ask gently.

"Well normally that's true but since I've worked with you before and know your medical history they thought I'd be better suited to make sure you're recovering alright." Doctor Blackwood stated to me.

"You're gonna ask me all those questions again to make sure I didn't lose my memory, aren't you?" I sigh.

"Standard protocol lad. You wanna whip them out again?" He asked, I shrugged. "Whenever you're ready."

"Hiccup Haddock the Third. February 29th, 1999. 17 years old. Senior at Berk High School. Son of Stoick and Valka Haddock, twin brother of Heather Haddock. Blood type O negative. And I'm here because I took on Red Death, got clawed across the chest and stomach, shot it then it fell on me." I list off.

"Well I'm not worried about your memory. Seems pretty in tact to me, but I'm concerned about your mental state. You took on a bear, in full knowledge of what you were doing. That tends to fall in the reckless endangerment category meaning you knew it was dangerous and could cost you your life but you did it anyway." Dr. Blackwood stated.

"My mental state is currently stable. I knew what I was doing, and it fell under sacrifice. I would of rather lost one life, rather than 16. I'm fine, doc. Seriously, I don't want to end my life or cut anymore. Haven't since I left the psychiatric hospital..." I sigh.

"I'm glad to hear such son. But I still have to worry, you were willing to give up your life. I can't release you until I know those urges are gone. You weren't stable a 2 weeks ago, you admitted yourself, and now you're back in the hospital for going toe to toe with a bear willingly." Doctor Blackwood reminded.

"Then run an eval on me but I assure you that I am fine. Yeah I was willing to give up my life, but it was to save the lives of many. I don't see the issue here, a soldier doesn't need an eval when he or she joins the army knowing the risk of dying in battle. I am no different. A soldier can die in battle protecting the people they care about, why can I not do the same. That bear would of killed all of them, all 16. Another 16 campers dead doc. I told you, I don't want to die, or hurt myself. I just did what I felt was necessary. I did admit myself...Because I wanted to avoid cutting or trying to kill myself, I wanted help. So I got it...I think that should count for something..." I retort.

"I suppose that's true too...Alright, I'll release you. After I check your wounds." The doctor said putting his clipboard down, as I sat forward and we lifted off the top part of hospital shirt. Once it was off the stitches were in plain sight, not that I minded. I didn't care who saw it. However...my cutting scars were still there and I felt the stares on them. I sighed as the doctor checked over my shoulder, chest, and stomach, then of course my wrists. "Those are healing nicely."

"A few weeks will do that to ya. So am I clear to go?" I asked.

"I'll start the discharge paperwork and send the nurse in to disconnect the IV's and monitors." Dr. Blackwood said as he got his clipboard and headed out the door. I sighed in relief, thank Thor that was over. Not more than a moment later, the nurse came in to disconnect the IV's, and other things connected to the blood pressure, and heart monitors. Finally I could move freely again.

"Alright, Mr. Haddock...Nice and slow. Don't need those reopening..." The nurse instructed.

"Yeah yeah, I got it." I mumble.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Once more, I watched Hiccup give the doctor all the information about himself to prove he hadn't lost his memory. I wasn't surprised at all, nothing about Hiccup surprised me anymore. Than I listened as the doctor began to call Hiccup's mental state into question since Hiccup willingly went toe to toe with the bear knowing how dangerous it was and almost lost his life. But Hiccup proved the doctor wrong a second time and the doctor agreed to release him as long as his wounds were alright. So there we were all watching as the top part of Hiccup's hospital shirt was taken off leaving him shirtless and Thor help me but he was so hot even with the stitches. I felt my face heat up staring at Hiccup's upper half.

Muscular arms, and pecks. Broad shoulders, 4 pack abs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Snotlout, Dagur, and Eret's eyes open in shock that Hiccup was pretty built for a twig, or so we though he was. Hiccup hid a lot under those baggy shirts and sweaters. Thor almighty, then we noticed the old cuts on his arms. Most were scars now but still a few from a few weeks ago that were scabbed over and beginning to scar. I knew those were from Hiccup's suicide attempt that I stopped him from carrying through. The doctor said he'd release Hiccup and I breathed in relief. The nurse came in to get the IV's out, and other things too then Hiccup swung his legs over the bed with his hands on the edge taking a few breaths.

"Careful Hiccup..." I say gently.

"I can handle it..." Hiccup said as the nurse linked her arms under Hiccup's and slowly he put his feet down on the tile floor and balanced easily, he did cringe but only took a few deep breaths. The nurse moved away carefully to let Hiccup stand on his own, it took him a minute but of course he managed.

"Alright there, Mr. Haddock...doctor needs you to take a few steps towards me to make sure you can move without the morphine help and no be in unbearable amounts of pain." The nurse said.

"I know..." Hiccup sighs. The rest of us were staying silent as we watched Hiccup take a few steps towards the nurse. He moved really slow at first, hissing at the pain and legs wobbling from being inactive for 4 days but after the first 5 he got it down no problem.

"Scale of 1 to 10, how bad is the pain?" The nurse questions him.

"6 but manageable." Hiccup replies. I was relieved, he was okay. Alive and okay so that was alright by me. The nurse nods as she then leaves the room just as Stoick walks in.

"My boy...Thank Thor. I got here as soon as I could after your sister called me." Stoick says relieved as well but other wise didn't hug Hiccup remembering to still give him his space.

"Ya didn't need to rush dad...Doctor is just doing my discharge paperwork now..." Hiccup yawned.

"S-so soon? You just woke up..." Stoick said a little surprised.

"I hate hospitals...I'm not gonna lay in here recovering when I can do the very same at home. I'm awake, stitched up, and can move without much pain so I'm not gonna stay here..." Hiccup replied.

"Are you coming back to school too?" Eret asks.

"Maybe after the weekend...Dad, on the way home can we stop at Gobber's...I wanna get my things from there..." Hiccup said. Heather and Stoick blinked.

"Wait...you're...coming back to the house?" Stoick asked. Hiccup nodded.

"I hate not being close to Toothless and I can't always see him from Gobber's place...I'm ready to come home again..." Hiccup replied. I swear Stoick was going to cry hearing that. Hiccup put his arms out, "Alright come on...I know you want to hug me so lets go. Just don't crush me...Still a twig over here." Hiccup offered a smile. Stoick carefully hugged Hiccup.

"And I am sorry for everything in the last 3 years, Hiccup...I promise I'll be a better father to you. I'm so thankful you're alright and coming home...You scared us." Stoick sighed.

"I know you are...That's why I forgave you dad." Hiccup said as the two broke from the hug when the doctor came in with his discharge paperwork. Stoick signed them as Hiccup was told to take it easy and given an oral pain killer for the next two weeks or so. Hiccup was allowed to return to school on Monday, thankfully. Stoick brought him a change of clothes so we all waited out in the room while Hiccup changed. He came out moments later dressed in black jeans, black and white skater shoes, and a shirt with a wolf howling at a moon on it, also his standard zip up hooded sweater. "Lets go home." Hiccup smiled. With that we all did.

(Show Night)

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

Finally it was show night. The night of the Beauty and the Beast play that we'd all worked our asses off on for the last like 3 months. The show began at 6:30, right now it was only 5pm and all there to make sure everything would run smooth. I'd been living back at dad's with Heather again, it honestly felt great too. As soon as I called for Toothless once getting home, he apparently hadn't been far. He was whimpering and whining as soon as he saw me, the rest of the back was excited and relieved too. It felt good to be so welcomed. I did relax all weekend, and return to school on Monday. Catching up wasn't dreadfully hard. Everything was back to normal almost except I didn't hate my life anymore. The only thing I'd yet to change was my relationship status with Astrid.

I liked her. I loved her. And I wanted to be with her officially but I'd yet to ask her out and didn't know why I was hesitating either. I ended up forgiving Eret, Snotlout, and Dagur but told them like with my dad they would have to give my space for a little while. They had to prove they were sorry and actually wanted to be my friend for genuine friendship and not just because I took down a rare bear by risking my own hide. They agreed so the last few weeks of school they've been nice to me, asking how I'm doing, if there was anything they could do for me. It actually got annoying have so many people want to be my friend.

On a brighter side of things, I was now a multi-millionaire. The amount on that bear's head was 5 million dollars, and that money was in my bank account by Tuesday morning following my awakening. It was kind of a nice feeling but then again it only drew more attention to me at school. Now I wondered if people wanted to be my friend for me or because I had money and was apparently considered one of the popular kids now which was sad considering about 3 weeks ago, I had wanted to kill myself and everyone made fun of me for any reason at all they could find. Mom, or Valka wolf was staying at the house now. Dad had her legally domesticated with shots and everything in order for us to keep her. He offered to do the same with the other wolves but I told him not too. They were wild wolves and though Toothless was my best friend, I didn't need him domesticated to hang out with him.

I still needed to talk to Astrid about things. Our last two talks ended with me yelling at her over everything but I knew now that regardless of all that...I still loved her. She was still the same Angel I'd met the first time I called that hotline and Astrid never changed who she was. I just never put it together and she wasn't allowed to tell me until after she quit her job. So while we had time before the show started, I was going to pull her aside so we could talk. I took a deep breath and approached her, she was already in costume. The one with the blue dress and white apron, but she hadn't done her hair yet. "Astrid..." I began.

She faced me now smiling softly. "Hi Hiccup. Ready for tonight?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'll be gad when it's over. I was...actually hoping we could talk." I said rubbing the back of my head.

"Sure. I've got a few minutes before hair and make-up." Astrid smiled at me.

"I mean...just us talking..." I say again, she blinked a bit and nodded. The two of us moved from behind backstage and out the auditorium door. The drama room was thankfully open and empty of students, most of them were all back or on stage preparing.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Astrid asks me.

"Well...just everything that happened before the camping trip and right before the Red Death..." I begin slowly. I saw her face turn to worry. "I know...a lot happened. With you being Angel, me yelling at you, admitting myself for 6 days, then the trip and me yelling at you again, finally what happened just before I took off with Toothless to distract the Red Death..." I sigh.

"Hiccup...you...don't have to explain anything. I understand why you were so upset with me. I don't hold it against you." Astrid replied gently.

"No its...not that Astrid. I know you understand why I was upset." I took a deep breath. "Astrid, I meant...every word I said that night." I saw her eyes widen. "I didn't just say it because fear of dying or caught in the moment. I meant what I said about...being glad you saved me, and learning the truth of who Angel really was. And I meant what I said when I said I love you. The only thing I was scared of when Red Death showed up in the cove...Was losing you and not having you to come back too. Astrid I love you, I really do and I want to be with you. Just like we had said when you were talking to me as Angel...We don't have to hide anymore. You don't work there, I'm not...suicidal anymore...We've met finally and...I want to be with you...If you'll have me." Hiccup said.

Astrid's eyes widened, and tears brimmed them. I watched Astrid's facial reactions, wondering what she was thinking about after I'd said all I did. I really had meant it, and hoped she'd agree to be with me. If not then I don't know what I'd do. Sure I'd stay alive but I'd be pretty upset if after all this she still hadn't wanted to be with me. Finally, I saw her smile. "Of course I'll have you, Hiccup. I love you too, and that was my fear..not having you return to me. And then when you pushed me out of the way...Hiccup's I haven't been that scared since I got that voicemail at the hotline...And I never want to be that scared again..." Astrid said softly.

I put my finger under her chin and lifted it so our eyes would meet. " You won't have to be. I'm yours, Astrid. As long as you'll have me, I am yours." I tell her, she let those tears fall freely as we shared a small kiss. "I feel only right asking formally but...Will you be my girlfriend, Astrid and my date to prom in two weeks?" I ask smiling.

"Yes to both, Hiccup. I'd be honored to be your girlfriend and prom date." Astrid giggled. Another kiss and we were locked in a tight embrace with one another. Our friends found us and we separated.

"What's up guys?" I ask.

"Mr. Bretson wants all leads on stage for a quick run through before showtime." Snotlout said.

"We're coming." Astrid nodded.

"What are you two doing back here alone?" Heather asked now.

"Making things official." Astrid blushed. Our friends blinked at the comment. "You are all a bunch of perverts. I meant Hiccup was asking me to be his girlfriend and prom date. I said yes." Astrid rolled her eyes. The others let out a sigh of relief almost but nodded. After that, we all returned to stage for a run through of things before the show started in an hour and a half.

 **{Regular POV}**

6:30pm at last. Time for the play to begin. Stoick, Gobber, even Thuggery and his dad, Balder showed up to watch it. Mr. Bretson was off to the left side to give queues and an introduction of the play. The rest were in costume ready for the first scenes which would be how the beast became the beast. Mr. Bretson walked out with the mic in hand. "Hello hello family and friends of our drama students. Tonight you will get to see what months of hard work will do, and get to witness a tale as old as time with Beauty and the Beast. We hope you'll enjoy!" With that, the lights dimmed and things began. The opening of the play went perfectly, then it moved into the town scene with the first musical number of "Belle". So far there weren't any problems. They all hoped it stayed that way.

Almost an hour in and still things were perfect. Hiccup and Astrid were the main focus of the play being it was about beast and Belle falling in love with one another, the others were pretty active too. When the scenes got to Beast releasing Belle as his prisoner, the crowd went wild with his roaring effect. There had been a short intermission for 30 minutes before things picked up again, starting with Belle back in her hut taking care of her father. Still all was perfect in the play, and things were of course emotional during the scenes where Beast died for a whole 3 minutes, then the transformation took place.

That had been fun to practice because they used cables to give Hiccup the floating effect and lights in his costume to make it appear him reverting back to human. They integrated the stage curtain during the transformation that way Hiccup's beast costume actually was removed piece by piece and ended with him in the white shirt and black pants. The scene between the two was perfect, checking the crowd they saw people tearing up and wiping their eyes. What made the kiss so much better was that it was a real kiss, not an acting one. Things ended with them swirling around the dance floor while the rest of the actors and actresses were singing the end of beauty and the beast while it faded to black. Everything went perfectly, the crowd erupted into applause while everyone returned on stage to take a bow. It had been a next to perfect night. Hiccup and Astrid were finally together and neither of them could wait for prom.


	30. No Words

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

30; No Words.

Things since the night of the play were incredible for Hiccup. He never imagined he could be so happy and at peace with how things were. Living at home again, his father being amazing towards him and Heather, his mother the wolf living among them made it seem like thing never changed in the Haddock household. Hiccup was still going to therapy with Tuffnut once a week, both of them were actually doing better. Hiccup's depression still had some remnants but only because the pain carried on for so long, 3 years. But now having friends and family, depression for him barely reared its ugly head and dragged Hiccup down. There were still nightmares about things but he got through them with Astrid's and Heather's help.

Hiccup and Astrid were doing fabulous in their relationship, they loved how it felt to be so in love with one another and not had to hide anymore. No one was against it, not even Astrid's parents. They saw each other everyday leading up to prom where the girls meaning Heather, Ruffnut, Camicazi, Thora, and Kari essentially kidnapped her for a spa day. Hiccup got stuck with Fishlegs, Tuffnut, Dagur, Eret, and Snotlout at Hiccup's house. Because of the prom being that Friday night, they had all gotten half a day at school. Stoick was working and Gobber was still at school because he had workshop class with the underclassmen. Only seniors got half a day.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I was relaxing in my room, laying on the bed while the other guys just chatted it up. I had forgiven everyone fully now, even the 3 guys who had been bullying me since 7th grade. We were all friends now, not super close but friends nevertheless. I was actually a little tired and mom was laying at the foot of the bed, my eyes were closed and I honestly was nearly asleep when I felt Tuffnut poking me. "I swear to Thor if you poke me again I will break it off and shove it up your ass." I mumbled opening one eyes.

"Yeesh, you are still awake." Tuffnut said pulling his finger back.

"Of course I am." I reply sitting up slowly and stretching.

"Well you looked like you were asleep. We got prom in 2 hours. Ya tired or something?" Snotlout asked.

"A little." I shrug yawning. They were all either siting on the floor, edge of the bed, my computer chair, or desk chair. "I'm fine though." I smile now.

"Long as you say so bro." Eret remarked. "I can't wait to see what Ruff looks like tonight." He sighed out.

"Right, I can't wait to see Kari. I'm still shocked she agreed to go with me." Snotlout added nodded.

"They agreed because you guys turned yourselves around and stopped being major dickwads." Tuffnut chuckled.

"Hey, watch it." Dagur grumbled.

"He's kind'a got a point. Thora, Cami, and even Kari never even looks your guys' way until you stopped being jerks to everyone." Fishlegs shrugged in agreement. I couldn't help but chuckle, it was true. When they turned around and stopped being bullies, they became I guess attractive to others. The pairs for tonight were Astrid and myself, Heather and Fishlegs, Snotlout and Kari, Eret and Ruffnut, Tuffnut and Thora, then finally Dagur and Camicazi. I knew for a fact that Ruffnut had a major crush on Eret, as well my sister liking Fishlegs a lot. So it was nice to see them both getting closer. I knew Fishlegs would never hurt my sister, especially after seeing what I did to Snotlout...Twice now. I glanced down to mom, it was still weird to accept that my mother was reincarnation to a wolf and was fully aware of who she was and used to be. But there was no denying it.

I saw her perk her head up and look towards the window. "What's the matter mom?" I ask her. She got up and put her paws on the sill facing the woods. "Something up?" She whimpered now. I got up and looked out the window, was something wrong?

"Whats up with her? She gotta go out?" Tuffnut asked.

"No idea. Come on mom, get down. I'll take ya outside." I said getting off the bed now and opening the bedroom door and she rushed out, I followed and then my friends followed me. Mom rushed into the forest when out, I stopped at the forest edge. Something wasn't right here, why would she just bolt off like that? Oh well, she'd come back. While I'm out here, I might as well visit Toothless. I cupped my hands over my mouth and gave a howl into the forest.

"I still think that is the coolest thing..." Snotlout said. After a minute, there was a return howl then Toothless bounded out of the forest tackling me down.

"Hehe, hey bud. I've missed you too." I rub his head after hitting the ground hard. He purred softly letting me up, I left my shirt and checked my wounds. They were mostly healed but still had to watch the stitches for another few weeks yet but I was okay for prom and dancing as long as I didn't do anything daring or stupid and those we my father's exact words too. I chuckled a bit, was pretty funny actually. But all in all, life was great. I loved everything and it amazed me that in just a few short weeks since my suicide attempt everything had gotten better for me.

An hour passed and Tooth returned to the forest with his pack who had come to visit as well, mom returned after 15 minutes. I assume she was just going to the bathroom or whatever. It was actually funny, like my bond with Toothless...the others, even the girls were somewhat bonded to the other wolves. Snotlout and Fang were pretty close, Heather and Windshear were too. The twins Ruff and Tuff were close to Simba and Scar. Astrid was very close with Stormfly and I knew that because Stormfly actually let Astrid ride her. Dad was good with Skullcrusher, Camicazi was pretty close with Rain, Kari with Cloud, Thora with Sapphire. Fishlegs I wanted to say was getting pretty close with Hunter and Gobber was content with Howler.

It was pretty interesting to see how a group of friends and a pack of wild wolves came together so easily, as if it was meant to be that way. None of us minded. Now with an hour til prom, we knew it was time to get ready. We all returned inside, the guys had brought their tuxes over earlier after we were dismissed early from the school. I decided to be nice and rent a limo that would come get us, then go to Ruffnut's house to pick up the girls. Also parents were meeting there to take pictures. Goody for us right?

(An Hour Later)

 **{Regular POV}**

Finally it was time for prom, well in about 30 minutes it would be. All the guys were dressed and waiting downstairs in the Thorston's living room with other parents as the girls made their way down the stairs. Flashes of cameras were going off as the guy's mouths hung open or eyes widened seeing how their dates looked. Hiccup was lost in the beauty of Astrid, she really did live up to her name of Divine Beauty. Ruffnut, being it was her parent's house had been first. Then Heather, Astrid, Cami, Thora, and Kari in that order too. For the guys in line it was Dagur, Snotlout, Hiccup, Eret, Fishlegs, and Tuffnut.

Each girl made her way towards their date. Fishlegs greeted Heather with a kiss on her hand, Eret kissed Ruffnut's cheek, and of course Hiccup didn't hold back giving Astrid a light kiss on the lips. The other guys just gave a small bow to be respectful. The guys gave their dates their corsages on their wrists, and the girls pinned corsages on their jackets. It was funny too because they'd all decided to wear different colored dresses, while the guys wore the color tie to match their dates dress. The girls idea of course. Hiccup was wearing sky blue, Snotlout in light gray, Eret in dark green, Dagur in red, Fishlegs in purple, and Tuffnut in navy blue.

The parents lined up to take pictures of their kids with their dates, then just the guys, just the girls, and a group picture of them all. Guys in back with their girls slightly to the side of them and holding hands. When all the pictures had been taken and everyone was ready, the guys led their girls out to the limo. It was one of those hummer-zines, and a white one too. It had been stocked with snacks and sodas since they were teenagers themselves and was told to drop them off at the dance and return around 11 so they wouldn't break curfew.

(The Prom)

Arriving they all stepped out in line, heading to check in as the limo took off. When that was set, they entered the room and were amazed to find that it looked like a forest. That made Hiccup happy, his favorite place to be. Alvin the principal did come up and say a few words but then after that it began. Music playing, people dancing or talking. There was food and drinks available, the DJ could take song requests both fast or slow. None of them could wait to enjoy this. Their senior prom. They'd made it there.

"Oh my Gods, this is amazing!" Astrid exclaimed looking around at it all.

"I know right. They really went all out this year." Heather added in agreement.

"Well then lets not waste it. Prom on everybody!" Snotlout cheered, without another word they all headed onto the dance floor to enjoy the song playing. It was a fast one, called the Cotton Eyed Joe. Took a while to get the hang of it however they did and it was so much fun. The entire night was fun actually, they danced most of it except when they stopped to get a drink or eat. Hiccup sang once or twice to Astrid, she did it back to him and then it was boys versus girls. That had been interesting but senior class vote named the boys the victors of that small competition. They'd only done it for laughs of course. They were all home by 11pm, safe and sound.

(3 Weeks Later)

Needless to say, after prom thing continued with ease. A week after prom was finals and they celebrated when everyone passed and found out they'd graduate. So here they were preparing for graduation, today was rehearsal for it. The lining up, how the ceremony would go, guest speakers and the announcement of class valedictorian which turned out to be Astrid. It was a shocker too but all of them were happy for her. Now she had only about 3 days to write a speech for the ceremony. That was fun but Hiccup being the awesome boyfriend he was helped her out. After rehearsals, Hiccup was taking his friends out for dinner.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Rehearsals had been going on that whole week of school, all of us were beat but tomorrow was our high school graduation and none of us could wait. So much had happened this year, I never imagined I would be with Hiccup but I'm glad I was too. He was everything I could of ever wanted and hoped for in a boyfriend and that was saying a lot because originally I'd hated every guy to ever hit on me. Maybe that was a reason I fell for Hiccup so easily, because he was one of the only ones who didn't make a move on me. After prom, Tuffnut and Thora had become a couple, as well Eret and Ruff, then Fishlegs and Heather. Cami and Dagur were getting there slowly, so were Snotlout and Kari.

But I was excited for tonight, we had our cap and gown fittings. It was finally feeling real to all of us that we were graduating tomorrow. And to have a pre celebration...Hiccup was taking us out for dinner. We were all meeting at the place in different cars. I was riding with Hiccup, Heather, and Fishlegs. I was pretty sure also that Eret, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Thora were riding in Eret's car. And Snotlout, Dagur, Cami, and Kari were riding in Dagur's. It was going to be so much fun. We hadn't all been out since the prom. "Alright, guys see ya there!" Hiccup called to our other friends.

With that, we were in his car and headed towards the restaurant. "Isn't this exciting guys!" Fishlegs practically squealed in delight.

"I know right...We're...graduating high school tomorrow!" Heather added to the joy. I looked over to Hiccup to see him just watching the road quietly, he wasn't smiling like the rest of us. I knew he wasn't 100% over his depression, he'd been keeping me updated about the progress on it. He told me he felt like it would never truly be gone but only because of how long everything went on for. Seeing him look a little distance made me worry.

"Hiccup, aren't you excited?" Fishlegs asked putting his hand on Hiccup's shoulder.

"Huh, yeah. Thrilled." Hiccup chuckled a bit. At this, all 3 of us looked at one another concerned for him.

"You okay bro?" Heather asked.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" Hiccup replied to her.

"Well you've been pretty quiet the whole drive and...I mean I thought you'd be happier to be graduating..." I say now.

"Believe me I am babe...I just..." He trailed off slowly now with a sigh. "I never thought I would." He says finally after a minute.

"What...do you mean? Hiccup you're a straight A student...and even with all the classes you missed you passed every class and exam with an A or A+." Fishlegs smiled.

"That's...not what I mean, Legs..." Hiccup responded lowly.

"What did you mean then babe?" I ask him softly.

"To be completely honest here...I never thought I'd live to see the day I graduated high school because I didn't think I'd make it this far in life. I always assumed with how bad my depression was that I'd of killed myself long before this day came. And that almost came to pass as true." Hiccup answered.

"But you did make it this far, and you'll continue to go far, Hiccup." Heather said softly.

"But I didn't know that 3 years ago, Heather. I didn't even know that 3 months ago. I won't lie to you sis, the night I called the hotline...I was going to end my life that night. You were listening to music, dad was working...I had the perfect chance too do it. I'd of been dead before anyone found me. But...I called the hotline instead, hoping someone could talk me out of it because if they couldn't...I was done." Hiccup glanced in the rear view at Heather.

"How did you find that number?" Fishlegs asked.

"I had been calling for pizza and messed a some of the numbers. Ended up calling, Astrid picked up but once I realized it was the wrong number, I hung up. After we ate dinner, Heather...I was in my room about to slit my wrists to end it until I remembered Angel's voice and I don't know...it just made me not want too. To see if a stranger could change my mind. And she did...From the night on, Angel became my voice of reason." Hiccup admitted, I blushed a little. He'd called me his angel before, now I was his voice reason. "And you still are, Astrid." Hiccup smiled a bit winking at me.

"AWE!" Heather giggled.

"Amazing that a simple wrong number led to all this now...It changed so much for you, Hiccup." Fishlegs said.

"It certainly did because Astrid was my angel, she saved my life. You risked everything for me, Astrid...And I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for it all." Hiccup said to me.

"Just stay alive and be happy. That's payment enough." I leaned my head on his shoulder as we arrived at the restaurant for dinner and Hiccup parked.

"I will babe." He replies shutting off the car, the kissing me. I blushed returning it.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

The drive from the school after rehearsals was interesting to say the least. I admitted to my sister, girlfriend, and Fishlegs that I never thought I'd live to see that day I'd graduate because I was sure I would of killed myself long ago but here I was just loving the fact I was going to be a high school graduate tomorrow. I loved the feeling it give me to know I was still alive and would get to walk that stage in cap and gown, get a diploma and have friends to celebrate with, my dad would be there cheering me on. The feeling was indescribable. I couldn't wait. Arriving at the restaurant, I kissed Astrid as we made our way in with our friends. We got a big corner booth and just enjoyed the night together, we got a bunch of appetizers to share.

"So what are your plans after high school man?" Dagur asked me.

"No idea yet." I shrugged at him. This was true, I really didn't know. I'd hadn't given it much thought as per what I'd said in the car about never thinking I'd make it this far. But here I was. I was alive and happy, two things I didn't think I could be after mom died. So much has changed for me since the start of senior year and honestly I wouldn't change it for the world.

"You could always follow dad into the police department?" Heather offered.

"Pfft...Yeah okay sis. Hiccup Haddock the police officer who lets everyone off with warnings because he's too kind hearted to be an ass." I rolled my eyes a bit.

"What about a hunter? Thuggery and his dad seem to think you'd be perfect for that." Eret said now, I glanced his way with an arched brow. "What did I say?"

"Really? Me, a hunter. Me? The guy who is best friends with a wolf? That is not even funny man." I state.

"Just an idea." Eret mumbled.

"I know but I couldn't harm innocent animals. But something with animal...Yeah I could see me doing that. Vet or park ranger. I don't know. I got my whole life to figure it out." I smile. This felt good. It was a good night and tomorrow would be even better.

(Graduation Day)

I couldn't believe I was standing here right now. In line with alphabetically waiting for my name to be called. The ceremony had been great so far, and Astrid gave an amazing speech about never giving up and always going for your dreams. She had help with me on that one. I was living proof that if you didn't give up things would turn around. I could see dad sitting in the chairs and the pack watching from the trees. My friends and I knew they were there but not the others. "Hiccup Haddock!" Alvin called, I smiled taking a deep breath. I walked up and got my diploma, I shook his hand before stopping to wait for my sister. When she got hers, dad took our picture before we stepped off stage and let the others get theirs.

Another hour later, "May I present the 2016 graduating class of Berk High School!" Alvin announced. We all threw our caps in the air cheering. Oh gods what a feeling! I was a high school graduate! I'd done it! Heather and I hugged, then I hugged Astrid and kissed her deeply. I swore I was going to cry. That's how truly happy I was right now. I was alive. I had friends, my family, the girl of my dreams who rescued me from my own darkness, and now I was a graduate. Things that a few months ago...I never thought I'd have. The feelings I was feeling didn't have enough describing words to explain or express what I felt.


	31. Night To Remember

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

 **[Authors Note:** _Alright so bare with me for the beginning, gonna do a little backwards-ness and start it with sex, then explain later! You guys know I'm known for my crazy curve balls in stories. Enjoy!_ **]**

31; Night To Remember.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

 _ **(Towards End Of Lemon)**_

"Ah! Gods yes...Hiccup...I'm...going to cum!" Astrid moaned out to me as her nails dug into my forearms. I grit my teeth unable to hold back any longer either as I thurst into her faster and harder, myself already ready to climax. I still can't believe we were doing this at all but it happened and I certainly wouldn't regret it in the morning.

"Me too...Astrid...Cum with me!" I panted. I felt her core tighten around my length and it drove me all the way. I thrust in a final time as my release shot out. She moaned out as she came with me. We panted heavily riding out our orgasms until her core released the hold on me and I put her legs down which had been resting over my arms, I pulled out now soft and laid beside her after removing the condom, tying it off then tossing it in the bedroom garbage can. I cleaned myself off with a towel after Astrid had. Now, both of us were still trying to catch our breath as she smiled and curled up in my arms, I held her tightly, running my hand up and down her arm and shoulder in long, gentle strokes.

"I...love you, Hiccup..." She said tiredly.

"I love you too, Astrid...Go to sleep my love." I tell her with a smile, we shared another passionate kiss before her eyes closed when she laid on my chest and soon I felt she was out like a light. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. We'd had a long night starting from leaving the school after graduation. Oh gods tonight was something I'd never forget. I stared up at the dark ceiling thinking back to how it led up to this moment where Astrid and I had just made love for the first time ever.

 _ **(End Lemon)**_

 **/Flashback - Earlier That Day/**

 _ **{Astrid's POV}**_

" _I couldn't believe we were high school graduates!" I exclaimed after Hiccup kissed me. We'd done it, we'd all graduated and we were all friends! What could be better._

" _Party at my house...I-I mean my dad's!" Hiccup announced. We all cheered getting into our cars or carpooling as we headed to Stoick's house. We knew the chief had taken care of everything for the party since Hiccup had asked ahead of time if they could hold it there. Hiccup wanted to have Toothless and the pack present to celebrate too and Stoick didn't mind either. I was riding with Hiccup, Heather, and Fishlegs as usual. This was a norm for us, we all had groups in which we traveled from place to place where we'd all be going too._

 _Reaching the Haddock house, we rushed to the backyard where everything was set up. Stoick had a few officers there setting up food, tables, drinks, and music. It was going to be a great night. My parents, and our friend's parents were coming as well. Hiccup arrived first of course smiling wide. I loved seeing the excitement on his face, it was amazing too. He was so happy, I was happy for him. Once everyone was in the backyard, parents too, the party began. But not before Hiccup called for Toothless or was about too. "Uh babe...might want to warn the other parents first..." I mentioned as he was putting his hands to his mouth._

" _Oh right...Good save babe." Hiccup smiled as he reached for the mic. "Hey! Hey, quiet down guys." He called out, the rest began to quiet down and smile at him. "Alright so...Astrid reminded me that I can't bring in our other party goers until I inform your parents about them so...I need the parents to pay attention." Hiccup chuckled._

" _Oh that sounds so promising..." Said my father._

" _Two years ago...I set a wolf free from a hunter's trap. The next day, he came back to this backyard and became my best friend. Now...He's an alpha of his own pack that I'm considered a part of..." I saw a lot of parents get concerned._

" _Stoick my old friend, I think your son might be crazy." Said Fishlegs's mother._

" _Incredibly crazy but he knows what he's doin so trust him." Stoick chuckled smiling with a nod for Hiccup to continue._

" _Thanks dad..." Hiccup smiled, I loved the interaction between the two now. Stoick had really stepped up to being Hiccup's dad and I was proud of the man for doing so. "I'm going to ask that none of you freak out or run...You're perfectly safe. These wolves wouldn't harm a soul...I promise that." Hiccup put the mic down as he saw the parents nervously nod in unison. Hiccup cupped his hands over his mouth taking in a deep breath and then... "AWOOOOOO!"_

 _It only took about 2 minutes of silence before there was a return howl and the parents backed up when a large black wolf emerged from the trees and approached Hiccup who was crouching down with his hand out. I smiled see Toothless tackle Hiccup down licking him happily. "He's just like a dog." I joked._

" _Part of the canine family, just wild babe. Where's the pack bud?" Hiccup asked Toothless. Toothless turned his head towards the forest and gave a howl of his own, the pups rushed out and tackled Hiccup who had only just began to get up again. The wolves jumped around on him contently licking his face and nuzzling him. The parent wolves came out slow now. "Hahaha...Stop it you guys! That tickles...hahaha! Tooth...Call...them...haha...off!" Hiccup couldn't stop laughing. It was adorable. Toothless gave a snort as the pups made their way off slowly, Hiccup calmed down and got up finally._

" _Definitely part of the pack." Heather chuckled as Windshear came over to her and rubbed against her leg. Stormfly approached me and I knelt down to scratch the top of her head._

" _Hey girl." I greet Stormfly who licked my face and I giggled._

" _Wild wolves consorting with humans like they are pets?" Dagur's father blinked now._

" _Pretty cool eh?" Said Balder coming through the forest now with Thuggery._

" _Balder! Thuggery! Glad you two could make it." Hiccup greeted with a handshake to them both._

" _Course! The man who saved Berk from Red Death's reign of horror graduation party, no way we're missing it!" Thuggery chuckled._

" _Awe come on guys, that was nothing..." Hiccup rubbed the back of his head chuckling a bit._

" _And hunters? Geeze, Hiccup...Who don't you know?" Asked my mother._

" _I actually know quite a few people because I'm always wandering the forest." Hiccup smiled. "Alright, so before we actually party...I got a few things to say. Everyone take a seat." We all smiled and sat down at one of the tables while Hiccup stood before us all taking a breath. "I'm going to be honest here since someone pointed out that it was a commendable trait of mine...I never thought 3 years ago, even months ago that I would be standing here today as a high school graduate. I thought my depression would win, that I'd quite, give up, and end my life...and hell...that almost happened." Hiccup began._

 _All of us frowned a bit, but I understood why he was doing it. "But. Here I am...standing here in front of family and friends as a graduate and happier than I could of ever hoped to be. I've hated my life for so long, and I guess for a while that's all I knew. Hate and pain...Until once voice reached out and made me see joy and love. That voice belonged to Angel, better known as Astrid Hofferson. I'm gonna tell you all a little story, to anyone who doesn't know it already...Back in February, I was at an all time low. I felt like I had no one who cared, and nothing going for me. I was hated at home, hated at school. Bullied constantly. I hated it so much and I just wanted the pain to end." Hiccup explained._

" _That was until I got the number to the pizza place wrong...and called a crisis hotline by accident. And Angel was the helper who answered. I hung up shorty after, I pushed it back and called the right number for pizza. After eating, I was back in my room cutting...I was going to end it all. By the time anyone found me, I would have been long past dead...But Angel's voice answering that accidental call...It broke through and I hesitated cutting. I didn't know Astrid was Angel, and you'd think someone I've been in class with since the 5th grade, I would know her voice but I didn't. I thought to maybe just call once and see if a stranger could give me a purpose in life, a reason to keep living. So I called back and to my surprise...I got Angel again." Hiccup took a breath as we all listened carefully._

 _Some of actually didn't know the whole story of how this came to be. "I admitted right away that I wanted to kill myself. She asked me to get rid of my knife and bandage my arms, so I did. I told her I hated my life, started after my mom died..." We watched Valka go over to Hiccup and lay beside him softly. "After talking for a while, Angel made me remember all the good times when mom was alive and told me that if I died, I'd lose those memories. She made me feel better. Then dad came home and I quickly hung up. All weekend I didn't call again until the play was announced and I was told everyone had to sing...I dreaded it. I called Angel that night, selecting her name from the directory for help...and she made me a deal. She'd give me her e-mail and direct desk line if I sang for her. So I did. She encouraged me to pretend I was by myself the day of tryouts. So when tryouts came, that's what I did." I smiled listening to him, I knew these parts._

" _Now apparently...Angel knew who I was after this performance. She remembered I went to BHS, and she compared my life to Ryder's, and Ryder is the name I gave her when I called. She figured out Ryder was me...Needless to say I got the lead part as Beast...And from there...Angel and I talked as if nothing was different. I still didn't know who she was. Things changed when I was upset one night and she...called me from cell phone using star *69. Just to make sure I was alright. She told me she was worried and never did this for other callers. That she missed talking to me, that she liked me and I admitted to liking her back. We agreed to keep things a secret until she could figure something out with work. For a few weeks, this was okay. I was happy, someone liked me for me. I felt like things would finally be okay." He trailed off a bit._

" _But they weren't. Someone found out about she and I...I was bullied, told it wasn't real. It broke me. I was done after that. I got home, waited until I knew my sister was busy...started cutting again. I called Angel to tell her goodbye, then went to find a bottle of pills to OD with...This went on for about 20 minutes, then...Angel, rather Astrid burst into my bedroom and wrestled with me over the pills. She stopped me, they sedated me and I woke up in the hospital having no idea who had stopped me until Heather told me it had been Astrid. I still didn't know she was Angel so it confused me. It wasn't until just a few weeks ago I learned she was Angel...That she was the one who saved me. Saved my life. Twice on my count now. If it hadn't been for her the night I called, I'd be dead. If she hadn't rushed to my house after I called Angel knowing she'd risk her job...I'd be dead. Its because of her...Of Astrid...that I'm standing before you today. She's the real hero. You all keep saying I'm the hero of Berk who took down Red Death...But I wouldn't of been able too if it wasn't for her saving me from myself. So before we start this party, I think Astrid deserves a round of applause!" Hiccup announced._

 _I blushed deeply as the others began cheering and clapping for me. Hiccup came over and pulled me to my feet as he pulled something from his pocket. A small rectangular box, he put the mic down and opened it revealing a gold chained necklace and in the center was a an angel with a heart shaped diamond in its hands as if it were praying. "Hiccup this is...beautiful." I gasped._

" _Its for you, Astrid. Because you're Angel." Hiccup tells me, I blush a bit looking down._

" _Hiccup...I'm not...Angel anymore. I quit being her. I'm just...Astrid now." I felt Hiccup lift my chin so our eyes would meet. He kissed me deeply securing the necklace around my neck now, then pulling back._

" _No Astrid..You're still Angel because you're the one who lit my way in the darkness. You're the one who was there for me. You were my angel that night, both nights and you still are. So I want this to represent that. You are Angel, my angel who holds my heart forever. Because I know its safe with you, I'm safe in the arms of my angel." Hiccup tells me, I couldn't help the tears that fell as I hugged him tightly. More clapping ensued as we kissed again. "I love you."_

" _I love you too." I reply before he grabbed the mic again._

" _PARTY TIME!" He called out getting the music going, everyone was soon up and enjoying themselves. Hiccup put the mic down and pulled me close in a dance. I couldn't believe he just put me on the spot like that, but it was cute. I never expected a gift from him either, the necklace was gorgeous and I was never taking it off. Hiccup was right, I wasn't just Astrid, I was Angel. His angel and I'd always keep him safe._

 _(Hours Later)_

 _ **{Hiccup's POV}**_

 _I was glad I did what I did. It felt good to get out to everyone how in the darkness I was and then Astrid saved me, it was true and I wasn't ashamed to admit that either. She was my angel, she always made me feel better. Now it was hours later of eating, and dancing. We were all sitting around a campfire made by myself. It was just us teens now, the parents went home and my dad was inside relaxing. Technically, though we were all 17 we were considered adults now. We were high school graduates and in the Archipelago, that meant we'd done our time as kids learning in school. The next step was finding jobs and taking care of ourselves, starting our own lives. So tonight we were all camping out in the backyard._

 _The tents were sit up, and we were eating smores. Always a camp favorite. "Ya know, it sucks we never got our camp out through the school Red Death ruined that for us." Ruffnut stated through the silence._

" _Yeah, she's right..." Cami grumbled._

" _Ugh guys...We're high school graduates now, we can do that camp out whenever." Astrid chuckled._

" _Pfft, we're camping now babe." I remind gently._

" _True but still. I wanted to relax in the cove..." Thora added, Tuffnut and Fishlegs nodding agreement._

" _So why don't we?" Heather offered, we all looked at her. "I didn't mean right now, but what about in a few weeks? We all pack up and camp out in the cove for the weekend. Not like we wouldn't be safe, we've got the wolves with us."_

" _Huh, she's got a point. And Hiccup can take us through the trail again." Snotlout said._

" _Its fine with me. Lets plan it for a month away, time to enjoy being graduates." I smiled._

" _Agreed." They all said, with that things were set that in a month we'd all take a 3 day trip to the cove for a good old fashioned camp out. We all sighed relaxing now, it was close to 11:30pm and everyone was getting tired. Toothless and his pack were asleep on the ground near my friends. Toothless beside me, Stormfly near Astrid. It was a sight to see, all of us together. I loved it. Nothing made this night better. Little by little the others began to taper off and enter their tents. Just like the school trip, everyone was split up by three's. No coed sleeping by group vote and parental request. No one minded of course._

 _Astrid and I were last to bed, I put out the fire and things got dark. Stoick had turned on the back light for the yard but the bulb blew so it was exceptionally dark now. I felt Astrid grip onto my arm tightly. "Ssh, its alright babe." I tell her._

" _Sorry...Really dark, can't see anything." She admitted, I chuckled a bit._

" _Its fine...I'll lead you to your tent..." I smile even though she couldn't see it, I flicked my phone's flashlight on and soon we could see._

" _House first. I have to use the bathroom..." She blushed, I nod and lead her to the house quietly and slip in through the garage door. I lead her to the bathroom upstairs and she went in. I waited outside for her, she was out about a minute later._

" _Ready?" I ask her._

" _I'm actually...not tired." She blushes a bit._

" _Want to stay up and talk for a bit? My room is right over there." I tell her gently._

" _What about your dad?" Astrid whispered._

" _He's out like a light and trust me...That man could sleep through war. We're fine." I lead her to my bedroom and we enter, I closed the door as we sat down on the bed quietly._

" _Thank you for the necklace. I feel bad not getting you anything now..." She mumbled._

" _Its fine, your love is gift enough. And you're welcome." I reply as my fingers intertwined with hers. My eyes locked with her blue orbs before we leaned in kissing passionately. It got heated quick as she pushed me down on the bed and straddled my hips, my hands were on hers. "Astrid..." I broke the kiss now, "What are you doing." I ask._

" _Make love to me, Hiccup..." My eyes widened. She wanted me to what!?_

" _Woah woah...Hold up...What are you saying?" I ask quickly sitting up._

" _I want...you to make love to me..." Astrid said again._

" _We've...only been together a month or so...And don't take that the wrong way, I want you yes but...You really...want to do this so soon?" I ask her. It wasn't a lie, we were still two 17 year teenagers in love. Hormones ran high right about now._

" _I know I'll be with you forever, Hiccup. So yes...I want you to make love to me, and I want to give myself to you." Astrid admits to me with full confidence._

" _And you want this tonight, right now out of the blue?" I blink at her, she nodded. I sighed motioning for her to get off my lap, she did as I reached over in my nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. "Don't ask...As soon as dad realized we were together he didn't give me much choice but to keep them around. Evidently when he and mom were young, they didn't keep them handy when they started fooling around and so forth, a random decision to have sex led to Heather and I being conceived." I rolled my eyes._

" _Wow...Just wow. More info than I needed but hey, you're dad isn't the only one who wanted you prepared. My parents made me go on birth control pills as soon as I started high school." Astrid chuckled._

 _That was honestly something I expected to hear from her, none the less...I smiled leaving the condom on the nightstand for later as I moved forward and kissed her again deeply and it only intensified from there to making out, tongs dancing with one another, I laid her down on the bed and climbed over her capturing her soft pink lips again. "Are you sure you want this, Astrid?" I ask her between kisses._

" _I am, Hiccup. I love and want you for always." Astrid replied. I smile kissing her again as my hands slid up her sides, moving the shirt up with it._

 _ **(Lemon Start)**_

 _Astrid leaned up slightly so I could take it off of her body, I tossed it to the floor then removed my own, haphazardly throwing it down alongside hers before returning to the kisses we were sharing. My hands moved to her breasts and massaged them softly eliciting a moan from her throat. My lips moved from hers along her jawline, to her neck leaving a hickie before kissing to the dip between her breasts. My left hand massaged while my lips and mouth gently played with her right breasts, then after 3 minutes I switched off to do the same to the left. I could tell she was enjoying it by her soft panting and light moaning. After all, it was nearly 12am so we had to be quiet. My hands moved to her pajama pants while kissing lower, Astrid lifted her hips up so I could slide them of her easily along with her underwear._

 _I saw her blush darken in the moonlight of the room as I smiled softly. "If you want to stop at anytime, just say the word." I remind her, she nods nervously to me as moved down a bit to where my head was between her legs. Face to face with her womanhood. I'd never done this before, neither had Astrid. We were both virgins but admitted to watching porn before, never to masturbate too just to learn. I stared at it a few seconds before placing a kiss upon it, Astrid shivered at the feeling. Not needing another sign to continue I began to eat her out hungrily almost, her moaning increased a lot. "Sshh...Keep it down...Dad may be able to sleep through war but the others are still outside and can come in for the bathroom..." I said gently._

" _Okay...Sorry...It just feels...so good." She pants with a smile. I nod as I go back to eating her out, running my tongue up and down her womanhood. Not long after starting that I also teased her entrance with my finger which led into fingering her for a good 5 minutes. When that was done, I was already rock hard as I got my pants and boxers off. I reached for the condom and got in on rather quickly, I crawled over her with my length at her entrance._

" _Are you ready?" I asked her, she cupped my face with a nod before her hands held my forearms. I leaned down to kiss her as I began to push inside her hot core, she cringed in pain. We both knew it was going to hurt her but she was adamant to keep going regardless. Deepening the kiss, I slammed inside past her maiden head fast. She gasped out, nearly screaming into the kiss then resorted to soft whimpers. "Sssh...Its okay...Slow would of hurt more and I didn't want that...I won't move until you tell me too." I kiss her cheeks on both sides while keeping my lower half completely still._

 _After 4 minutes, she nodded to me to go ahead so I did. I began slow of course and not hard, just a steady pace for her to adjust too. Her moaning started not long after, reaching points where she locked her legs around my waist to pull me in deeper, her nails dug into my arms but I didn't mind. It really did feel great too, nothing I ever imagined it would. I only moved faster or harder when she asked me too which didn't take very long. By 1am, I'd changed our position to her legs resting on the crook of my elbows and was able to slam inside of her as hard and as fast as I could, she loved it too. I had to remind her several times to keep her voice down. But around 1:30am, neither of us could go any longer because it just felt too good._

" _Ah! Gods yes...Hiccup...I'm...going to cum!" Astrid moaned out to me as her nails dug into my forearms. I grit my teeth unable to hold back any longer either as I thurst into her faster and harder, myself already ready to climax. I still can't believe we were doing this at all but it happened and I certainly wouldn't regret it in the morning._

" _Me too...Astrid...Cum with me!" I panted. I felt her core tighten around my length and it drove me all the way. I thrust in a final time as my release shot out. She moaned out as she came with me. We panted heavily riding out our orgasms until her core released the hold on me and I put her legs down which had been resting over my arms, I pulled out now soft and laid beside her after removing the condom, tying it off then tossing it in the bedroom garbage can. I cleaned myself off with a towel after Astrid had. Now, both of us were still trying to catch our breath as she smiled and curled up in my arms, I held her tightly, running my hand up and down her arm and shoulder in long, gentle strokes._

 ** _(End Lemon)_**

 **/End Flashback – Present Day/**

I smiled wide, Astrid and I had made love for the first time and it was god damn amazing. I'd never regret it and I don't think she will either. Now hopefully tomorrow morning, no one noticed we weren't in our respected tents. We had a plan for it, if anyone asked where we were, I was just going to say that Astrid hadn't felt good and I stayed with her all night in my room in case she needed something. It was believable and no one would question it. I yawned noticing the time was close to 2am, time for bed indeed. My eyes slowly began to close as I fell to sleep. This was definitely a night that I would always rememember.


	32. Start Of Our Lives

**His Voice Of Reason**

 **Author;** Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

 **Rated;** M for Mature

 **Disclaimer;** I do not own HTTYD, or any of the songs used in this story! :)

32; Start Of Our Lives.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

Me and Hiccup making love the night of our graduation from high school didn't stay a secret for very long, as in everyone knew the next morning. We tried to use the excuse that I felt sick and stayed with him all night but our friends knew better and called us out on our bull, was actually pretty funny. Ruffnut was the one to point out I was evidently glowing which sparked the boys to question what she meant. Hiccup and I just said screw it and told them the truth. None of the adults knew and that was okay by me. After breakfast which Hiccup had cooked himself, the wolves returned to the forest to hunt while we all packed up and headed home by 11am. I actually stayed and hung out with Hiccup until about 4pm, we ended up making love again after his dad was called into work and Heather went for a ride on Windshear in the forest.

After all that, for the month leading up to our big camping trip we all focused on finding jobs or college. I had still been offered by the NAC line to take that program for college and to become a psychologist but after a few days I decided I couldn't do it. I knew I loved Hiccup and wouldn't fall for another caller but all the same after the fear of almost losing Hiccup when I found out who he was, that he was Ryder and I was with him every day noticing the depression and never saying anything. After all that, I just couldn't see myself in that line of work anymore. I ended up working with Camicazi at her job, waitressing was easy enough and paid pretty good too. Hiccup was working as a forest patrol guy now, keeping the hunters in line to follow the rules which all of them did since they knew Hiccup and it meant he could see Toothless every day.

The others were doing mechanic, office, or dish-washing. I was pretty sure Eret was the new dishwasher at the place Cami and I worked. But finally, we were in the middle of July so it was time for the trip. We were all excited, 3 days in the wilderness like it was supposed to be back in high school but Red Death messed it up for us. We were all meeting in Hiccup's backyard at 3pm, he assured us it wasn't as far a walk from his house and we believed him, we had no reason not too. Hiccup was already there with two wagons for coolers full of food, plus his camping bags. Heather was there with him holding a camping chair. Hiccup had tents, and a chair too. This time we were using big tents that slept 6 comfortably. Less gear to carry.

I got there with Cami, Kari, and Thora. Ruffnut arrived with Tuffnut and Eret. Dagur, Fishlegs, and Snotlout arrived last around 2:50pm. "Hey guys." Hiccup greeted everyone. I of course got a hug and kiss like always when Hiccup and I saw one another. We'd all been looking forward to this trip since we planned it, and our parents didn't mind. They knew if nothing else...There was a pack of friendly wolves, and hunters protecting us and if all that failed, we had my ingenious boyfriend who took on a bear. We knew he didn't like to admit it but he saved the lives of 15 people that night while risking his own and that was something none of us would ever forget.

"Hi babe. Are we ready?" I smile.

"Yep. I got two wagons to carry coolers. Its a flat trail so no one should be getting too tired while we hike it. Did you all bring what we assigned?" Hiccup replied.

"I got bread." Cami held up the bags.

"I have lunch meat and condiments." Kari giggled.

"I got drinks with Snotlout. We picked up water bottles and soda. Eret, you had milk and orange juice. You got it?" Dagur asked. Eret nodded with a smile.

"Great, and I got tents. You all bring a chair?" Hiccup asked.

"Yeah. I got eggs, bacon and sausage." Fishlegs chimed in.

"Who had the plates, cups, and utensils?" Heather asks.

"Me. Got em right here." I smile.

"Thora, you had...?" Heather blinked.

"Flashlights, radio, and batteries." She showed the radio. With a nod that we all had what we were supposed to, Hiccup faced the forest. We packed up all foods in the cooler, then drinks in the other one. Dagur and Eret both took a wagon since Hiccup was leading us through again. I stood beside him as soon we all took to the forest heading towards the cove.

(Two Hours Later)

For maybe the 10th time since we began our path in the forest, I'd thrown up. Great, now I was sick after we'd planned this all month. No way, I wasn't sick. It was just the heat getting to me. Heather tossed me a water bottle and we kept pressing on. "You sure you're okay babe?" Hiccup asked me.

"I'm fine, its just the heat." I smile to him as I hold his hand while we're walking. Another 6 steps and I left his side to throw up behind a bush.

"Astrid, I'm gonna take you back. You're way to sick to camp." Hiccup sighed.

"Babe no...Really...I'm okay." I argue softly.

"I agree with Hiccup here...That's 11 times in two hours...We haven't even reached the cove yet." Heather frowned.

"I'm okay, when we get there...I'll just sit down a while and be okay." I smile to them again.

"If you're sure...but if this doesn't stop by tomorrow then I'm walking you back to dad's and making sure you go home to rest." Hiccup said. I nodded. Finally after 15 minutes, we reached the cove. Still the same as before only with a broken tree in it. Climbing down through to rock levels, we all took off our backpacks and plopped in the grass.

 **{Regular POV}**

After a 10 minute break from the two hour walk everyone began to set up. Hiccup took care of the wood and fire while the rest put up tents, set down their sleeping bags and pillows. Astrid was still sick, but she was trying to hide it. Hiccup had begun working on dinner for them which was a camping favorite, hotdogs and cheeseburgers. Around 7 or so, everyone was sitting around with the radio on. Hiccup had called the wolves so they were sitting with them now too. It was peaceful, just like they'd wanted the first time.

"Astrid, you look terrible." Camicazi pointed out.

"I'm okay, just tired." Astrid mumbled.

"At 7pm?" Heather blinked.

"Must of been the hiking. I think I'll turn in early tonight..." Astrid yawned getting up. "Night guys." She added before kissing Hiccup's cheek and heading to the tent, once in all of them looked at Hiccup.

"What? Why are you looking at me that way?" He asked them.

"You can't see it? Dude she's sick as shit...She should be home resting." Dagur remarked.

"I know that, but I can't make her...I said I'd give her til tomorrow." Hiccup sighed.

"I think there's more to it than she's letting on...She's been sick all day at work too." Cami said, Hiccup looked at her now. "I took 4 of her tables today because she was in the bathroom throwing up."

"And she snapped at me for no reason when I told her the dishes would be another 2 minutes. Then afterwards she was crying thinking she was a bad waitress." Eret blinked.

 **{Hiccup's POV}**

I listened to them tell me how Astrid had been the last few days. Why hadn't I noticed any of this? I looked back to the tent where Astrid was in and sighed closing my eyes taking in all they say. "You've got the look bro..." Heather said.

"What look?" I asked.

"The one where you're thinking about something and are nervous about it." Heather added. "So what are you thinking?"

I didn't know what I was thinking. So many things were racing through my head right now. Astrid was suddenly sick constantly, tired, moody...Those 3 things only pointed to two things I knew of. She was getting her period...or she was...My eyes widened as I got up realizing it. Pregnant. "FUCK!" I growled out in frustration. Gods how didn't I see it before now? Because we'd used condoms, and she was on birth control. It never even crossed my mind that she could be pregnant. Toothless lifted his head worried for me, I moved over to the tent and unzipped it going in to see Astrid rolling around in the sleeping bag whimpering. "Astrid..." I said calmly, she looked at me then sat up.

"I don't know...where all of this is coming from, Hiccup. I was...fine this morning..." She cried hugging me.

"But you've been sick at work too. Cami told me...And Eret. Babe, I want you to tell me everything about being sick." I asked her, she looked down a bit.

"Tired, nauseated, dizzy, headaches..." She listed off.

"Moody according to Eret too. Any cramping?" I asked.

"A little..." Astrid said softly.

"You due for your period?" I questioned. She thought a moment and I already knew. "You didn't get it this month did you?" She shook her head. "How many weeks past due are you?"

"4 days..." She closed her eyes.

"So you knew you missed it. You noticed all the signs and didn't say a word to me that you suspected you might be pregnant?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry...I didn't...want you to worry if it was nothing, Hiccup..." She admitted. I couldn't believe it, she suspected she was pregnant and didn't mention it all to me? I stood up.

"I thought you trusted me more than that. To tell me something this big. Even if you aren't...I'm your boyfriend, Astrid. And these are things you tell your boyfriend...You've known this whole time that your symptoms might be because you're pregnant. You should of told me...But you chose not to." After that, I left the tent. I gave a whistle for Toothless as he got up. I got on his back. "Back to dad's house bud." I tell him. Without another word, we were gone.

 **{Astrid's POV}**

I cried in the tent after the talk with Hiccup. Yes, I had suspected I was pregnant but was going to hold off until after the trip to find out. I was going to tell him, I was just scared and nervous he might get mad. But now he was mad that I hadn't told him my suspicions. I didn't blame him either. Heather, Cami, and Thora came in the tent with me, the boys stood out of it. "What was all that about?" Cami asked.

"There's...a slight chance I'm pregnant...And Hiccup got mad that I didn't tell him right away..." I looked down.

"What! How! You two have been being careful haven't you?" Heather exclaimed.

"Of course we have been...But...a few weeks ago...I changed birth controls, the doctor told me the coverage would be instant and we still used condoms...But...the last week or so I've been sick as hell. Headaches, nausea, mood swings, and...missed period. I was going to tell him...after the trip..." I cried a bit.

"Ssh...Its alright. Hiccup doesn't stay mad for long..." Thora said hugging me tightly.

"This is bigger than the other things...Astrid you suspected you were pregnant and didn't tell him right away...He thinks you don't trust him." Fishlegs pointed out.

"I know..." I cried more. Stormfly pushed past them and cuddled beside me.

(An Hour Later)

 **{Regular POV}**

They had all moved back outside around the fire now in silence. Astrid was laying against Stormfly, the pups laying around her and she was for the most part asleep. Our of nowhere, Toothless jumped in the cove with Hiccup on his back, he got off slow and approached the ring of chairs. "Hiccup...you came back?" Heather asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked in a quiet tone, they all bit back. Hiccup made his way towards Astrid now and lightly shook her awake, she opened her eyes slowly and focused on him then sat up quickly seeing Hiccup had returned.

"H-Hiccup..." She breathed out.

"Tell me the truth, Astrid. Do you think you're pregnant?" Hiccup asked her firmly. Astrid nodded her head to him once, Hiccup reached into his cargo pants pocket by the knee and pulled out a boxed pregnancy test, a digital read out one. Astrid's eyes widened, "Then I suggest we go find out so I can make sure you and our baby are taken care of properly with prenatals and doctor appointments." Hiccup stated.

"Ri-Right now you want me to take this? They all say to test...first thing in the morning..." Astrid said.

"If you're testing before you're missed period. You've already missed yours so lets go. You owe me this after not telling me the minute you suspected you might be. Don't take my tone as hate because I don't hate you. I'm not thrilled you didn't tell me tight away especially because we're in the wilderness and if anything happened to you or the baby, I'd never forgive myself. So please...For me, go take it now. I want to know and I'm sure you do too. And don't worry, whether you are or not...I'm staying with you. But if you are, we both need to know so we can get you the things you need for this pregnancy..." Hiccup said softly locking his fingers with hers.

"Y-You mean that? Even if I am...you'll stay with me...and we'll raise the baby together?" Astrid asked in shock.

"It takes two to make a baby, Astrid. Yes I'll stay with you, because if you are...that's my baby too. I won't abandon you...Just promise me you'll never hide something like this from me again...Anytime you are worried, scared,...Anything...I want to know so I can help and be there for you." Hiccup smiled pulling her to her feet.

"I promise, Hiccup and I'm...sorry I didn't tell you...I was going to after the trip, I just didn't want anything to ruin this since the Red Death ruined it the first time..." Astrid looked down.

"I know...I understand. But now that I do know its a possibility then we both need to be sure." Hiccup said gently kissing her cheek. She nodded as Hiccup led her towards the outhouse behind the rocks, it wasn't dark yet. Close but not yet which was nice. They all watched as Hiccup leaned against the rock wall waiting for Astrid to come out with the result of the pregnancy test. It wasn't more than 3 minutes later when she came out, and they knew that because Hiccup got off the wall and stood looking at her. They watched as Hiccup came over holding Astrid's hand, she was holding the test in the other one.

"Well!?" Heather said getting to her feet. Hiccup looked at her slowly, they couldn't read his face. Was Astrid pregnant and he was upset, or was she not pregnant and relieved? Or upset that she wasn't? None of them could tell.

"Does Auntie or Aunt Heather sound better to you sis? Gonna need to know because Astrid and I are going to have a baby." Hiccup smiled.

"Oh my god! Really? No joke, she's really pregnant Hiccup?!" Heather exclaimed. Hiccup nodded as Astrid showed Heather the test, and sure enough in the light of the fire the word 'Pregnant' was on the screen. "AH! Oh my Gods! Congratulations! And I prefer Auntie Heather." She giggled out. 

"Congrats you two." The others said at different times.

"You worried about your dad or her parents?" Fishlegs asked.

"Nah. We're legally adults now, they can't exactly stop this. We're graduates and both have jobs. Astrid and I are already going to be working on getting our own place for us and the baby." Hiccup said.

"You're okay with this, Astrid. 17 and pregnant?" Cami asked.

"Of course I am. I have Hiccup with me and I know we'll be okay." Astrid said as Hiccup kissed her gently and she returned it.

"Well babe, we wanted adventure and something new. I think starting our own family sounds like a good place to start, even if it is a little early and we're not married yet." Hiccup winked.

"No Hiccup, its the start of our lives together. I love you." Astrid smiled.

"I love you too and Astrid...Thank you...for everything, for being my voice of reason. Without you, I wouldn't have all this." Hiccup said motioning to his friends, then his hands resting on her belly. He kissed her deeply again before they all sat around the fire enjoying the rest of the night. It was spent talking about plans for the future. And things really were perfect, Astrid and Hiccup told their parents and while they hadn't been thrilled at first, they got over it quick. Astrid and Hiccup moved out 3 months later, with help from friends and family. They now had a nice two bedroom not far from the forest so Toothless and the pack could visit. Astrid gave birth to a daughter 6 months after that, they named her Alvina Haddock. Then just before she turned one, Hiccup and Astrid were married. It was a simple ceremony, just friends and family. The wolves too. Sometimes all anyone needs is a voice of reason to be pulled from the dark and see all you can be. And Astrid...She was Hiccup's. She was his voice of reason and it all started because of one single call to a wrong number that Hiccup's life turned out as amazing as it did.


End file.
